late to the punchline

There is an alternate universe where Hillary Clinton is president. There is no threat of nuclear war with North Korea. There are no Nazi marches. There is no wide-ranging investigation at the highest levels of government into Russian interference in the presidential election. Basic fundamental rights and freedoms are not under attack. The healthcare conversation is about how to improve Obamacare, not strip millions of health insurance because fuck poor people. America is respected and even admired for finally breaking its glass ceiling. President Clinton has reaffirmed the USA’s commitment to the Paris Accord and had a historic photo op with Theresa May and Angela Merkel. Donald Trump is just a punchline on late night TV shows, and not someone with the ability to do such damage to the entire earth’s population. America is stable and altogether, doing pretty well. It still has its long ingrained problems, but it’s not teetering on the edge of total deconstruction and downfall.

“Boy,” say the fortunate citizens of this happy place. “Good thing he didn’t win, huh? I don’t even want to imagine it.”

This is not a perfect alternate universe. The House and Senate GOP are running the Find a Scandal Obstruction Machine nonstop. The media obsesses on tearing her down. All the talk is about who will run against her in 2020. The people who hated her before still hate her now. The left wing writes angry editorials and blog posts about the ways in which she is not being progressive enough. She is constantly judged for not fulfilling her full slate of campaign promises in 8 months. And so on.

But you know, elections don’t matter, and both sides are the same.

things I laugh & then get sad about:

alicia and bob were both pretty prominent celebrities, so it’s very likely that her pregnancy was closely followed. I can’t even imagine all the jokes about the beautiful/perfect baby they would make, all the people reading every magazine article about the pregnancy. poring over every photo of alicia’s gorgeous maternity clothes. bad bob does about a million interviews about how excited he is, how ready he is to be a dad.

and then jack is born.

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“We are late bloomers”

They are the good souls amongst the servants of the famous series “Downton Abbey”. A meeting with cook Mrs Patmore and housekeeper Mrs Hughes.
You could sit with them in a local pub or have a picnic. Lesley Nicol, born 1953, and Phyllis Logan, born 1956, are two outgoing Brits who are still amazed that half of the world is interested in them and their show. Including the Duchess of Cambridge, Michelle Obama and George Clooney.
Strictly speaking, their names only mean something to the biggest fans. But they are much more present in their “Downton Abbey” roles. In the series, the residents of the impressive manor (the show is set around the First World War) have to deal with the fast approaching modern times and the changes of british society. But so far the separation between upstairs, the world of the aristocratic Crawley family, and the downstairs servants, stays intact. In their roles, Nicol and Logan are two of the main characters downstairs. Nicol plays Mrs Patmore, the cook. Logan is Mrs Hughes, the housekeeper. Patmore has a big heart and knows why she has to be strict with her kitchen maids: her cooking represents the Crawley family, it’s their business card. During the course of the series she becomes friends with Mrs Hughes who’s also not a very relaxed character but loyal and discreet. Whoever has a problem at Downton best talks to Mrs Hughes.
Maybe the success of Downton Abbey can be explained by our love to watch people have a relaxed cup of tea while we are used to drink coffee, drive a car and check our e-mails at the same time. Maybe it’s the punchlines that are perfect for each character. Although sometimes they are better suited for a different character than originally planned, as Nicol and Logan tell us during the interview at the Hamburg “Hyatt” Hotel. We are sitting on a comfortable couch and are having some water. “Frizzante? What’s Frizzante?” Nicol asks and looks at the bottle of water in front of us. Or is it the british aristocracy that fascinates fans of “Downton Abbey”?

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Preference #003

He hates it when you…

Damon Salvatore

 completely ignore what he tells you when danger’s around

Like his brother, your moral compass is very strong. You always understand why Damon tells you to go to his house and stay put until everyone else takes care of the threat, but that’s just not how you like to work. You aren’t able to sit back with a guilt free conscience while your friends are risking their lives. So half the time, you sneak out behind his back and go help out, even if you get hurt. You know how furious and worried it makes him, but it’s just how you are. You won’t ever change that part of yourself for him. 

Stefan Salvatore

 act like you don’t have emotions when you’re upset

You don’t cry. You don’t scream or yell. If you’re hurt emotionally, you just… go on as if nothing is wrong. Even if you should have a proper reaction, you don’t like feeling all of the hurt, so you just act like you don’t. Most of the time that works. That is until Stefan brings it up to you, and you have to face reality. Even then, though. You’re constantly trying to get out of those conversations. It bugs him to no end how you won’t let yourself feel and ultimately heal in time. Pent up emotion is never good for you, is what he says to you the most when you’re like that. 

