laugh at your own jokes because no one else is

Pleasant Surprises

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Tags: lots of kissing, fingering, smut, public sex

Words: 2538

A/N: I’m sorry it’s been so long ):

Originally posted by zest-wincest

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Things They Don't Tell You About Having A System

Laughing for too long because the other one(s) cofronting are still laughing and you just c a n ’ t s t o p .

Finding you game save erased and replaced with one of your systemmate’s.

Systemmates waking you up to tell you a joke (usually a bad one).

Feeling like you only slept eight minutes after t w e l v e hours of sleep because everyone else was awake inside.

Systemmates purposefully making you laugh during serious situations/conversations.

Systemmates being able to have systems of their own.

Going on Netflix to find out one of them watched ahead on your show so now you have no idea where you were.

You can hear (hallucinate) voices that aren’t your systemmates and it makes you think you have new ones.

Sometimes your cofronting partner(s) can take partial control of the body so you hand will suddenly do something completely out of your control.

You’ve heard of fictives but there is a version of real life people called factives so you might randomly have a celebrity in your head.

Being woken up because someone else doesn’t like the texture/weight of the blanket.

You can have a completely opposite opinion than your systemmate and it can cause intense arguments.

Forced dormancy.

Animal systemmates are a thing.

Feelings can literally bleed throughout the system.

You can have factives of people in your life who abused you/treated you poorly.

The dysphoria when you are not the same gender as the body’s assigned gender.

You may not know who the original is, your whole system could have no idea.

You can have anywhere from one to thousands of systemmates.

[feel free to add on.]

- Eli and co.

Canon Cockles things that don't need tinhatting~

* Cockles boat ride/date and family outing 🙈
* Cockles ice cream/frisbee date 😆
* Cockles sunset pictures (some could be used for romantic book covers 🙊)
* Cockles crab trap stories AKA ‘family stories 😜
* Cockles stripping (Misha) and the other one apparently enjoying the show 😉
* Cockles spa date (I wonder if it was a gift from Jensen to Misha for his b-day or Danneel or Vicky’s idea) 😁
* Jensen basically calling Misha handsome in his b-day tweet 😅
* Jensen liking Misha’s new cologne and Misha making sure he approved 😜
* Cockles nicknames: Dmitri ‘bring it on’, Mish, Mishka 🐻 (fave), teddy bear, puppy, and Jackles and ‘aloha cowboy’ (I would love to hear Misha call Jensen a cute name)
* Cockles on stage kiss (actually two if we count the ‘fake kiss) 😚
* Cockles longing stares, whispering in ears and arm/shoulder touches 😃
* Cockles grinding on stage and Misha’s mischievous hand on Jensen’s jewels 😅
* Jensen possessively wrapping his arm around Misha’s waist 😱
* Cockles ass tapping 😋
* Jealous cockles, kinda with Matt and Sebastian 😏
* Jensen’s grabbing Misha’s hand and gently caressing it on Matt’s shoulder (Wiggles eyebrows, they should have an emoji for that 😶)
* Jared kinda outing Cockles with his multiple suggestive jokes lol ( God bless that big moose 🙏🏼)
*Cockles Twitter flirting 🔫
*Cockles bleeding to Destiel
*All the dirty jokes between Jensen and Misha in the bloopers (I’m crying because of all the ones we would never see 😭)
* Don’t get me started on octopus Jensen during cockles photo ops AND the unicorn laughs, also the whipped looks on their faces EWW! 😖
* Jensen’s accent kink (indiarussia anyone?)

* And how could I forget the Cockles on stage orgasm?! Well, it was Misha but Jensen’s eyes almost came out of his sockets, among other things 😅

What else am I forgetting? I know I’m forgetting plenty but I need to go back to sleep. Add your own if you remember any ~

Bye 👣

SVT’s reaction to their Girlfriend’s Dirty Joke

S.Coups: He would be surprised that you had a sense of humor like that, but then he ends up giving you that goofy boyfriend smile and laughs it off. Now he knows he doesn’t have to hold back his own dirty jokes. 

Jeonghan: Lowkey didn’t know you had a mouth like that on you, and spends the rest of the day imagining you saying dirty things to him in a very different kind of way…

Joshua: He’ll probably pretend to spray holy water at you until the date ends, but it’s all in good fun. If it was too dirty, Jisoos over here might need to go home and repent for imagining what you said in your joke with a little too much detail.

Jun: We all know he’s got some greasy-ass comments locked and loaded, so he doesn’t even miss a beat shooting an even dirtier joke at you. You spend the rest of the night making really gross jokes and laughing until no sound comes out. 

