last night when i had no internet

Dear Charlie,

I can’t sleep because I’m thinking about last year when I didn’t go to school for a period of time. I used to stay up all night long to talk to a few people I met online and they really cared about me. Now we don’t talk anymore. As time passed they continued on in their lives, I guess they had more importent stuff to do than talk to a teenage boy on the internet. I miss them, and it hurts sometimes. I hope they haven’t forgotten about me.

- A.L

I was randomly scrolling through the internet last night - as per usual - and I stumbled upon an instagram where they basically make fun of things people post on Twitter in terms of food. And when I wasn’t too busy cracking up over the fact that ‘bone app the teeth’ is actually a thing, I was balking at some of the things posted. There was a picture where someone had put ‘leftover sushi from the gas station last week.’ WHY? My insides screamed for them. Do people actually eat gas station sushi? I may not be a culinary genius, but c’mooooon. Aside from some lunch plans, I think I may spend some time watching the food network to help restore my faith.


Ok, so. I had found on the Internet translation of parts of the book ‘Kyoudai: Tsuioku no hide’, written by his brother Hiroshi.
Some angel translated it into my native language.

I’m in a deep shock after reading it. Positive shock. I was really crying, when Hiroshi was talking about hide funeral and their last talk, the night he died. I can’t even describe it. Someone should translate it into English for his fans.

hide, I’m on my knees. Congratulations. Not only for Your music, but also for the way You were.

He was an amazing human being.

last night i had this dream and a bunch of shit that doesn’t matter BUT at one point i found a blog that was talking shit about me when i was under one of my old identities which is whatever except my old handle

was mayonnaise

in this dream i fucking had *mayonnaise* as an internet name and even dream me knew that was such bullshit that i woke up

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We were best friends throughout high school.  I started distancing myself from her because she started getting into some stuff I didn’t want to be around.  I was always nice, but I never contributed much to any conversations.  In December of 2014, she put herself in a rehabilitation center.  Right before she left, she send me an address to send her letters until she got access to internet later into the program.  I didn’t write any. This is the entirety of my last conversation with her. She was so excited about telling me about how good she was doing, and I blew her off. After she got home and was settled, she texted me that she wanted to hang out, I deleted it and didn’t respond. The next time I heard her name, it was when I woke up to the text message that she had passed away the night before.  I’ve never regretted not texting anyone back so bad. I was such a terrible friend to her in those last few months.  It has haunted me every single day since I got that message, and will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life.

Thanks, tumblr

So last night I couldn’t sleep (adrenal insufficiency, increased meds, boring story) and as I was scrolling through tumblr, a question popped up from a reader dealing with a terrible loss. I’m really behind on answering my mail, but this one pierced my heart. I wrote back. This morning I had a note saying that my response had helped.

And that is amazing.

Two strangers, connected because of stories, found each other in the night and talked about love and death and how to get through hard things. What an opportunity. What a gift this Internet-thing can be, when not overrun by hoards of slimy trolls!

This is why I love tumblr, almost as much as I love my readers.

And now I shall woo my coffee pot because it’s going to be a long day.

I realized last night how truly easy it would be for me to be happy in a non-capitalist society. Like, when you are depressed or even just like a generally stressed-out person it’s so easy to see a million things between you and permanent happiness, but I think for me there’s really only one. If I just had a place to live and food to eat and water and internet and actual help dealing with my tremendous and daunting health problems then I wouldn’t really need or want anything else. I already have my gender and my girlfriend and my friends. All I’ve ever really wanted is to have the means to survive and the time to devote myself to my personal relationships w/ the people around me, but I can’t have that b/c we live in a society that says I have to work my entire life doing things that I can’t really do without great difficulty in order to earn those things. And it makes me so sad and angry. Like, I feel like I’m walking along a huge wall when I wish I could just punch through it. I just found myself trying to scheme some way that I could stay unemployed forever, but I can’t b/c I would literally die. There is a strong possibility that’ll happen anyway. In the end I don’t even really mind being poor. I have such cheap taste in food, and I don’t really spend money on much else, anyway. I just hate that everything is so stacked against me when I feel like I am asking for so little.

