I’ve read on a few blogs that some women think they are too fat to be a sugar baby. They think men only want thin,beautiful,white, barbie looking chicks.
I am 5'4. I am a size 10. Fuck it, size 12 on my fat days. I am short and prettyyyyy curvy. I have had two kids…so stretch marks baby. Oh, yeah, I am 25. Not a fresh-turn-turned 18 kind of girl. I also have 11 tattoos and this cute little nose stud.
I DO NOT have any trouble at all landing a SD. No, my SD isn’t old at all…he isn’t even 40. It’s actually a good mix of who gets hit on the most when him and I are out together. He’s veryyyyyy cute.
I do have blonde hair, and my make up is awesome, and my clothes are amazing…but, even when I had dark hair, still. I always look VERY well put together. I still turned heads.
Am I unhealthy? No. I do work out. I am actually, currently trying to lose weight. But will I go to Taco Bell at 3 am…..sure, every now and then.
Confidence is key! I promise you that. I always wear clothes that flatter my body type. I’ve joked with my SD saying “ugh I feel fat” but I have NEVER EVER SAID “I am fat.” Bitch no, I have a butt, boobs, round thighs, and hips he loves to grab onto when he is railing me from behind. If you carry yourself well, you will naturally turn heads. Every time I step outside, I view the world as my runway and all these people walking by are simply there to watch ME work my shit.
NO ONE wants someone that doesn’t take care of themselves. If you appear to be sloppy, then yes, you will not have an arrangement. I never point out my flaws to any man. Those are for me to worry about and bitch about when I am with my best friend.
It does hurt my feelings when I see women that say such mean things about THEMSELVES! If you can’t love yourself, trust me you won’t find a man who will love you, let alone want to spoil you. Do some soul searching hun.
EVERY MAN IS DIFFERENT. MEN WILL WANT CERTAIN TRAITS FROM A WOMAN. Find a man that wants you. And hey, if a POT went to your profile, winked at you, messaged you…guess what?!?!?! He likes the way you look. You need to showcase how fun you are, intelligent you are.
There will be challenges, yes. But finding your perfect SD is a challenge. Look at yourself, love yourself, and go get yourself a Sugar Daddy!
Just curious, I'm new to this whole SB thing and I wad wondering if you had some advise like Do's and Do not's. Please and thank you
Welcome to the sugar bowl! I’m still learning myself but here are the things that have stuck with me:
Do: Be patient! There are so many salts and Splenda but there’s sugar through it all!
Do: Market yourself to be the classy bad ass bitch that you are.
Do: Always look your best.
Do: Practice your Kegels ⚓️
Do: Realize that you’re worth way more than these men are offering you. You’re worth AT LEAST 4k per month.
Do: Have respect for ALL sex workers. Even though you might not call sugaring sex work, it is. We’re all doing it for the same reason. (Not saying it’s not possible to have a platonic SD) We’re all trying to make that money honey 😘
Do: Use a fake number and email. I use the app “Text Now” and made a yahoo account. “Google Voice” is also very popular amongst other SB’s.
Do: Verify these men! First, I reverse image search their pictures if they have any using an app called “Veracity”. If nothing comes up there’s an app called “BeenVerified” , I bought the upgrade (it’s worth it!) and I enter his phone number. It usually tells me his name. In addition to his name it shows his file containing his address, phone number, criminal record, property, relatives, etc etc. everything you need to know. Then for more into I just google his name and make sure he’s the real deal. Sometimes I go on Facebook and I stalk his pictures. If you need help verifying his info I’ll gladly help you. There’s no shame in my game 💅🏽💁🏽
Do: Realize that it’s exhausting and it’s a lot harder than some SB’s make it out to be.
Do: Realize some people get lucky quick! That doesn’t mean that you’re not gonna land your SD soon.
Do: Tell someone where you are when meeting with a POT or SD. Whether you post it on tumblr, or you text your best friend. Let someone know.
Do: Use protection. Can’t have STD’s or babies round here 😉
Do: Save your money!
