lasagna for one

Cooking Classes

Summary:  One day your Friend Steve shows up in your house asking you to teach him to cook.

Words: 3418 (Holly Cow.)

Paring: Steve x Reader

Warnings: There is a lot of music references in this, fuffly lots and lots of fuffly. A little angst and Smut ( Not safe sex and oral.)

A/n : Thanks to @drinkfantasy for being my beta Ily ( you rock)

credits to the gif owners

Originally posted by evanslovely

You wake with loud knocks on your door, you look at the clock and it says it’s 4 pm. Who dares to wake you up in the middle of your nap? You get up from your couch cursing the soul that is on the other side of the door.

When you open the door all your anger disappears, on the other side you see Steve and you hate how good looking he looks at the moment. He is standing there in a dark blue sweater and some jeans looking amazing.

You realize that you are staring “Steve, what do I own you the pleasure?” He smiles at you entering you house “Well, I miss you.” He hugs you as he speaks “I am pretty sure you do, but what are you doing here?”

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The Slow Flood

You ever feel like there are times in this world when the law of attraction is happening without your knowledge and using its pull on things you aren’t trying to focus on?

Since the start of this year, it seems like there’s been a very freaky “slow flood” of what can’t be called anything other than revelation cringe. And every time some fresh hell arrives and pulls off its mask to show me the ugly face it’s been hiding for years, some form of media bursts onscene a moment later to give me a shocking artistic parallel to the story I’m seeing in life. I turn away from the new revelation to catch my breath, try to walk away from what I know for a second, distract myself with some media, and suddenly I’m looking into a real black mirror.

Art has been imitating life for a bit, now, and life keeps pushing some top-notch cringe or shock material in front of me when I’m just getting comfortable.

I know things about some stuff I shouldn’t know that’s kind of hilarious, sad and horrible. I’m also one of many thousands of people lately who are now aware of something awful that had been going on for years that’s a real gut-puncher. I’m part of a few groups who know things that are very tough pills to swallow.

The list of things that make me feel like ignorance is bliss just keeps growing. The Lasagna Cat discoveries were just one hit in a succession of crazy moments witnessing the true form of some gross truths.

And tonight, studying the next CFD entry and seeing who was behind it, their behavior, and understanding all too well what I’m looking at now, it just gets worse. I’m talking early Chris-Chan levels of embarrassing.

Part of me hopes it will stop. The other part, morbidly curious as ever, wants to keep seeing the secret sickness in people who were fronting like they’ve been sane all along. Every revelation is now a new horror story that’s written itself–just adapt it with new names, locations, and certain changes to protect the guilty while still informing the innocent.

I live for this kind of thing in fiction. I don’t expect it in reality.

Who’s next? What kind of crazy “I need a shower to wash the dirt off my BRAIN” revelation is going to come to me next?

Leniency || Oh Sehun

Drabble Game

31. “Did you just curse at me in a different language?“

34. “A wise man once said to cook lasagna when one is upset.“

Oh Sehun + Reader + Fluff

Sehun went home with troubled thoughts and a thousand knots tightening inside his stomach. Judging from your text messages sent to him, you were reasonably upset about how your day didn’t went well, especially at work. 

It wasn’t that Sehun was guilty of ruining your day, causing his uncomfortable sensitivity. He knew when you’re upset, you have that type of personality to run over everything in front of you. And since he’s the only person you live with in your apartment, it would be rare if you don’t drain your emotions onto him. 

Although, there are times where you would just talk to him about your horrible day, but that wouldn’t happen today.

Sehun walked inside slowly, carefully shutting the door behind him. “Baby?” he called. The house was silent, adding more tension within Sehun’s internal.

A loud ‘clang’ coming from the kitchen shook Sehun in place. 

“(Y/n)?” He saw you leaning down to reach the oven and he watched as you pulled a deep pan from inside. 

“Hello, honey bunch. What are you doing?” He tried hiding his flustered facade through sweet words, in hopes that it can warm you up and distract you from your troubled thoughts, but his voice quivered as he talked and it made you chuckle.

“A wise man once said to cook lasagna when one is upset.“ you lifted the pan with mittens in both hands, turning around to show it to your nervous boyfriend. 

He let out a shaky exhale that he seemed to be holding for a long time, “Ah thank god you’re not mad.” his hand clutched his chest as it heaved every time he takes in a breath. 

“I’ll give you a plate after it cools down.“ you ignored his reactions, walking around him and putting the pan on the kitchen counter.

Warm arms soon snaked around your waist and a light weight pushed against your shoulder. Your head leaned to the side in instinct, pressing it against Sehun’s. 

“Do you want to talk about your day?” he asked before pressing a soft kiss on your shoulder.

You only shook your head saying ‘no’ and it confused Sehun. “You don’t want to rant about your job? Or about anything?”

“No.“ you answered. The two of you stood silently in the kitchen, you still being pressed against the counter while being embraced by Sehun.

You started to release yourself from his cage to move to the living room in attempt to escape the cold environment. But before you could even remove his hands, Sehun twirled you around to face him. He had a serious expression plastered on his face, but his eyes showed worry and somber. 

“You know I’ll always listen to you, right?“ he asked for reassurance.

A sly smile appeared on your soft lips, “Of course, sweetheart.” you raised your hand to cup his cheeks, to which he melted in. “I just chose to leave it.” a kiss was sent to Sehun’s lips, then you headed to the living room.

