Okay so it’s like, way too fucking hot to actually use the oven. I live in a tiny ass studio and that thing was basically a heater through the winter. What the heck am I supposed to do with all these vegetables I spent money I don’t have on? What’s that thing where you put them in a bowl and eat them raw… Salad? Oh yeah, this is a fucking salad post.
You will need:
- Walnuts… as many as you want really it’s your fucking salad
- Lettuce. Preferably the green kind, but what do I know?
- Pear. Yes, I said a pear. Apples work too, and mandarin oranges are fucking delicious as well, actually. Just fucking any of those. Or all three! It’s your money.
- Blue cheese. If you’re a vegan you can naturally skip this part. I would recommend a good alternative is some nice firm tofu cubes, preferably soaked before hand in a spicy marinade but that’s just extra effort, and it’s too hot for that shit.
- Avocado is pretty much the best thing so you should always have one of those handy for everything.
- IDK maybe some pepper or whatever.
- Dressing of your choice. I prefer balsamic but I am sure the red wine you’re drinking would actually taste okay on it. So don’t worry if you’re really messy and actually spill some in there. It’ll be fine.
STEP ONE: Okay so if you’re like me, the vegetables you bought may or may not be the value/bargain bulk sort from the cheap grocery store, and have probably been in your fridge for a week so… check their dates and that they’re not all just brown mush in the bottom of your veggie drawer.
STEP TWO: Throw the expired stuff out you’re not going to use it no matter what you keep telling yourself.
STEP THREE: Put the lettuce in a bowl. Or a plate. Whatever the hell you eat your salads in.
STEP FOUR: Chop your blue cheese/tofu into cubes. Throw onto the lettuce. Naturally.
STEP FIVE: Eat all of the walnuts. WAIT NO. NO, SHIT. Fuck, walnuts are so good. Now you have to go to the store and get another bag. Fuck.
STEP FIVE AND A HALF: Put a bunch of walnuts into the salad mix. I don’t know a specific amount, and to be honest I have already eaten the second bag and have had to make another run to the store.
STEP FIVE AND THREE QUARTERS: For the love of FUCKS SAKE just put the walnuts straight into the bowl.
STEP SIX: Slice pears thinly, or thickly, whatever, it’s your pears. Or mandarin oranges, I have no idea what you chose.
STEP SEVEN: Throw that in the bowl/plate/frisbee/cymbal and mix together. Eat with a fork or whatever. Follow up with ice cream because the whole reason you’re eating this thing is because it’s fucking hot and you gotta balance all those healthy vegetables with something.