Do: Let him bring up how much allowance. You might say 4K not knowing he was thinking 8k but he’ll settle for 4K since that’s what you mentioned. No no. We want the bank. “What’s a comfortable and reasonable allowance for you to give me?”
Do: Respect his life. If he upsets you, don’t go running to his wife! SB’s aren’t home wreckers.
Do: Ask him about his previous arrangements if he’s ever been in any.
Do: Realize that if you’re serious about this SB life, you’re gonna be on your phone a lot!
Don’t: Get into the car on the first date. You’re vulnerable and he can take advantage.
Don’t: HAVE SEX WITH HIM BEFORE HE GIVE YOU AN ALLOWANCE!!. Don’t please!! Some of these men are dogs, they’ll use you and never give you what you’re owed. Make sure he gives you your allowance before any intimacy has taken place. Whether he gives you half or the whole thing before is your preference.
Don’t: Go to his house on the first, second, or third date. Don’t go to his house unless you truly trust him! A man can change and take advantage of a beautiful young lady real quick.
Don’t: Use pictures that you already have on social media. Men will find it and protecting ourself is the most important. Take new pictures and don’t post it anywhere but your dating website. Don’t send existing photos to your POT
Don’t: Accept large checks. We want everything cash baby. Or gift card, or pay pall. There’s a risk the check can bounce and why risk that? We don’t want that.
Don’t: Deposit more than $2k in at one time and more than $10k per year. IRS will catch on and investigate. Pay your bills via money order. It’s easier.
Don’t: Send nudes with your face unless you truly trust him. We all know how hateful men can be.
Don’t: Give him your real name. Address. Email. Nothing. (Unless you want to but I wouldn’t recommend)
Don’t: Let these men hurt you. If he says something hurtful, block him. Fuck him. He’s a dick.
Don’t: Beat yourself over losing a POT. Thinking about what you should of said, what you should of done. There’s so many other POT’s don’t be stressed over one.
Don’t: Be with an SD just because the allowance is high. He needs to make you happy, you need to feel comfortable around him. Not something you just tolerate. If he truly disgust you, if he’s a pig, he’s rude and he disrespects you. Don’t put up with him. There are plenty more SD’s in the bowl.
That’s the gist. I’m trying to remember more, if I do I’ll post it 😘❤️
A sugar relationship could be whatever two people can agree on as long as the sugar brings “value” to both parties. As to when to bring this up, we don’t think there is anything wrong with asking about sugar early in the process by either the SD or SB.
Most of us SB’s agree that parameters and expectations should be discussed and confirmed BEFORE meeting for the first time, by email, texts or phone conversations. You don’t want to have conversations about allowances, and expectations when meeting face to face whilst trying to get to know if you have a genuine connection to want to actually proceed to a relationship.
Unlike normal dating, you shouldn’t leave things open ended and see what happens, otherwise the process could drag on without any tangible results.
If there is no travel involved, maybe you can discuss sugar when you meet in person. But if there is travel involved, then you should have a clear understanding of what each other’s expectations are before making travel arrangements.
We understand some people may misrepresent themselves, so there is an issue of trust and respect as well. Do you think the Pot you’re talking to can be trusted and has respect for you? Does the SB have a genuine interest in her potential SD? That’s a judgment call each person will have to decide for themselves.
SB’s need to be realistic about what is a reasonable allowance to ask a potential SD to consider, that will also take into account her expenses and location.
SD’s need to be able to plan to have an SB in their life, and be fiscally reliable in that relationship too.
This is a lifestyle choice and is NOT for everyone.
Different people have different lifestyle needs, especially geographically where the rents/expenses are higher than other towns and cities.
SB’s should include travel costs to meet their SD’s when discussing an allowance.
$10K/$20K a month SD’s are rare but they do exist. However they are all about looking to building trust with their SB’s first. As a new SB, don’t think that a millionaire SD will land in your lap!
Allowance concepts and levels range widely, however, if an SD is seeking a great Sugar Baby and wants the best of those ladies who are extremely selective to meeting the right kind of Sugar Daddy they want to engage with because they seek a connection that matters to them.