“Why am I still nervous despite your confidence about the situation..“ you heard Sehun mumble to himself in the kitchen.

“Magsisi ka man sa huli, wala nang mangyayari.“ you beamed from the living room.

It was as if the world froze at the foreign words that left your lips. Sehun became puzzled, curious at what he heard; contemplating whether he heard it right or if his mind was playing games.

“Did you just..“ he scratched the side of his head, biting the inside of his cheek.  “Did you just curse at me in a different language?“ his legs dragged him to your place, and soon enough he was standing in front of you, his tall frame towering every inch of your body.

You drank in the sight of Oh Sehun, who looked insulted with every drop of his masculinity. Your lips were pressed together in attempt to stifle a laugh, your cheeks becoming numb at the exerted presssure.

“No silly!“ you lightly pushed him. “It translates to ‘There’s no point in crying over spilled milk‘, which literally means to move on and leave your resentment behind.“ small snickers left your lips, betraying your compulsion.

Sehun’s expression soon turned into an ‘Oh’ face in realization. “I thought you were badmouthing me. I got upset for a second..” 

“Will a slice of lasagna cheer you up?“

Sehun’s smile that day was the brightest you’ve ever seen.

Drabble Game is currently close.

other concept: wilson and cuddy at a bar and she’s like “how come I can’t go on ONE good date and you have ten guys following you around at all times” and wilson is like “you can get anyone to fall for you if you create romance!! you’re too honest and you wanna be yourself on dates! that’s not how it works! if I started acting like we’d been married for three years on date three I would never get a call back” and cuddy is “wanna bet?” and wilson says “bring it on. pick anyone in this bar. I’ll go on one good date with them to reel them in and then if I start being myself around them they will never call me back. I promise.” and cuddy, recognizing the abrasive genius she heard about at med school, points across the room and is like “ok make THAT guy fall in love with you and I’ll make you department head”

on the other side of the bar: chase and cameron complain about their love lives and house lectures them that “if you’re really yourself with anyone they leave and them’s the facts. anyone who is making it is faking it. I could fake it if I wanted to but I don’t want to.” foreman has been looking off into the distance because he thinks he’s too smart for this conversation but he chips in “you’re saying YOU could fake it?” and house says “I bet I could get anyone here to fall for me” so everyone goes in on that bet for 100 bucks.

So house and wilson approach each other at the bar (house wanting wilson to fall for him and wilson determined to be the opposite of his usual sweaterboy self) and have one magical night where they eat eat funnel cake at the fare and wilson wins house a big teddy bear by shooting a bunch of ducks.

then wilson whips out his all of his worst habits (he thinks) and starts moving his shit into house’s apartment, cooking overly fancy meals and buying them matching sweaters….adopts a dog for them and calls her their daughter to make it really over the top (buys her a diamond collar)

except the plot of how to lose a guy in ten days never actually kicks in cause house finds all of wilson’s bad habits cute?? he kind of…begrudgingly likes the dog and the sweaters and finding wilson in his kitchen cooking lasagna one day when he gets home from work??? the only problem is he can’t suppress his absolute nightmare of a personality for much longer and it’s not even about the bet anymore but surprise wilson likes his terrible personality and they live happily ever after

aislinnspauls  asked:


this went in a whole different direction i’m sry but i hope you like it kate!! (huge shoutout to @maghnvsbane for helping me out w this <3)

500 follower celebration (want one?)

The first thing Magnus senses when he walks into the loft is the heavy scent of smoke. Magnus toes off his shoes and drops his bag on the ground, immediately alert as he walks through the apartment. 

Magnus sees Alec, sprawled out on the couch and unmoving, relief flooding his body when he notices his chest rising and falling, soft snores filling the air.

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Genre: Smexy Smut~ 

Pairing: Reader X Jaehwan (Ken) X Hoseok

Word Count: 2k-ish

Prompt (Not mine):  You two are such trouble-makers and I am literally cleaning up after you 24/7 please be adults for like one second and no both of you simultaneously smothering me in neck kisses isn’t going to make me less mad…. but carry on anyways

Originally posted by hoseokxx

Originally posted by lee-jhwan

“You can leave now.” Yoongi addressed you as you picked up your coat and papers, “And don’t forget, the conference starts at 8 am tomorrow, don’t be late.”

“Yes, sir.” You replied sarcastically as you walked out the door, slamming it shut on your way as a silent show of your annoyance.

To say that you were tired would’ve been the understatement of the century, every muscle in your body aching and your mind numb from attending to over a hundred patients each day and performing surgeries for all of last week. What you needed was some sleep and rest, not another conference to attend, but what could you do?

Instead of staying at the hotel where the conference was being held, you decided to go home early, choosing to spend time with your loving and supportive boyfriends instead of engaging in conversation with know-it-all fossils that did nothing but talk about their own accolades. You shuddered at the thought of having to attend dinner with them after the conference but for now, all you were going to do was enjoy a nice, calming bath while listening to music.

Or so you thought.

The moment you pressed the key into the lock of the door and walked into your apartment, you were greeted with the sight of your living room covered in your clothes, smoke coming out of the oven and your boyfriends running around in a mix of panic and frenzy.

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Why this zoo is putting gigantic, slimy ‘snot otters’ back in streams
The hellbender is the biggest salamander in the Western Hemisphere. But it's under threat.

