lame superhero

New Overwatch Character Concept

It’s Tracer’s girlfriend Emily, but she’s not actually a hero so like, she’s got a really lame homemade “superhero” costume and a really corny “superhero” name, and all of her abilities are just fun, creative uses for household items. Her main weapon is a nailgun, her ult involves running people over with a minivan as she moves quickly across the map, she has no idea what Overwatch is or what she’s doing, she just loves her girlfriend and wants to help.

Nate hadn’t intended for anyone to see the lame drawing of his superhero costume. The absolute last person he wanted to see his drawing was Ray Palmer, CEO, billionaire, and designer of the coolest superhero suit Nate had ever seen in his life. Well, besides the one his grandfather had worn of course. But Ray’s suit was just a whole different level of amazing. There was no way he was going to be impressed with Nate’s childish doodles.

When Ray unfolds the drawing, Nate first tries to deny that he even drew it. Then tries to justify needing a suit and before he knows it, all of his insecurities about being just the “researcher” of the group instead of out there on the front lines come tumbling out of his mouth. Nate expects at least a little bit of mocking, and maybe even some false platitudes, but Ray only smiles and tells him that he understands how Nate’s feeling before diving into a spiel about getting around the Wild West. Nate’s trying to pay attention, but he’s too distracted by the warm feeling blooming in his chest.

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  • Hilbert: the Decima virus is totally dormant
  • Eiffel: *starts having coughing fits*
  • Hilbert: it's completely harmless
  • Eiffel: *starts having perception problems*
  • Hilbert: I know what I'm doing this time around even though I watched two people die from this before
  • Eiffel: *literally coughing up blood*
  • Hilbert: I have everything under control wow I'm a good scientist

Things We Knew About Dr. Hilbert Before Episode 25:

1. Russian, probably.

2. Multiple aliases.

3. Been on at least two Hephaestus missions; killed/disappeared most of first crew on Command’s orders.

4. …

5. …bees?

Things We Know About Dr. Hilbert After Episode 25:

1. His real name - Dmitri Ilych Volodin!

2. He had multiple siblings, most of whom were older than him, plus one younger sister, Olga! Plus cats!

3. Here I was going to get all excited because I thought his mention of the Volgograd meltdown would give us an age and hometown. But a bit of poking around didn’t turn up anything so…is this a fictional disaster? At the very least, Volgograd is a real Russian town, so I guess we know something.

4. He may know something about Eiffel’s family! Is this connected to what he knows about Eiffel’s past misdeeds?

  • goddard: i have sent a team of scientists up to space to observe red dwarf star Wolf 359
  • eiffel: you have fucked up a perfectly good team of incompetent people
  • eiffel: i have no toothpaste and cigarettes
  • eiffel: i have faced mutant plant monsters and slimy spiders
  • eiffel: I HAVE BEEN INJECTED WITH A LAME-O SUPERHERO ORIGIN STORY
  • eiffel: I HAVE ANXIETY

last night i had a dream where i was in the avengers as some really lame like z-list superhero but i was trying my best!! then i got punched in the face and blacked out and when i woke up all the avengers had gone to get ice cream without me and were laughing at me and i started crying then superman came down and told me it was okay and that i could be in the justice league instead bcos the avengers were jerks and tbh i don’t know what the moral of the story is??? don’t join the avengers bcos they will get ice cream without u then laugh @ ur misfortune

  • Tim Drake: batman?? he's just a lame superhero just a - [trips][hundreds of thousands of pictures of Batman spill from his jacket] j-just a mundane detective - these aren't mine I'm just- [gathering them up frantically sweating] listen I just - listen frick [thousands of pictures of Batman scatter across the floor] shit frick I'm holding them for a friend just liSTEN
The Signs as Lame Superheroes
  • Aries: Robin
  • Taurus: Leather Boy
  • Gemini: The Almighty Dollar
  • Cancer: Color Kid
  • Leo: Matter Eater Lad
  • Virgo: Arm Fall Off Boy
  • Libra: Squirrel Girl
  • Scorpio: Ant Man
  • Sagittarius: Rainbow Girl
  • Capricorn: Butt Woman
  • Aquarius: Brother Power the Geek
  • Pisces: Jean the Baton
  • p.s.: those are all "real", they all appeared in comics. Except one.

Really trying to get into #MrRobot but the lack of ethnic diversity throughout this story irks me. This show, like many others plays on the same old racist tropes of white males being portrayed as the smartest and most capable guy in the room. It is the white male super-tech, super-hacker, who is able to use his keyboard and control the whole world.  It’s the same old story of the white male superhero, a lame and tired chosen one white savior archetype who despite his scrawny bland appearance is portrayed as the most desired person in the narrative. It is tiring and done to death.

5

She never hesitated. Few people know what Shaw’s been through. And I worry sometimes she forgets: there’s a whole bunch of people who lose sleep over her getting back home. Maybe it doesn’t need to be said. Maybe we’re too dumb to say it.

Soldiers like her are rare. Women like Shaw… even more rare.