A high-class Sugar baby can offer her partner a genuine connection, be articulate, always well dressed and classy, beautiful and intelligent and most important of all - not desperate to land anyone who can just pay their bills and not care about anything else their SD can offer intellectually and emotionally.
(Please note this is based on general experience of the SB’s polled on our site and on social networking sites and are a guide ONLY)
Minimum Expectation: $1,500 - $2K per meeting = appears to be the minimum amount an SD will be spending on an SB he is serious about establishing the relationship with or for those starting out or dipping into the lifestyle.
This amount decided by both parties, say for example $2K is usually paid for a per meet (once or twice a month) basis, for some of the girls here, they said that that would entail between approx. 3-5hrs r espectively in an afternoon or evening with their SD, until the relationship is established due to difficulties in deciding what both parties foresee in the future of the arrangement or until the relationship is settled down to its natural course, as all new relationships eventually do.
What tends to happen in this scenario is that both parties review the situation after a few months or if they are happy with the arrangement, just continue as they are. Some people skip this level of allowance of a per meet basis and go straight into a monthly arrangement. Normally this suits the SD’s that have determined their financial reliability to commit to a monthly arrangement on an ongoing basis.
The following levels are usually set up for most established men who can afford to provide a more serious investment in their sugar Baby on a monthly basis - especially if she is exclusive to him and a monthly commitment (normally paid in advance or half at the beginning of the month and half mid-way or at the end of the month)
$3.5K - $5K = appears to be the average amount spent on an SB in the USA for a more serious relationship and most couples don’t appear to have a specific limit to the number of times they meet. It just tends to be more spontaneous and when it’s mutually convenient. Some new couples use this amount too when they wish to engage in a monthly arrangement and not a per meet arrangement.
$5K - $10K= appears to be the average amount spent on an SB in the major cities and for those SD’s who have seriously decided to get into the lifestyle with one special SB over a longer period. For some of us ladies who are in this realm who have been with one SD for some length of time, explain that it’s a natural progression to discuss an increase in allowance levels when both parties realize they only want to see each other and come out of the “sugar bowl”.
$10K - $20K= Established/older SD’s seem to spend on an SB in the USA for a kept SB or Mistress. This amount would include costs for housing, cars, expenses etc. as well as cash.
$20K plus = Yeah, he can afford it! He is the ultimate SD where money is no object and he wants only the best SB he can find. Usually at this level, the relationship is on an exclusive basis.
These arrangements can be paid monthly or per meet (example: if your SD can only see you twice a year or once a month etc.), depending on what makes you both comfortable. It is very important that the SD stays committed to the agreed amount and is reliable in providing the allowance to the SB on the agreed date and for the agreed amount without being prompted or asked for it by his SB. Methods of how the allowance is given to the SB differs with every relationship and should be discussed so as not to cause any discomfort or embarrassment.
From our own poll on this question, most of us SB’s prefer their allowance in cash inside an envelope or inside a card or thoughtful note and given to them in a discreet manner.
Also an important point; should the SD cancel or change his dates, the allowance should STILL be payable to the SB.
She has committed her time to making time to get ready, adjust her schedule for a meeting and is relying on you to provide a regular and ongoing arrangement.
SD’s should discuss what happens with the allowance should he cancel a meet or needs to change the parameters.
Also there are SD’s that are allowance daddy’s only or gift daddy’s only or a combination of both. Some established SB’s keep a wish list of items for their friends and SD’s to purchase gifts from when he feels so inclined.
It’s up to the SB to be assertive and ASK for what she wants. You can always negotiate or agree to review every couple of months to see how you both feel about any increases or changes.
Some SD’s bring a small gift on the first date, (hey some of us love flowers too) but most SB’s will not insist that they do. However if an SB has to travel, it is expected that the SD will cover all her costs for the first date.
NOTE to both SD’s and SB’s - once you’ve agreed the arrangement, don’t start changing things half way through the relationship unless it’s mutually agreed. It can destroy the trust and shorten the relationship.Other Expectations
Points to also discuss is expectations of intimacy by BOTH parties.
