late-night-society

One day I won’t feel like this anymore. 

One day the pain will end, 
and I will be able to look up at the stars without wishing I was one of them.

One day I am going to be okay again,
and I will not let you tell me I won’t be.

—  darling my stars are falling {a.o}

1. when i saw you together it felt like ripping off a band aid. it was sore, and bitter, but it was quick. it was followed by relief. in finding her you had, without even realising, freed me. you had cut the ties that would usually tighten around my throat until i couldn’t breathe.


2. i used to damn the syllables of her name and now i praise them. she is not a bad person, she is just another girl that accepted the love you spritz in the same way i once did. i became less bitter when i stopped looking at her as a replacement, but instead as growth. me and you were not meant to be, and that’s okay. anything worth keeping would not have let me go.  


3. i am a girl that holds a world of morals. i loved you, but what’s not mine, is not mine. knowing you were no longer available freed so much space in my heart. space i used for recovery. you liked my long hair, so i cut it. you liked when i wore yellow, so i wore blue. and it suited me better. i became the me i wanted to be instead of the me that wanted to impress you. 


4. i really hope you change for her. i hope that when you touch her you are gentle, that your kisses are filled with love and your hands create warmth along the thin skin of her body. i hope she never goes to sleep at night questioning your intentions the way i once did. i hope you make her so happy. as happy as you once made me; maybe even as happy as i am without you.

—  i moved on and i mean it when i say i wish you so much happiness (ro)
I know society tells you he’s perfect, he treats you right and he’s always there for you. I know your parents think he’s the one, he’s nice and you’re so happy when you’re with him. I know your friends all wish they had a guy like him, he listens and he’s such a romantic. I know your brain tells you to love him, he makes you feel safe and you make sense together. But what does your heart say? Because feelings can’t hide from your heart and even when you’re too scared to accept it, your heart knows.
—  Listen up.
1. If you have people that really care about you, don’t you dare let them go.
2. Some days, your emotions may rise to the surface regardless of how hard you try to act like you don’t have them. You might even find that tears want to fall. Let them.
3. Taking time to be with yourself is essential. Go ahead and skip that group outing, stay home and binge watch whatever you want, read that book you’ve been putting off. It’s cool to get to know yourself, the person you are when you’re alone.
4. Music can help get you through anything.
5. Don’t overwork yourself. Your grades don’t matter as much as you’ve been taught that they do. What really matters is doing the best you can. 
6. Sometimes you’re going to have to lose people you thought you were close to. It might hurt, but that’s okay. That’s way better than holding on to people that only seem to manage to break you.
7. Smiling is good for you.
8. Laughing is even better.
9. Spreading love is a must. There’s more than enough hate in this world, and you never know what someone is going through. A kind word may change someone’s life.
10. You matter.
—  10 things 2016 taught me. // Maxwell Diawuoh, Once A Day (366/366)

I sit up on the edge of my bed 
and let my thoughts overwhelm me
I am so aware of human absence
in this moment
I can hear the sound 
of a sparrow crooning outside, 
and this seems such a sad thing
But I cannot pinpoint why

My mind is clogged with
the ways in which people suffer 
through no fault of their own
I glance at the bird 
as he shyly flutters away
and I catch my hazy reflection
in the window
I feel nothing. 

09/11/16

Let me tell you my sick thoughts:
I think about drugs
I think about black eyes and pretty dresses and slipping out of this world quietly
I think about the parties, but they’re coated in sin
And sin is all I become
Body on body
Eyes that tell me where to go
How to lye, fading out, I become when I let go
I thought I was going up
But now I’m coming down
I find my feet but the clocks go fast and soon again I close my eyes
I wake, I become, it does not last.

Don’t ever choose me if you already have another choice. I refuse to be the girl you left behind when you feel you make the wrong choice.
—  Late night thoughts #51
When someone dares to open up to you, understand that this isn’t easy.
It isn’t every day that they get the courage to show people the darkness that curls itself around them at night, yet in that moment they have it and are trusting that you won’t make them regret willingly removing their filter.
They’re trusting that you won’t be like the others that made them need one in the first place.
—  Don’t make them regret it. // Maxwell Diawuoh, Once A Day (357/366)

sometimes holding 

onto a person and 

holding onto the feelings 

you have for that person 

are two very very different feelings 

and sometimes both of them 

hurt you very very much

“Nobody likes brown eyes,” she sighed.

I swept her hair back with my fingertips and stared in disbelief.

If only she knew I was drowning in those endless caramel oceans.

If only she knew the loveliness of their warm, entrancing depths.

If only she knew my heart stopped dead when I saw the sunrise wake them.

But she didn’t know all of that, and all I could do was shake my head and tell her she was wrong, entirely lost in those deep brown eyes and entirely unable to find the words to say so.


- Z.M. (Moments I Wish I Could Live In Forever #1)

Lift your eyes

With great caution
When meeting a woman’s,
Because what you find
Living inside her soul
May bring you to your knees
Just by the weight of it.
Women, like my mothers,
Have strong backs
To carry great loads.
But women,
Like camels,
Have a final straw.
So be very cautious
When lifting your eyes
To meet a woman’s.

08/10/16

There are so many other types of bad that I could have become, but I didn’t. I love art, music, stars, feeling nostalgic. I love people who have depth, who are dark and twisted and contain so many secrets you want to write a book about them. I sometimes consume these people, I fall into their presence and wait to see what they do inside me in the hopes I might make it out alive and write about it. Tell people, make them understand or feel understood. I want to talk about the shit no one talks about.. feelings, drugs, soul, potential, the sickness of the brain. I want to shake the world from its roots and get it dancing as if in an ecstasy. I want to shock people with the truth, the truth about being bad.