Herpetologist Don Boyer inevitably drew attention when he drove into town. People would notice his truck, with “Bronx Zoo” emblazoned across the side, and want to know what he was doing in their corner of western New York. 

One glance at the creatures was unlikely to assuage nervous onlookers. The Eastern hellbender, the largest salamander in the Western Hemisphere, looks as though someone yanked out a giant’s esophagus, gave it legs and taught it to swim. The two-foot-long amphibian has slime-covered skin, beady eyes and a paddle-like tail. Its ruffled torso resembles the edge of a lasagna noodle, inspiring one of the creature’s many colorful nicknames, “old lasagna sides.” Other monikers are equally undignified: “snot otter,” “mud devil,” “grampus.”

“They’re pretty odd-looking creatures,” Boyer acknowledged. “Nocturnal and aquatic and secretive and strange. … Otherwordly.”

But they’re also threatened. Which is why scientists at the Bronx Zoo have been working to raise the giant salamanders in captivity and then reintroduce healthy adults into the wild…

Back From the Dead-Jerome Valeska Imagine

Requested: No

Warnings: some violence and creepy imagery

A/N: I have only seen the pictures of the new Jerome and I’m waiting for the new season to be available on Netflix. Therefore, this will probably not go along with the storyline in the show.

Originally posted by punkbandsharry

  All I wanted to do after my shift at Lola’s was run a hot bath, make dinner, and watch whatever was on TV. Though Lola’s was a cute ,tiny boutique in Gotham, it was amazing how much mayhem occurred during my nine hour shift. This dress needed to come in this color, not that color, this shirt wasn’t available in one girl’s size and she needed it for some event ASAP, and someone tried to steal the new purple suede heels and need to be written up.

   I would quit but I had college to pay for. Besides, my life could’ve been a lot worse. I wandered into my apartment, my mood immediately lifting when Rose, my Westie, ran up to me barking cutely.

   “Hi, Rosie,” I said in a baby voice as I picked her up. “Did you miss me?”

   She licked my face in response and I laughed as I kicked the door closed behind me. I made sure to secure every single lock before wandering further into my apartment. Though I did not live in the Narrows, it was still Gotham City and there were always maniacs and criminals roaming the streets and the last thing I needed was for one of them to break into my apartment.

    I carried Rosie into the kitchen and set her down as I began pulling out everything I needed to make lasagna. It was one of the best dishes I made and one of his old favorites. I shivered when I thought about the mad ginger man who used to stalk me. Fortunately, Jerome Valeska was dead and would never come back. My life was a lot calmer and much less worrisome since there were no strange presents showing up at my door or violent attempts at romantic letters appearing from nowhere. He had broken into my house a few times and I had found him sitting in the kitchen, eating lasagna.

   “This is great, babe, you have to make it for me again sometime.”

  Just thinking of his voice gave me chills. We had never formally met before and he had decided to attach himself to me. I was only in high school at the time and had enough on my plate without that weirdo being on my back. When Detective Gordon and the rest of GCPD arrested him, I thought that I was finally in the clear. Then, someone broke him out only for Theo Galavan to kill him shortly afterwards. When he died, I felt safe again but that didn’t mean that he didn’t haunt me until this day. Thinking about it, out of everyone, Jerome probably would have wanted to haunt me the most.

    I kicked off my shoes as I started making the sauce to go with the pasta that had just finished being prepared. Rose barked and whined at my feet.

    “You can’t have any of this, Rose. Your dinner’s coming soon enough,” I said.

    Suddenly, my phone beeped and I grabbed it. It was a text message.

   Don’t worry, sweetheart, we’ll be together again very soon.

   I froze for a second. 

   It couldn’t possibly be…no, it couldn’t have been Jerome. 

   “He’s dead, Y/N, deader than a door nail,” I whispered.

   Rose cocked her head at me and I smiled. “Don’t worry about it, Rose. Everything’s going to be just fine.”

   I hope.

  Once dinner was finished, I poured Rose’s food and water into their appropriate dishes before sitting down to watch TV. It was some mindless comedy sitcom but it did a good job of getting my mind off of my day. When Rose finished, she curled up into my side and I continued eating and watching TV. Suddenly, my phone buzzed. I grabbed it and saw that it was another text message.

   I don’t appreciate being ignored, Y/N.

   “This can’t be happening,” I whispered.

   I got up and looked around the room, but nothing seemed out of place. It had to be some sort of prank even though the stalker case I had opened against Jerome kept my name and picture out of the news. Therefore, I didn’t have any idea who could’ve figured out this would’ve been a good way to get under my skin.

     Rose looked up at me with a confused expression on her face.

    “It’s fine, Rose, someone’s just trying to mess with me. I think it’s a good time for a bath now.”

    I turned off the TV, put the dishes in the sink, and went into the bathroom and ran a bath. Baths always calmed me down since the hot water relaxed my muscles and the lavender candles I always lit whenever I took a bath. As the water ran, I took off my makeup and washed my face. Then, my mind wandered into a particularly dark memory.

   I was sitting in the waiting area of the busy GCPD. There were criminals in handcuffs, stressed out cops, and a lot of coffee. My parents were sitting on either side of me and my anxiety was clear. Detective Gordon had called us in for “a very important matter for the case”. All I knew was that I wanted everything to stop, especially that feeling that someone was always watching me, especially since that someone was a psychopath. Finally, Detective Gordon walked in, seeming cordial and a little overwhelmed.

   “Y/N, Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N,” he said.