Hoshi: He’s honestly really relieved; he’s been trying to act really mature around you but now he knows he can joke around with you and not have you think he’s too ridiculous. (It doesn’t work and you still think he’s pretty ridiculous anyway)

Wonwoo: He lets out that deep rumbly chuckle of his and gently pushes your arm. Panics on the inside because he doesn’t have anything to say back and now feels pressured to find his own witty things to say and oh god what if you don’t think he’s funny, what if you think he’s boring what if - (you have to stop him from worrying too much by distracting him with something else, the poor lad)

Woozi: He just kind of rolls his eyes and goes back to what he’s doing. The joke would have to be really good for him to actually laugh, therefore making it a huge challenge for you. You haven’t cracked him yet, but one day. One. Day.

DK: He’s rolling around on the floor cracking up at what you said (it wasn’t even that funny) and he goes around repeating the joke all day, and you have to reign him in before he tells the dirty joke to someone who might actually get offended by it.

Mingyu: Bites his lip and somehow turns the joke you said into a smooth pick up line, mentally self-fiving himself for being so cool until he sneezes on you, making it a different kind of dirty situation. 

The8: He gets that smirk on his face- you know the one he always does when the other half of china line is being less than innocent while looking off into space like he’s on The Office and trying not to laugh too hard.

Seungkwan: He just looks at you really offended like “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Remind me to get some soap later to clean up your sense of humor, goddamn” but in reality he finds your joke pretty funny.

Vernon: He sighs and looks upon you like you’re a goddess. A goddess of dick jokes and ugly laughter, but a goddess nonetheless. 

Dino: He’d just turn into a statue after you told him your dirty joke. He didn’t know you had a mind like that and honestly he didn’t know how to feel other than flustered and embarrassed. It’d take him a little bit to go back to normal after that.

y’all need to chill

I wasn’t planning on ranting about this, but for some reason this has gotten out of hand, and some things need to be said before anyone else starts to get butt hurt. And let me be clear that the “you” who I’m addressing in this post isn’t directed at anyone specific. Are we good? Cool. 

First things first, you don’t know BTS. You didn’t spend the last 5+ years bonding with them, getting close, following dreams together, going through hardships together, and see each other grow. They’ve stated countless of times that they’re like real brothers and they’re the best of friends anybody could ask for. They support each other. The reason why they’ve been getting better and better throughout the years is because they help each other; they all have the same dream. You probably missed that while listening to over countless of songs that express how down they are for each other and can get through anything. Just because the members talk about certain things from their personal lives in front of a camera doesn’t mean you instantly know them, so stop acting like you do. Hate to break it to you, but at the end of the day, you are just a fan. You will never really know how they are off camera. Sorry that reality isn’t really working out for you. 

With that in mind, IT WAS A FUCKING JOKE. Do you honestly believe that Jin, who has known Jimin for years and practically helped raise him (just like Jungkook and Taehyung), would actually intend to hurt Jimin’s feelings? If Jin didn’t care about him, this group would’ve never worked out. Because, like I said, they support one another; nobody gets left behind. The two of them, and the rest of the members, were laughing. If Jin knew that what he said would really hurt Jimin’s feelings, he wouldn’t have said it in the first place. But the fact that he did shows that everyone was cool with it. And they probably joke around like that off camera when they’re at the dorms. Otherwise, again, he wouldn’t have said it. Yes, Jimin has expressed how he doesn’t like his weight, but you guys are acting as if Jin makes jokes about his weight all the fucking time. 

A lot of you also don’t seem to understand how a variety show works. You do realize that people say certain things on these type of shows to make it exciting and entertaining, right? Plus, the point of the game was to practically roast the other person; which was exactly what Jin did. HE EVEN APOLOGIZED RIGHT AFTER THEIR TURN WAS OVER. He most likely made the joke for the purpose of making their bit funny; not to mention that Jin was the spy all along, so of course he’s going to do things that would catch our attention because that was his mission all along. But it was one little thing that he said, and he immediately felt bad about it. Shouldn’t that already give away that Jin really cares about Jimin? 

Lastly, don’t be fucking hypocritical when the members literally do the exact same thing to Jin. His nickname is Pig Jin for crying out loud. Where were you when the members first started calling Jin that? That’s right, you didn’t say a goddamn thing. “Oh, but Jin always laughs about it! He knows its a joke!” BULLSHIT. If you’re using that kind of logic, then don’t be anal about him making jokes about Jimin’s weight. And how tf would you know that nickname doesn’t affect him? You don’t know him personally. You don’t know how he actually feels about himself as person. Stop acting like Jimin is the only one with insecurities. I’m not saying that Jin for sure has weight insecurities, but we’re all human; we all have things that we don’t like about ourselves. And maybe his weight is one of them. We will never know. But the fact that Jin laughs at the nickname is because its a joke between him and the other members; no one else. He knows the others don’t mean it. They’ve complimented countless of times that he is handsome, and the same goes for Jimin. 

