language is thought and spiders are black people

I’ve told you this story, right? About me falling sleep one time…I was twenty-four, I had a girlfriend, and I was staying at her place and we were asleep, naked, and I woke up and there was a sound of what I thought was like a moth had gone into my ear. I was laying on my left side, and something that sounded like a one man band uh, was in my brain. And I jump up naked and I’m running around the room screaming, and she’s laughing cause she thinks it looks hilarious. But I hear ‘Brrrrrrrrrrr!’, it’s that loud, and it’s freaking out, and I’m trying to hit my head and get it out. And I’m punching myself in the ear, and she’s like, 'What are you doing?’ and I’m like, 'There’s a moth! There’s a fly or a bug in my ear!’ And it was so loud, and it was nonstop 'Brrrrrrrrrr!’, like a beating, a flapping on my eardrum, and I punch myself in the head as hard as I can, dazing myself and the bug….I just dazed it and stunned it for a while. And it starts going again…and she turns a light on, but I have to turn my head up to the light, which makes it feel like gravity is going to bring it further into my brain…I was told later that if that happens, if a bug gets in your ear, pour alcohol in there. Like knock it out, get it drunk, fuck it up, at least then the insanity will stop. But I’m just losing my mind and punching myself. And she takes some tweezers out and tries to get it, and at long last, and it takes a long time. We’re both nude in the bathroom in the middle of the night. And she’s like, 'We’ll get you to the hospital’, but I’ll be insane by the time we get to the hospital, I seriously will lose my mind, it was freaking me out. And the noise was so loud, and now it’s scrambling around and I feel the sensation of it burrowing in, it’s going the wrong way…so she gets my head up this way to the light so the ear is pointing up, and she manages to put the tweezers down my ear, and manages to get half way into my brain and pulls out a spider the size of a nickle. And it flies out and we both scream, because it’s quite alive and it’s pretty scary looking. And it hits the ground running, so I barefoot, just go WAM! and stamp on it with a size thirteen and a half barefoot foot, and I lift up my foot, and it just shrugs it off and gets up and keeps running… it just fell down my ear, and they say that we eat lots of bugs in our sleep and don’t know it, but I finally managed to kill it, and for the rest of the time that we dated, which wasn’t long, she kept putting fake spiders in the bed, just to be I believe the word is 'asshole’. And it’s the worst. I used to sleep with like a pillow on my head and stuff. It’s terrible. So now sleep tight everybody.
—  Jeff B. Davis