   “What’s going on now?” Dad asked.

   “We have Mr. Valeska in questioning now, but he is refusing to cooperate under one condition,” Detective Gordon said.

   “And what is that?” Mom asked.

   Detective Gordon pressed his lips together before glancing at me. 

   “What does he want with me?” I asked.

   “He just wants to speak with you, but don’t worry; I’ll be outside and so will my partner. Jerome’s handcuffed as well so he can’t hurt you. Just know that if you don’t see him, it’ll make it incredibly more difficult to arrest him.”

   “No, I will not let him near my daughter!” Mom hissed, hugging me into her side.

   “I can understand the sentiment, Mrs. Y/L/N, but it isn’t really up to you.” 

  Detective Gordon turned to me and I swallowed my nerves. “I’ll do it.”

  “Y/N,” Mom gasped.

  “I don’t want him doing this anymore.”

  I slowly stood and followed Detective Gordon to the interrogation room. Jerome was sitting on the other end of a long table, his head hung low but I knew he probably had a creepy smile on his face.

   “Hey, you’ll be okay,” Detective Gordon said.

   “I don’t know about that, Detective.” 

   “Just keep him talking but try not to get him angry. We just need him to admit everything he’s done and that’ll be easy with you because—”

   “Because he thinks he’ll impress me.” I looked up at Detective Gordon. “I’m in AP Psych.”

   “Uh huh, just go in there and do your best, kid,” Harvey, Detective Gordon’s partner, said.

   I nodded and walked inside the room. Jerome slowly lifted his head and he looked extremely pleased to see me. He lifted his handcuffed hands to his lips and I tried to keep myself from shaking in fear.

   “Hello, Jerome,” I said, sitting down in the other available chair.

  “Y/N,” he said. “Just as gorgeous as the day we first met.”

   We never met each other before.

  “Thank you, Jerome. I’m glad that we’re finally seeing each other again after all this time,” I said.

   “So, what did you think of my last present? Hilarious, wasn’t it?” He had a look of sheer madness in his eyes.

   “Yes, the bloody leg of a rabbit was hilarious.”

   “Because it’s good luck!” Jerome rested his chin on one of his palms, eyeing me. “Tell me, which of my presents was the best.”

   “I liked the notes the best. Tell me, how did you get all these presents to me? How did you know where I live?” 

   Jerome shook his head and tsked at me. “Silly, Y/N, I’m not going to fall for those little tricks. Nice try, though.”

   I gulped. “Fine, why did you pick me, Jerome? Out of all the other girls in all of Gotham, why me?”

   “Because I knew we were meant to be together, even if you denied it at first. It was love at first sight.”

   “But you followed me.”

   “Watched over you and protected you from threats.”

   “You broke into my house.”

   “Because you wouldn’t let me in. Geez, Y/N, it sounds like you don’t appreciate everything I’ve done for you.” He sounded like he was getting angry but it seemed to be the only way for him to rat himself out.

   “You did all this for me, but I don’t remember meeting you because we’ve never met! You’ve been stalking me for four months now, scaring me and my friends, and it needs to stop.”

   “Don’t say that, you love this and you love me. I can see it in your eyes,” Jerome said.

   That’s when I made the biggest mistake I could’ve made in that room.

   “I don’t love you and I will never love you. You’re a psycho.”


   Then, Detective Gordon and Harvey came in to arrest him and get me out of there. I was shaking as Jerome kept yelling.


   That was a year ago. I had graduated high school and I had just finished my first semester at Gotham College. It helped me keep my mind off of Jerome but I would be lying if I said that his last words didn’t haunt me. Besides, as much as I tried, I couldn’t remember ever setting eyes on Jerome until the night he broke into my house.

    “No more thinking about him, it’s bath time,” I told myself.

    I stripped out of my clothes and climbed into the hot bath. Amy Winehouse’s voice soothed me during “Back to Black”. I had always been a big fan of hers and even got to see her when she came to New York once. I nearly fell asleep until Rose started barking. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Rose barking at the door.

   “Shh, Rose, I’m trying to relax,” I said.

   Rose kept ignoring me and barking.

   I rolled my eyes and began getting out of the bathtub. Then again, Rose only got so worked up when she sensed danger so I couldn’t get too upset.

   “What do you hear, Rose?” 

   I opened the door and she bolted out of the room. I grabbed my phone as I followed closely behind her. Suddenly, she stopped in the living room and my heart jumped to my throat. There was a dark figure standing in the living room and I felt paralyzed. 

   “I like what you’ve done with the place, Y/N,” it said.

   I knew that voice any where.

   “Jerome, you’re…you’re supposed to be dead.”

   Jerome slowly turned to face me. “Oh, honey, don’t you know that even death can’t keep us apart?” 

   Suddenly, the light came on and I dropped my phone in shock. His face was bloody and had stitches throughout it. He looked like a pale version of Frankenstein’s monster. He scanned over my robed body, licking his lips, and making me wish that I had been smart enough to put some more clothes on. He walked closer to me.

  “Get out of my apartment,” I said nervously.

  “I just got here. Why are you so scared, sweetheart?” Jerome tried to touch my face but I jerked away.

   “Why can’t you just leave me alone? I don’t even know you.”

   Jerome growled. “Yes, you do. We met at the circus.”

   I shook my head. “I…I’ve never been to the circus.”

   “YES YOU HAVE!” Jerome snapped.

