laid for the gods

13 years and I am still in love with this dumb insect wielding genius manchild who ruined my life the day I laid my eyes on him

Please God if alternate universes exist let there be one where I marry Shino Aburame and we have a happy life together 

heathers songs ft. alternate titles
  • beautiful: Teen Angst™
  • candy store: the mean girls are Petty And Pretty
  • fight for me: dude in trench coat punches a guy and now veronica is scared and horny
  • freeze your brain: 7/11 worship
  • big fun: dang dang diggity danga dang
  • dead girl walking: veronica fucks trench coat guy because she's angry
  • the me inside of me: steamy scene is over now time to murder a pretty girl
  • blue: drunk teenagers want to get laid and fail miserably
  • our love is god: drunk teenagers want to get laid and fail miserably, this time featuring murder
  • my dead gay son: gay dads mourn their gay sons
  • seventeen: jd you done fucked up
  • shine a light: why hasn't this teacher been fired yet
  • lifeboat: heather mac deserves better
  • shine a light (reprise): heather duke deserves to be punched in the face
  • kindergarten boyfriend: laughing and sobbing at the same time
  • yo girl: this song on an infinite loop describes anxiety pretty well
  • meant to be yours: jd doesn't know how to count to three
  • dead girl walking (reprise): congratulations, you played yourself
  • i am damaged: boom boom motherfucker
  • seventeen (reprise): the evil has been banished

I smile at her, she looks back at me and says “what?”… I reply “nothing.” But little does she know that she is the most stunning human being I’ve ever laid eyes on and I can’t help but fucking stare. God she’s just so beautiful. I adore her.

Playing Darkest Dungeon and my front-line melee character has a flaw which means he WOULD relax a lot of stress if he’d just get laid, but he’s too God Fearing to do anything but pray, and the mounting tension recently drove him Masochistic, so now he actively resists help while insisting that the pain and suffering is what gives him good character.

THAT’S real emergent gameplay. When your virtual Crusader independently re-derives Catholicism.

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
—  Hebrews 4:13
Just a little longer

Description: Damon wants you to stay in bed all day but you’ve got important things to do at school, although your temptations get the best of you and you end up staying for a little more than just cuddling.. xx

Character: Damon Salvatore x Reader

Warnings: Smut (M), Swearing

Word Count: 1340

I woke up to Damon breathing on my neck. He was spread across half of my body with his head resting in the crook of my neck and his arm across my chest. I could only turn my head so much without waking him up, although I managed to tilt my head just enough to look down at him, and god he was adorable. I laid there admiring him for a few minutes before taking my first shot at escaping his unconscious grasp.

I slid one leg out from under the sheets and off the side of the bed, the other soon following. Now, my upper body remained lying flat on the bed while my lower body was contorted off the side. “Damon”, I lightly whispered, trying to gracefully wake him, but still nothing. I shook a little, trying to wriggle my way out. He groaned and gripped me tighter so I immediately flung my legs back up onto the bed, stretching myself out once again.

At this point, I was seconds away from peeing everywhere; I needed to go desperately. I felt him moving around slightly although he maintained his grip on my chest. “Daaaamon”, I whispered a little louder, tensing my thighs together to stop the urgent flow of pee from evading but still nothing. It was time for plan B. I unhinged his fingers from my body, one by one, before finally holding his hand in mine. I picked it up and placed it next to him softly before wriggling out from underneath his head. Surprisingly, he was still dead asleep with no sign of waking anytime soon.

My feet lightly tapped the ground as I tried to make a break for the bathroom, looking back every few seconds to check that Damon was still asleep. He was. My teeth were gritted and my face was scrunched up as I flushed the toilet, not wanting the flow of water to be as loud as it was. Washing my hands was only a tad easier, only because I could control the pressure of water spilling out.

I tiptoed back out into Damon’s room to find him still asleep, I let out a sigh of relief and wiped my wet hands on his shirt that I was wearing. Crawling back onto the bed was a more difficult task than I had imagined. It required me not to make sudden movements and do everything at an awfully slow pace. I succeeded and crawled my way over to Damon before tucking myself back under his arm and cuddling into him.

“Nice try, babe”, he shot his eyes open and playfully glared at me. I was shocked to say the least, I seriously believed he was asleep. “Damn, I really thought my stealth skills were improving”, I laughed and Damon moved his head slightly to peck me on the lips. “Good morning gorgeous”, he smirked before rolling himself onto his back and staring at the ceiling. “Morning, yes. Good? Not so much”, I sighed. Damon turned his head to face me, “What’s wrong?”, he pouted. I looked over at the clock on the bedside table and turned back to Damon, “It’s 8am, I have school in half an hour”.

