description: just because he had fallen out of love with you, didn’t mean you had with him.
warning: swearing, smut, things like that
You couldn’t remember when it started, you just remember that one day he started to hold your hand a little less tight and not as often. You remember the gummy smile that was impossible not to love would vanish when he looked at you and reappear when you disappeared. You ignored all the signs that were so clearly laid out in front of you for weeks, but that’s what love does. It makes you blind to the plain reality of things called real life and heartbreak. The last week was when you finally started to stop ignoring the signs - the signs he didn’t love you anymore. But once you stopped it was hard not to feel like everything was caving in. You began to work more hours to get rid of the thoughts but all you could do was stand there as you scanned item after item thinking about how you could have stopped him falling out of love with you. The boys didn’t text you as much (if at all), and they used to text you every day with funny things Yoongi had done that you could make fun of him for. That was when it really hit home, that was when you hid in the bathroom of your work and cried for an hour. You had to lie that you were sick but you weren’t. You weren’t sick but you were far from okay, your relationship was like a bomb - ticking away until it finally exploded. You felt like you were battling with it, trying to cut the wire that stopped the timer but you knew you couldn’t. Your relationship wasn’t an action film, but you wish it was so you could stop the inevitable pain that would take place.
Stiles makes it home. Mostly. He has
his hand on the knob but then kind of just sinks down to his knees and
starfishes face-down over the threshold, half in his apartment and half in the
hall. This feels like as good a place as any to live out the rest of his life, gets
a nice draft and everything.
That’s how Scott and Lydia find him when Scott
gets home twenty minutes later.
Scott crouches down next to his head and squawks
out an alarmed: “Stiles, Jesus, what happened?”
Stiles turns his head so his cheek is pressed
flat to the floorboard and he can see Scott’s concerned puppy expression under his fringe. “I met him.” It sounds like a death sentence the way he’s said it, all croaky and broken. In a way, it kind of is so fair play to
Stiles. “I—We talked. He asked me to come back tomorrow.”
He props himself up with his hands on the floor, halfway to standing but
not that invested in it yet.
Scott frowns at him. “Why do you look like
the world just ended then?” Stiles flops back down unhappily and Scott
points a finger in his face. Literally in his face, cheek
depressed under Scott’s fingertip. He pokes a few more times, says,
“Because that all sounds like really good news.”
Stiles shifts his cheek away from Scott, which
puts him squashed-nose-down against their floor again. He blinks into the
darkness from his own shadow. “I’m in love with him,” he mumbles to
himself, groans. “This is so stupid, I know, Lydia, shut up” he points at
where she was standing against the doorframe before he returned to his friend
the floor and stabs at her with his finger, “—preemptively shut up—but he
actually is it. He’s my person.” Stiles rolls over like a depressed seal,
sits up and digs the heels of his palms into his eyes, making starbursts and
orange blobs bloom behind the lids. “I’m… finished. I just knew
it. He was sitting there, being all—” Stiles lowers his hands, blinks
plaintively up at Scott and Lydia, “you know, with the face and the surliness
and I thought, I thought, yeah, this face, this surliness, that’s my new
forever.” He drops back down, floor and spine smushed together again. “Only it isn’t and I am massively, irreparably fucked because he
has a girlfriend. And even if he wasn’t unobtainable, he’s still
unobtainable. In an ‘I have to invent new words because there
aren’t ones that so much as touch him’ kind of way.”
Lydia taps the toe of her high heel into his
chest and tells him thoughtfully, “You’re depressing, you know that?” She
carefully sips from the same latte cup she had earlier, purses her lips.
“Also, did you say tomorrow? Your computer science midterm is
Stiles pops upright, eyes wide. Nooooo. That
can’t—it isn’t—goddamn it! “Oh shit. Shit. Fuck.
Shit. I can’t meet him tomorrow.” His midterm’s not
until late evening but he hasn’t even started the studying process yet.
Which consists of downing a bunch of his Adderall pills, holing up in the
library, jamming all related information that’ll stick into the folds of his
brain where it’ll later leak out to be replaced by song lyrics and Friends
quotes, sobbing - bitterly, going to the corner gas station for 5am Red Bulls,
an hour or so of unscheduled and repeated cat naps while he slaps himself in
the face to try to spark consciousness, drooling, desperate crying, panicked
reading and, finally, acceptance that he will not pass. Until he
miraculously does (about an 87% success rate on that).
There was no room for Derek in that.
Derek eclipses everything, even the Friends quotes. Stiles
can’t see him and retain anything to do with computers on the same day.
Screw me out of comp time and you screw yourself out of a job.