   I jumped and moved away from him as quickly as I could but he kept walking towards me. “All this yelling isn’t helping me remember!”

   Because it never happened.

  Jerome seemed to calm down just the slightest as he stopped a few inches away from me. “We’d come to Gotham again for maybe the first time in my life. My whore of a mother had just finished my morning beating and she began preparing for the show. Back then, I was able to resist the urge to kill her and whatever man she brought into the trailer to warm her bed.”
  I had remembered Detective Gordon telling my parents and I how Jerome was abused for the majority of his life and that was probably why he turned out so crazy. At the time, I felt the tiniest tinge of pity towards him, but now, I didn’t feel anything except nervous.

  “I was walking around the games area when I ran into the most beautiful girl in the world. Her laugh sent tingles down my spine and her beautiful y/e/c eyes could end—-or start—-wars. She was playing that confounded Hit-As-Many-Beer-Bottles-As-Possible-With-A-Baseball game with her parents. Then, she caught me staring at her when her dad handed her the stuffed teddy bear she’d won. At first, I was nervous,” Jerome said. “Then, she came up to me and started talking to me. She asked me why I looked so hurt and I told her it was because my mother hit me. She said that mommys shouldn’t do that to kids and that her mommy definitely never hit her. We spent the day together after her parents gave her permission. I never wanted the day to end, she brought me so much happiness. But when it was over, I begged her to stay and she said that she’d visit as much as she could and gave me the teddy bear to remember her by.”

  It was a kind of cute story, but that didn’t really explain why Jerome would wait so long to stalk me. Plus, I couldn’t remember any of it for some reason.

  “How old were you…we, when this happened?” I whispered.

  “Five,” Jerome said. “I held onto that teddy bear for thirteen years, waiting to see you again. When I did see you again, you were with those people, those perfect, sane people who drive me insane! I couldn’t let you turn into them.”

  He must’ve seen me after school or something and I had never noticed. Plus, it was convenient that I didn’t remember something that happened thirteen years ago. 

   “Come on, think about it, Y/N,” Jerome said.

   And I did start thinking about it—-actually thinking about it, unlike how I did the first time the Jerome thing started. Then, I remembered that day like it was yesterday.

   “Oh my,” I whispered.

   Jerome grinned widely. “You remember!”
   “My parents took me to the circus after I lost my first tooth. I…I saw the teddy bear in one of the game stands and wanted to win it,” I said, suddenly shaking. “Then…then I saw you and we played together all day.”

    “I knew you’d remember!” Jerome grabbed me by the forearms. “I worked so hard to get you back and now you’re mine!”

   I blinked. “Wait, what?”

  Rose must’ve sensed my distress because she started barking, loudly. Jerome got irritated and pulled a gun on her.

   “Tell her to shut it or she gets a bullet in her.”

    I shoved him away and scooped up Rose, stroking her to calm her down. “Shh, it’s okay, Rose, the bad man’s going to go away.” 

    “No,” Jerome pulled me into him, “I’m not going anywhere. I came back for the dead just so that we could be together again. So that we can be crazy together again.”

    I tried pulling away but Jerome had a tight grip on me. Just feeling his hands on me made my skin crawl. I couldn’t believe there was a time when we were friends. I had to get help.

    “HELP! SOMEONE, HELP ME!” I screamed.

    Unfortunately, no one came to my aid. The last thing I remember is something hitting me on the head hard and Jerome cackling like a mad man. 

Tim and Ken

           Tim walked passed strong smells of Abercrombie and the reflective lights in Swarovski and found himself right where he wanted to be: the Trans-Atlantic Mall Food Court. While this wasn’t his first time being here since he dropped out of college, he loved to observe the people who lined up at Panda Express and McDonalds after a long day of shopping. His favorite thing to do: scope out the chubby guys. You wouldn’t be able to tell this by looking at Tim. He was six foot nothing and weighed a steady one hundred and seventy-two pounds and had always been slim. Alas, he was fascinated by bigger men. From being a small boy who would stare at his uncle’s bouncing gut, to his past experience in a frat house with guys whose bodies were built on beer and buffalo wings, he loved big men who never hid the fact that they were big. His other liking was big men who couldn’t help but get bigger.

           Today, while in line for a salad and diet coke, someone struck his eye. The stranger’s face was hidden from view, but everything else was clearly visible. The man wore a black Harry Potter shirt that was pressing very firmly around his ample belly. He had muscular arms, probably a weight lifter who took bulking a little too seriously. His thick legs were exposed in a pair of basketball shorts, which clung to the man’s bubble butt. Tim’s eyes widened as he recognized the blue and yellow Yin Yang tattoo on his ankle.

           Before he could stop himself, he walked over to the stranger and said, “Ken Richardson.”

           The man turned around, surprised someone here would know who he was, but smiled when he saw Tim. “Holy shit bro, no way!” He stepped away from the counter and hugged Tim. “How are you! I haven’t seen you since last semester.” That seemed like a lifetime ago to Tim.

           “Not too bad. Just taking a break. Got a small apartment a few minutes from here. You?”

           “I came home from the summer, but due to family issues I had to leave. Hey, how about you go get a table and I’ll join you in a sec. Gotta order my lunch.”

           Tim took his salad and sat in the empty section of the food court, around the corner from the Dairy Queen. He watched as Ken walked towards him with a tray stacked with Burger King. Two whoppers, a medium fry, four chicken nuggets, and a large coke. Tim ignored the swelling of his dick as Ken sat down.