Those of you who are saying that Jin was practically bullying Jimin really need to shut the fuck up. I don’t know any bully who makes a joke about someone that they’ve known for years and immediately apologize. The only reason why you’re getting upset for somebody else you don’t know is because you have your own insecurities. Maybe its not weight, but you probably know how it feels to be teased about something you don’t like about yourself. And listen, I’m not personally attacking you. In fact, I really don’t give a damn about how you feel. Because I don’t know you. To me, you’re just another person on their phone or computer. All I know is that you’ve got insecurities of your own that you have to figure out instead of projecting them onto Jin, who doesn’t even know of your existence. If you can’t tell the difference between bullying and joking around with friends, then you need to work on some personal growth. A.K.A grow tf up. Jimin is a grown man; he doesn’t need to be babied by you guys. I’m not saying you guys aren’t supporting him, but you aren’t exactly being his fan if you’re going to attack another member. If any other day, a random stranger comes up to Jimin and makes fun of his weight, then go ahead, support and back him up. But you need to understand the difference between somebody he doesn’t know commenting about his weight and somebody he’s close with commenting about his weight. Jin most likely knows everything about Jimin; you don’t

I love Jimin. There isn’t a single day where stop I thinking “Did he eat yet? Is he eating well? Is he getting enough sleep? He isn’t working too hard, is he?” I know he talks about his weight and how unhappy he is sometimes. He exhaust himself to the point where feels like dying. I care about him, and I appreciate everything that does for his fans. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about the other members. Jin is always working hard on his dancing, and over the years, he’s improved so fucking much. I can’t even put into words how proud I am of him, but also how worried I get when he pushes himself too hard. They both work hard because they both enjoy what they’re doing. And the best part about it is that they get to do it together. They love each like family. In fact, one of the best things I love the most about BTS is the bond that they share. It makes me so happy to see them smiling and having a good time with each other. Jin is the eldest hyung; he knows how to take care of each of his dongsaengs. He would never treat them as any less. And we all know how caring Jimin is to everyone; he always puts others before himself. They carry each other on their backs. They didn’t create this close relationship for nothing. They started together, and they’ll end together. And you’re gonna ruin everything that they built up together with a simple joke that you don’t agree with? ARMYs stan BTS as whole; not individually. 

What’s probably going to happen now is Jin is going to look at these types of comments online and apologize to Jimin over and over again because he feels bad for joking around with him. He’s gonna feel like he fucked up because of all of you who get overly-sensitive about things that aren’t about you. There are too many people now who get easily offended by the simplest things. Just because you got offended by what Jin said doesn’t mean Jimin did. And if you’re reading this and starting to get offended by this post, then congratulations; you’ve proved my point and this post is obviously meant for you. Because honestly, the point of this rant wasn’t to offend anybody. I could’ve chosen to have been nicer about this, but people are always getting babied and getting told off easy because they don’t like their feelings getting hurt. Again, idk who tf you are. But hey, if the shoe fits…

And I’m not going to tell you to stop supporting BTS and say that you’re not a real fan. I’m telling you shut up for a sec and think about what you’re saying. Grow up and look past your immature behavior. Realize that BTS are human too. They laugh, they cry, they get angry, and get excited just like you and I. But you have to understand that you don’t know them personally. And they don’t have to act a certain way just because they’re idols. I would rather have them be themselves than to act perfect all the time. 

To those who agree with me and aren’t getting offended, this post isn’t toward you and thanks for reading my long ass rant. To those who now believe that Jin is a straight-up bully, take a fucking chill pill, knock out for a few hours, come back, reevaluate your life, and continue supporting BTS.

before all the fanfics start lets get some obvious pitfalls of writing the losers:

richie is not always sweet, and is portrayed as insensitive and a little prejudiced. keep that in mind

stan, eddie, and mike all knew how to have fun and had it regularly. eddie loved funnybooks and jokes and wasnt a pure little angel who did no wrong. stan bought firecrackers off of a kid he went to synagogue with using his own funnybooks and had a very distinct sense of humor that no one else really understood, but it was there. mike laughed at richie so much it was ridiculous


just because stan doesnt practice judaism traditionally doesnt mean you can erase it, ESPECIALLY if youre not jewish. do research. dont be lazy.

