Julia Louis-Dreyfus struggles to address the nation in the Veep season 5 teaser

Campaigning for the presidency is rough enough, but campaigning after a tie? Even worse, it seems.

Hi my name is Johannes Chryso’stomus Wolfgangus Theophilus Mozart and i have brown hair that I wear a wig on (that’s not how i got my name) with a red ribbon in the back and icy grey eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Papa Haydn (AN: if u don’t know who he is, get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Joseph Hayden but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a musician and I play the violin and clavier. I have pale white skin. I’m also a composer and I perform my works in a music town called Vienna in Austria where I’m pretty popular (I’m 25). I’m a classical composer (in case u couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly red. I love elegant clothing and I always wear it. For example, today I was wearing a red pelisse and cocked hat, my white wig, stockings, breeches, and heeled shoes. I was walking outside the Emperor Joseph’s palace. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. Antonio Salieri stared at me. I put up my middle finger at him. 


Imagine #131 FIFA loser

I was staying at Neymar’s place for the weekend, since I was free from university and Neymar was given a rest for the game. As usually, he was still sleeping when I woke up. I was used waking up early to go have lessons, meanwhile this lazy boy slept everyday until 10am.

I decided to get in the kitchen and talk a little with Marcela, since she was already preparing breakfast for Neymar. She was always nice with me and giving me delicious food.

“Morning (y/n), up already?” She smiled as I hugged her still sleepy.

“Hey. Yes, I can’t sleep, don’t know how he can sleep this much.”

“Well you probably got him tired last night.” She joked and we both laughed. Because it might be the reason.

“What are you preparing?” I asked looking around the kitchen.

“He did tell me you will be sleeping here so I made a few different plates, because I don’t know what you would like. But here, you can already serve yourself, I just finished.”

“You are the best, but I feel so bad getting all this from you when I am no one” I said feeling guilty.

“You are Neymar’s girlfriend so for me you are like a sister.” She smiled and I hugged her for this kind words.

“C’mon get yourself something and come give me some company.” I said and she did take a plate and sit with me.

We talked for a while; she told me how she got here and now works for Neymar and then how she is with her dating life. I was with Neymar for about seven months, but I never managed to talk this much with her, because he was either always around or I was not able to get some free time and spent a few days at his place.

“Oh look who is having fun here.” Neymar suddenly came in the kitchen in nothing but his shorts. He firstly walked to me and placed a sweet kiss on my lips, and then he went to Marcela and kissed her cheek.

“Well you are the one who sleeps the entire morning,” I said as he went to get himself some food.

“You shouldn’t have let your girlfriend be alone like this,” Marcela joked with him.

“She was with you. To be hones I was the one who was left alone. I woke up in an empty bed, which kind of hurt me.” He said as he sit next to me. I knew he was joking, just to get my attention while I was on my phone checking social media.

“Oh my poor baby” I said as I got up and hugged him from behind resting my chin on his shoulder and kissed his cheek. Then he took my hand and placed me on his knees, so I was sitting on him, while he was eating.

“You two are so cute; can I take a picture of you and post it on Instagram?” Marcela asked and we were okay with it.

“Young love, so happy for this two.”

“What’s the plan for today?” I asked while he was still eating, but I sit down on my chair so he would actually eat normally.

“Whatever you want to do.” He said grabbing another bite.

“To be honest, outside is raining a lot so there is not much options. We could stay inside and just chill.”

“I’m all about Netflix and chill, if you know what I mean.” He laughed and winked at me, then looked at Marcela, who face palmed laughing at his stupid jokes.

“I’m going to leave then, I don’t think I want to hear that.” She said.

“You can join us tho.” I said as me and Neymar started laughing and she looked shocked, “I am totally joking with you. I love you, but I still don’t like to share.” As I said that I got um and hugged her since she was shocked.

“No, but I have to leave anyways.”

“For lunch I will order pizza so you don’t have to come.” Neymar smiled and placed his plate in the washing machine.

After a while, Marcela went home and it was just Neymar and me. He sit on the sofa and grabbed his console to play FIFA. As he did that, I realized that I never played FIFA with him, not once in seven months.

“I want to play to!” I said and grabbed the other console.

“You sure?” he asked, as if I was about to be killed.