           “What’s going on at home,” Tim asked, opening his salad.

           “Oh, just some bullshit, nothing Important.” He looked up at Tim and smiled. “Same old Tim. The only healthy man in Kappa Theta Nu.”

           “Well, someone had to be. One guy out of twelve had to remain sober and somewhat healthy. By the way you’re looking good,” Tim said smiling at him. Tim could tell Ken seemed down, so he thought a compliment would lift his spirits.

           “Thanks man. To be honest, I’ve been feeling off lately. Had an issue with my ankle after you left and haven’t been able to work out as much.” He placed his hand on his stomach. “The freshman fifteen caught up with me I suppose.”

           “Nah, you look fine.” Tim watched as Ken finished one Big Mac and made his way to the chicken nuggets. “The fifteen never killed anyone. And you’ll be able to lose it in no time.”

           “Eh, whatever. So why did you leave school anyway? What did you parents say?”

           As he recanted the story for the tenth time about how he left school due to unhappiness and was kicked out of his parent’s house, Tim watched Ken as he ate the food on his tray without so much as taking a breath. He took the lid off his soda and seemed to pour the contents down his throat without even swallowing. Tim’s heart started to beat fast as he rubbed his belly and leaned back.

           “Fuck, that hit the spot,” he said, followed by a loud belch. “Hey, do you live alone?”

           It took Tim a few seconds to break from the trance Ken’s gut had put him into. “Umm what? Oh yeah, I live alone. Why do you ask?”

           “Well, I left yesterday and slept in my car last night. I don’t have a ton of money and don’t have anywhere else to go. I was wondering if I could crash at your place.”

           “Shit yeah, that’s cool,” he said, getting up and grabbed all the garbage. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.” Tim left him sitting there digesting his feast, while he went to Dairy Queen. Tim grabbed a small cone for himself, and bought Ken a large double chocolate cone, partly out of kindness, and also because he was eager to test Ken’s limits.  

           Ken’s face lit up when he saw his treat. “Man, you shouldn’t have. I don’t think I can finish this myself.” He took the ice cream anyway and took a chunk off the top.

           The two of them walked around the mall and ate their ice cream. Tim took whatever chance he could to look at Ken’s stomach, which was now pressing tighter against the fabric of the shirt, which was now riding up just enough to see part of Ken’s belly.

           “Tim, you know this is like the third time you’ve looked at my gut, right?” Ken asked him, before biting into the empty cone.

           Tim couldn’t speak, but was luckily cut off by Ken’s loud laugh. “I’m only kidding. But yeah, it is a bit different.” He slapped his gut, which sounded like a tight drum. “Took me a while to get used to. Not to mention the family.” Then he stopped talking and got a sad expression on his face.

           “What’s up?” I asked him.

           “Nothing, can we leave? I’m tired.”


           Later at Tim’s apartment, Ken went straight to the shower and took a nap on the couch while Tim took care of some bills. Frustrated with his credit score and his dipshit boss at the bakery, he looked over at Ken and watched him sleep. Ken’s bottom half was wrapped up in a blanket, and the rest of him was squeezed into a plan white tank top. Probably a medium, it was practically a second skin on Ken’s body. Chest hair rose at the top and his nipples pokes through the fabric. His stuffed belly lifted and sank in the tank top, his belly button looking like a small crater. Tim felt his dick again get hard, which was now hard to conceal in his boxers. He thought about Ken stuffing himself on McDonald’s earlier that day and how he went from athletic with abs to below an ex-jock with muscular arms and a college man’s belly. His dick poked through the hole of his boxers as he imagined Ken eating more and more, his belly becoming rounder and harder to hide in his shirts. His chest would become covered in a layer of fat, maybe his nipples would get puffier, his ass getting bouncier. And all the while there Tim would be, rubbing Ken’s fattening body as they kissed.

           Ken began to stir and wake up, forcing Tim to run out of the room to cover up his boner. Scrambling for something baggy, he heard Ken holler “Hey, is there anything for dinner?”

           Tim walked out, dick fully hidden. “There is a lasagna from my mom in the freezer. It’ll be a while before it’s done.”

           “Hmmm,” said Ken as he sat up, pulling on his tank to cover an inch of exposed belly fat. “I’ll be back in a few then. Please bake it.” He put on his flip flops, grabbed his keys and wallet and was out the door.

           Ummm, okay, Tim thought. He grabbed the lasagna and put it in the oven, deciding he would nap until the timer went off. No knowing where Ken went.

           He quickly dozed off and was woken up by the sound of crumpling wrappers. He rolled over on the couch, his vision going from blurry to normal, as he saw Ken devouring a sandwich.

           “You know, I did put the lasagna in the oven,” he said to Ken.

           “Yeah. And I’ll still eat it,” he said in an annoyed tone.

           “Is everything okay? You seem a little upset.”

           Ken looked up at Tim, red eyed as if he had been crying for a while. “Yeah. I’m fucking fine.” The timer went off, and before Tim could get up, Ken put on oven mitts and placed the steaming hot lasagna on the stove. They sat in silence as the lasagna cooled enough for it to be served. While Ken scooped out hearty sized portions into bowls, Tim went to the table and saw five empty Wendy’s wrappers on the table. He looked up as Ken turned around, bowls in hand, and an even fuller belly barely covered by the tank top. The tank had risen up past his belly button, hair exposed, belly out in the open.