“Aw, no fun”, he sighed as he pulled my body on top of his chest. I looked down at him and glared, “No! Not today Damon. I really need to go to school, Mr Saltzman said if I miss any more history classes I won’t pass!”, I whined. “Well surely I can have a word to Mr Saltzman for you. He and I happen to be good friends”, Damon said with a smirk on his face. I paused for a moment and considered staying in bed with Damon all day, but I seriously did need to go to school; history wasn’t the only subject I was going to fail.

I propped myself onto my arms and looked down at his beautifully structured face, pouting a little bit as I realised how much I would miss kissing it while I was at school. I bobbed my head down and locked our lips into a long, slow kiss. I hummed with displeasure as I detached myself from his lips, “I’ve gotta go to school baby, I’m sorry”, I said as I scrunched my face together.

I made my way to the edge of the bed and didn’t look back, knowing that I would change my mind if I took one more look at him. Just as I reached the edge, his hand gripped my wrist tightly. It was silent for a few seconds before I turned my head around and saw his pouting lips and puppy dog eyes trying to pull me back in. “I’ll sort out all of your school stuff if you’d pleeease just stay here with me”, he begged. For a split second, I forgot about all my school work and just admired Damon’s determination to keep me in bed with him. “Fuck it”, I said as I crawled back on the bed and straddled his waist, leaning down to kiss him passionately. 

He pulled away and looked up at me with a smirk, “I knew you couldn’t resist me”, he whispered before grabbing a hold of my neck and pulling me back down to his lips. His hands trailed up my sides before he swiftly removed my shirt and gasped with pleasure when he discovered I wasn’t wearing a bra. My hands traveled to his chest and I ran them along his toned body, feeling every inch of his delicate skin. I lifted myself up and threw my panties to the corner of the room only to look back down and notice Damon licking his lips.

I moved my body further down and slowly removed Damon’s black boxers, my lips slightly parted as his hardness sprung up and throbbed. I gripped it and began rubbing my hand up and down, feeling the slippery friction between him and my hand. Damon flung his head back into the pillows and moaned, grabbing hold of my hair for support. “Get up here now”, he demanded and I obliged with pleasure.

Damon held me by my waist and hovered me over him before he slowly slid my body onto his hard-on. I let out a gasp as I felt his whole length in me. Damon gave me a moment to adjust to his size before thrusting up into me at an inhuman pace. He gripped my thighs as he closed his eyes and parted his lips while his head sunk further into the pillow. He let out low groans as he continued to fuck me at top speed, going deeper inside with every thrust. I screamed his name as I felt my walls begin to clench, grabbing a handful of the sheets in each hand.

“Come for me, baby”, he yelled as his thrusts started becoming disoriented by his nearby release. Damon held my thighs tighter as he sent one last thrust into me before I felt him twitch and spill inside of me. I let go and came around him, my body trembling with aftershocks.

I rested my arms on his shoulders; hunching over him as I tried to catch my breath. I lifted myself off of him and collapsed on his side, resting my head on his bicep and wrapping my arm around his chest. We both laid there for a few minutes, listening to each others heavy rise and fall of breaths.

I glanced over at the clock that read 8:20 and then turned my attention back to Damon, “So, what exactly are you going to tell Mr Saltzman?”, I questioned. “Hmm, maybe I’ll just tell him you had more important things to be doing”, Damon suggested, “Or, you had more a important person to be doing I should say” he continued, smirking. I playfully slapped his chest and leaned in to plant a soft kiss on his neck. He smiled and hugged me tight. 

I could stay here forever.

destiel 1k. my first attempt at smut bye

Ah, ah, right there, oh

Sometimes, Cas worked himself too hard.

Fuck fuck fuuuuuck

He would get stuck on a certain chapter or scene, or a troublesome plot line would need fixing.

Keep going, don’t stop

He would pace and think and think and pace until his own spinning imagination became his enemy, until his rigorous work regimen stopped working in his favor, until his desk became a prison.

Fuck, you feel so good”

Sometimes Cas needed to get out of his head.

Yes yes yes

Some people did drugs. Some people took walks. Some people slept or meditated or laid in a relaxing bath.

Oh God, oh my God

Castiel preferred to call Dean Winchester.

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I don’t like bullies

(A/N): Is it problematic I rewatch the captain america series every weekend? Like, I have the movies memorized I swear

Request: Can I request a BuckyxReader where reader is Steve’s sister, she’s known for being a sweetheart but then someone insults Steve and she kicks guy’s ass and Steve and Bucky recall the times she’s fought in their name because she hates bullies too? XO

Warnings: some swearing

Tags: @mcuimxgine, @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x

Originally posted by stevesupallnighttogetbucky

   (Y/N) was an absolute sweetheart, almost the epitome of their older brother, kind and compassionate, sweet and timid, and everything in between but god help the poor soul who ever laid a finger on them or anyone they remotely cared about. While (Y/N) was deceptively kind looking they did have a rather scary side that would just so happen to come out at the slightest mention of a bully. 