508: Not had time at all today to blog, but wanted to say a few things!

Seems a bit trivial to talk about a tv show given whats going on in the world but this is what this blog is for, and I need a distraction before bed to take my mind of things.

This wont be too long hopefully!

I really enjoyed last nights ep, it had drama, highs/lows, pace, comedy and emotion. I need to rewatch it because my internet was freezing this morning and It was harder to watch due to that but I was still entertained the whole time.

Few comments on the last scene:

1) If the weird ass stepford wives music hadn’t been playing, what Fitz was saying wouldn’t have sounded half as creepy.

2) Olivia’s confusion and disorientation made it all seem a little more eery

3) Saw some comments briefly about it being a slight parallel to 218 when she was in the hospital bed and fitz hugged her, really like that parallel.

4) I understand Fitz’s motives somewhat. With her in the WH she is much more protected, especially with a detail. She is safer from the likes of Rowan and Human Vibrator

5) Olivia now has to live her sentence out in the crown jewel of the american prison system. Fitz has served, and is still serving his.

6) Fitz did come across a little weird and controlling (Tony plays him so well) and I was a little freaked out by it but I really do think the music changed how I interpreted it. Olivia has always controlled the pace and direction of their relationship and Fitz took control.

7) I dont think this is over between them and words will be said, but I think Fitz is so willing and committed to Liv and to working with her on their problems than losing her altogether. Olivia had resigned herself to this.

8) Finally, i’ve watched that scene two or three times and it doesn’t bother me AS much as it first did, although I know some people are already jumping of the Olitz ship (ridiculous sorry) because of it. I am genuinely excited to see what comes of this.

In general this scene leaves me feeling a mixture of things and I can’t fully explain but ye I am hoping and praying they’ll be ok.

The Pentagon Scene:

This is all I have to say

Originally posted by gifs-for-the-masses

Kerry and Tony are truly phenomenal together and that whole scene was insane. The fact we understood exactly what was being said just from their faces and a bit of lip reading is testament to them. I know I hate on Shonda a shit load, but the decision to put the music over that scene was pretty great…. and what a song choice.

side note: is the fact that Mellie actually forged Fitz’s signature, which is treason, just going to be ignored? Surely Fitz can’t let that slide… I should asking questions.


Quinn telling Marcus to go faster killed me. Marcus bro you got to keep up!

Huck telling Joke he’s on his own - YES MY FRIEND.

Case of the week was good, It was interesting and I wasn’t bored by it. When Fitz dropped that little comment about the drone when they shook hands. I was like

Originally posted by pitch-perfect-movie

Thats my man. He said it with so much poise and swag and used that sexy ass voice of his. Im proud of my bae.

David and Liz

Rosen is funny as shit but this is just weird as fuck. My heart literally hurts for Susan, she is such a good person, she doesnt deserve this. She can keep her wine coolers.

Abby and Olivia

Frigging love this sisterhood. Yes they have done shit to each other in the past but when it comes to it they gladiate for each other and they are each others person over a cliff. Liv chilling with her shoes off in Abby’s office, glass of vino in hand, uchhhhh I love it. Up until Fitz found out, Olivia had psyched herself up to believe that once he knows thats it for them and she wasn’t ready to lose that. She was hanging onto those last moments with him. Props to Abby for ratting out Cyrus, that man is a dog with a fucking huge bone and needs to be tamed. No doubt Liv knows that anyway, but hey, sisterhood looking out for each other. It was so nice to see Olivia releasing her burdens on other people and actually communicating her fears, especially with a girl friend.

I really wish she would do it with Fitz more but she has done and she will continue to get better at doing so. There has already been so much growth for her in many aspects this season and her expressing her fears and is one of them.  

But ye this Abby/Liv scene had me in my feels.