this goes for black lives too when writing about mike because times were different then and things were obviously very distinct between black and white experience in the 1950-60s (and now too, obviously)

can we just all agree not to make fat stereotypes about ben just because stephen king lowkey did

beverly isnt a wilting flower and she can kick your ass so dont. write her as a damsel in distress please

stan and richie were best friends. take from that what you want to take

bill was blue-eyed and so was richie, and bill had freckles all over. not really as important but its good for reference. and bill and bev had red hair obviously. bill was described as very handsome (as i think mike was as well) so thats cool too

as a general rule, eddie isnt always as shy as you remember

richie’s mouth could only be controlled by stan and bill basically, he did not listen to people

more details to come

My dadsona is a dentist and he likes making dentist puns and jokes

my dadsona: 
Q: What do you call a dentist who doesn’t like tea? 
A: Denis.

and he kind of laughs at his own jokes and he does it when he’s working on a patient so they have to sit/lay there and listen. And the patient can’t respond or really laugh properly because Dr. Ed is working on their teeth and they can’t laugh with their mouth open. (has anyone else experienced that one dentist who kind of talks to you while they’re working on your teeth and you gargle some unintelligible response? well my dadsona is that kind of dentist.

BAP!boyfriend - Jongup

Yongguk | Himchan | Daehyun | YoungjaeZelo

Originally posted by jonqupism

•Cutest geek couple ever
•Video game date nights
•When a new super hero/Marvel/action movie comes out, you two are nearly first in line for the midnight screening
•You both have this remarkable ability to understand one another even when no one else does
•Comfortable silence
•Subtle but deep passion
•Neck kisses - not always done in a sensual way. Sometimes he’ll come up from behind with a hug and a kiss on your neck just to let you know how precious you are to him without trying to portray that with words that always seem to fail at truly expressing his feelings
•Shy blushes when you compliment him or surprise him with a kiss
•Super private relationship- even the other members won’t know about you for several months. This is not because he’s shy or ashamed of you, but because he likes to have some things that are separated from that part of his life
•He will eventually introduce you to his group when he feels that things are super serious with you. It’s basically like taking you to meet the family, so he wants to take that step in due time
•Coordinated Halloween costumes - Joker and Harley Quinn? Probably
•Thoughtful gifts while he’s away. Many don’t realize just how thoughtful he can be, but you will have no doubts when he comes home with a mixture of cute and useful gifts for you, all with an explanation of why he thought of you when he picked them up
•Many chill dates with movie/drama marathons and goodies that you had made together
•'No’ is hardly in his vocabulary when it comes to you
•Shy dance lessons, simply because it’s something he’s so passionate about, so sharing dances with you in like blatantly sharing a part of himself with you
•Surprising protective of you - glares generously dished out whenever he feels like your safety or wellbeing is threatened
•Mild bits of jealousy here and there, especially with his other members. He already has to share so much with them, it’ll be a point of annoyance to have to share you too
•Zoo dates, filled with you both cooing over the cuteness of the animals
•Amusement park dates, filled with you both seeking out the biggest adrenaline rush
•Most of your dates will include some kind of activity - ice skating, arcade competition, bowling, snowball fights…
•Your one pair of couples shirts was picked out and purchased by Himchan while he was third-wheeling on one of your dates - which he tends to like to do more often than you or Jongup would like, but neither of you have the heart to tell him
•His phone’s lock screen and background are pictures of you two posing together while on a vacation forever ago - probably taken by Himchan
•Absolute sucker for you playing with his hair
•He’d be shy about it, but he’ll sing to you any time you ask
•Your lap is his favorite pillow
•You guys are literally that super sweet, cute couple that all your friends vow to protect at all costs
•Lots of subtle skinship - He doesn’t necessarily need to hold your hand or have an arm around you ever second, but just having your knees touching while sitting next to one another kind of grounds him and keeps him relaxed with knowing his other half is near
•He sleeps best with your head on his chest
•Disagreements are rare, but whenever he’s not cool with something, his silence gets even louder
•Even with his silent tendencies, communication between the two of you is on point - there is no passive aggressive comments or subtle hints for anything, you both are very upfront about everything
•There is a point where you become literally the most important thing to him and he would give up everything for you, but he’s comforted in knowing you would never ask him to
•When you’re sick, there is no way in hell he’s leaving your side - He won’t hover, but he’d be close enough to get you anything you needed and keep a watchful eye on you to make sure you don’t get any worse
•He won’t admit it aloud, but one of his greatest fears is losing you
•Your opinion on just about anything is the most important thing to him - Ex. A new colour? The first thing he does is makes sure you like it
•Your relationship started as a simple friendship of shared interests and overtime grew to be much more before either of you even realized it. There may have been a little rough patch at that point while you both had to step back and accept that there was more than friendship between you
•That friendship resonates through your whole relationship - it is the foundation of your bond
•He gets incredibly shy when talking about you because even he is aware of how whipped he is and others pointing that out only cause more blushes
Overall~ There is kind of a puppy love-esque innocence to your relationship, but that’s only what it seems upon first glance.  Though you two are lighthearted with one another most of the time, especially while around others, it is incredibly obvious to those close to you that you love one another passionately.  There is an undeniable bond between you that goes much deeper than simple words of affection; you understand each other like no one else can. You have an unspoken understanding of what each other needs and you easily fulfill those needs without question - it just comes naturally to the both of you. And while there is this deep, passionate bond, there is still a beautiful playfulness to your relationship as well. You have a way of laughing together at running inside jokes that no one else could possibly understand; it’s like you’re on your own plane of existence at times. While others may mistake either of you to be naive because of this different thought process, it’s what brings the both of you closer.  There is no better way to describe your relationship other than simply stating that you complete one another. For each of your weaknesses, he has the strength to hold you up and carry you through any challenge you face while you return this same favor without question.  You are a couple to be envied and it’s simply because you both take things as they are and don’t bother trying to force anything that simply doesn’t need to be.