Klaus Mikaelson

  make sarcastic and belittling comments about him

You never really mean it in a demeaning way. You’re just… sarcastic. Yeah, that’s it. Sure, sometimes your snide comments can get strike a nerve, and most of the time, it results in Klaus yelling at you to get out of the room if you can’t be quiet, but you never really mean to hurt him with anything you say. Sometimes, you just can’t keep your mouth shut when you have the opportunity to make someone look like a dumbass. And when it’s not him, Klaus finds it amusing. Yet when it is him, he gets dark and broody. 

Elijah Mikaelson

 hang around his family too much

Especially Kol and Klaus. He doesn’t quite mind your and Rebekah’s friendship. But when you and Kol get together for drinks, or you sit on the sofa and watch Klaus paint, it agitates him. You’ve asked him why thousands of times, and even wondered in privacy if it’s because he doesn’t trust you. But it all comes down to the fact that Elijah doesn’t like sharing you, least of all with his brothers. 

Kol Mikaelson

↳ steal his clothes and don’t give them back

Don’t get him wrong. He finds it unbelievably sexy when he wakes up to see you wearing his t-shirt and boxers, and it is rather adorable to see his coat almost swallow you whole. But you have a bad habit of “borrowing” his jackets and shirts and telling him that you’ll wash them for him… before forgetting to give them back to him. Most of this is due to your hatred of folding laundry. So half of his clothes are sitting in a pile in your laundry room. He knows that you aren’t holding his clothes hostage on purpose, which is why he’s never brought the subject up. Though, it is annoying to him when he wants to wear a certain shirt and has to go all the way to your house to find it. 

Jeremy Gilbert

 act as if he were a child

While technically you may be older than him, he still doesn’t like it when you make the offhand comment about his age. Whether it be a joke about dating a younger guy, or actually telling him that he’s too young to do or say something, he can’t stand it. You know how sensitive about his age in your relationship, so usually you try to be mindful of what you say, but sometimes the comments just slip out. 

Tyler Lockwood

 joke about his werewolf gene

It really started out by asking him if he was ready for the time of the month one day. Then the jokes progressed to calling him ‘puppy dog’ and so forth. You know it annoys him, but he’s never told you how much it actually grates on his nerves to have the most sensitive topic in his life flippantly thrown around as if it were a stand up comedian’s punchline. Though lately, you’ve noticed how much he frowns when you mention him being a werewolf. But you don’t mean any harm, so it’s alright. …right? 

Alaric Saltzman

get too involved with vampires

Some vampires are okay. Damon Salvatore? Hell of a guy. Stefan Salvatore? Good man. Caroline Forbes? Sweet girl. But when you tend to pry into how to become a vampire, ad what it’s like, he gets anxious. All he wants is a half way normal relationship, and not a repeat of what happened with Isobel. And he told you that. But you can’t always help it if your interest is piqued by some random fact about the vampire species you didn’t know before. 

If you would like to suggest a preference, go here!

The little girl pictured here was named Kycie Jai Terry, and she lived in Utah. In January, she was misdiagnosed with the flu and strep throat, when she actually had Type 1 Diabetes. Her family didn’t find out until she lost consciousness and her blood sugar reached 1148 mg/dl, when normal readings are from 80-120. It’s amazing that she survived at all – my blood sugar was 602 at diagnosis, and I was put in the ICU. To be twice as high is unimaginable.

Kycie suffered severe brain trauma and was hospitalized for months. She never regained the ability to walk independently or speak. But as she started to slowly recuperate, her family began to advocate for T1 diabetes awareness. They put an incredible amount of energy into publicizing the severity of T1 as well as their symptoms, which are often ignored or dismissed because they don’t initially seem severe or dangerous. The family received a number of testimonies from families with young children, and were told that their advocacy taught others to recognize the symptoms and catch the disease before it was too late.

Diabetes is not a punchline to those inane math problem jokes about the kid who eats too many candy bars. Diabetes is not a character flaw, or the result of one. Diabetes is a life and death matter. Diabetes affects every aspect of people’s lives – diabetics and caretakers alike – for those lucky enough to be diagnosed in time.

Yesterday, Kycie passed away from complications of pneumonia.

I just wanted to share this to let people see this amazing girl, and the incredible actions of her family. Their advocacy has saved lives, and will continue too as long as people keep sharing Kycie’s story.

