My friends tried their best to lift up my mood yesterday (I felt like shit yesterday with all Sucker for Pain incident and my work)

- You know actually sex works like this: you rent a room in hotel, hold hands and watch Cartoon network the whole day. S&M is for smoke & mushroom I swear they taste great together. 

- Oh condoms are bubbles

- Yes and baby is being carried by a bird to your house

- Why not use FedEx tho that should be faster 

- I dont know its a tradition

- They should update this into newest biological research edition

- I don’t think they have time tho they’re busy with sex

- Did you just…

  • Harry: Damn, we are trapped in this room.
  • Ron: It's so bloody dark in here,good thing we have our wands.
  • Harry: Wait I have an idea.
  • *walks over to Hermione*
  • Hermione: Harry what are you doing?
  • *Harry grabs her, bends her back then forth, picks her up and shakes her, then sets her back on her feet.*
  • Harry: Damn, I was sure that was going to work.
  • Hermione: WHAT THE HELL HARRY!
  • Harry: What?! I thought if i shook you up you would start glowing.
  • Hermione: I am NOT a bloody glow stick!
  • Harry: Two words Hermione: "Brightest Witch"

Two jacksepticeye fans are walking through a post-apocalyptic hellscape.  The area is littered with scorched corpses and debris.  The first jacksepticeye fan finds a severed hand on the ground and picks it up.

“Wow!” says JSE fan #1.  “This is a nice hand!”

The second JSE fan looks at it and gasps.  “I know who that hand belongs to!” she declares.  “That’s the hand of Robbie the Zombie!”

The first JSE fan turns the hand over and over, trying to figure out what quality would indicate that this was Robbie’s hand, but can’t find anything.  “What made you come to that conclusion?” she asks.

The second JSE looks at her and says, “I based it on the thumbnail.”