Originally posted by onlyabeautyandabeat

A/N: Let me know what you think ya’ll!!(:
Warnings: slight swearing, mention of smut, FLUFF

“Come on. Let’s just get out of here and do our own thing for a little while.” Justin’s hands had been working on the tight muscles of your upper back.

You flipped the page of a script, your manager had insisted you read right away.

“Justin I don’t know. I might have to do some reshoots in Atlanta next month.”

“That’s fine, we could make our way down there if you need to.” Justin switched positions so that he sat behind you, with his legs on either side of your body.

“Mhmmm.” You replied not actually giving him the answer he wanted.

“Y/N. You’re not even paying attention to me.”

He was right, you weren’t. You couldn’t help it, this script was actually fucking good. You were only halfway through the screenplay and it had all of your focus. You just had to be a part of this project. Suddenly, your shoulders are being shaken lightly.

Baaabe, listen to me.”

Looking back at him, you could see how annoyed and hurt he was that you weren’t playing a part in the conversation. So you placed your pen and highlighter where you left off and placed the script onto the wooden coffee table in front of you.

“Alright, I’m all yours.”

Keep reading

Gamer - jb imagine

A/N: from this post one, I’m going to be changing up the format that I normally write in. I’m not going to put the summary anymore, instead i’m going to put what the actual request says because I’m sure it’s a lot more easier both for you readers and me. :)

Pairing: Reader x Justin Bieber

Request: ‘Can you please do an imagine where your a gaming YouTuber and your playing a really scary game you don’t here Justin come in and he scares the living hell out of you?’

Warnings: language


“Alright, my favorite human beings in the world. You guys have literally been begging me to play this game called the ‘Scary Maze Game’ so, this livestream will probably contain of me screaming every ten seconds. Turn down your volume so your parents don’t think you’re doing something weird.” I joked, laughing at my own joke. I wasn’t easily scared but, I hated jump scares. Last time one of them happened, I punched my computer screen in. 

I typed into the search bar the name of the game and clicked on the first link. “I’m actually really scared right now. I’m literally the only person in my house. Justin’s out buying stuff.” I continued. I looked at the comments reading them. 

“’Or are you?’” I laughed, “You guys are really something else. By the way, I’m not just going to be playing this game because that’ll be boring. I’ll probably hop on GTA and show y'all my awesome moves.” I clicked the start button on the screen and the game began. “Okay, this isn’t so hard. Y'all don’t ever challenge me, I swear.” I was concentrated and fixated on the screen, trying to pass the level when a girls face popped up on the screen, screaming at me.

“Oh shit! What the hell?” I took a breather, clutching at my chest. That really caught me off guard. “What? That’s all? It wasn’t even that scary.” I scoffed, rolling my eyes. What’s an actual scary game?“ 

'Play the Slenderman game!’ one of the comments read. "Okay, we’re going to go with what PuppyLover234 (A/N: I apologize if this is your username on any platforms lol) said and play the Slenderman game. I’ve actually seen a lot of Youtubers play it so it should be interesting.” I smiled at the screen. I went to the game and began playing. “So far, so good." 

"This isn’t even scary, y'all really hate me that much to give me boring ass games.” I said, still playing the game. “Oh look, a note.” I read the note, trying to understand what it meant. “The hell does this mean?” My flashlight in the game began flickering. “Nah, y'all better chill! I’m not trying to die right now!” I allowed my character to turn around and see if anyone was following us. To my luck, nobody was. “Okay, we’re okay. We’re going to do just fine.” My character kept on walking and then, that’s when Slenderman popped into my view. 

