land amsterdam

15. “Are you still awake?” 62. “It’s okay to cry!” WORDS: 1.696 WARNINGS: Smut Shawn Mendes x Reader

Authors nore:Ups, i may have gotten carried away. I hope you like it!

I live in Germany, Munich to be precise which means I’m 6.750,39km away from my boyfriend Shawn Mendes. This really does make our relationship a lot harder. We met when I went to one of his concerts with my little sister and to be honest of course I was a big fan of him. I don’t know what happened but I instantly fell for him when I saw him behind the black curtain where you go to the meet and greets and lets say, so did he.

It was in the middle of the night when my phone rang. I rubbed my eyes and grabbed my phone. “Hello?” I mumbled still sleepily.

“Y/N, are you still awake?” Shawn almost whispered into the phone.

“It’s 3am Shawn, but now I am awake.” I chuckled lightly. “What’s wrong why are you calling me?”

He waited a while until he answered. “I can’t sleep.” I sat up a little in my bed.

“Where are you right now and how late is it there?”

“Amsterdam and the same time as in Germany.” I could hear how tired he sounded and I knew that he needed sleep. His schedule was very busy and he hasn’t been home or had a time of for two and a half month. Shawn is a guy who really loves his family and friends and he sometimes needs his mom to comfort him when times get rough. It’s not always easy being famous I mean you hardly have time for yourself.

“Poor boy.” I wish I could be there and caress him until he could fall asleep.

“I don’t know if I can do this any longer, Y/N..” Shawn whispered and I could hear his voice crack showing me that he was about to cry. “People can be so cruel sometimes. They say so much bad stuff about you or me or my family and I can’t understand why they would do something like that. Why can’t they just leave it?”

“I know it gets hard sometimes but you are doing so well! I am so proud of you Shawn because you achieved so much in your live already. Have you called your mom or dad lately?”

I heard him sniff a little bit. “Everyday. I miss them so much which makes it even harder the last few weeks and I miss you so much babygirl.” He tried very hard not to cry but he couldn’t fight the tears.

“Baby it’s okay to cry!” I reassure him. “Everybody sometimes has a time where nothing feels right, I do too. But that time will go away, I promise.”

“I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too, handsome. Only a few more months. Hold on for me okay?” I tried to comfort him.

“Mhm. I love you, Y/N!” He stopped crying.

“I love you too. Now go get some sleep Shawn. It will get better.”

And with that we hung up but I couldn’t go back to sleep. I had to think of the love of my life laying in his hotel bed alone, crying himself to sleep because he doesn’t know how to cope with all that anymore. I couldn’t let that go and I had a plan. Amsterdam is a one and a half hour flight from Germany so I decided that I will fly to him tomorrow. I went back to sleep excited for tomorrow.

The next day I told my mom about Shawn and she agreed with me going to Amsterdam so I packed my suitcase and she drove me to the airport. I had to wait 2 hours for my flight so I wrote Shawn. It’s been so long since I saw him and I could not be happier. I have summerbreak so my mom allowed me to stay with him for two months and I was so excited.

After one and a half hour I landed in Amsterdam and Geoff, who knew my plan, picked me up from the airport.

“He is looking awful.” Geoff said as I got into the car. “He is feeling awful.” He added.

“That’s why I am here.” I have bought a big heart balloon at the airport and tried to fit it in the car. The rest of the ride we talked about the tour and where we are going next. My nervousness grew even if I knew that he’d be happy to see me but it’s been a while so I am nervous and excited.

We pulled up the arena Shawn was performing today. My plan was to walk in on him having soundcheck. When we got there I already heard him play ‘Hold on’. I walked from the back of the arena with my balloon in the direction of the stage where he was playing. He saw me but you could see on his face that he couldn’t identify me because I was too far away and he probably thought I was a fan. I was now in the fifth row when he stopped singing and his jaw dropped.

“Y/N?!” He screamed putting his guitar down, jumped of the stage and started running towards me. I giggled and started running as well until I jumped into his arms and he spun me around covering me in kisses. “I missed you so much.” He mumbled in between kisses while I giggled. “So so much.”

“I missed you too!” I cupped his face in my hands and pressed a delicate kiss to his lips. After we pulled apart I buried my face in the crook of his neck leaving sloppy kisses there making Shawn hum in pleasure. I was still in his arms as he walked me to the stage and set me there standing between my legs.

“I got you something.” I giggled and gave him the balloon I bought making him chuckle.

“Well thank you.” He said pressing another kiss to my lips.

“Now go finish your soundcheck.” I said pushing him lightly so could jump down the stage. I grabbed a chair and sat down and listened to him. After that he had an amazing show with me in the crowed being his biggest fan.

Back at the hotel I went into the shower. Suddenly I heard the bathroom door creak and Shawn walking in the bathroom with just his briefs. He slowly took it off, his eyes never leaving mine. I bit my lower lip as he joined me in the shower. His big soft hands instantly found their way to my waist as he pulled me closer to him our bare chests touching. I went to my tiptoes pressing my lips hungrily to his. His hands travelled to my breasts softly cupping them. A soft moan left my lips and I pushed him backwards until he was leaning against the tiles of the shower. I left his lips and placed kisses down his jawline, his neck until I found his sweet spot and softly started sucking on it making him moan.

I continued leaving kisses to his collarbone then travelled to his chest nipping in his skin from time to time until I was down on my knees. I grasped his shaft in my hands and slowly let my tongue flicker over his tip, releasing a moan from his throat. I took him in mouth as much as I could and grabbed the rest with my hand starting to bump up and down.

“Holy shit.” Shawn moaned as his hands got tangled in my hair and he softly tugged on it. I started going faster as I felt Shawn’s high coming close. His constant moans turning me on even more.

