laughs my way to the bank

Wanna park and act like an a**hole? Enjoy paying thousands.

Years ago, I worked as a security officer in a high-traffic tourist area (graveyard shift).

One of my responsibilities was to make sure my building’s loading/unloading zone is kept clear because at all hours of the day we’ve got vehicles coming and going for people going to meetings, visitors, tourists, cabs, etc. The curb is painted white and marked in big bold letters ✶ LOADING AND UNLOADING ONLY ✶ NO PARKING ✶. At the end of the zone there was a single handicap parking stall painted bright blue.

Now the building I worked at was nearby a few large night clubs, so every Friday and Saturday the area would be crazy busy with drunken fighting, vomiting, occasional alleyway sex, etc. All night long there’d be cute girls milling around in skimpy outfits, so the job had its perks too.

Clubbers would take advantage of my building’s valet parking service and pay to park in our garage before heading out to one of the clubs across the street.

Some clubbers would think they could get away with parking in our loading zone all night. My coworkers and I would aggressively patrol the area in the earlier evening hours and advise as many people as we could so they’d leave and avoid getting a ticket. It was also better for us if they left, because when there were too many vehicles parked out front, traffic would become a complete clusterf*ck regardless of the time of day.

Most people would be grateful for the information and leave. Occasionally, some douche would laugh in our faces, say something about pigs or rent-a-cops or whatever and leave their car anyway. In those cases, we’d call our city’s parking enforcement and they’d get a $90 ticket for their troubles.

One Saturday night, after finished a round of patrols, I went to take a leak. On my way back out, I walked past Dispatch and my buddy calls me over to the surveillance bank.

“Hey bro, you got one out front.”

I turned to the grainy feed just in time to see a piece-of-junk ‘97 BMW sloppily parking in front of our building. I murmured that I’d go out and advise the driver, but before I could leave, the driver exited his vehicle.

My buddy and I watched in silence as the driver, a young black male adorned with flashy cheap bling, hiked his pants up at the crotch and blocked the path of a couple girls walking by. He started hitting on them in the slimiest way possible, even trying to grab their hands and asses at one point, staring shamelessly at their tits while he was schmoozing them. He took out his phone and shoved it at them, presumably asking for their numbers.

Eventually the girls were able to dodge his grabbers and ran off toward the club across the street. He repeated this routine several more times with various groups of girls walking by, even taking out a small bottle of vodka from his back pocket and offering swigs. With each rejection, he’d get angry and presumably cuss out the girls as they hurried off (our cameras didn’t pick up audio but this seemed a reasonable assumption).

I sighed and looked at my buddy.

“Well, I guess I’ll go talk to him.”

I made my way out to the front and approached him just as another group of girls ducked away from him. I called out to him. He turned and stared at me blankly.

“Hey, man, just wanted to let you know that this zone is for loading and unloading. Normally it’s not a big deal to park for a bit but if everyone does it on the weekends, traffic gets backed up pretty bad here.”

The douche looked at his vehicle, then at my badge.

“F*CKYOUB*TCHASSN☻☻☻☻I'LLF*CKYOUUP. PIGASSWANNABECOPMOTHAF*CKA.”

I looked at my watch. It was about 10:30PM. I continued my spiel.

“Parking enforcement here is pretty strict. You should move your vehicle or you might get ticketed–”

“F*CKYOUN☻☻☻☻SUCKMYD*CK. BETTERNOTTOUCHMYSHITN☻☻☻☻ILLF*CKYOUUPN☻☻☻☻.”

“Have a good night sir.”

He flipped me off and went across the street, where he was promptly denied entry for dress code violations. He cussed out the bouncer and wandered off down the block. I walked over to his vehicle and saw that it was parked crooked, the rear of the vehicle partially blocking the lane of traffic. Half of his vehicle was in the white zone, the other in the blue zone. I key’d up my radio.

“8million to dispatch.”

“8million, go ahead.”

“Can you call parking enforcement for this vehicle? Lemme know when you’re ready for the plate.”

Fifteen minutes later, the parking officer arrived. He looked at the vehicle and promptly issued a $90 ticket for parking in the white zone and a $900 ticket for parking in the blue zone without a permit.

I thanked the officer and went back inside to have a snack.

A couple hours later, two of the local cops stopped by to say hi. As Officer Morris and his partner walked over, Dispatch radio’d me.

“Hey 8million, is that Jones and Morris?”

“Sure is.”

“You gonna do what I think you’re gonna do?”

“Yep.”

Officer Jones and I lit up our cigarettes as Officer Morris looked on disapprovingly. We all smoked and chatted for a bit, then I casually motioned over my shoulder at the BMW.

“Hey, Jones, check out the parking job on that piece of shit.”

We all walked over to the corner and looked at the vehicle, the two tickets stuck on the windshield flapping in the wind. Officer Morris grabbed one of the tickets, read it over and looked at me.

“What’s the story here?”

I told them what happened and the driver’s response. Officer Jones and Morris looked at each other.

“8million, you got the time?”

“Yeah, it’s… 12:27AM.”

“Well it’s a whole new day now isn’t it?”

Officer Morris proceeded to write another $90 ticket for the white zone, then another $900 ticket for the blue zone. He paused for a moment after finishing the second one.

“Hey Jones, looks like this vehicle is parked more than twelve inches from the curb. What do you think?”

“Sounds about right.”

Officer Morris wrote another ticket for $120 and slapped it on the pile of tickets on the windshield. I shook both officer’s hands and they left to continue their patrols.

The next few hours of my shift went by fairly quickly. Around 5AM, Dispatch scared the hell out of me.

“HEY 8MILLION, ARE YOU STILL ON THAT CALL?”

“Negative, I just finished clearing it.”

“RESPOND TO DISPATCH ASAP.”

I ran down to the surveillance bank, where my coworkers were all gathered and laughing their asses off. Sunday was street cleaning day and the BMW was getting ticketed again by parking enforcement.

After that, we all stopped by Dispatch every 5-10 minutes to see if the owner had returned. Finally, at about 6AM, douchebag came stumbling up the block, looking completely worn out. His formerly-white t-shirt was stained and dirty and it looked like he’d lost at least one fight.

We watched in suspense as he looked at the pile of tickets crammed together on his windshield and slowly removed them. He stood there, pants sagging below his knees, shuffling through each ticket as if he were a toddler with a handful of Pokémon cards.

With a look of abject defeat on his face, he got into his vehicle and drove off. The whole room erupted in laughter and high-fives.

As the laughter died down, I picked up the office phone and started dialing. My coworkers eyed me curiously. I put the call on speaker just as the call connected.

“9-1-1, what is your emergency?”

“Yeah, hi, I’d like to report a possible drunk driver. I have the vehicle and driver description when you’re ready.”

EXCLUSIVE: Ginnifer Goodwin & Josh Dallas Talk 'Once Upon a Time' Musical & What Their Kids Think of the Songs!

Snow White and Prince Charming are stepping into the spotlight!

During Once Upon a Time’s highly anticipated musical episode, which airs this Sunday, May 7, Snow and Charming are (finally!) getting an extra dose of screen time when they show off their magical voices in three spellbinding songs: “Powerful Magic,” “The Charmings vs. Evil Queen” and “A Happy Beginning.”

ET had the pleasure of visiting Once Upon a Time’s set in Vancouver, Canada, last month during filming of the musical extravaganza, and we sat down with stars Ginnifer Goodwin and Josh Dallas to chat all about Snowing’s songs in the musical, what they’re hoping to steal from set and what their kids think about their new vocal adventures!

When you first found out that the musical episode was happening, what was your reaction?
JD: Ummm… what?!
GG: [Laughs] I always thought that I was dying to perform in a musical episode, and then when it became a reality, I pretty much tried to beg my way out of it.
JD: For Once Upon a Time, it suits the musical format so well because we deal with big emotions all the time and…
GG: High stakes!
JD: High stakes, exactly. And that’s what musicals are, you know, the emotions get so big and so raw that the only thing left to do is sing!

What kinds of songs are you two going to be singing together?
JD:
Well, we’ve had a bunch of beautiful original songs written for the musical episode, so we’ve got a couple of numbers. Talking about some powerful magic and we’ve got a singing showdown with the Evil Queen and a big group number.
GG: About the power of love versus occult magic.
JD: It’s fun!

Have you guys been singing all your songs together at home?
JD:
Oh yeah!
GG: Oh yeah, we’ve had no choice. Our son, our eldest son, actually really loves hearing the recording of our duet.
JD: I know, but he makes me feel really self-conscious.
GG: Why?
JD: Because every time I start singing he goes, “Ha ha ha! That’s daddy’s voice!”
GG:[Laughs]
JD: And I’m like, “OK great, Oliver. Thanks. Thanks for the support, bud.”

How are you guys feeling about the fact that your on-screen daughter is getting married in the musical episode?
GG:
It is emotional, especially because the timing of it coming at the end of our sixth season. I can’t help but have rea-life bleed through and think about all the things we’ve all been through together. It’s wild to think that in the pilot you were putting her through the wardrobe and now we’re depicting her happy ending.
JD: And that’s all that Snow and Charming ever wanted for her – was for her to be happy and for her to find her happy ending.
GG: And a bit of normalcy. This is her moment, so it’s all come to this.

A lot of fans want to know how Charming feels about Killian at this point. Do you think Charming is content with handing his daughter over to this man?
JD:
Oh my god, yeah! They have a friendship that is very strong now. He went to Hook for help and he helped him out in a big way and made him start seeing things clearly, so yeah, they’re tight.

This series all started with a wedding and it could potentially end with one. How do you think Emma and Killian’s wedding compares to Snow and Charming’s?
JD:
This is a pretty good wedding. Not as good as Snow and Charming’s, but this is OK. [Laughs] Let’s just say it broke Charming’s bank account. It’s lavish, this wedding.