Some SD’s are not seeking this and just wish to have a lovely intelligent companion. Other SD’s expect intimacy at some point and you must both be open and honest about your feelings on thsi subject for it to work. If you are likely to become intimate, be sure to discuss your views about safe sex. A healthy and safe sex life is important.
How often you expect to meet is something to also discuss. Obviously nothing is set is stone, so a general idea to get a feel for what the expectations are in terms of mutual availability.
Neutral location/ his or her place?
Discretion is important to most experienced SB’s and to most married SD’s so the Pot/SD should suggest a nice, comfortable and safe location for both parties to enjoy their time together.
Communication between meets is a debateable subject here. Some younger SB’s loathe the idea of being constantly in communication with their SD’s. The older or more experienced SB’s want a genuine ongoing connection and encourage communication between meets with their SD’s.
The key to this lifestyle is to always be open, honest and respectful of the parameters set between both parties at ALL times. Obsessive, jealous behavior or not keeping promises or sticking to the terms of the arrangement is destructive in this lifestyle. Also, leave the drama and baggage at home. This is supposed to be a fun time for both of you and not a nightmare!
Just my two cents. Everyone has different experiences but in all my years this is what I have noticed.
It isn’t necessarily about how much a date costs a POT, but more about where he takes you and what time of day/week that may be.
Sometimes schedules dictate the time of day/week, but more often than not a POT will take you someplace based on how they see the future relationship unfolding.
My general rule of thumb is:
Weekend verus Weekday
Weekend dates are the best. I don’t mind missing out on other activities if it means I have a promising POT date. Especially since most of my weekend activities tend to go all night anyway so I can always show up to said event after my date. An older gentleman is usually willing to go on weekend dates with someone he is very serious about getting to know. He is likely more serious about the whole SD/SB thing in general. He doesn’t mind canceling or rearranging his plans to accommodate you. Or, if he doesn’t really have any plans and is kind of a lone wolf, he is more likely to become attached to you so he finally has someone to hang out with on weekends. Expect weekend getaways to fun locations, if you start an arrangement.
Weekday dates are usually easier and less work. He is likely meeting up with you right after work but before going home to the wife and kids (if he is married, obviously). These dates tend to start a little earlier in the evening and will be more cut and dry. He will likely bring up the details of the arrangement earlier in the date to get that part out of the way and see how much time he should invest. On weekdays, time is money. He has to go to work in the morning and doesn’t want to be out all night for no reason. Weekday dates are the best way to land a married SD (my favorite kind). His weekends are usually dedicated to his family and therefore you won’t be going on many getaways with him but may accompany him on business trips.
Day versus Night Evening/Dinner dates usually mean the guy is very serious. He might be Splenda but he will be very serious about his Splendaness.
Day/Lunch dates usually mean the guy is not sure about the whole SD/SB thing and doesn’t want to disrupt his other evening plans just for you.
Trendy, Upscale Bougie Cocktail Lounge and Eatery He wants to show you off and see how you do in such an environment. Depending on which city you live in, he may be testing the waters to see if you can handle yourself around celebrities, powerful business men and others who are in an “older man, younger woman” relationship. You will likely see other SBs at these types of places and you will definitely see celebrities if you live in NYC, Chicago, LA or similar locations. Dress is usually similar to going to a club but perhaps with a slightly longer hemline.
If you can handle yourself appropriately (according to him) and other men check you out in this sea of beautiful people, you are IN. This guy will likely be a very good SD assuming this isn’t a ploy and he isn’t pure salt. Expect nice hotels, fabulous restaurants, shopping sprees and surprise gifts on top of a hefty allowance. He wants a fun girl and will provide luxury experiences as long as you keep it fun. Let loose around this type. He wants you to be the center of attention in any crowd without forgetting that he is the one you are going home with.
Upscale, Classy, Expensive Restaurant
He is taking you here because he wants to impress you. This type of setting isn’t so much about seeing how you act in public but more about how you carry yourself as a person in general. Please, thank you, napkin on your lap, using the correct fork, ordering the appropriate wine for your meal, etc. are all things he will notice. Doing something wrong may not be a deal breaker but it may make him lower his offer without you even realizing it. Dress is usually more conservative and less colorful. A figure hugging dress that hits just above the knee with some modest (3-4 inch) heels. You can show a tad of cleavage but don’t over-do it. A guy who chooses this type of restaurant is looking for someone who won’t embarrass him or draw much attention while in public.