   Throughout (Y/N)’s entire life they had to deal with bullies, not because they themself were bullied but because their older brother Steve was, alongside with his best friend Bucky. From the day (Y/N) knew what bullying was was the day they would no tolerate the mistreatment of their older brother. Even after all these years, when Steve and Bucky were old enough and strong enough to take care of themselves (Y/N) was still there to beat the living hell out of someone if they so much as uttered something rude about them, just like now. 

   The three were on an undercover mission together, pretending to be on a family vacation so they could track down some prized item that Tony made the mistake of losing. So far nothing had set them off, everything seemed to be normal, they had stayed in their personas for the entire mission, and there was no sight of the object they were hunting. Everything had been going swell- well, as swell as an undercover mission could go when suddenly some wise ass man from across their table made some remark, just loud enough for (Y/N)’s ears to catch up on. 

   “God, look at those two, they look like complete douchebags,” (Y/N) knew it was only an offhanded comment meant not to be heard by them so they elected to ignore it until the man spoke up again. “You think the other one’s with them?” Even without having to look (Y/N) knew that the slimy looking guy was staring right at them, no doubt drunk off the copious amounts of fruity drinks he’d consumed. “Damn, they could do way better than either one of them-” Finally (Y/N) had had enough of this mistreatment, not only of Steve and Bucky but now of themself. Rising from their chair, damn near seething at the man, they marched over to his table, completely ignoring the hisses of Steve and Bucky to return to the table. 

   “Excuse me, sir,” (Y/N) smiled sweetly even if a look of murder was hidden in their eyes. “I couldn’t help but hear what you were saying- about my brother and boyfriend,” (Y/N) gestured to Steve and Bucky behind them, the two smiling shyly at the man, clearly having no clue what was going on. 

   “Yeah?” The man smiles, leaning forward onto his elbows as he looked up at (Y/N) innocently, making (Y/N) feel sick to their stomach. “It’s true honey, why don’t you ditch those losers and join-” The man stops when (Y/N) grabs him by his shirt collar, hoisting him up into the air with the simplest of ease. 

   “You wanna fuckin’ talk about them like that, huh?” (Y/N) smiled that same sweetly smile, this time the smile was laced with a dangerous poison. Everyone around the two either scattered or moved away, staring at (Y/N) with a nearly horrified expression luckily Steve and Bucky were quick to react, diffusing (Y/N)’s temper before it got out of hand. 

   “(Y/N),” Bucky coaxed (Y/N) away from the man, aka gently removing them from him as they clung to his shirt with an inhuman like grip. “Stop, come on, drop the guy,” Steve was on the other side of (Y/N), doing the same exact thing, trying to coax (Y/N) into letting the man down. The man stares at them absolutely horrified, his eyes wide and jaw slacked as he looked between the three. With a rather impatient growl (Y/N) dropped the man, giving him one harsh threat before turning on their heel and marching away, most likely to lock themself in their room and feel guilty for lashing out. That’s what usually happened after stuff like this, (Y/N) would get mad at a bully, give them a good lesson and immediately feel guilty afterwards, guess it was just in their shy nature to feel that way. 

   “Should we-” Bucky begins, only to have Steve cut him off a moment later. 

   “No, just let ‘em work it out themself,” Bucky stares after (Y/N) longingly, wishing nothing more than to go comfort them but Steve’s voice interrupts his thoughts. 

   “Remember than one time back in kindergarten when (Y/N) kicked the teacher because she said you weren’t as bright as all the other kids?” Bucky chuckles as he recalls the memory, nodding his head. Even though it was over 70 years ago he could recall that sunshiney day perfectly. 

    It had been just that, a perfectly sunshiney day, a perfect day to go out and play amongst the trees. All the other kids were doing it and Bucky thought it looked like fun, so why not join in? So Bucky, small, kindergarten Bucky decided to climb a tree, nothing too big or anything, just a simple tree. He’d gotten up at least halfway before he realized that he was going to have to get down somehow and suddenly this didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore. So rather than climb the rest of the way up he began to climb down, losing his footing on more than one occasion.but he’d always been able to stay up, never falling. It wasn’t until a shrill cry of ‘James Buchanan Barnes’ filled the air that Bucky truly fell, knocking the wind from his tiny body in the process. 

   Bucky then laid upon the ground, wincing as he attempted to breath once again. 

   “James Buchanan Barnes,” His teacher yelled, stomping her way over to where he was. “What in heaven’s name do you think you’re doing?” Bucky stared up at her with wide and fearful eyes, his back and chest still stinging from the fall. 