Are there any items from Once Upon a Time that you’re hoping you might be able to take with you from set?
GG:
Oh my gosh! We were just discussing this today.
JD: Our wedding rings.
GG: I guess I’ll end up stealing mine.
JD: Oh, we can’t say that. Then they’re going to hide them from me! [Laughs]
GG: I still have my Big Love wedding rings, so I feel like I have to steal my Snow wedding ring too.
JD: Yeah, I’m definitely going to take my wedding ring – and maybe a sword.

x

Reasons to go see the new Power Rangers movie

I’m a child of the 90′s. Power Rangers reigned supreme in my household when I was growing up. And when my brother, who is 9 years younger than me, started getting into Power Rangers, it was a way for us to bond. So obviously I was excited about the reboot.

Originally posted by lunarskye

Listen, I might be biased because of my nostalgia, but damn did I love this movie! Here’s why everyone should leave their house immediately and go watch this film.

1. Diverse Cast: I don’t really need to say it, but this cast is insanely diverse! So many different groups are represented in this movie! Every ranger is of a different ethnicity, which is acknowledged and appreciated by each member! And, beyond the surface differences that can be seen, there is an LGBTQ ranger and a ranger who is on the autism spectrum. One of my favorite parts is that we don’t need to speculate whether or not he might have special needs - he just comes right out and says it. “I’m on the spectrum…It’s a diagnosis.” And while he might have been protected a little more by the others, they didn’t try to baby him which is common for a lot of people who don’t often interact with people who have special needs. Instead, they utilized his strengths and worked with him to build his weaknesses.

Originally posted by comics

2. Fantastic Acting: I gotta give a shout out to the actors who played the rangers. Holy cow, were y’all amazing! I’m honestly stunned with Becky G’s performance and how well she did, but that’s mostly because I haven’t followed her music career and seen what she can do. Girl, you were so good! And I believe that this was the first movie some of them have ever acted in. I’ll admit that the script was a little corny sometimes, but honestly it was 10X better than any script from the tv show, and the actors played them SO GOOD!!!!!

Originally posted by phaenix

3. Great Chemistry: Some of these friendships felt so authentic and beautiful to me. A few interactions didn’t really excite me (Zack & Jason, mostly), but the rest of them held their own. Kimberly & Trini and Jason & Billy, for instance. The two girl rangers had such amazing chemistry together and every scene they did felt like they’d been friends their whole lives. There’s a lot of people shipping those two, but I’d be genuinely upset if anything less platonic happened between them. I just want Kimberly to be the girl friend that Trini comes to for girlfriend advice because their friendship is so great! Jason & Billy really were the BROTP of the movie though. The way Billy always looked to Jason for any minor thing had me laughing my ass off.

Originally posted by weaseltotheface

4. A Really Good Bad Guy: Anyone who’s ever seen the tv show knows that Rita Repulsa was kind of lame. She did the same thing every episode and hardly ever left her evil lair to do her own dirty work. Elizabeth Banks as Rita Repulsa was actually kind of a scary bad guy. She wasn’t all talk, and the girl wasn’t afraid to get nasty. I can appreciate that in a villain.

5. Nostalgia: If you were also a big fan of the tv show, this movie has loads of amazing easter eggs for you! I was literally in the theater chanting “Megazord! Megazord! Megazord!” Not to mention Alpha’s “aye aye aye,” and the songs being played, and just ugh! My childhood heart was hurting.

Originally posted by originalyellowranger

6. Potential Sequel: The ending was set up for a sequel (wait for the credits and an extra scene will come) and honestly it has so much potential for what could come of the power rangers! I need it, and frankly, it hasn’t done that well at the box office so without your support there might not be a sequel at all!

All in all, this movie was really good and I would just love to share it with everyone and tell them to love it!

Villain

Request: hiiii can i get a prompt 19 with kihyun :) :) :) pretty please

19) You and your bias are rival idols forced to work with each other on a collaboration

Member: Monsta X’s Kihyun x Y/N

Type: some angst, some fluff, some romance. (warning: inappropriate language/references)


You fidgeted in the back of the SUV that was seemingly swallowing you whole. You weren’t sure if you were angry, frustrated, sad, or nervous. More than likely, it was an anxiety inducing in-between, but you tried to swallow your insecurities. Heart burn and acid in your esophagus were a physical manifestation of the nerves, mixing with your heart repeatedly plummeting to your feet and back to your chest again. 

Your manager had informed you just over a week ago that you had landed an OST for one of the most talked up dramas of the year. You would be performing a duet, but the other artist hadn’t yet been selected. You were notably excited, realizing what a big opportunity this would be for your career.  Only a few days later, you were called to your manager’s office. Told to shut the door, you were already aware of the heavy tone weighing down the air. She had informed you that you would be working with someone you had detested since shortly after your debut.

Yoo Kihyun of Monsta X. 

You weren’t exactly sure when or how you became rivals. Your relationship had developed simply enough, strictly work with the occasional conversation exchanged. This had all seemed to become altered once you had both been special MC’s for Music Bank during your last comeback cycles. Both of your groups had been up for a win that week, which caused an unnecessary awkwardness between the two of you. After your group had won, once again snatching away Monsta X’s first win (although they would move forward to win the next week) your relationship had changed. 

From that point on, every time you had run into Monsta X, Kihyun had something sarcastic or rude to say. You grew to dread running into the group, which wasn’t fair to yourself or the other men of Monsta. Hearing that you would have to spend hours, if not days with him, set your nerves on edge. 

You tried to shake the thoughts from your head as you felt a light squeeze on your knee. Looking up, you met the sad smile of your manager who gave a polite nod toward the door. You hesitantly grasped the handle and gave it a gentle push, exposing you to the morning sunlight you weren’t prepared for. 

Then again, you weren’t prepared for a lot of things. 

You looked up to the Starship Entertainment building, wincing at the immensity of it. You weren’t sure how your manager had negotiated, if she had at all, but you had agreed it would be best if you used a Starship studio for the project. You glanced over your shoulder to get another supportive nod from your manager as you shuffled toward the heavy glass doors that provided entry into the building. 

After checking in with the receptionist, you and your manager were led down hall after hall. It felt like hours as you trailed behind the woman, her short and thin frame darting from one direction to the next. Eventually you reached another set of glass doors with several people on the opposite side. She pulled them open, struggling with the weight as she waved you inside. 

“Hello,” your manager chimed, bowing to everyone in the room. You followed suit, keeping your eyes low. 

“I’m unsure if everyone has met,” one of the Starship managers nodded. “But this is Kihyu-”

“We’ve met,” Kihyun sighed shortly. Your face immediately darted up as you made eye contact with the cold man. His appearance had changed since the last time you had seen him, but then again, so had yours. His hair had gone from a bubblegum pink to a dark brown. He wore a beanie, keeping his hair pushed back from his face. He wasn’t wearing any makeup, but he didn’t have anything to cover up anyhow. He was brutally handsome, which made the situation so much worse. “No need for the pleasantries.”

“Ah, Kihyun, should we treat our guests this way?” his manager laughed nervously, casting a wary side eye to one of the producers set up at the mixing board. 

“Let’s just get to work,” Kihyun grumbled, launching himself from the couch he was lounging on. He leaned back, grabbing a piece of paper he had been looking over, and crumpled it a bit. He looked back to you, pushing the now crushed paper into your hands. “The lyrics.”

He sauntered past you and into the sound booth and placed a pair of headphones over his ears. Your mouth popped open, shocked by his open act of hostility. 

“I don’t know what’s gotten into him,” his manager gasped, rubbing at his temples. “I’m so sorry.”

You slowly shut your mouth, taking in a deep breath through your nose to calm yourself. “Don’t be.”


“Alright, let’s take a break!” the composer called over the studio mic, replacing the track with his voice in the sound booth. Kihyun cocked his eyebrows as he looked up from his paper and to you. 

“Didn’t we just take a break?” he asked uncertainly. 

“Yeah, we need to have a talk,” Kihyun’s manager responded, waving you both in. You looked warily to Kihyun as you hopped from your stool and past him. 

“Yah, watch it,” he grumbled as you bumped into his knee. 

“Look, this is literally a four by four glass box,” you hissed, turning to give him a death glare. His eyes grew wide at your tone. This had been the first time you had spoken to him since you had arrived to Starship. “If you don’t want to get bumped into, take more of an effort to make yourself smaller. Oh wait…you’ve already done that, haven’t you?”

His jaw dropped as he openly stared at you, unblinking. You tried to not smile at your small victory, making sure to back into him and bump his leg again as you exited the booth.

“What’s up?” you sighed, plopping onto the couch beside your manager. She pursed her lips and wrinkled her nose, a sign you had become familiar with. This expression was usually synonymous with bad news. 

“It’s not working,” Kihyun’s manager sighed as he had entered the room. “Your chemistry…”

“It just isn’t there,” your manager finished. “While you both sing beautifully…there’s no feeling behind the words.”

“The feeling is what sells it,” Kihyun’s manager sighed. 

Kihyun was leaned against the wall on the opposite side of the room, biting repeatedly at his lip. He looked up from his shoes and to his manager. “I always sound soulful, my words are always believable.”

“Not this time,” his manager muttered, shaking his head. “You sound hollow.” 

“Hollow!” Kihyun croaked, his cheeks becoming pink with anger and embaressment. “Well what about my partner! I can only be as good as who I’m paired with!”

“There is something lacking with both of you,” your manager cooed. You lifted your brows in surprise at her words. This was the first time she had ever given you any sort of negative feedback, no matter how small it was. She placed a comforting hand on your knee, but you quickly shifted to avoid her touch. 

“Maybe you two should have a conversation, just the two of you,” Kihyun’s manager said slowly. ‘It seems as if a heaviness has been filling up the room since you have gotten together.”

Kihyun rolled his eyes as he pushed off from the wall and pulled open the door. He sighed as he looked at you, his expression asking if you were coming along. 

You sucked at your back teeth, wincing as you stood. You didn’t even care about the OST anymore, you just wanted to be out of this uncomfortable situation. 

“You need to get your shit together,” Kihyun hissed, almost as soon as you stepped into the hallway. You could hardly believe his words. You looked down, realizing his muscular fingers were wrapped around your arm. You shook him off, recoiling from his touch and shot him the dirtiest look you could muster. 

“Don’t touch me,” you spat. “I need to get my shit together? At least I’m not accosting my singing partner in the hallway.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, accosting?” Kihyun groaned. “I was hoping to shake some sense into you.” 