Originally posted by tina-del-rey


When he found out Liv was involved he was like a little kid. I swear down that man doesn’t learn a frigging lesson, his power trip is going to send him to his grave. Wasn’t here for him this episode at all and was kinda like


I do not understand how Olivia, after everything he has done to her, is so ready to believe him so quickly. Maybe I am missing something, do tell me if I am?

The choice of song in the Rowan/Liv scene was again fantastic. Shonda knows how to pick and chose music for the right moments.

I know Rowan has exerted so much control over Olivia’s life to the point where her life becomes foreign without his presence, but really, if that man was buried tomorrow, are people telling me Olivia would be devastated? Seriously she wanted him put away for life so he could rot in prison with all the blood on his hands. Why have a constant worry that he may escape or come find her when he is out, why not just let him die? For fucks sake you had a man hunt on him last season and now you don’t want him to be killed.

Maybe I need to be a little more complex with my thinking on this one from Olivia’s emotional stand point but this just really fucks with me and I do feel Rowan’s presence is a way to make fish lips sightly relevant.

The beginning of the bunker scene, you can hear Olivia explain to Fitz that her dad was going to die or get killed in jail so she released him….. BUT WHY?! I do need help on this one? anyone?!


The 20 seconds you were on the screen was enough and it was once again a pleasure not having grace our screens.

Random Thoughts:

–> Jake you’re boring and grow more irrelevant each week.

–> Olitz being the power couple they are hosting guests, and Olivia charming – everyone. My babies, I love you so much.

–>Prayers for Susan Ross, she is such a babe.

Fitz telling Cyrus to bring Olivia “home” to the Residence. My fanfic feellllsssss.

I may have missed something, so this is just my general feelings about it from one watch and what stood out to me.

Now I will finish off with gifs from Olitz in bed (credit @bananadome​) because the way Fitz/Tony looks at Kerry/Olivia has me all in my feels. That little nose stroke, the gentle goodnight kisses. Tony’s abs and Kerry’s flawless natural beauty. These people will kill me.


there i was last night, minding my own business, when suddenly my personal blog was inundated with a shitload of messages like “MARALIE MARALIE DO YOU SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING ON NEOPETS” and i hadn’t been on the site in literally months but i went… and i saw…

and then i saw the articles on buzzfeed and kotaku and i’m a little sour about the fact that it wasn’t me reporting on the decline and fall of the neopian empire because i feel a strange sort of ownership over this corner of internet pseudo-journalism on which i once had kind of a monopoly

anyway this blog still has 4300 followers somehow, despite the fact that i haven’t reliably updated in two years, and after all i’ve been hearing about neopets i… kind of feel an obligation to document its dark ages so here i am i guess, maybe, i really loved running this blog once

We had a thunderstorm last night that knocked out the internet, and I wasn’t queued ahead as far as I wanted to be. Today was already scheduled, but tomorrow (7/20) isn’t, so posts will be a little off-schedule, depending on when everything gets fixed. I apologize for any resulting delay!

Online wisdom~

It’s so easy to be mean/angry/hurt/apathetic online.  Too easy.  If something really does bother you online, take a step back and think about what you are trying to achieve - do you want to educate those who are saying uneducated comments?  Simply accusing someone of being stupid or uneducated does nothing.  Last night I was informed yet another facebook group was using Teka’s photos without credit.  I was obviously annoyed, which is fine - be as annoyed/angry/hurt as you want - but don’t share your immediate emotional reaction publicly on the internet.  My immediate reaction was to write a passive aggressive comment - which I played over and over in my head - but I did not end up writing.  How different a reaction I may have gotten had I written something rude or obscene.  However, this is how I chose to respond:

I had to take multiple courses on “Netiquette” when I did my bachelor’s degree, and writing like this is much more effective than being emotional and passive aggressive.  After all, I didn’t want them to stop sharing her photos or remove them, I just wanted credit.  Always think, “what are you trying to achieve?” when responding to difficult situations online.