I worked for a software company as a QA Test Lead. The company really liked me and I went from a general assistant to a test lead and tripled my pay in the space of the first 2 and a half years I was there. I have a strong work ethic and my opinion held a lot of weight 4 years in when I was leaving to pursue other ventures. My last manager there, who we called ‘Half Day Hambly’ (not his real last name, but similar) because he had a habit of disappearing after lunch on Thursdays and Fridays. None of us minded too much since when he was there he liked to 'shoulder surf’ and micromanage projects where he knew absolutely nothing and generally made an ass of himself. He was known for forcing projects off track and then blaming the platform programmers for the stall; he had no problems tossing people under the bus to give the appearance that he was competent. Right before I left, I had to have minor outpatient surgery and I stopped by his office to let him know that I would need to work from home for a few days afterward, which was a routine occurrence in my department and I had done it on a couple of occasions. He agreed and I went about my business until he informed me after I put in 30 hours from home while recovering that I would need to use comp time to cover my missed hours. I went to him and reminded him of the fact that he OK’d it and he gave me a 'f*ck you’ smile and said 'Well, I guess you should have put it in an email.’
So, the following week, when I did my exit interview with HR on my last day I unloaded on them and told them all about Halfday Hambly’s adventures in mismanagement and how he regularly skipped out after lunch to go play golf on Thursdays and Fridays. The HR manager I spoke with tried calling his office to bring him down right then but got no answer. He asked me if I’d go by his office and bring him down but when I went up, I found his office locked and no one answered the door. The look on the HR managers face was priceless when I told him this as it was 1:30pm on Friday when this happened. The HR manager had my check adjusted for me, wished me luck and I left with a smile on my face knowing I had outed this a**hole. 2 weeks later, my good friend and coworker called me up to say 'guess who they just fired!’ HR started watching old 'Halfday’ after I left and determined his caliber of excellence would serve him best somewhere else.
I’m gonna take a giant leap here but…remus lupin chose for his first class as a hogwarts professor, his first class back in the last place he really called home, his first real interaction with Harry in 12 years to be about boggarts. About fear and how to overcome it.
Why? And suddenly I’m propelled to god know how many years earlier, too many, a lifetime ago it seems, to 13 year old Remus and James and Sirius and Peter. And Remus so scared of having to face the moon, his furry little problem, in front of the whole class. And the Marauders, James jumping in front of him so that he wouldnt have to face it. Just like Remus now did for Harry. I dont know it just really sound really full cirle to me…
Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours, when you are done tag up to ten people and also tag the person who tagged you.
A - Age: 18 B - Biggest fear: dying, being hated too ig C - Current time: 3:43pm D - Drink you last had: i think water E - Every day starts with: running F - Favourite song: i have lots but at the moment i’m really into p!nk’s walk of shame G - Ghosts are they real: i believe they are I - In love with: girls, ocs, horses, food, praise, my friends, i’m in love with a lot of things M - Middle name: horselover N - Number of siblings: 3 O - One wish: for financial stability, that’d be real nice P - Person you last called/texted: my friend who’s driving me to school Q - Questions you are always asked: “whats wrong with you” LMAO R - Reasons to smile: my family, my friends, horses, ocs, the color pink, springtime, food, paychecks, i could go on forever. reasons to smile are important! S - Song last sang: walk of shame by p!nk T - Time you woke up: 7am U - Underwear colour: lmao its just black V - Vacation destination: i really love going to the beach… especially coast beaches! W - Worst habit: picking at my fingers tbh X - X-Rays you’ve had: i had one a few weeks ago on my wrist Y - Your favourite food: lots of stuff! i’ll eat almost anything but right NOW i’m mad craving this restaurant near my house that serves noodles with tons of veggies and meat. its like a buffet! Z- Zodiac sign: leo
A - Age:21. B - Biggest fear: roadkill ( i’m so traumatised by this ). C - Current time:8:26 am. D - Drink you last had: honey, lemon water. E - Every day starts with: feeding my fluffballs dogs. F - Favorite song: cry & fight by miura daichi. G - Ghosts, are they real: sure, why not. I - In love with: the colour red and glasses. M - Middle name: none. N - Number of siblings:none. O - One wish: to smoothly start and finish my research and find a high paying job. i’m greedy ;( P - Person you last called/texted:real-life friend. Q - Questions you are always asked:“How tall are you?” answer: not that tall. R -Reasons to smile: my fluffballs, fictional characters, friends / you guys. S - Song last sang:
海の声 ( umi no koe ) by kiritani kenta, but more like sang along with. T - Time you woke up: 5:30ish. U - Underwear color: bye. V - Vacation destination:europe! W -Worst habit: procrastination!!! X - X-Rays you’ve had: all over, mostly dental. Y - Your favorite food: peaches. also sushi. Z - Zodiac sign:virgo.