“Shit, shit, shit! We gotta go y'all! I don’t want to die!” My character began running away and soon, Slenderman was nowhere in sight. “Jesus, that actually scared me.” I began reading the comments again because knowing my fans, they were probably making fun of me in the comments. 

Look out behind you! There’s someone behind you!!

Y/N, you better haul ass. There’s someone coming up behind you!

Giiiirrlll, you about to be dead meat 😂

“What are you guys even talking about?” I looked back at the game, moving my character around confusedly.  "There’s nobody even behind me.“ I felt a hand rest on my shoulder, scaring the shit out of me. I jumped out of my seat on instinct and began screaming bloody murder. "Stop! Don’t get any closer to me! I’ll give you whatever you want! Money, food, whatever!" 

"What the hell are you even going on about Y/N?” The voice spoke. It sounded awfully familiar. “I literally just came up to see what you were up to." 

"Justin?” I questioned, still panting. 

“The one and only.” He replied. Although it was dark in the room, I could literally see the smirk on his face. “You really should’ve saw your face Y/N. I hope I got that!" 

"Shut up!” I barked at him, getting up from the floor. “It’s not funny!" 

"That was hilarious!” Justin turned on the lights causing me to shield my eyes from the sudden change in lightning. “You know I’m a prankster and this’ll be awesome footage. What should I title it? Scaring my girlfriend: Gone Wrong?! She Almost Died!! Or what?" 

"You’re an asshole that’s what you are.” I sat back in my chair, adjusting my hair. “Well, that was just great and my character’s dead too. Even better." 

"I’m definitely uploading this tonight. Sorry for scaring you.” Justin apologized. 

“You don’t even mean it.” I huffed, folding my arms across my chest. “Just get out of my room so I can finish this livestream, please." 

"Your wish is my command.” He smirked. He ruffled my hair, messing it up after I just fixed it. What a dick. I watched as he walked to the bedroom door opening it. He soon questioned, “Want me to leave the lights on?" 

"Get. The. Hell. Out. Now!” I paused after each word, meaning every single thing. Justin put his hands up in defense, walking out the room like that. Thank God he was gone. I turned my attention back to my computer screen, sighing deeply. “I guess I’m going to log out now. I swear to God Justin is so annoying sometimes. But anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed the livestream as much as I did. See y'all-" 

Justin cut me off, "I meant to ask you what you wanted for-”

“Get out Justin!” I threw a book at the door, causing him to close it before it hit him. “As I was saying, see y'all later.” I held up a peace sign before signing out. I turned off the computer monitor and swung around in my computer to face my bedroom door when a person in a mask came into view. I shrieked in sheer terror.

“Oh my god, you’re so easy to scare Y/N.” Justin began laughing at me again, whilst taking off the mask. 

“You have five seconds,” I started. I was about to give this boy a piece of my damn mind.

“Five seconds 'til what?” Justin raised an eyebrow. 

“This.” I shot up from my chair, pouncing on Justin. I wrestled around with him and began tickling at his sides. 

“Y/N, p-please s-stop! I-I’m s-sorry!” He stuttered. Tears began rolling down his cheeks because he was laughing so hard. 

“What are you sorry for?” I continued my assault, me stopping was nowhere in sight. 

“F-for scaring you! Please j-just stop already!” He whined. I stopped tickling him as soon as I heard what I wanted. 

“I forgive you.” I smiled down at him, before booping him in the nose. To top things off, I punched him in his arm before getting up from on top of him. “Ouch what was that for?” He rubbed his arm, propping himself up on his other arm. 

“Nothing.” I shrugged my shoulders, leaving the room. I was going to get my revenge sooner or later.

Memoria (Part 2) -- Baekhyun

Part 01 / Part 02 / Part 03 / Part 04 / Part 05)

Sometimes it’s easy to forget.  Where you placed your keys, an early morning appointment, that TV show you’ve been meaning to watch.  But sometimes, even though you try to forget, your efforts are fruitless.

How is it that with only one encounter, a vampire has managed to steal all of your time?

It’s been over a week since the “incident” and your mind has been occupied with thoughts of Baekhyun every single day.  How he saved you, how he fucked you, how he smiled at you.  You’re sure that the way he treated you was nothing special, that he’s a seasoned veteran in seducing girls, but you just can’t. fucking. forget.

Work was the absolute pits tonight and all you want to do now that your shift is over is go home and crash, as is your usual routine, but in the end you decide to change it up.  Once you’re home you take a quick shower, style your hair, put on some makeup, and slip on the littlest black dress you own.