“I’m not one to let the villain win,” you whispered. “But I can’t do this anymore. I quit.” 

You began to enter the studio again, only to have Kihyun grip you by the shoulder and spin you around. He tugged you a bit further down the hall, causing you to drag your feet in an attempt to halt him. 

“What in the hell Kihyun?” you gasped as he finally stopped, looking around to see the area he had pulled you to wasn’t as well lit and only led to an emergency exit. 

He turned, placing either of his hands on the opposite side of the wall beside your face. He pushed his body entirely too close to yours, the heat of his emotion radiating toward you. He used his arms as a cage in which you were incapable of escaping. Your breathing grew more shallow at his close proximity, unknowingly allowing him to search your face with scrutiny. 

“I’ll scream,” you whispered, your eyes not backing down from his. 

“Do it,” Kihyun hissed back, his words a challenge. You opened your lips for a moment, considering the idea, but promptly closed them, knowing full well you couldn’t get him into that sort of trouble. 

“Why am I the villain? And who even calls people villains anymore?” he continued. You looked out of your peripherals at his hands encasing you, flat against the wall. His chest was flush against yours, a constant reminder of his existence and absurdity of the situation. 

“Who has who pinned to the wall?” you mumbled. “But you’re the one who seems to have a problem with me, Yoo Kihyun. It’s not the other way around.”

“Why in the hell would I have a problem with you?” Kihyun spit. “You’re the one making this whole situation awkward.”

“What kind of skewed universe are you living in?” you laughed bitterly. “You’ve treated me as if I was a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe ever since my group won at Music Bank.”

“You think that’s what this is about?” Kihyun gaped. “A stupid award show?”

“Then what is it about? Enlighten me!” you gasped. 

Kihyun nodded for a moment, his eyes focusing on your lips before he looked back up to you. “Have you ever heard…that some men show their emotions like children sometimes? That they will bully women they have feelings for?…I think…I think I can show you better than I can explain it to you.”

“This isn’t a drama, Kihyun,” you grumbled. “I don’t t know if this OST has you in your feelings, but-”

Your words were abruptly cut off as Kihyun pressed his lips into yours. The kiss was hesitant at first, soft with uncertainty. Surely Kihyun had some idea that you could possibly rear back and smack the smugness from his face, but you were unsure if you wanted to do that. Your vision had begun to blur in the few moments before you finally decided to close your eyes and kiss back. 

Kihyun took this as a signal to remove his hands from the wall and let them rest lightly on your waist. You lifted your own fingers to curl around the back of his neck and play with the hair at his nape. With his tongue, Kihyun parted your lips, using his force to tilt your head back and explore even further. You relaxed into the kiss, getting over the initial shock and allowed him to do what he wanted. All of the angst and anxiety from the day melted away and into the kiss. Nothing about today had felt more right than this moment. Kihyun pulled you closer, stroking your back through the thin cotton of your t-shirt. Surely, this would give you inspiration for your song.

“Kihyun! Y/N! Where did you go?” the deep voice belonging to Kihyun’s manager called down the hallway.

Kihyun’s lips detached from yours, taking a small moment to smile at you. “We’re coming…

…well, not yet. I’ll have you doing that tonight actually.”

Originally posted by klhyunnie

9,100 - 10,000 Follower Prompt Batch Special
  • “I was trying to keep it a secret.”
  • “I don’t know how you managed to throw a party in my own house without me noticing, but props to you.”
  • “Stop getting us kicked out of grocery stores.”
  • “Look, I can’t even touch my toes.”
  • “Something tells me that you’ve been keeping information from me.”
  • “We’re wearing matching outfits. Don’t make this any more embarrassing than it already is.”
  • “You picked me to do mission impossible. This is all your fault.”
  • “I know my limits, but everyone keeps pressuring me to do better.”
  • “I have exactly three coins and two lint balls in my pocket, I assure you.”
  • “So long as I get to my goal, it doesn’t matter what I have to do.”
  • “It’s not that I won’t, it’s that I can’t.”
  • “We could care less.”
  • “How inconvenient. I guess I have to deal with you.”
  • “Messing with you is always a little bit fun.”
  • “Stick to the plan and we’ll be fine.”
  • “I don’t want to admit that I wasn’t listening to any of it.”
  • “Don’t look now, but they took our ride." 
  • "Maybe wearing bright colors on a stealth mission isn’t a good idea." 
  • "You are in no position to argue with me right now.”
  • “You stress me out. One bad choice at a time, please.”
  • “How’d we lose? I thought we had that!”
  • “I can help, but it’ll cost you.”
  • “What was I supposed to do?”
  • “I’ve been wanting to dance with you all night.”
  • “Can you give me a chance to prove my innocence?”
  • “I worked really hard on that and you’re just going to throw it away?”
  • “I stopped listening after you said you needed my help.”
  • “What am I to you? I want you to be clear about this.”
  • “Your agony is music to my ears.”
  • “I have no idea where I’m going. I can only hope it’s the right way.”
  • “If I have to suffer watching your favorite movie ten million times, you can watch mine at least once.”
  • “I always feel dread in my stomach when I see you plotting.”
  • “At this point, I ask myself why I even hang out with you.”
  • “One of these days, you’re gonna light my house on fire.”
  • “If there’s one thing you’re not allowed to do, it’s crawl on my ceiling like a spider.”
  • “I’ve practically mastered this piece of machinery.”
  • “There’s no easy way to say what I’m about to tell you." 
  • "You make it so hard to care about you.”
  • “I’d be done with all of this by now if I weren’t so tired.”
  • “Unless you have a crown on your head, I’m not listening to you.”
  • “It’s been a couple hundred years since I’ve had a friend.”
  • “Reckless and careless are just two of the many words that can be used to describe me.”
  • “I thought, if anyone, you’d be happy for me.”
  • “There’s always a problem according to you.”
  • “I saved my last dance just for you. Come on.”
  • “Don’t eat the snow. You don’t know what’s touched it.”
  • “I’ve been saving my love for the right person.”
  • “There’s no stopping me now.”
  • “Watch these smooth moves. I’ve been working on them for months.”
  • “Shapeshifting is not an easy ability to master, okay? I’m trying.”
  • “Are you ready to fail? I’ve got this in the bag.”
  • “Look at me, darling, and start taking notes.”
  • “I started looking for aliens as a joke and then this happens.”
  • “It was always you and I together, but I need to grow independently.”
  • “I don’t want people to associate me with you.”
  • “It’s a shame that you won’t be able to go.”
  • “Don’t think you can get away with that kind of behavior here.”
  • “What went from me trying to get money out of the bank turned into some sort of robbery that I hadn’t been planning on doing.”
  • “Stop worrying about what will go wrong. It doesn’t help you in any way.”
  • “Do you wanna explain to me why pasta sauce is all over my kitchen?”
  • “Yeah, like I haven’t heard that joke before. ‘Need a hand’? Ha, so funny. My sides hurt from laughing so hard.”
  • “Your looks are attractive. Maybe not to them, but certainly to me.”
  • “This just goes to show why you shouldn’t press large red buttons.”
  • “I don’t remember ordering an AI. Do you think they got the wrong house?”
  • “You have no business exploring my floating castle.”
  • “I got lost in the clouds. Literally.”
  • “Sometimes I can see them in the mist or the snow. Sometimes the rain, too.”
  • “I’ve been trying really hard to be patient with you.”
  • “I can count on all ten of my fingers on why I can’t stand you.”
  • “Magic has been a part of your family for many generations and I was sent to help you.”
  • “So, what, you have the ability to make dolls come to life? That’s creepy.”
  • “You had an eyelash on your cheek. Sorry.”
  • “I started to piece together that I was more like your bodyguard than your friend to you.”
  • “I’ve never seen you look so blue. What’s got you down?”
  • “I’m not the kind of person who can comfort others, but I can try.”
  • “I can’t believe you decided on that name for your dragon.”
  • “You should be offended. I’m offended on your behalf.”
  • “I can see you staring at me.”
  • “I thought I had let that fire die out ages ago.”
  • “If I’m the tree, you’re the sun and the water.”
  • “Waxing poetic is about the only thing I do for you in your time of need, sadly.”
  • “I think you enjoy mixing up quotes, because you know it irritates me.”
  • “Sometimes I hope that I can find you when I look up at the stars.”
  • “All I need you to do is cover me while I sneak out.”
  • “Don’t you know it’s dangerous to hang around here? You might run into creatures like me.”
  • “I don’t recall asking for your opinion and yet here you are.”
  • “It’s nice to look back on all the progress I’ve made.”
  • “If you don’t think you could support your child no matter the possibility of who they become or what they are, you shouldn’t have one. No ifs, no buts, no ands." 
  • "It’s so cold, I can’t feel my hand. Can you feel it for me? You know, to make sure it’s still there?”
  • “I’m tired of trying to make you laugh at the expense of my own feelings.”
  • “Don’t ask me how I got stuck. Help me get out of here.”
  • “I’m knitting wing covers for you. What color do you like?”
  • “I’m starting to think you aren’t worth the time and devotion I’ve given you.”
  • “You don’t have to smile if you’re not happy.”
  • “It’s unfair to ask me such a question.”
  • “I knew you cared! This blanket didn’t make its way around my shoulders by itself when I was sleeping.”
  • “When I said I wanted a roommate, I meant a living one, with a job." 
  • "All you need, my friend, is a little spark to help you.”
  • “I feel like you all have your lives figured out.”
  • “Just where would I be able to hide the world’s biggest gem on my person? These pockets can barely fit chapstick.”

I Trained Crows To Bring Me Quarters

By reddit user LeoDuhVinci

In college, I struggled to make ends meet.  Most of my meals consisted nearly entirely of ramen noodles, garnished with a scrambled egg if my finances were stronger than usual, combined with the weekly splurge of a candy bar and soda each Friday.  I worked a part time job, but city rent was expensive, my classes were too tough to work more than twenty hours a week, and my parents had cut me off the year before.