   “I was just trying to climb the tree miss,” the teacher had sighed, picking up Bucky and dusting him off as she stared at him with what Bucky thought to be kind and sympathetic eyes. 

   “Well-” She sighed, “I guess we can’t all be as bright as everyone else can we?” Bucky had thought nothing of it, merely thinking it was his teacher making some offhanded comment, (Y/N) who stood only a few feet away, did not. Without even a second of hesitation (Y/N) scurried up and kicked Bucky’s teacher in the leg, glaring at her with a childlike expression. The teacher let out a yowl of pain, clutching her leg as she too glared at (Y/N). 

   “(Y/N) Rogers, what do you think you’re-”

   “Bucky’s  smart!” They had exclaimed, their voice high and soft, just as a young child’s would be. “He’s the smartest kid I know! In fact I think he’s smarter than my older brother Steve, and he’s real smart!” Bucky had smiled at (Y/N)’s protective nature, even if the teacher had disapproved of both Bucky and (Y/N). 

   Needless to say they both got in trouble with their parents that night but Bucky would never forget the way (Y/N) had stood up for him. 

    “What about that time in highschool when uh- damn,” Bucky smiles a bit, “I can’t remember his name- that old football guy, big, square head?” Steve nods, smiling as he recalls the memory. 

   “Yeah, I know him, but I can’t for the life of me remember his name,” 

   “Well uh- what about that time (Y/N) nearly jumped that guy after he made fun of your size?” Steve nods, smiling fondly as he recollects the time, and many times after that (Y/N) had stuck up for his small size, resulting in more bloody knuckles on their part than he’d like to remember. In fact, more often that not (Y/N) was the one to swoop in and save the day, sparing both Bucky and Steve from countless fights and years worth of humiliation. 

   “How about that time your date was a complete ass to you so (Y/N) showed up at her doorstep and demanded she come and apologize?” Steve chuckles heartily, shaking his head in amusement. 

   “I’m sure they did the same for you,” 

   “No,” Bucky smiles, shaking his head. “They just took me on the dates instead,” Steve smiles, his heart warming in his chest as he thought about just how amazing his younger sibling was. He was damn lucky they tested on them during the war too otherwise he’d be completely alone in this new world, save it be for Bucky. “You know, they’re just like you,” Bucky whispers, nodding his head to his own comment. 

   “Yeah?” Steve turns to look at Bucky, his smile only growing. “How so?”

   “They don’t like bullies, don’t care where they’re from,” 


i. the land was one. salted water closed us in; the only form of claustrophobia we’d ever known. it seeped into our rivers. it formed puddles on the back of our mouths that we never swallowed. (AND HE CALLED THAT THIRST)

ii. mother and father laid dressed in god-made garments. they stood among light-colored rock, and we fed them. our long arms, our sunbeaten eyelids, our obsidian bones. eve was a picky eater. adam chewed seeds and meat, and apple juice ran from the corner of his lips. hunger was the unintended gift. (VORACIOUS AT THE END, LIKE GOSPELS AND LOVE)

iii. you said my golden hair kept clinging to your fingers somehow, mixed with lamb’s blood and marrow. we slept under moving stars, until you prayed they’d just stop, please. god indulged you - or so you thought. (HE WAS FEEDING YOU FOR SLAUGHTER, WE JUST DIDN’T KNOW)

iv. in the end, god drew a letter on my arm, so to keep me safe. all fruit from eden could not have erased how that tasted. (GOD USED TO WALK THE GARDENS, NOW HE’S SEEN WHAT WE DO WITH PROXIMITY)

Today in Sam Plays the Ukulele

I’ve learned to play Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” on the ukulele. The chords are actually relatively easy (it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift) but the ukulele does lend a certain element of tropical laissez-faire to any song you play on it. So it’s like the most laid-back, mellow ballad about an angstful and desperate relationship (with God?) ever recorded.

It’s not a cry that you hear at night
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light
It’s ham and it’s pineapple on a pizza….

Morning After: Thor imagine

The morning was cold but perfect. The storm outside took over the perfect Asgard weather. But this was your favorite weather. Rough and raw dark skies as rain harshly pummeled against the window. The thunder sounding ever few times in an almost peaceful way to you. The lightening ever so slightly slipping light in the dark room.

Even if it was freezing in the bedroom you felt nothing but warmth as you laid in the large silk bedding with the arms of a God around you.

You laid securely on top of Thor’s chest. He was a giant compared to you. He laid under you, one arm slung over your waist as his other hand rested on your thigh… right under your bum. Your fave was buried in his neck as your leg was thrown over him. Your bodies were pressed against each other as close as possible. 

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