           “Stop staring. Yes, I’m a fat fuck now.”

           Tim took his bowl. “You can lose the attitude. I didn’t mean any offense.”

           “Oh right. You don’t mean it. My parents didn’t mean it. Who the fuck is next?”

           Before Tim could reply, Ken took his bowl and went into the spare bedroom.


           Tim woke up a few hours later, this time to the sounds of clinking and groaning. He rushed onto his feet and ran into the kitchen, what he saw stopping him dead in his tracks. There, on the floor, in just a pair of underwear was Ken. His gut was big and swollen, most of the lasagna gone. One hand was placed on his gut, the other clutching his fork.

           “Ken! What happened to you?”

           Through sobs, Ken explained. His dad was angry when Ken came home, chunkier than when he left. “No star athlete son of mine will be a fat hog.” So Ken left, eating whenever he became upset. When he left the apartment earlier, he got a call from his dad saying how he was now disowned and his college wouldn’t be paid for anymore.

           “I don’t know what I’m going to do anymore, Tim. I really don’t. And now I’m some fat lardass who can’t stop eating.” Tim felt for the poor guy, knowing how far parents’ disapproval and disappointment can push a person. And there was Ken, sobbing on his kitchen floor, lasagna sauce around his mouth, little less than half a lasagna sitting next to him. That’s when Tim got the idea.

           “I know what you’re going to do.” He took the fork out of Ken’s hand, scooped some lasagna, and brought the fork to Ken’s quivering lips. Ken, wide eyed, opened up and swallowed the chunk whole. No words said.

           As the clumps of lasagna got bigger, and Ken managed to stuff more into this already stuffed gut, Tim’s clothes started to come off, and his free hand explored Ken’s body. He felt the bit, tight gut that was still being filled with lasagna. He felt the pecs that began to feel soft, rubbing his hand over Ken’s perky (and sensitive nipples). He looked below Ken’s belly and saw a rock-hard cock, constricted by a pair of tight underwear. He grabbed ahold of the cock and said “That’s right. Finish all this food big guy.” All Ken could do was groan in compliance and as he ate bite after bite, his cock began to get harder and leak pre cum. Tim managed to get Ken’s underwear off his chunky thighs and slowly stroked the big man’s cock as the lasagna was at last devoured. Tim leaned in and kissed Ken, tasting lasagna as Ken breathed deep. He sighed and came thick streams all over Tim’s arm. They kissed some more before Tim helped the stuffed and bloated Ken onto his feet and into the bedroom.

           In bed, right before Tim dozed off, Ken scooted down the bed and plopped Tim’s dick in his mouth. As the fat man worked Tim’s dick, thought of fattening up Ken took over his mind. Smaller clothes, stretchmarks, a bigger ass was all it took to make Tim shoot into Ken’s hungry mouth. As Ken got up on his knees, Tim swore Ken looked bigger than he did a few minutes previously.

           As his vision got blurry and his eyes heavy, Tim muttered, “I love you.”

           The last thing he heard as he felt a stuffed gut press against him was, “I love you too.”

On the Ravages of Aging

This little ficlet came about because I was disturbed by some of the OUaT Fandom’s reaction to Old!Hook in 6x11, Tougher Than the Rest.  So like a good little dork, I wrote out my feelings.

Beta’d by the admirable @icecubelotr44.  Rated G.


A few weeks after returning from the twisted Wish-reality, Emma begins to notice that something is a little off concerning her favorite pirate.

She doesn’t know, at first, what is bothering her.  There is nothing overtly obvious that makes her think ‘this is wrong’; it’s just a feeling, in the back of her mind, insisting that something is off.

So she starts watching Killian a little closer.  Her eyes follow him around the kitchen as he makes dinner and she watches him out of the corner of her eyes as they dress in the mornings.  And for the first few days, everything seems normal and she starts to tell herself that she was wrong, that everything is all right.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

What would US ,SF sans and UT,UF papyrus do if they spent all day making a romantic candel lit dinner complete with Thier "specialty dish" to surprise Thier s/o for thier one year anniversary only for the annoying dog to come in and obsorb it ALL!!

(Haha, oh no :’D Poor skeletons, the dog can really be mean sometimes)

US Sans: He prepared his “special-day tacos” just for you, he spend the entire day getting the ingridients, fresh from the nice store in hotland that even has all the spices he uses. Cooking the dish took hours, he made everything from scrach, the sauce, the spicemix to add to the meat, it was a lot of work and the kitchen looked like a battefiel afterwards, sauce and oil stained the walls and ceiling, grated chees was lying on the floor like fresh snow, vegetables were thrown all around the room and a lone salat leave hung from the ceiling lamp. He even got fancy, nice smelling lavender candles. 

Now he is just putting a few finishing touches to the table he prepared. The table has a ligth blue table cloth, a darker, smaller cloth in the middle, the different bowls and plates with the food are staying ontop of it. The pale purple candles are inside short, silver candle holders, framing the dishes from two sides. The plates are on opposite sides of the table, he wanted to set the table exactly how he saw in on of Napstatons late night dramas on TV.

He is polishing one of the knifes, finally satisfied with it when suddenly the white little dog Papyrus always lets into the house burtst out of his brothers room and lands one the table, flinging food and cutlery everywhere. And ot make things worser he somehow…absorbse everything. Sans stares at the empty table in shocks, when the dog spits out an empty bowl and a fork and runs away barking madly.