Keep reading

in 1917, the willemses get a roommate. their neighbors think nothing of it, for all they know the poor guy could be low on money and they’re just being nice. elyse has been known to give money to kind strangers, and james has a smile that makes everyone happier. it’s a little curious when they come home hand-in-hand-in-hand, but maybe that’s just good manners.

the roommate, adam, is a bartender at one of the more elegant clubs in town. everyone loves him, he’s a real ladies’ man, yet no one ever sees him leave with anyone. they don’t know he’s been pocketing money since the day he was hired. james and elyse enter his life suddenly, and it still shocks him to think about.

james tries to steal from him, thats how they meet. he drags adam out from behind the bar, dances with him, slips a hand into his pocket to take his wallet–all while smirking and dancing dirty. adam leans in and whispers, “i know you took my wallet, put it back before things get ugly”, and james watches in awe as adam dances his way back behind the bar, a smug grin plastered on his face.

they hit up a bank together a week later. the first time he meets elyse is outside the bank, when she throws him a mask and winks at him. he should be terrified, these two beautiful people dragging him into their life of mayhem and robbery so suddenly, but…he’s the furthest thing from scared. they get the money, run away laughing with their hearts in their throats and the sirens in their ears, and elyse kisses the breath out of adam in a back alley.

etonline.com
EXCLUSIVE: Ginnifer Goodwin & Josh Dallas Talk 'Once Upon a Time' Musical & What Their Kids Think of the Songs!
Snow White and Prince Charming are stepping into the spotlight!

Snow White and Prince Charming are stepping into the spotlight!                      

During Once Upon a Time’s highly anticipated musical episode, which airs this Sunday, May 7, Snow and Charming are (finally!) getting an extra dose of screen time when they show off their magical voices in three spellbinding songs: “Powerful Magic,” “The Charmings vs. Evil Queen” and “A Happy Beginning.”                                        

ET had the pleasure of visiting Once Upon a Time’s set in Vancouver, Canada, last month during filming of the musical extravaganza, and we sat down with stars Ginnifer Goodwin and Josh Dallas to chat all about Snowing’s songs in the musical, what they’re hoping to steal from set and what their kids think about their new vocal adventures!                                        

When you first found out that the musical episode was happening, what was your reaction?
JD: Ummm… what?!
GG: [Laughs] I always thought that I was dying to perform in a musical episode, and then when it became a reality, I pretty much tried to beg my way out of it.
JD: For Once Upon a Time, it suits the musical format so well because we deal with big emotions all the time and…
GG: High stakes!
JD: High stakes, exactly. And that’s what musicals are, you know, the emotions get so big and so raw that the only thing left to do is sing!

What kinds of songs are you two going to be singing together?
JD: Well, we’ve had a bunch of beautiful original songs written for the musical episode, so we’ve got a couple of numbers. Talking about some powerful magic and we’ve got a singing showdown with the Evil Queen and a big group number.
GG: About the power of love versus occult magic.
JD: It’s fun!                                        

Have you guys been singing all your songs together at home?
JD: Oh yeah!
GG: Oh yeah, we’ve had no choice. Our son, our eldest son, actually really loves hearing the recording of our duet.
JD: I know, but he makes me feel really self-conscious.
GG: Why?
JD: Because every time I start singing he goes, “Ha ha ha! That’s daddy’s voice!”
GG:[Laughs]
JD: And I’m like, “OK great, Oliver. Thanks. Thanks for the support, bud.”          

How are you guys feeling about the fact that your on-screen daughter is getting married in the musical episode?
GG: It is emotional, especially because the timing of it coming at the end of our sixth season. I can’t help but have rea-life bleed through and think about all the things we’ve all been through together. It’s wild to think that in the pilot you were putting her through the wardrobe and now we’re depicting her happy ending.
JD: And that’s all that Snow and Charming ever wanted for her – was for her to be happy and for her to find her happy ending.
GG: And a bit of normalcy. This is her moment, so it’s all come to this.              

A lot of fans want to know how Charming feels about Killian at this point. Do you think Charming is content with handing his daughter over to this man?
JD: Oh my god, yeah! They have a friendship that is very strong now. He went to Hook for help and he helped him out in a big way and made him start seeing things clearly, so yeah, they’re tight.                                      

This series all started with a wedding and it could potentially end with one. How do you think Emma and Killian’s wedding compares to Snow and Charming’s?
JD: This is a pretty good wedding. Not as good as Snow and Charming’s, but this is OK. [Laughs] Let’s just say it broke Charming’s bank account. It’s lavish, this wedding.                                        

Are there any items from Once Upon a Time that you’re hoping you might be able to take with you from set?
GG: Oh my gosh! We were just discussing this today.
JD: Our wedding rings.
GG: I guess I’ll end up stealing mine.
JD: Oh, we can’t say that. Then they’re going to hide them from me! [Laughs]
GG: I still have my Big Love wedding rings, so I feel like I have to steal my Snow wedding ring too.
JD: Yeah, I’m definitely going to take my wedding ring – and maybe a sword.                                        

A China Rose: Chapter 2

Originally posted by talesasoldastime29

Summary: Y/N was once an employee at Prince Adams castle along with being his childhood friend but she doesn’t remember. Caught up in the curse, she ends up in Villeneuve where she stands out. But circumstances arrive and she somehow returns to the place she once called home, and a beast she once thought a friend.
A multi-chapter fanfiction.  CHAPTER 1

