Mother-in-law shared her honest opinion of me. I hope she enjoys her relationship with her son and grandchildren.
I met my husband when we were 17. We got married several years later and just celebrated our 20th anniversary. I know this man, I have seen how much he remembers things.
My relationship with his father was always tense. With his mother, it seemed we were close but about 7 years ago I realized she had never and would never consider me part of the family (this was at the point my husband and I had spent half our lives together, with a great future foreseen). I acknowledged the issue and tried to move ahead in a positive way to support my husband and allow my children to have access to their grandparents.
Last Christmas there was a HUGE blow-up at the in-laws’ house. His father started in on me, then his sister and finally his mom. When my hubby walked out of the room to pack our things and go home early (a 2 hour drive), his mother took a moment to say some of the most horrible things about me I have ever heard. Things about my personality, my parenting skills, my friendships, even my mother and sisters.
I admit, I responded with one very unladylike sentence.
Since that day, I have not contacted her nor communicated with her. The revenge though has been sweet: the boy she raised, who married me and has become an amazing man, is now in charge of the relationship with his parents. This means he (not I) sets up visits, buys and sends birthday cards, calls them every week or two.
Because you see, this wonderful man is extremely forgetful and doesn’t plan ahead well. ADHD can be difficult that way. Every few weeks for 9 months I have heard him say things like, “Oh shoot, last week was their anniversary, wasn’t it? I forgot to send them a card.” Or, “Man, I haven’t called my mom in a couple of months. Oh well, maybe tomorrow. ”
I am not keeping him from anything. I would not have a problem with him taking our children for a visit - they have seen their paternal grandparents twice in 9 months (my parents live in the same town we do, so my kids have a good, strong relationship with their maternal grandparents). But I know him, I know me, and I know how our relationship has worked since we were 17.
I have received a few emails asking if we are coming for a visit. This week we again received a card in the mail “reaching out. ” They have called him a few times to try to set something up, but (as I could have told them) in our relationship, I am the one who finalizes most plans and whoops! Hands off for me!
TL;DR Hope my in-laws are enjoying their empty mailbox, unused guest room, and the phone that isn’t ringing. Their son is over 40, they need to deal with him directly. Oh, too bad, ADHD.
EDIT: Gold!? AND no more relationship with my in-laws? It’s like I’ve won twice! Thank you!