“You are going to regret this Ney.” I said and made myself comfortable. He was so sure he was going to win, but he did not know that Marc, who was my best friend since we were 10 years old always teach me how to play and there were plenty of times that I won.

“Oh someone is confident about this.” Neymar said excited.

“You’ll be surprised.” I said as we finally started playing.

He was shocked and surprised to see how good I was. I managed to score twice and so did he. However, in the last two minutes, I scored the winning goal and as I did that, I jumped up and he covered himself with his hands and gently threw his console on the table.

“Who just lost?” I laughed in his face, hoping he would not get this too seriously.

“You were just lucky.” He said annoyed.

I immediately grabbed my phone and made a selfie with the screen on TV, where it showed the score and the fact that I won.

Then I took his phone, since I knew his password and opened his snapchat. I made a video showing the result and then walked to Neymar who was sitting covering himself, while I was saying that he just lost to me.

I noticed how upset he actually was about this, because he was one of the most competitive people I knew, so I walked to him and hugged him.

“Babeee” I said hoping he would stop being so angry about it.

“How did you do that?”

“I played FIFA with Marc since we were kinds” I smiled and kissed his cheek.

“Did you post the photo on Instagram?” He asked as he suddenly noticed his phone getting many notifications.

“No, I just sent it to Marc.” I said confused.

Well I sent it to Marc, but he posted it on Instagram, “Can’t believe @neymarjr got beaten in FIFA by his girl! You suck man! Hahaha ”

You mad about it; I can tell him to delete it.” I said feeling guilty.

“Nah, it was on for five minutes already so. However you do owe me something as an apologize.”

“And what is that?”

“I want you to give me your phone and I can tweet something, whatever I want.”

I rolled my eyes, but I was feeling bad for him so I did as he said and gave him my phone.

“My boyfriend is the best football player in the world, not to mention that he is amazing in bed and that he makes me happy every second of the day.”

“You are so stupid.” I said laughing, because I knew my followers would know he was writing this, “however you did wrote the truth” I smiled and got on top of him sitting on his lap and kissed him.

I was happy he did not take it to seriously, however his teammates did repost Marc’s post and wrote different comments making fun of him.

“(y/n) I just want you to know, that I will get my revenge, because I can assure you that I’m better at FIFA.” Neymar said once we got in bed, he was still not over this after the entire day.

“As you want.” I said and got in bed, laying in to his arms.

Suddenly Neymar got a text and he rolled his eyes and showed it to me. It was from Messi,

“I heard you got beaten in FIFA from (y/n), that sucks man! I’m sure you might win if you get the game in easy mode. Good night, ps. Antonella says she is proud of (y/n)”

I am so going to get my revenge,” he said smiling, so I knew he was not angry at me.

“Let me make it up for you” I said as I got on top of him and threw away my shirt and started kissing him passionately.

“I might forgive you now.” He joked as he kissed me back.
I'm a little T Pot<>

Back in ma day I could see what I make with cmake.

q: How do you like your meat? a: Fully compiled.

LPT: exercise in binary makes it easier to do 100 push ups.

my last joke for today:

I'm a little T pot<short> and stout. Here is my instance. Here is my type. When I get all compiled, Read my log! Just fix the error And try again 
submitted by /u/Dr_funny_guy
[link] [comments] via Programmer Humor

it took me 4729 years but I’m finally, finally, FINALLY finished with lady chat noir. there are little impurrfections here or there, but honestly i’m so happy with how it turned out (*ΦωΦ*)

I’ll be wearing chat friday evening & saturday at katsu–and I’ll be handing out valentines! Hope to meet some more miraculers this weekend❤️🐞

This episode is so unrealistic! What old person knows how to use an ipad?

Bruno Mars vs. All Time Low

Bruno Mars: Today I don’t feel like doing anything. I just wanna lay in my bed. Don’t feel like picking up my phone so leave a message at the tone. ‘Cause today I swear I’m not doing anything.

All Time Low: Caught in a cold sweat, stuck splitting hairs. I’m drinking too much I’m on my way to striking out. Go to sleep with the pressure of everyone watching and waiting they’re yours for the taking but I still have my doubts. Before you ask which way to go, remember where you’ve been. Stay awake, get a grip and get out your safe from the weight of the world.

Now tell me, who’s the better artist?