Authors note: Well, this took longer than expected (exams suck), but it’s here now. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 2: The Provincial Life
You were laughing. A true laugh. As you ran you could hear the shouts behind you. The young boy you felt you knew, but didn’t, was chasing you, hopping slightly due to the fact his right shoe was clasped tightly in your hand. You were young too, back in a time when you were carefree. That was the joy of sleep. You could travel to any time, make up any scenario and live it for a few brief moments. You were rushing though a beautiful garden that went on for miles to see. Green was surrounding you as you pushed your way through a small door that led to a beautiful rose garden. Several bushes of different coloured roses. The white ones shimmered like frost in sunlight and the red ones shone like glittering rubies. All the other coloured roses seemed to twinkle as you sprinted past them, desperate to try and evade the boy who was hot on your heels. You were running up a bridge over a lake when you stopped, breathing heavily but still allowing yourself to giggle in between gulps of air. The boy had just emerged from amongst the roses when you looked up. You smirked and pushed yourself up onto the side of the bridge, the hand which clasped his shoe hanging over the edge. He came barrelling towards you.
“Y/N! Give me back my shoe!” He practically screamed.
You only laughed harder and in one swift movement he collided with you sending you both over the edge into the lake below. You swam towards the bank, no longer grasping his shoe. He was floundering behind you retrieving his footwear from the surface of the water. You sat on the bank, still giggling as he made his way to shore, his shoe now secure on his foot. He glared at you as he pulled himself out.
You pointed to his foot, “I see you found your shoe,” you stated, in between a fit of giggles.
He pushed you playfully on the arm before laughing too. “And I only had to swim to get it.”
“Well you wanted a distraction from tutoring. I gave you one.” You point out giggling. You sat there for several moments staring at each other, still smiling. But then you heard the roar of anger behind you as a tall man in fine clothes came stomping towards you and the boy. He glared at you before picking up the boy by the scruff of his plain white shirt. He dragged the boy away shouting horrible things at him. The boy took no notice of the man’s words, he was starting back at you, still a gleam of happiness in his eye. He disappeared in a cloud of smoke, and you woke up from your dream.
———————————————————————————————————–
The first thing you noticed was that it was still dark outside. You looked over to the clock to your side. Half six in the morning. There was no point in trying to sleep any longer. The rage of the man in your dream was something to behold and you feared that if you closed your eyes you’d be suffering the same torment the boy did. Besides, you had to deliver the new clock to the schoolmaster before the boys were to start learning. You also agreed to help Père Robert by buying the evening meal in the market. You heard a small thump from downstairs and you knew the vicar was cleaning the church after morning mass. Few people attended it but he still rose at five every morning to fulfil his duty to the close-minded people of the town. You admired him, and you were extremely grateful to him. When you arrived in the village seven years ago, he was the only person willing to take you in and he was the only one who understood your love of reading. He gave you access to his small collection of books when the schoolmaster refused you entrance to the school’s collection. You smiled to yourself and hastily dressed into a simple white blouse, green skirt, leather jacket and boots before picking up your book, Romeo and Juliet (a personal favourite of yours). You headed out of your room and down the stairs where you met with Père Robert at the entrance to his quarters.
“Up so early, Y/N?” He greeted you with a warm smile.
“Couldn’t sleep. Besides I have to prepare the clock so it’s worthy of the schoolmaster’s taste.” You said, returning his smile back.
“If it is anything like the clock you made for the church, it will more than satisfy his needs.” He nodded towards the church entrance, where your clock rested above the doors.
You looked down and felt the blood rush to your cheeks as he compliments your work.
“Thank you,” you said sincerely, “Is there anything specific you want for dinner this evening? Or will the usual suffice?”
“Just the usual but maybe throw in a fruit or two, seeing as you have been working on this clock for several weeks now.” He smiled at you before nodding to you as he entered his quarters.
You walked out the back door to the church’s garden. You strolled past the vegetable patch, where your lettuces were thriving, and head towards your workshop which was a small shed at the far end of the garden. You unlocked the door and entered, before lighting several candles. You reached up to the shelf by the door where you were storing the, soon to be, new school clock. You were pleased with your work. You had spent weeks making the cogs all fit in place and even longer carving and painting it so that it resembled one of the schoolboys straw hats.
You were simply dusting the clock and packing it away in your bag when the sun began to peak over the horizon. The different tones of orange and pink calmed you and made you feel inspired. You quickly grab your paints and plant yourself by the window. You mix together the right tones before removing the glove from your left hand. You always wore it. You and Père Robert were the only ones who knew of your china hand. You didn’t want to give the village another reason to call you odd, so you hid it from sight. You’d had it all your life, you think, and you felt bad having to hide a part of you from the world. However, when you were alone, you took great joy in painting it to create different scenes. Your favourite design so far had been a rose bush. It made you feel a sense of belonging.
You hastily began applying the paints to your hand. You created swirls of pink and spots of orange till your hand was completely covered. You held it up to the sky and it blended in with it seamlessly. You smiled at yourself knowing that your Papa would be proud. He was an artist, and you missed him terribly. You can’t remember what happened to him but you were certain that the last time you saw him, he was heading out to do a job. You presume that he has remained at the job ever since. You refuse to accept that he was dead. You’d have felt it if he was. You smiled thinking of your Papa. He loved you, and that was all that mattered.
You touched your hand to ensure that the paint had dried before you put back on your glove. You picked up your bag, now heavy with the clock and your book. With that you head outside ready to face the provincial town you lived in.
———————————————————————————————————–
You walked down the path towards the market place and with the church being on the outskirts of the village (due to its large grounds) you had a fair way to walk before you saw anyone out and about. That didn’t stop you from hearing them greeting each other with a loud “Bonjour!” You were humming a tune when the baker walked past and you briefly stopped to grab a baguette from him which you placed in your bag. As you walked to the outskirts of the market you were greeted by Monsieur Jean, the town potter.
“Good morning Y/N!” He greeted, a distracted look on his face.
“Good morning Monsieur Jean. Have you lost something again?” You inquired. He was known for forgetting things.
“Well you know I believe I have. Only problem is I can’t remember what!” He exclaimed and you let out a small chuckle. “Where’re you off to this morning?”
“To give this clock to the schoolmaster. He says it’ll make his new lessons great again.” You joked slightly. His eyebrows furrowed in slight disgust.
“Sounds boring.” He commented as he turned back to his little shop and you continued on your way. You hop over the stepping stones by the bridge, humming once again. You walk past the washing area, where several women and girls had congregated to wash the clothes. You elected to ignore the comments they made about you.
You reached the market which also housed the school at the far end opposite the washing area. You hastily ran up the steps to the school and were relieved to see that the boys had yet to arrive. The schoolmaster looked at you through the doorway before giving you a brief grunt, signalling that you could enter.
“I have the clock you asked for.” You said with a half-smile as you fumbled in your bag. You lifted it out carefully and placed it on his desk. He looked at it blankly before reaching into his pocket to reveal your pay for your work. Three silver coins was all you got. You did your best to remain civil as you accepted the coins with a forced smile. You bid him good day, and left the small building as quickly as you could.
The market was bustling with people and you decided to get out your book and read whilst making your errands. You needn’t look up from the page as this village followed the same routine every day. You always found it rather disconcerting that the village had the exact same routine each day with little difference. There was something mechanical and forced about it, but the more you thought of the inner workings of the town, the more disturbed you got. Therefore you tried to think little of the fact that you could easily navigate your way through the men and women complaining about stale bread, smelly fish and expensive eggs. You walked up to the fountain and sat down to finish reading the ball scene, having already acquired the necessary ingredients to produce tonight’s meal. You were thoroughly enjoying the love that was blossoming between the two lovers of Verona, when you were interrupted by a deep, smug voice.
“Good morning Y/N!”
You looked up and internally groaned.  Gaston, the ‘town hero’ was standing above you, a bunch of flowers gripped in his hand and from the look of the florists angry face as LeFou (Gaston’s probably only true friend) gave her some coins, it was clear to you that he actually hadn’t paid for the flowers, and that he was simply 'borrowing’ them. It was a nice thought but you weren’t interested. He and LeFou were the ones who found you out in the woods on the way back from one of their hunt. He apparently saved you from wolves which you found hard to believe. Not only did he bring this up in every conversation he had with you, he also had this idea in his head that because he saved you, (and the fact that he considered you to be almost as beautiful as him), you were destined to be together, which wasn’t the case at all. His brashness and his attitude was what made you dislike him, that and the fact that he refused to take no for an answer. Your rejection only spurred him on more, and the one time you punched him because he ripped your book away from you and chucked it in some mud, he simply smiled and made a comment about how you liked to play rough. You felt a little uncomfortable around him and you wondered how anyone put up with him.
On the other hand, you loved LeFou. He was quiet and reserved but he still managed to be over the top at the same time. He never boasted about what he’d done, even though he and Gaston have both achieved the same things together. He was sincere and polite, the only quality you disliked about him was his devotion to Gaston. He was staying away from the fountain where you sat. Most likely because he was still having to apologise to the florist who, despite the payment, was seething with rage. It was almost comical. You drew your eyes away from LeFou’s failing attempts at calming the woman and looked up at Gaston, deciding that you were to be as blunt, but as civil as possible.
“Bonjour Gaston.” You said as pleasantly as you could. He smiled at your acknowledgement.
“Lovely book you’ve got there.” He said as he gestured at your book. Your eyebrows raised slightly. Gaston has read a book. You didn’t think it possible.
“Oh really?” You replied rather enthusiastically, “Have you read it?”
His face contorts slightly. “Well not that one. But, you know, books.”
You let out a silent chortle. There was no need to question your life; Gaston still didn’t like books. He whipped out the flowers that you’d noticed before, as they were terribly hidden behind his back. The sudden movement made you jump back the smallest amount.
“For your dinner table this evening.” He offered, “Will I be joining you this evening.”
The kindness behind the gesture, was thoroughly destroyed.
You looked at him in the eyes and pushed the flowers away from you face before you replied. “Sorry, not this evening.”
He looked puzzled. “Busy?”
“No.” was your simple answer. You walked away shaking your head. You begin to travel back to the church, your previously happy mood (set by the book) now ruined. You pass Agathe, the town beggar, and pass her one of the silver coins the schoolmaster had given you. She smiles at you and you give her a big toothy grin in return.  As you walk back up the slight hill, you made a small, silent wish that you would find something, some adventure, away from this provincial village. Behind you Agathe smiled, knowing that your wish had just been granted.

Tag list: @rainwing-galaxy @loneliestlittlerainbow  @bucky-with-the-metal-arm @theeeeens (it’s not letting me tag you, I’m sorry)

2

“Hey, (y/n).”

You roll your eyes at the now familiar voice and look up over the computer. “Peter,” you giggle. “I’m working.”

The adorable boy grins at you with his crooked smile, and your heart practically melts. You don’t know why the newest Avenger has decided to talk to you the past couple of days, but you’re glad he has. You’re Maria Hill’s niece and are extremely skilled with computers, which is the only reason you work for the avengers.

Only thing is, you don’t really get to see them because you’re stuck in the computer bank most of the time. But Peter…he goes out of his way to come see you. And you love it.

“I know, but I’m on my way to training, and I thought now would be a good time to show you my powers?”

You giggle. “I’ve seen your powers, Spiderman.”

“Well, y-yeah, but…I mean up close.” He holds out his hand. “Come on, it’ll be fun. I’ll have you back in five minutes tops.”

You laugh. “Okay, fine.”

Peter claps, and you giggle as you step out from behind your desk and follow behind the almost-skipping superhero down the hall to the training room. As you walk, you get a chance to admire his lean, but fit body in his red and blue suit. You look away from him and out the windows almost immediately, blushing to yourself. You can’t think about him like that.

He’s a superhero.

“Okay!” Peter yells, pushing one of the two double doors open and holding it for you to walk through after him. “You ready?”

You look around the huge training room, stepping up to the railing in awe. You’ve never been in here. “Yeah,” you reply distractedly.

Peter grins to himself at the plan that just formed in his mind.

All of a sudden, you’re pulled away from the railing and into a warm chest-Peter’s warm chest. One of his white webs is attached to your waist. “What are you-”

You barely have time to get that many words out before he fires another web at the ceiling, and the two of you are lifted off the ground. Screaming, you wrap your arms around your friend’s neck as he swings you around the huge room with his one arm, the other arm holding you tightly to him by your waist. He’s laughing at your reaction, but you can’t hear it over the rush of the wind.

After about a minute, Peter finally sets you down in the middle of the room. You hold onto him for a couple of seconds just to make sure your feet are actually on the ground, before pulling away completely and swatting him in the arm. “Peter Parker!”

He rubs his arm. “What?”

“That was terrifying!”

“But was it fun?”

You freeze. “Well, yes, but-I could’ve fell.”

“(y/n).” He steps forward and closer to you with a soft smile. “I would never let you fall.”

With his soft brown eyes staring into yours, you realize that you already have.

“(y/n)!”

You nearly jump out of your skin at the sound of your aunt’s voice echoing through the cavernous room. “Aunt Maria!” you yell, whirling around to face her. She stands at the entrance of the room with her hands on her hips, staring down at you with stern, yet curious eyes.

“What are you doing down here?”

Peter steps forward. “It was my bad, Agent Hill. I just wanted to show (y/n) something while I had the time.”

Your aunt nods at him before looking at you. “Time to stop flirting and get back to your station, agent.” You blush when she says “flirting.” “I’m more lenient with you, but you still do work here.”

Nodding, you scuttle quickly away from Peter. “Yes ma'am.”

“Bye, (y/n)!”

Turning around, you smile at Peter once more. “Bye, Peter.” Then you exit through where you came and follow your aunt back to your station.

All the Little Horses Part 5

Week 12

   If you haven’t already had the pleasure, it’s likely that at this month’s checkup you’ll finally hear your baby’s fetal heartbeat — a sound that will make your heart race with joy! For some women, right about now, a possible side effect of uterine growth is what your OB-GYN would call round ligament pain. Basically, they are pregnancy growing pains  that feel like achy or sharp pains on one or both sides of the abdomen. You may be wondering too whether your feelings about making love are normal. Try to go with the flow. Your partner may be entranced by your ripening breasts and belly, but, his eager eyes (and hands) may be the last things you want to feel on your body right now.

     (/Mare/)

      I shifted in the small, plastic chair in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Cal sat next to me, pretending to flip through a magazine to hide how uncomfortable he was with the silence around us. We had tried to get an appointment early in the morning so that we could enjoy the rest of the day, but that had turned out to be a very big mistake. First off, waking up had been a disaster for me, and now, we were the only people in the waiting room besides the receptionist behind the check-in counter, who was popping her gum every few seconds and typing on her computer. We had arrived early on purpose, since it was our first appointment. When we had walked up to the checkin counter though, both of us nervous bundles of energy, the receptionist had rolled her eyes, popped her gum, and told us that the doctor wasn’t in yet.

       She had told us that we could either wait in the office, or go back downstairs to the little cafe and wait there. I had made an executive decision at that point and had sat down in one of the many plastic chairs along the wall. Cal had followed suit, and the two of us had sat in silence for ten minutes. 