He will likely be a stable SD (again, assuming he isn’t pure salt) and will offer a modest allowance and will treat you with the utmost respect at all times. This type of SD tends to be the most work, in my experience. You have to be “on” more often than not with this type.
The only exception to this rule with this type of location is if it is a day date. Day dates at restaurants that are usually only busy after 8 p.m. is a sign that he wants to avoid crowds all together. He may be embarrassed by the idea of you two together OR he may frequent that restaurant so often that it no longer feels special to him so he doesn’t mind going there during the day.
Casual, moderately priced, semi-trendy restaurant A guy who takes you to a simple, no-frills type of restaurant is likely looking for the same thing in his SB. He wants you to be casual, easy-going, and fun without being wild. Smiley, girl next door types will do well with this type of SD because you are basically exactly what he is looking for without even trying. Dress for this type of restaurant is casual cool. You can get away with jeans and a trendy top and heels. If you wear a dress, a sundress or girlish dress are good options. Your makeup and hair should still be on point regardless of outfit choice. You can drink a little more at this type of restaurant because chances are it has a casual and fun vibe. These types of places are usually loud with other people’s conversations.
This type of SD is good for a moderate allowance, gifts, trips and fun adventures. He may not buy you Louboutin every month but he will buy you smaller gifts if you simply ask. You will likely stay in business class all the time, including hotels. This isn’t a bad thing at all. You will still be comfortable and it’s still better than making your own bed or flying coach.
Cafe or Diner
These places are usually reserved for day dates. Guys that choose this type of place are usually salt or Splenda, in my experience. They are looking for more of a girlfriend than anything and don’t see the point in “pulling out all the stops”. These are the guys that tend to say they don’t want it to feel like an arrangement. If you choose to pursue a guy who chooses this type of place, be prepared to divulge your entire life story in detail. Since it is during the day, without the sexiness and allure of the night, it encourages the conversation to become very familiar, quickly. Dress for this type of restaurant is simple. Jeans, cute sandals and a low cut or v-neck shirt are appropriate and really all he deserves given the location.
These types of guys can turn out to be good for a decent pay-per-meet arrangement but they likely won’t be very reliable and may never really spoil you.
And this is why I always try to get the guy to choose a restaurant and day of the week. Even if I have to suggest a place or day, I give two or three very different options and then let him pick from those. What he picks says a lot.
Also, please note: These all are based on an actual planned first or second date. Where you meet a POT while freestyling doesn’t really factor into this at all. If you meet a guy at Starbucks and he then takes you to an upscale, bougie lounge… you are winning.
You were right about him. After we meet at the hotel for breakfast we talked more about things. I have another question. How do you know if a POT has experience sugaring? He has gave me a few signs other than being in public. This is my first time, but I seem to know more than him just from reading and researching about things. Then he keep asking me am I sure that this is what I want to do.
This ask was followed up by the
following direct message:
I’m new to this and I’ve been messaging
you about the guy who I thought could be sweet talking me and wants to travel.
So another question in addition to the one about how do you know if they have
experience or not. Are allowances usually broken down into weekly payments
because thousands are much to withdraw?
The way to figure out if a POT has experience sugaring is to
observe and listen to him and to draw your own conclusions. There is no secret in determining whether a SD “has experience”. Further, he can fib to you about all the SBs he has had in the past, so you cannot just rely on his words! You have to “read between the lines” while he talks and watch how he acts. For example, he keeps asking you whether you are sure that you want to do this. Now, that is a sweet and considerate question, for sure, and shows me that he is respectful, but, I gotta tell you, no experienced SD will ever ask you that, and, if he does, he’ll only ask once! An experienced SD knows that yes means yes, no means no, and maybe means no! lol. I actually think he keeps repeating that question to you because he is really asking himself the same question. So, you need to get him to “yes”!