You can’t forget Baekhyun on your own so maybe what you need is a little help.

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Happiness Is...

GOT7′s JB / Jaebum ; fluff

“So what is happiness to you, Im Jaebum?”

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Written by: Hekate1308 for the destielficletchallenge

Word count: 5033

Prompt: Lay All Your Love On Me from Mamma Mia!




One word, two letters, one syllable, it has become your anthem, the truth you cling to, screaming at you, rolling around in your head –




You can’t, you can’t, it’s not right, what would Dad say, it’s not right, it’s wrong –

Blue eyes, piercing into yours, soft lips begging to be kissed, and what would it feel like to take a step forward and –




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anonymous asked:

ooh ooh ooh how about some smut where Harry gets you to give him a lapdance then he ties you down on the chair as he eats you out

I omitted the tying up bit, but the basic concept is still there, hope that’s okay! Thanks for requesting! <3

You sigh in relief as you slip your heels off after what feels like days in them, leaning on the wall for support. You can hear Harry rustling around behind you, removing his suit jacket and slipping his own shoes off. Glancing at him over your shoulder, you catch him staring at you, but instead of averting his gaze, Harry only grins and waggles his eyebrows at you.

“The only good things about that fancy gala were the free wine and you in that dress.” You laugh at his comment, reaching up to remove your heavy dangling earrings, a gift from the man across from you himself. 

“You look pretty nice yourself in that suit. You’re the only man in the world that can have your shirt unbuttoned like that without looking like a gigolo.” He crowds into your space before you even finish your sentence, and you all but purr into his mouth when he kisses you, tongue slipping easily past your lips. One Direction has just recently released the first single for their new album, along with new tour dates, and the past several days have been a blur of publicity and jetsetting. There hasn’t been a lot of time for the two of you to be alone without one or both of you falling asleep almost instantly. 

You have a feeling that won’t be the case tonight.

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I Fell Hard

I love you

I, who have seen your heart,

Every fiber that was put into soul

I love you

I love you for every fault

Every disaster, every sin

I want to share every moment

Good, bad, high, low

I’ll take your anger

Your frustration, your disappointment

As long as I can hoard everything else:

Those rare grins you give when you find something amusing

The even rarer smiles when everything is right in the world for one irreplaceable moment

When you laugh at your own jokes, even if no one else does

That infuriating smirk you think is attractive but isn’t

(It’s beautiful, it’s all beautiful, you’re beautiful, and I wish you would hurry up and realize it because maybe then you would love yourself as much as I do)

You are my hope

My faith

The dream I never knew I had

All the pieces—messy and bent and cracked and perfect—that that form the person standing before me

I love them all

I only wish you loved me too


Dirty Harry - Lap dance


You sigh in relief as you slip your heels off after what feels like days in them, leaning on the wall for support. You can hear Harry rustling around behind you, removing his suit jacket and slipping his own shoes off. Glancing at him over your shoulder, you catch him staring at you, but instead of averting his gaze, Harry only grins and waggles his eyebrows at you.

“The only good things about that fancy gala were the free wine and you in that dress.” You laugh at his comment, reaching up to remove your heavy dangling earrings, a gift from the man across from you himself. 

“You look pretty nice yourself in that suit. You’re the only man in the world that can have your shirt unbuttoned like that without looking like a gigolo.” He crowds into your space before you even finish your sentence, and you all but purr into his mouth when he kisses you, tongue slipping easily past your lips. One Direction has just recently released the first single for their new album, along with new tour dates, and the past several days have been a blur of publicity and jetsetting. There hasn’t been a lot of time for the two of you to be alone without one or both of you falling asleep almost instantly. 

You have a feeling that won’t be the case tonight.

“If I were a gigolo, you’d pay for me.” You lift your brows at him, pushing a little at his chest.

“Oh, look who’s so sure of himself.” Harry’s grin turns diabolical as his hands wander farther and farther south, settling on your ass.

“You would. You’d blow your whole savings for a night with me. Y’know why?” You reach up and play with an errant curl that’s been twisting around his ear all night.

“Because I’m desperate and I’ve lost all hope?” He squeezes your ass hard, making you yelp even as you laugh at your own joke.

“You think you’re funny,” he tries to sound stern but he’s giggling right along with you. “You’d pay for me because you know I’d treat you right. I’d fuck you like no one else could.” His words have shivers sliding down your spine, mostly because they’re true. You’ve never had a lover like Harry. To hide your reaction to him you push hard on his chest. Solid though he is, he’s caught off guard and a bit tipsy from all that free wine, and he stumbles back into the chair behind him. You try to wrestle out of his grip, but his hands have got your hips tight, and before you know it you’re sat on his lap, your back to his chest and his mouth to your ear. “Mm, hello, love. Looks like I’ve got you right where I want you.”

