Catch up on Carmilla in 10 seconds. A resume by Melanippe “Mel” Callis.
“Do you remember senior year ? You [Perry] were possessed by Carmilla’s mom, the Evil God who forced the entire student body - including me - to dig a pit to the literal gates of Hell. Or how about that time that Lafontaine got brain sucked by the giant anglerfish monster. Or how about that time the evil baron tried to execute Carmilla. Or that time that Laura sort of kinda I don’t know, died ?”
Here’s the newspaper clipping from the first five minutes, if anyone’s interested… https://vimeo.com/239555156 password: CarmillaFirstFive
“STUDENTS SAVE AUSTRIA FROM APOCALYPSE
In, like a stunning reversal of the natural order of things,
this weird chick who flunked first year anthropology class because she wanted
to be an internet celebrity has like, saved the world or something. Laura
Hollis, a self-obsessed narcissist with total boundary issues apparently risked
death to confront Silas’ whacked-out Dean (or some weird Floor Don, depending
on who you ask), and convinced her to close up some gate to the netherworld
‘It was totally awesome. Laura like saved the world with
understanding and hugging. And dying. Ohhhhhh. She like, died for us. Like
Optimus Prime, but with girl parts!’ said some dude who’d spent the last four
months chained to a wall as a vampire snack.
He may have been delirious from hunger. The Jagdkommando and
Red Cross are on hand to help the student body—apparently only because
somebody’s Dad complained, and not because they knew anything about hundreds of
students spending months excavating a giant pit, which sadly sounds about
“GIRLS SACRIFICED TO GIANT ANGLERFISH!
Given that the whole staff of the Student Newspaper was like,
murdered at the beginning of the second term, and like never really got
replaced because first Hollis started that stupid Silas News Network, and then
that creepy Baron Dude tried to re-enact the great Muggle Purge
'Silas has a sordid history of virgin sacrifices’
Let’s not forget that then the pseudo-Dean just full-on
enslaved the whole student body. And you know what I think we shouldn’t forget?
That time that me and four other students nearly got sacrificed to a giant
freaking Anglerfish. A GIANT FREAKING ANGLERFISH THAT ATE PEOPLES’ SOULS. ‘We
need to talk about this. We need to talk about the Anglerfish,’ says me.
Because I was freaking there. Long before there were evil barons and pits with
monsters coming out of them, the Dean of Silas spent centuries throwing girls
like me into a pit to FEED A GIANT ANGLERFISH. I still have nightmares. I think
we should start a class action lawsuit. I don’t know who we’ll sue, because the
University is a hole in the ground, but there’s gotta be somebody. It’s time
the freaking Anglerfish victims got PAID.“