So if you get the chance, look at her page and learn about her story. Even better, learn about the symptoms and effects of T1, if you don’t already know. And please, think before you make a joke about diabetes being for fat or lazy people. That couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Rest in peace, Kycie.

anonymous asked:

idk if this is an unpopular opinion but nicki minaj is better than eminem and i don't why he gets so much respect for his work when her stuff is like. literally art. like it's a You Know Why thing but she's a brilliant artist

tbh i like onika’s songs on more of a personal level than on a talent level? she’s talented but lately her punchline-heavy stuff has gotten tired to me (i still lsiten to it im fake.). i only like……. 4 eminem songs tbh i dont like him as an artist/person so:

nicki > eminem

The self-portrait: Swallowing glass chips to stay interesting. Keeping my insides cut so at least something comes out when I open my mouth. Spitting up blood. Calling it poetry. Calling it a performance. Calling it everything but what it is. Self-deprecation for the sake of humility. Self-dissolution to keep them guessing. Playing the same game until it stops becoming one. Turning tricks until they become habit. Here are some jokes I’ve made so many times they’ve lost their punchline: Texting late at night, check. Bleeding dirty thoughts and regret. Throwing up and forgetting the mess. Getting thin out of pure neglect. Check. Check. Check. This isn’t a way to grow up, but what else is there? Nice house? Nice car? Nice mouth? Nice girl? Wait. Didn’t you used to be such a nice girl? (I stole that line right out of the mouth of the concerned aunt who gave me a once-over last Christmas.) Let’s try this again. Nice girl. Nice girls don’t stay out late. They don’t forget their friends. They don’t drop everything and move for the sake of adventure. Nice girls don’t lie in the middle of the street and call it therapy. They don’t know how to become ghosts in two seconds flat. Nice girl. What happened to her? Killed her. Cursed her. Kept her hungry in the basement for so long that she gave up and went home. Pushed her aside and cared for poetry, coffee, and burnt curtains instead. Nice girl. Why don’t you call her up again? Ask her where she’s been? Ah, but where’s the fun in that?
—  The Self-Portrait | Lora Mathis 
It’s good fun writing like you’re insane 

anonymous asked:

yo YO i cry about remus lupin a lot so like this guy has really really bad memories of when he was attacked (in the middle of the heckin night when he was four years old!!!) like he's always been uncomfortable with the dark but it's pretty unavoidable. talk to me abt this

Remus John Lupin is afraid of the dark.

James discovered this the second month of school, when he woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of Remus crying. He wasn’t sure what was wrong, but he knew that something must be seriously wrong if his tiny, snarky classmate were that distressed. So, ever the bold and matter-of-fact child, he snuck over to Remus’s bed and slid under the covers.

Remus was startled at first, but when he realised it was just the loud boy (Jim? Jack?) from the bed next to his, he relaxed slightly.

“It’s the dark, right?” James whispered surprisingly discreetly.


“It’s the dark. That’s why you’re crying, right? Mr. Pureblood over there was the same way for the first week–I think his parents used to lock him in a closet or something. And it is awfully dark lately.”

Remus was silent, waiting for the conspicuously absent punchline. He was eleven years old, after all, and not many eleven year old boys would be very understanding of one of their classmates crying because of the–

“Want me to show you a trick?” The boy’s glasses glinted slightly in the near-pitch dark, and Remus could just see that his eyes were wide open and–well, sincere.

“Trick?” He wiped his face with the back of his hand, the tears slowly stopping their progress down his cheeks.

Lumos,” the boy whspered. Suddenly, Remus could see that he was holding his wand out. The tip glowed softly, illuminating most of the bed, and casting a soft light on the first years’ faces. “Better?”

“Yeah. Thanks,” Remus sniffed. Despite he found himself intrigued by the boy in spite of his habitual stand-offishness. “Is that a spell? Lumos?”

“Yeah. My mum taught me when I was little. And you just say ‘nox’ to turn it off.” He set his wand on the blanket. “Want me to leave this here?”

“Erm, actually, I mean, you probably don’t want to leave your wand behind…it’s ok, really.” Remus snuggled further under the covers, shivering at the thought of the darkness enveloping him once again.

“Fine. Scoot over, mate.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m not leaving you alone in the dark. Scoot over.”

“O–kay. Er, by the way…what’s your name?”

“James. And you should know, I snore.”

Re: RDJ, MTV Movie Awards

Really though, that was a good speech.  

Nothing super new (he gave a similar one at the Kids Choice Awards last year when he was inspiring kids).

But it was very good in that it briefly (and in a PG way) catalogued what he actually went through from the moment he started his career 30 years ago – the “struggled, failed, begged for second chances” etc., etc.

I especially like the winks at partying too much and snorting coke.

Like, look guys– him earning shitloads from Marvel, being loved by the masses and studio executives, or being a favorite, didn’t happen overnight.

It took him over thirty years to get where he is right now, where he had way more downs than ups.

As recently as 2006-2007, he was still a late-night punchline.  (Hell, if I remember correctly, Chelsea Handler had a stand-up routine in 2008 when she was ragging on him.)

Thirty fucking years.

I think a lot of you guys here on Tumblr forget that and all you see is the flamboyance, the showiness, the money, or the super confidence.  Some of you hate him for that, some of you love him for it.

Either way, he’s really a helluva lot more than that.