Clearly you have already done what I have told you to do, and your
conclusion, which is probably right, is that this is the guy’s first
rodeo! And, that’s okay! What you need to do is to take him by the
hand and take the lead! And, I understand
that it’s your first time as well, but, you have done your research so you have
a pretty good idea about how things should work.
You have a good opportunity here to “teach” this guy how to
transition from a good POT to a good SD.
Take control of the situation. So, tell
him that yes, you are sure that this is what you want to do and gently, but firmly,proceed to show him how it’s done! This is
how to do that:
Tell him what it is you want in an arrangement. Tell him how many times a month you are
interested in meeting, how much time you would like to spend together each time
and what sorts of things you will be doing.
You also need to get on the same page regarding the sexual aspects of
your arrangement. Be direct and
straight-forward about all of these details.
Be professional, but you can be playful, flirtatious and little naughty
as well to get him excited!
Define the boundaries that you and he must observe. In other words, make it clear that this
arrangement is separate and distinct from your “vanilla” lives and that he is
not going to be your boyfriend and cannot make demands on your time and
attention apart from the time that you are together. You, of course, agree to those same
terms! Discuss any necessary restrictions on texting at certain times, calls, things like that.
Finalize the details of the allowance. Decide whether he is going to pay you a
monthly allowance or if he pays you each time that you meet. Either way is fine and just depends on your
mutual comfort levels. Regardless of whether the allowance is paid monthly or per meet, agree to a specific amount that he is going to provide you. Don’t be shy talking about that! I’ll address your
specific question about the payment of allowance below
Get that first envelope in your hands. This, of course, is critical. In other words, he does not get to call you
his SB, with all the benefits that confers, until you have got your money!
And, when that is done, show him what a SB can do! You don‘t need any advice for this, just rock his world!
Now, getting to your second question, about allowances,
there is no “standard” way of structuring it.
You can do it as a monthly payment, paid all at one time in the
beginning of the month, or on a per meet basis.
Based on your question, I gather that the two of you talked a bit about
the allowance and that he told you that he would prefer to do it weekly because
that will make it easier for him to withdraw the cash from the bank. That’s fine, nothing “shady” about that. As long as you are happy with the amount that
he pays you and as long as you get it reliably, that’s all that matters! A lot of SBs receive their allowance on a per
I think you are ready to land your first SD,
sugar! I’m excited for you! Go and “seal the deal” and have a great time!
I’ve read through aspiring SB blogs and noticed a theme of how you think you will land a SD within a couple months, if not a month. For any ladies thinking of diving into the bowl, please do not set those expectations because you’re only going to set yourself up for disappointment. You may get tons of messages from whichever site you’re using but that doesn’t mean anything, except maybe you’re cute as f. Get it girl.
ANYWAYS.. You’re going to have to filter through your messages. You will probably get messages from guys you are not attracted to, or attracted to but cannot stand their lame ass personality, stupid jokes or creepy lines. I will assume you already know that you should avoid this type because in the long run you will want to slit your wrists. I do not care if they are offering lots of $$$ - you should not lower your standards for a guy that will drain you emotionally. Don’t be desperate.
Use your best judgement. Some may ask you information regarding your exact location, phone number etc. after a few messages. Don’t answer that, and stop talking to him. That’s a level 100 of sketchy. If you did answer it, re-evaluate your life and fucking move.
There will be the guys that message you offering you the world. You then go to visit their profile and read “Annual Income: 100k” LOL, yeah okay. Most likely he is trying to charm you into the sheets or get nudes. Block.
What I am trying to say is that it does take time. If you successfully land someone in the first month, that’s great - you’re lucky. If you don’t, keep trying - no you are not ugly or fat. Don’t get discouraged. You just haven’t came across the right SD for you. I would rather wait than put up with some weirdo.
I brush off
the dust, the cobwebs,
say sorry to my mother, my father, who
already knew I’d collapse
never thought I’d rise
This is when
the ashes breathe again,
with fire in my throat and
sparks in my eyes.
Falling stars must land