He starts crying on the spot, Papyrus rushing downstairs to find out what happend. The taller skeleton feels pretty guilty, since he let the dog in after all. He helps Sans to prepare some subtitue food, teleporting to the store to get some new candels and new dishes, since theirs are inside a dog at the moment. Sans isn’t completly satisfied with everything in the end, but the food is edible, and the table looks at least sligthly like it did before.

If your happy with it, he will be happy to.

SF Sans: The table in the living room is looking very classy, some simple white plates, with silver knifes and forks glinting besides them, a long, elegant candleholder in the middle, holding 3 ligth-blue candles, two plates with burritos on top of them, every plate holding some with a different filling, and three smaller bowls with sauces in them, carefully placed inbetween the plates. Everything placed on a simple, white tablecloth, with filigran ornaments on the edges.

Your chairs where placed on hte same side of a table, he never understood why poeple sit on opposide sides. He wanted to be close to you, and he couldn’t do that so far away. 

Sans stands beside his masterpiece, looking at it proudly, hands on his hips. He spend hours preparing the food alone, marinating the meat the day before, searching for recipes even weeks before, somehow managing to pay attention to all the recipe books he read. You should be home soon, and he can’t wait to show you what he made for you, already excited for the nice evening you two will share.

Then he hears barking behind him, turning around shocked to see the little white dog, Papyrus is so fond of, climb trough an open window. Sans tries to catch him, jumping onto him, but the dog slides out of his grip, umping onto the table and just absorbing one thing after the other, until the entire table is empty. The dog grabs the tishcloth, dragging it in his theet and jump back out of the window. 

Its earily quiet, Sans just stares at the window with dark eyesockets, before screaming loud enough that Papyrus can hear him from his sentry station in Waterfall. You come home to Sans screaming bloody murder, insulting everybody and everything, before he flings himself at you, sobbing into your chest about what happened.

Please order some food and give him lots of love, he really tried his best. You don’t even have to search for a place thats open, cause a card for some foodplace nearby gets thrown trough the window by a skeletall hand.

UT Papyrus: Papyrus took some cooking lessons from the nice bunny running the inn. He knows Undynes methods…aren’t really producing the best results, even though they are a hell lot more fun. But this time it’s not about the cooking, it’s about making the perfect spagetti dish. He made the sauce out of freshly bougth tomatoes, beeing very carefull not ot burn it, adding everything in there the recipe, the bunny gave him, told him to. He even got some of the fancy, three coloured noodles, cooked them precisly on time.

And the food turned out pretty good. He usually didn’t eat his own cooking, but he started taste tasting his dishes after taking the cooking lessons, and this one was tasty. He placed some red candles into two silver candleholder, covered the table with a white tablecloth, placed a vase with one single rose in there on the table between the candles. He placed the bowl with the noodles on the rigth side of the vase, and one with the sauce on hte left side, making the table look nice, and the food easy to reach for both of you. 

He placed the plates on opposide sides of the table, everything like it was written in his date manual. He looked at everyting satisfied, sighing a quiet nyeh, beofre turning around to go up to his room and put on his dateoutfit. He stopped wearing it beneath his battlebody after you two started dating, because he was able to always plan dates now, and didn’t had to be prepared for a sudden date.

Almost upstairs he heard bowls fall to the floor downstairs, rushing back he saw the small white dog absorbe the last few noodles, and the vase with the floores, everything else already gone. Papyrus screamed after the dog, who ran as soon as he saw Papyrus trying to catch him. The dog simply jumped trough the window, Papyrus following rigth away. But the dog was long gone, when he landed on the other side.

You find him softly nyohohoin on the porch outside. When you two enter you will find a couple of hotdogs and some bottles of an unbrandet softdrink, while the door to Sans room quietly clicks closed upstairs.

UF Papyrus: He made lasagna from the best meat he could find, cooking it to perfection. He got red long candles, placing them in black, shining candlesholders. The tablecloth is a black in contrast to the white plates,  even when trying to be classy, he just couldn’t reastrain his edgy side. He placed the plate with the lasagna in the middle, the candleholders to the side of it. The silver cutlery was polished and placed next to the plates. Everything was spotless, actually the entire house was even a bit cleaner then usuall.

Satisfied with the result of hours of work, he went upstairs to shower, and put on a fancy shirt and tie. Of course the black and red colour combination stayed even with this clothes. He put on a bit of eyeliner, making his sligthly angular eyes seem rounder then usual. Finally also happy with his looks, he went downstairs to wait for you there and watch some TV. He really can’t  do nothing for longer time, so he settles for watching a bit of Mettatons show before you would come home.

Before his boney butt can even touch the couch, the door opens and Sans enters, followed by the small, annoying dog that followed him around sometimes. The dog immidiatly jumps onto the table, munching own the lasagna in one bite, absobring the entire table before neither skeleton can do anything about it.

Papyrus runs after the dog, who sprinted outside licking his fangs, throwing bones at him, trying to cage him in somehow. Sans just starts laughing madly in hte background, falling to the floor with tears in his eyes. Papyrus slumps down in the middle of the path outside their house and stays there until you see him sitting there on the way to his house.

He hugs you, telling you quietly what happened.You two go inside to at least spend a nice evening together, and find two plates containing microwaveble lasagna on the couch, the TV already turned on onto Papyrus favorite channel.