           I wiggled in the seat again though, running my fingers along the pain in my side that came when I stretched my midsection. It had started last week at the base of my hip and crept up my stomach and to the other side. It was agonizing by the end of the day normally, but right now, it felt like my abdomen was just sore. Next to me, Cal glanced up from his magazine and then whispered, “Do you want to ask her about that?”

      “I told you Cal, it’s just growing pains.” I murmured as I massaged the area softly. At least, I hoped it was growing pains, the pregnancy book I had bought told me it was. I wasn’t sure what else it could be, other than that. Cal had been worrying though, it seemed that was all he was really doing lately, ever since it had started to show exactly what was happening inside of my body at the moment. 

      I smiled to myself though as I thought about it, and stretched out my leg to toe one of the toys that was scattered across the floor. The piece rolled and rattled softly as I did so, and Cal glanced at me again, this time with a raised brow. When we had first been dating he had told me that sometimes I reminded him of a child when I couldn’t sit still. I’d kicked him under the table multiple times that night after that comment, but he’d never taken it back. Apparently he was thinking the same thing now too. 

      The nurse leaned away from the desk then and said something to someone who had come in, and then poked her head out to look at us. “She’s here if you two want to go back.”

       She blew another bubble with her gum, which popped loudly, shattering the silence. Cal was already up though, tossing the magazine down, and offering me a hand that I turned down as I rose. He wiped his palms on the legs of his jeans and grabbed my bag for me instead. Honestly, he was more excited about this than I was.

       He opened the door for me, and I gave him a look before whispering, “Slow down cowboy, you’re not going to see anything special on the ultrasound.”

      “We’re going to see the baby, that’s all that matters.” He said with a boyish grin. Rolling my eyes at his response, I ducked into the back offices, where a young woman was washing her hands in a sink. She glanced up and smiling widely at us, she offered her hand and said, “Doctor Wallace, you can call me Ada though. You two must be the early risers.” She chuckled softly and I took her hand, shaking it, before smiling and replying, “We thought we’d get it over with early.”

       Cal took her hand tightly and shook it eagerly, receiving a laugh from her and wink as she said, “Well one of you is certainly excited.”

       Smiling sheepishly, Cal withdrew his hand and nudged me to say, “Mare said this was a big appointment.”

        “It should be, Jackie told me that this is your first.” Ada said with a bright smile before gesturing for us to follow her. She glanced at us over her shoulder and winking she chuckled, “Running a little late in that department you two.”  

    I stepped in behind her, laughing around my nerves as we followed her down the white hallways, past a bank of windows that showed the traffic of downtown New York below.

    She opened a door down the way, and held it open for us as we entered. I hesitated in the doorway, suddenly uncertain. What if something was wrong with the baby, what if she saw it and told us that we would have to start treatments for a defect? What if the baby wasn’t healthy and she told me that I was going to lose it?

        Cal set his hand on my lower back softly, and then gave me a nudge forward since I had paused a little too long in the doorway. I shook myself out and stepped into the room, glancing around warily at all the equipment. Ada gave me another smile, and gestured to the examination table. “Your welcome to sit anywhere while we talk and get your file started, but sooner or later your going to be on the table.”

      I crossed to the room, thanking her, before sitting on the table, while Cal sat next to me. His foot started bouncing immediately, he was already ecstatic just to be here. My hands closed into fists on my thighs though, and I felt my stomach turn. It wasn’t the typical morning sickness feeling that I had been dealing with for the past few weeks. This  feeling was more along the lines of I was going to throw up because I was nervous as hell. 

     Ada pulled her stool over to us, and flipping through her clipboard she asked, “So Doctor Oswald put conception at about 12 weeks ago, is that right?”

     “I was 5 weeks when I found out, at least, that’s what she said.” I whispered. The room was freezing, was it supposed to be this cold? Maybe I should have brought a jacket, I figured it was warm enough that I could only wear a t-shirt today.

        Ada nodded and wrote something down before tapping her pencil on her lips. “Have you noticed anything unusual about yourself lately?”

      “Besides the fact that I’ve gained six or seven pounds in three weeks and constantly throw up?” I deadpanned, and she at least had the grace to laugh. I relaxed a little bit as she shook her head and replied, “More unusual than that, strange bumps in strange places, maybe you’ve run a fever a lot?”

       I shook my head and she smiled as she wrote something down and murmured, “Good, good.”

      A few seconds later, after she had read through her notes again she said, “Well, from what I hear you’ve already experienced the terrible blues of morning sickness, and you should be experiencing some growing pains if you put that much weight on.” She said with a gentle laugh before setting her clipboard aside. I threw a superior look at Cal, who shrugged at the fact that I had been right the whole time. Ada seemed to miss the look and rising from her stool, she said, “Why don’t you follow me and we’ll do a weigh in. Doctor Oswald gave me a starting weight for you from your last visit with her.”

      I rose slowly and Cal offered me a smile as I followed Ada out of the room and into the hallway again.

      We returned a few minutes later and Ada wrote down my numbers before turning and clasping her hands together. “Alright, I think it’s time.”
       Cal straightened up immediately, and his foot began tapping even quicker agasint the floor, practically shaking the whole chair. Ada rolled the machine up next to me and smiling sweetly, she whispered, “Are you ready?”

       Nodding slowly, I settled back to look up at the ceiling. Cal grabbed my hand immediately, and I realized how clammy my hand felt in his. He gave me a worried smile before pressing a light kiss to my temple. I leaned into his touch for a moment and whispered, “What if something’s wrong?”

     “She doesn’t seem to think anything’s wrong.” Cal replied in an equally soft whisper, almost avoiding my question entirely. Ada was speaking to me, but I could only look over Cal’s shoulder slightly, lost in my worries. She might not know something is wrong until she looks at the ultrasound. She hadn’t even run any tests. Something could still be wrong and she could miss it, only to tell us when it was too late to fix it. 

I felt her lift my shirt slightly, and I gripped Cal’s hand tightly as all out panic set in. He smiled down at me though, his eyes dancing as he looked back to Ada, who was chatting idly about something.

    “This is going to be a little cold,” She announced before placing the gel over my stomach. I fliched at the cold as she pushed the head of the ultrasound against my skin. The tip was freezing and I shivered as she maneuvered it across my skin, purposely turning my head away from the monitor. A few seconds later though, Cal exhales softly, and then whispers, “Oh Mare, you have to look, love.”

     I peeked over my shoulder at the monitor and felt my heart squeeze. The image blinked in out as Ada tried to line up the monitor, and eventually she caught the perfect angle. My heart seemed to freeze in my chest before it leaped into action again and swelled in joy. There it was, there was our baby. It was so tiny, so little, and looked oddly like a bean, sitting inside a pool black. I couldn’t imagine it growing bigger and eventually being outside of me though. How would I protect it, how would I keep it safe from all the horrible people in the world? 

      Smiling down at me, Ada reached her other hand out and asked, “Do you want to hear something special?”

      I nodded and she pressed a small button on the monitor, and instantly we could hear a rapid pulsing sound. Cal’s hand squeezed mine so tight that I thought he would cut off all circulation to my fingers. I glanced up at him and saw that he had adapted that boyish grin again, the only difference was that his eyes were misty as he whispered, “Oh… Mare…it’s so beautiful.”

     I felt my own heart race with joy, but underneath it, I felt the same fears. Our baby was so tiny, so innocent, and so defenseless, how could I possibly defend it?

     (////)

      Later that night, I stepped out of the bathroom dressed in a loose shirt that hung down to the middle of my thighs. Cal was sitting in the bed, staring intently down at the ultrasound. He’d stared at it from the moment we had walked back into the apartment after running a few more errands. He honestly hadn’t stopped looking at it. He’d analyzed every inch of it, from the size of the baby’s head, to where the arms probably were.

Watching him intently, I sank onto the foot of the bed and then swung my feet up and underneath me so that I was sitting on my heels. Cal glanced at me before saying, “Can you believe how big it’s getting? I mean, we’re already three months in, and-”

      I crawled up the bed to him and slowly pulled the image out of his hands,  before setting it on the nightstands and settling my hips on top of his. He blinked up at me in surprise before resting his hand on my hip and asking me with a raised brow, “What are you doing?” 

      “Nothing.” I purred as I leaned forward to press a light kiss against the base of his jaw. He relaxed at the touch, and then slipped his hand down to cup my backside and pull me closer to him. I smiled against his neck and nipped at his skin softly, letting him know that I liked him touching me there. He pressed his lips into my neck in response, and slowly, I looped my arms around his neck and tangled my fingers in his hair. He dragged my shirt up as he ran his hands up my back, his fingers like fire on my skin. I growled lovingly in his ear and ground my hips against his, feeling him swell with pleasure underneath me. I sighed heavily against his skin and pressed a light kiss into his neck as he brought his hands around to my front. His fingers danced along my stomach for a moment, and the sensation was extremely odd. I shivered at the feeling, and pulled away a little bit. Cal smiled though, completely entranced as he slowly laid me back and pushed my shirt up to my ribcage. His lips followed his hands, tracing the mound of my stomach as he whispered sweet nothings against my skin. 

I should have known the whole thing was a mistake, but we were both so caught up in the moment that neither of us had really considered the consequences of the rapid changes my body had gone through so far. He reached up and squeezed my breast and I let out a cry of pain and pulled away, practically scrambling out from underneath him  as I wrapped my arms around myself and curled into a little ball.

    “Mare! Oh my god Mare, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know!” Cal cried as he tried to reach out to touch me. I pulled away though and through gritted teeth, I hissed, “No, no, that was my fault, I thought it would be okay.” 

     He tentatively set his hand on my arm and whispered, “I’m guessing any form of touching is off limits until the baby’s here?”

      I nodded, and then groaning, I rolled onto my back and cried, “This is some sick cosmic joke!” 

     Cal only laughed in response.

Chasing Cars (Dean Ambrose x Reader)

More Dean fluff yas I literally love writing it. Like, if I could it’s probably all I would ever write, sorry not sorry. This was requested by anon for Chasing Cars, originally performed by Snow Patrol. This version is the Sleeping At Last version, like the one they used in Grey’s Anatomy. Gonna have to say I like this version better than the original, oops. Enjoy!