“I-I’m close babygirl.” I nodded going faster, howling my cheeks out. I looked up at Shawn as he moaned, his eyes closed, his head tilted backwards and his cheeks slightly blushed as he released himself into my mouth. I let him ride out his orgasm then I got up.

“You look so gorgeous, Y/N.” Shawn whispered and turned me around so my back was against his chest. One of my hands wandered around his neck, I rested my head on his chest as his hands cupped my breasts. “I missed you so much.” He breathed against my neck making me shiver. I couldn’t find any words so I just nodded. “You made me feel so good, now I have to pay you back, haven’t I?”

“Mhm.” One of his hands travelled down my body as the other lingered on my breast. He started kissing my neck sucking at my sweet spot, making me moan. He knew I had a thing for hickeys.

Suddenly he turned off the shower and walked out , he grabbed a towel and handed it to the confused me. “Dry yourself.” He ordered and I did as I was told. As we both were dry he walked me to the king-sized bed of his hotel room. He gently pushed me down at the mattress and hovered over me. I gently let my hands wander over his muscular chest feeling him flex under my touch. He hungrily smashed his lips to mine and I reached up to cup his face, immediately matching his rhythm.

“S-shawn.” I whisper breathlessly. “I need you.” I try to press my legs together so I could stop the burning between my legs.

“Slowly babygirl.” He leaves sloppy kisses down my chest, stopping at my breasts slightly nipping at them. I bucked my lips up showing him where I needed him the most. I definitely couldn’t wait any longer. It took Shawn my surprise as I flipped us over straddling his hips, slowly grinding my hips against his.

“Someone’s needy.” He smirked at me.

“Shut it, Mendes.” I said blushing as his hands find their way to my hip. He flipped us over again and lowered himself on his elbows. He ran his tip along my folds teasingly, tutting softly when I tried to rock back on him

I groaned. “Please, Sh-“ and before I could finish my sentence he thrust into me gently. Soft moans filled the air as he started to move back and forth. My hands weave through Shawn’s hair, tugging on it softly, releasing a moan from his throat.

He placed his head in the crook of my neck, his hot breath leaving goosebumps on my skin and murmured “Mmm. You feel so good around me babygirl.”

“F-faster, please.” He picked up the pace and my hands travelled from his hair to his back slightly scratching it as he got faster.

“F-fuck Shawn.” I whimpered in between moans.

“Shhh babygirl. You don’t want anyone to hear us do you?” He whispered and covered my lips with his in a hungry kiss. “I missed you so much.”

“I m-missed you too.” He got faster as moans constantly left our mouths.

“I-I’m so close.” I breathed out and he nodded.

“Come for me princess.” He picked up the pace and I felt my orgasm wash over me, my walls automatically clenching around him, forcing a moan to fall from his lips. His thrusts becoming weaker as he came into the condom. He nuzzeled his face into the crook of my neck, riding out his orgasm with slow thrusts until he collapsed next to me.

We laid next to each other breathlessly, my head resting on his chest.

“I’m glad you are here.” He whispered as his hands ran up and down my back. “I feel so much better now.” He chuckled and I giggled.

“I love you, my handsome.”                          

“I love you too, gorgeous!” He pressed a soft kiss to my head as we both fell asleep.


Hashish has captivated my mind since I first smoked some that was stuck to a pin & covered with a cup back in 1975… it was Moroccan Red that had just ‘arrived’ and I was fortunate enough to be a young & newly indoctrinated 'stoner’ who had been taken out of a severe childhood depression by coming into contact with cannabis. The experience with the hashish from Morocco was so profound that I felt I had been given a second chance & a new purpose in my life, like I had come into contact with a new light that illuminated the world differently. I starting working for growers & growing my own at a young age (younger than is allowable by Prop 64’s new penalties). Cannabis & the pursuit of the most powerfully medicinal hashish became a focal point in my life. When other kids were planning for college, I had landed to go to Amsterdam, what I learned & who I met there would see me visit Morocco, Algeria, Lebanon, Cyprus, Northern Iraq, Afghanistan, India, Burma & Thailand in my first decade as an adult. I kept growing herbs & refining my skills along the way, I became a great smuggler, a so-so dealer (to further deepen my connection to the cannabis plant as I committed myself more & more, parallel to my own country unleashing a mushrooming war on drugs, which drove me further underground) I traveled from LA to Hawaii to NorCal to NYC on 3 month cycles, setting up automated indoor systems in several locations, working for then creating my own delivery service in NYC, smuggling hashish, bails of mota, making my own hash in LA, Hawaii & NorCal, watching friends & acquaintances have their lives ripped apart at every turn of the dangerous road, celebrating at Denis Peron’s party in SF when Prop 215 passed in 96’, falling to the same investigation that brought down Eddy Lepp in 04’, rebuilding slowly & quietly, only to watch Prop 215 become undermined by what I view as a terrible piece of legislation this last year as I watched a drug enforcement policy come as close as we have ever seen in my lifetime to being somewhat sane & compassionate (tho, still falling unreasonably short) now being rolled back to the early 80’s in rhetoric, & soon, I can imagine, actions… the art of making hash has been a foundation for all of those years, so today I will celebrate with some Moroccan style 'red hash’ made from a hash plant that came from North Africa & I aged in a sealed container for 2 yrs before turning into this hash… I only hope that these practices will flourish & continue, like they have for thousands of years, even tho Bekka Valley in Lebanon has been destroyed & opium cartels are disrupting much of the hash making in Afghanistan… please remember the real history of cannabis, it is so much older & more ancient than 4/20, even older than stories of man-gods rising from the dead after Roman crucifixtions… Happy Easter..🐣 (cont.)