“Harry…” Your voice has gone a little breathy while his hot hands feel you out from your quivering thighs to just underneath your breasts. You squirm in his lap and the unmistakable heat and hardness of his erection makes you gasp.

“Do me a favor, kitten?” Harry murmurs against your neck, pressing his hips up against yours. “Grind on me?” You let out a little moan as you obey his request, Harry opening his legs wider to allow you more room. You work your ass in slow circles and figure eights over Harry’s crotch and listen to him groan in your ear, feel his hands tighten on your waist, your hips. “That’s it, baby, just like that…”

You gasp out his name as Harry’s hands bunch your dress up high on your hips, exposing your lacy panties and prompting you to move faster on him. He grips one of your breasts and squeezes, making you moan.

“I couldn’t keep my eyes off these all night, so fucking sexy.” His voice has dropped to a deep rasp as he sucks on your earlobe, and you buck your hips back hard into his at the same time that he brings his hips up to yours. By now the heat between you is almost stifling as you work yourself over him in your impromptu lapdance, the both of you writhing against each other, Harry groping at your breasts and your thighs and any part of you that he can grip onto, and it isn’t long before your panties are nearly soaked. 

“Harry…God, I’m so wet, I-” You break off when he grips onto your hair and pulls your head gently around to kiss you, the angle making it sloppy but no less potent. 

“Get up, love.” On shaky legs you follow his instructions, watching him with hooded eyes as he stands as well and maneuvers you until you’re the one sprawled back in the chair. You watch him with panting breath as he falls to his knees in front of you, eyes dark and determined as he peels your dress away from your shoulders and down your torso. The cups of your bra are drawn away from your skin and then it’s Harry’s lips and tongue and teeth on your nipples, suckling as you arch into him. “I didn’t care much for the food at that gala. I think I need something to eat before bed." 

You’d always made fun of Harry for his cheesy lines, but now you can only whine with need when he hikes your legs up high over his shoulders after tossing your panties who-knows-where. He inhales the scent of you and licks his lips, and the sight makes you latch onto his curls tightly before he’s even touched you. He shakes your hand off.

"Keep your hands to yourself tonight, okay, kitten?” You bite your lip in slight disappointment, but nod. When Harry’s head descends between your thighs, his face nuzzling into your pussy to tongue and suck eagerly at your clit and the wetness collected on your folds, you drop your head back and let out a loud moan. Restrained as you are, you still lose yourself in the way Harry uses his mouth expertly on you, writhing under his ministrations. 

He adds his fingers to the mix, sliding one, and then two, of his long digits up into you and pumping them in time with the long sucks and quick, licking flicks of your clit that he knows you love. Trembling, you beg him not to stop, feeling your orgasm rushing at you at full force, and it takes all you have not to bury your fingers into his hair and his shoulders and his arms as your hips buck up against his face and you cry out his name to the ceiling.

“I’m still not full yet, Y/N,” Harry whispers up to you, smirking with wet, red lips. “I’m going back for seconds.” You haven’t even caught your breath yet but it rushes out of you when he winks at you and lowers his head back down, and you clamp your eyes shut while your fingers dig into the chair beneath you, something like a squeal leaving your mouth. It’s going to be such a long night. 

anonymous asked:

How do I learn to love myself? How do I learn how to make myself happy?

You start to wake up earlier than you need to so that you can appreciate the sunrise. You work out so you feel healthy, not because you want to attract someone you’re interested in. You draw because you like to draw, or maybe run or write or whatever it is you’re interested in. You take yourself out for ice cream and you go to the beach to watch the sunset. You wear the clothes you’re comfortable and feel sexy in. You remind yourself of your accomplishments not just your failures. You learn to see your failures as room for improvement. You learn to love yourself for your best qualities, your eyes, your voice, your mind. And you learn to appreciate the qualities you saw as faults, your lack of symmetry. Those freckles. Your inability to do math in your head. You learn to do things for yourself and by yourself. There is a huge difference between lonely and alone. You learn to laugh at yourself and your own jokes. You live to please yourself and not others. You learn that you don’t need to lower yourself for any damn woman or man. You find someone who sees you as you are AND someone you’re becoming not just who you were. You should appreciate your growth and your struggles and they should too. You don’t settle for relationships, jobs, the car. You put your damn self first because you’re the one who’s going to be with you until you die and everyone else is just temporary. You find happiness in things you love for yourself and by yourself when everyone’s left you at the end of the day.