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EXCLUSIVE: Ginnifer Goodwin & Josh Dallas Talk 'Once Upon a Time' Musical & What Their Kids Think of the Songs!

(Link here) Snow White and Prince Charming are stepping into the spotlight!         During Once Upon a Time’s highly anticipated musical episode, which airs this Sunday, May 7, Snow and Charming are (finally!) getting an extra dose of screen time when they show off their magical voices in three spellbinding songs: “Powerful Magic,” “The Charmings vs. Evil Queen” and “A Happy Beginning.”    

ET had the pleasure of visiting Once Upon a Time’s set in Vancouver, Canada, last month during filming of the musical extravaganza, and we sat down with stars Ginnifer Goodwin and Josh Dallas to chat all about Snowing’s songs in the musical, what they’re hoping to steal from set and what their kids think about their new vocal adventures!  

When you first found out that the musical episode was happening, what was your reaction?

JD: Ummm… what?!
GG: [Laughs] I always thought that I was dying to perform in a musical episode, and then when it became a reality, I pretty much tried to beg my way out of it.
JD: For Once Upon a Time, it suits the musical format so well because we deal with big emotions all the time and…
GG: High stakes!
JD: High stakes, exactly. And that’s what musicals are, you know, the emotions get so big and so raw that the only thing left to do is sing!                                                                                 
What kinds of songs are you two going to be singing together?
JD: Well, we’ve had a bunch of beautiful original songs written for the musical episode, so we’ve got a couple of numbers. Talking about some powerful magic and we’ve got a singing showdown with the Evil Queen and a big group number.
GG: About the power of love versus occult magic.
JD: It’s fun!         

Have you guys been singing all your songs together at home?

JD: Oh yeah!
GG: Oh yeah, we’ve had no choice. Our son, our eldest son, actually really loves hearing the recording of our duet.
JD: I know, but he makes me feel really self-conscious.
GG: Why?
JD: Because every time I start singing he goes, “Ha ha ha! That’s daddy’s voice!”
GG:[Laughs]
JD: And I’m like, “OK great, Oliver. Thanks. Thanks for the support, bud.”  

  

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I’ve brought Luca into work for the whole day today to see how he goes. I brought a bully stick for this morning and a raw bone for this afternoon. If he really can’t hack it I’ll drop him home, but I think he’ll cope.

Soundtrack of Us (Part Six) - I Believe in a Thing Called Love

Originally posted by lookprettyliveclassyplaydirty

Word Count: 4200+ (Sorry, got carried away!)

Pairing: AU!Dean x musician!reader

Characters: Reader, Dean, Sam, Jess, Ellen & Jo Harvelle, Castiel, Russell (OC), Dan (OC), Lisa

Warnings: slight angst, mention of abortion, alcohol, language, fluffz

Summary: Y/N is a local artist with standing gigs at a coffee shop and a bar in a small town in North Carolina. She’s run from some things at home, but life has finally fallen into place in Asheville. Music is her life and her only worry in life, until she meets a pair of hypnotizing green eyes.

Author’s Note: So I finally am done with school for a couple weeks and taking a two week break! I made this one a little longer since it took me a couple weeks to get this part out and it’s also a little less based on a song, but more of the title. 
I used this chapter to be a part of @casbabydontgoineedyou ‘s 1k follower challenge! Congrats again on 1k, girly! Anyway, I had fun writing this one and straying away from some angst and then having reader have some fun with Dean. Enjoy!

Song is I Believe in a Thing Called Love by The Darkness (lolz not Amara). Lyrics are bold and italicized.

Challenge quote: “So… how can we fix this?” in bold.

Catch up here


“Dean… that is so… fucked up.” You scolded him.

“Not pregnant from me,” he cut you off and raised a finger, “It’s never with me. Not Ben, not this one. She told me straight up when she found out that it wasn’t mine. And I believe her because I haven’t touched her in months. Especially not this past month.”

He grabbed your hand. You wanted to retract it, knowing you had just seen him comfort Lisa in the same way. However, how could you blame him? Dean had a big heart. He willingly lived a hard-labored life for his brother, took care of Ben for Lisa, you just knew he only did this because he could take it. He was strong enough. But just because he was strong enough, it didn’t mean that he deserved to carry everyone’s qualms. That’s something you learned yourself.

“Oh,” was all you could say. “Dean, I-”

“You don’t have to say anything, o-or apologize, I, uh, I’m just over it all. You didn’t do anything wrong and I don’t blame you if you want to walk away right now. I just hope you don’t. I can’t even think straight right now, I’m such a mess,” he managed to stammer through his tears. You cradled your arms around him as he shrunk into your chest, his sobs muffled into your embrace. You rubbed his back and shushed his tears, not knowing what to say to console him.

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anonymous asked:

He was going to kill her at this rate but it'd be such a great way to go! "You know-" She said cheekily, "Once my brother was on the toilet and I knocked on the door trying to annoy him a bit, so I tell him don't forget to do his paper work. He says without skipping a beat like he's some clerk, 'Raye, you can't go to the bank and make a deposit without doing some paperwork!" The girl plops down into one of the chairs nearby, looking at him, amazed, "Sorry. I don't laugh like this much. Thanks."

The joke was unexpected, and Sans can’t help but laugh, this time the sound coming out much louder than his usual subdued chuckles.  With a mirthful grin still in place, he takes the seat beside her, leaning back comfortably.  “heheh, your family sounds like a blast.”  As she both simultaneously apologizes and expresses her gratitude, he waves a dismissive hand. “hey, i’m happy to entertain.  s’not every day i get an audience that appreciates my sense of humor.”  He chuckles again.  “’sides, you should let loose and laugh more often.  i’ll just send you an unexpected poop emoji sometime.” 

A friend of my guy was apparently talking shit about me and his daughter’s mom, saying how we were ugly. He stood up for us. Poor boy didn’t want to tell me what she said because he was afraid of hurting my feelings, but I busted out laughing. GIRL PLEASE. WE HAVE NEVER MET OR SPOKEN. WHO ARE YOU? WHY YOU RUNNING YOUR MOUTH ABOUT ME? AND SAYING THAT I’M UGLY??? I’m laughing my damn ugly ass all the way to the bank from MY house, driving MY car, using MY money that I made at MY job. All of which you apparently don’t have. Get your shit together and GOODBYE

The Joker X Reader  * Breaking point*

It drives you insane of how possessive he is sometimes. My God, does Mister J get jealous or what?! And the crazy things he does…One of these days he’s gonna hurt you really, really bad. Well, let him try!

You’ve been fighting for half an hour now. J got really mad because his now former business partner eyeballed you all night long. Dexter noticed you when you were out in the club dancing for the Clown Prince of Crime himself and made a small comment on how he would love to have a woman like you in his bed every night. That was definitely the wrong thing to say to the Joker; something snapped inside of him (again) and later that night Frost was dumping his body in an unmarked grave a few miles outside the city.

“And how is that my fault ,J? How?! “ you say, annoyed, passing your fingers through your hair and actually yanking it in frustration.

“Did you ever encourage him?” he snarls at you, staring you down, panting, his chest going up and down so fast it starts to worry you. He’s pissed.

“No, of course not!” you defend yourself, even if it doesn’t matter at this point.

“I sent you to deal with him before, did anything happen?” His eyes burn through you; it certainly feels like one of his intimidating interrogations.

“Are you serious?! You know there’s only you. “

“Yeeesss, only meee,” he mocks, grinning that fake smile he puts on when he can’t control his emotions.

“Are you suggesting otherwise?” You lift your eyebrows, offended.

He doesn’t answer; he turns his back on you and takes a deep breath. You know what that means: the Joker is trying to calm his demons down before he does something he might regret. This is your chance and you are taking advantage of it. You approach and hug him from behind, starting to plant kisses all over his back. He feels your lips through the silky fabric of his purple shirt and your hands squeezing him tight, too proud and crazed by jealousy to respond in any way.

You sigh, resting your forehead on his shoulder, and move your hands down to his crotch.

“Wanna have angry sex?”

“NO!!”

“Why not? I’ll let you do whatever you want.”

“NO, I’m too mad!” You can’t see his face, but his biting on his lip so hard it’s almost bleeding-he so wants to take you up on the offer, but he’s stubborn as hell.

“That’s the point, babe…Well, OK, then,” you move your hands up to his chest again, feeling his skin from under the unbuttoned shirt. “Who do you take after with this temper of yours? Mom or dad?”

J growls and digs his fingers in your arms so deep you instantly start feeling the numbness.
“Auuuuch, fine, fine, let go, let go…”

He lets go after a few more seconds, because he wanted to make sure you’ll get the message. The Joker is very happy with himself and you don’t care too much because your little strategy worked: at least he’s upset about something else for the moment. Jesus, he sure can act like an entitled five year old brat.

You rub your skin, walking away towards the master bedroom. He’s still with his back turned, looking out the window.

“I’m going to get my new tattoo now; I’m taking Richard with me,” you tell him, hoping he’ll talk.

“What are you getting done?”  He finally turns towards you, his voice raspy and still frowning.     There you are.

“I was thinking to get this tattooed on my forehead: NOT the Property of Joker.”

“Don’t you dare, doll !” he threatens, scoffing.

You enter the bedroom to change your shoes and outfit, smiling to yourself and text Richard:

“Ditch your Panda costume and wear something nice, you’re taking me for a ride in my red Lexus. I’ll meet you downstairs in 15 minutes.”

After you change, you go back in the living room to find the Joker standing in the same spot, scratching his head with his gun. He always does that when something troubles him.

“Would you stop doing that? You’ll blow your brains out one of these days.”

“So?” he mutters, absent minded.

“I’ll be bored without you. Plus, you’re pretty decent in bed.”

You duck the gunshot in time, hiding behind the couch.

“Decent?!” J sarcastically snickers. He shots again.

“Stop it, you know I hate it when we have to fix the walls every time you do this!”

“Then take it back.”

Another bullet shrieks over your head.

“Opps, I missed.”

“Truce! Truce!” you plead, feeling sorry for the poor penthouse you love so much.

