Okay a v important and fluffy thing I need Slippy input on immediately: Will and Hannibal bake a pie. It's a v important pie made with exactly zero people-derived ingredients. So like... really special stuff. ANYWAY, what sort of pie do they make? Does Will surprise Hannibal with his STELLAR pie making skills? Does Hannibal end up with a smudge of flour on his nose that Will doesn't tell him about because it's just that cute?
It is an apple pie. Just, like, a classic apple pie, lattice crust, cinnamon, it smells like magic while it’s baking. Hannibal wanted it to be some kind of very fancy thing with the apple slices layered in a big fancy rosette like this, give or take, but Will has Opinions about apple pies.
(I suspect that one of those opinions relates to the question of whether apple pie should have cheddar cheese on it, but to be perfectly honest, I have never had apple pie with cheese, so I don’t know whether it’s good and therefore am not sure what Will’s thoughts on it would be. My gut feeling is that Will is pro-cheese-on-apple-pie, but I’m willing to be wrong on this one.)
Will is a pretty good baker but not actually any good at pastry, so Hannibal makes the dough. Will is good at making the pastry pretty once it’s made, so he does the fluting and the latticework.
Hannibal slices a million apples in no time at all, with unnecessarily showy knifework, because of course he does. Also he probably insists on putting some weird not-pie-spice into the pie that Will protests vigorously. I don’t even know - turmeric or something. But it turns out to be perfect because of course it does, Hannibal is annoyingly always right about what flavors go together.
The flour does not end up on Hannibal’s nose, it ends up on Hannibal’s ass, a great big flour handprint in the shape of Will Graham’s grabby hands. Look, can you blame him? The Hannibooty was just so pert and adorable, peeking out under the primly tied bow of Hanners’ apron. Keeping his hands to himself wasn’t an option.
The pie is served with large helpings of vanilla ice cream, after dinner. It is delicious. The dogs get some ice cream but no pie.
Around 3 a.m. Will wakes up alone and makes his way down to the kitchen, where he finds Hannibal halfway through a late-night second helping of pie, sniffly and teary and basically just sitting in his kitchen all alone stewing in an excess of EMOTIONS about this PIE that they MADE, TOGETHER, because they’re HUSBANDS NOW and it’s all he’s ever wanted for the both of them.
Will is like, Hannibal, it was also all you ever wanted for the both of us last week when I picked up your drycleaning without being asked, and the week before that when we killed that asshole from the dogfighting ring, and three weeks ago it was all you ever wanted because I let you do that thing you really like to do with your tongue for an hour straight, and I just, you have to have some chill, not everything is grand opera, people don’t live like that, sometimes things have to be just low-key nice.
And Hannibal just takes another bite of pie and keeps sniffling and finally Will is just, god, FINE, okay, I see where this is going, do you want to feed me some pie, is that what it’s going to take to get you to calm down about this?
And that is how he ends up sitting on Hannibal’s lap in the kitchen at three in the morning being hand-fed bites of pie and ice cream, and it is high-key ridiculous, but that’s just his life now, and there are worse ways to go than being loved too much, really. Plus the pie is really good.
(I hope you’re feeling better this morning, friend. Also I know you have declared bruised/rimming to be the new hot trope, and I am intrigued by this notion and wish to subscribe to your newsletter, but I couldn’t quite work bruised/rimming into fluff/pie. I’m sorry. I would have, if I could.)