“Not until you take it back.”

“Fine, I take it back.”

“And?…”

“And you’re the best lover ever…”

”Hmmm, that’s better…” you hear his voice getting closer to your hiding place.

“…in a very average way,” you continue, making a run for the elevator. You hear him stomp behind you and the elevator’s doors close right before he can get in.

“Get your ass back here!!” he screams but there’s no way you’ll do that. You feel you got a bit of revenge and you don’t care if you pay for it later.

*******************

You’ve been talking to the henchmen in the lobby for the last 10 minutes, waiting for Richard. He’s so slow all the time. At least you are catching up with them. You are quite fond of the boys and they like you because you saved their lives a lot of times from Mister J’s blind fury. You don’t mind if someone deserves it, but if there’s no reason to his rampage besides his vexation, then you always intervene.  

Richard finally comes to get you and now you are on your way to the Tattoo parlor. You both laugh and have a good time, remembering past stories and insane things that happened in the last year.

“Do you remember when Mark got stabbed at the bank? He never pays attention, J got so mad he almost killed him afterwards,” you giggle, playfully punching Richard’s shoulder.

“Oh my God, yes, that was a trip. You know, he always talks about how you stood up to Mister J for him, he thought he will die that night.”

“Mehhh, it’s nothing, I like living on the edge,” you wink and both start laughing again.

“You were so nice to …” Richard confesses and you interrupt:

“Dude, if you call me nice again, I’ll blow your brains out myself!!!… Oh, your song is on!” you excitedly squeal and turn up the volume.

Desiigner’s “Panda” is blasting in the speakers and you two start singing the lyrics. Not being around J for a while is working its magic.

“Glad you two are having sum’ fun,” the Joker’s voice suddenly comes from the back sit and you hear the gun click. My God, he was hiding there?!

Richard freezes, instantly thinking he’s living on borrowed time. You don’t even jump because you’re used to scares from watching horror movies all the time. Plus, you have some serious training from being his girl.

“Pull over!!” the Joker commands, his gun to the henchman’s temple. “Are you flirting with my Princess, hmmm?” his silver teeth are grinding in annoyance and you see his jaw clenching. That’s not good.

“N-no sir, not at all.”

“Fucking liar…you want her?”

“W-what? No boss, I didn’t even think…” he stammers, knowing he can’t win.

“Why don’t you want her? Not good enough for you? She’s God damn beautiful, are you blind?!”

This is one of those moments when you have to step in because J is gone beyond the point of reasoning again.

“Apologize for offending her. NOW!” The gun digs in Richard’s skull harder.

“Ummm…I’m sorry, Y/N,” he addresses you, flustered, pulling over. You roll your eyes and slowly take J’s arm, pointing it towards you head.

“Would you stop it? What are you doing?!”

You look into each other’s eyes for a few seconds, not even blinking. It seems like an eternity to Richard. The Joker finally lowers his gun and snarls:
“Out of the car, Panda, I’ll deal with you later.”

***********************

He’s been driving for the last 20 minutes and you’ve been fighting of course. He keeps on pushing and shoving you in your sit and you are getting mad too.

“You touched him, I saw it!”

“Wha’?” you look puzzled. “When?”

“You touched his shoulder, I saw it!” and J shoves you again.

“For God’s sake, I didn’t even realize it. And stop pushing me!!!!” you shout, wanting to really hit him back right now.

“Shut up or I’m gonna kill you!!”

“Do it!!! Why don’t you do it instead of talking about it? DO IT !!!!”

His punch comes out of nowhere and it’s so strong that you hit your head against the window and you feel your eyes going in the back of your head.

“Shit! I didn’t mean to,” it’s the last thing you hear him say before you faint.

***********************
You wake up tight up to the chair with a massive headache. After adjusting your blurry vision, it looks like you are inside one of your warehouses.  You try to move and whimper in pain. Your arms hurt and you look down to see why: a bunch of bloody scrapes all over your forearms. Did he… did he just scratch you all over?!

You feel his lips kissing your neck from behind.

“Awww, you’re awake, Pumpkin? How are you feeling?”

You grunt, swallowing with difficulty, giving the Joker an evil glare as he comes in front of you.

“What exactly are you doing, J?” you squint your eyes, trying to free your hands.

“I told you I’m gonna  kill ya’, didn’t I?” he smirks, licking his lips. “Do you like my tattoos? I tried to improvise since you didn’t make it to the parlor. Sorry, no ink, just have my knife with me.”

You kick him in the shin, and he grunts, still awkwardly smiling.

“That hurt, Princess. Should you really be doing this?” he pulls your hair to the side and you bite his hand. “Ahhh, you’re sooo feisty! That’s why I like you,” he forcefully kisses you and you struggle to escape.

“Untie me, J, what got into you?!” you plead, very confused at the whole thing.

He doesn’t answer and goes behind you again. You turn your head to see what he’s doing and you see him grabbing scissors from the desk. He comes back in front of you.

“I always liked your… long…bright… red… hair… honey,”  the Joker pauses after each word, gathering your locks in a ponytail,” but you don’t need it when you’re dead, I’ll keep it as a souvenir.”

“Are you…J, don’t touch my hair! Don’t you dare!!!!!!!!!!!!”

You feel the scissors cutting and your hair is now just above your shoulders. You gasp in disbelief.

He holds your ponytail in his hand, satisfied, but his huge grin disappears when he takes another glance at your enraged face. You’re so mad you can’t utter a word.

“Dammit, you look even cuter with shorter hair!” he kicks you chair, annoyed, “Hold on, I have to regroup!” and he storms out of the room, locking the door behind.

Regroup?! WTF? Has he finally completely lost it? Is he really going to kill you? He probably wouldn’t dare, he would be screwed without you…but, something is very wrong, that’s for sure. He never acted like this before. You have to admit: at least it’s not a boring day. And at a slight first examination of your current situation, you realize it makes you irritated. Why did two messed up people like you had to get together?

Your thoughts are interrupted by Frost marching inside, quickly coming to you and trying to release you.

“I’ll just tell him you escaped, punch me really hard before you leave,” he pants, pulling on the ropes.

“Stop, stop, Frosty,” you finally say, smiling. “You would really do this for me?” He looks at you, a bit embarrassed.

“Yes, I would…I am, so go before he comes back!”

“Jonny, he would know you helped, and he would kill you. Just leave, I’ll deal with him.”

He’s puzzled.

“Are you sure? You seem…like you could use some help.”    Oh, yes, probably some bruises, the dry blood, the scrapes and short hair. Is it noticeable?!!!!

“I’m sure, go!”

He heads out and you make sure to let him know:

“I won’t forget this.”

Frost nods his head and leaves.

************************

You’ve been there for a couple hours and felt asleep, exhausted with all the unpredictable events you had to put up since this morning. The Joker brutally yanking at your dress wakes you up. He grumbles, frustrated, and cuts your ropes, then back to ripping your dress.

“I hate this dress,” he mutters while you struggle to push him away and make a run for it. You slap his hands and kick him with all you’ve got, trying to run past him when he trips you and you fall on the floor, immediately feeling his weight on top of you.

“Let me go, baby, stop it!!! What are you doing?” you ask, as he tries to pin your hands with one of his, using the other to rip another piece of fabric from your dress.

“Baby, baby, baby…” he imitates you, amused, blowing his now messy green hair from his face. “Stay still!”

“No!” you squirm under him, determined to fight with all you’ve got.

“Fine, wear this rag if it pleases you.” He suddenly stops his attack and digs in his pocket. Oh, hell, no! No more knife tattoos! you think, instinctively looking around the floor for something to smash his head with if he tries to cut you again.

The Joker forcefully grabs your left hand and you get ready to slap him with your free one when you realize he just put something on your ring finger.

“There!… Jeez, you really made me work for it, I’m tired,” he sighs, collapsing on you. You both pant and you don’t know what your next move should be. You bring your fingers close to your face and there it is: the biggest diamond ring you’ve ever seen, and you’ve seen a lot since you love stealing them all the time.

“J, what is this?”

“A ring, Y/N!” he breaths in your ear, lifting his head a bit. “Just say yes Princess, I’ve been through a lot today.”

“You…you’ve been through a lot??!!” you snap, wanting to strangle him on the spot.“Was all of this your plan to get my attention?!!? Just to give me the ring?!!”

He inhales, exasperated. “I had to do something special to prove I love you to death,” he sighs again, pressing your lips against yours, proud he got his point across. You break the kiss immediately.

“Is this your idea of a romantic proposal, you jerk?!!! You’ve punched me, “tattooed” my arms, cut my hair, and freaked me out thinking you’re gonna kill me…”

“Well, yeah,” the Joker stops your rant. “I knew you’d love it.”

You open your mouth in amazement.

“You’re a fucking lunatic, J !” you yell and the frown on your face makes his heart stop. He really thought this would be the coolest thing ever.

“Oh my God,” he buries his face in your neck and you feel him getting really tense. “Baby doll, did I fuck up?”

“Get off me! I’m out of here!”

“No, no, no,” he protests, kissing your neck again, still pinning you to the floor with his weight. “Don’t leave…” He suddenly looks at you again and you see his blue eyes checking you with concern.

OMG, he’s playing his I can’t live without you card.

“So, you’re not impressed…at all?” he whispers, now fully aware and scared he screwed up big time.

“Well, I kind of am,” you admit, “but not in the way you think and I’m pissed; you’ll have to make it up to me.”

“Anything, baby doll” he blurs out so fast before you finish your sentence. “I’ll let you do whatever you want,” he winks at you, relieved.

“I thought you’ll never offer,” you smirk with a devilish spark in your eyes. “First thing first :when was the last time you got a tattoo?”

Requested by the lovely  bebhemmo: “ Can you do joker x reader one where reader is an ordinary girl somehow ended up being kidnapped by joker. He tortured her until she tried to commit suicide one day. Joker found her unconscious in the bathroom and he started to realize he has feelings for her (she has feelings for him to) and realized what he had done so he cure her until she woke up and he apologize or something?” and anon that wanted jealous Joker. I combined the two and changed up things a bit to fit better. I hope you liked it.

Also read - MASTERLIST :

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist