lady peanut

anonymous asked:

So I work at an indoor play centre and we hold birthday parties fairly regularly. One of our rules specifically for parties is that we dont allow anything with nuts (they are told when they book). Everyone accepts this and we have no problems but today this one lady brought a peanut butter cake for her sons party. When we wouldn't allow her to bring it in, she proceeded to throw a tantrum (like foot stomping and screaming) 'I wasn't told, you have to let me bring it in' like no lady, we dont.

Rules are rules, lady. You and your kid still have shit that stinks like everyone else. -Abby

This has to be the coolest gift I have received from the crows. I think it is an old Christmas ornament that used to be silver but washed out… Now it is just a vessel that I can make into a witch jar.
I stopped to give peanuts in the spot where I give peanuts to a yet unnamed group of crows. This group has the one crow that follows me for blocks if I don’t stop and has flown by me matching my pace as I ride a bike. Yesterday I stopped at the normal stop and threw some peanuts. I looked down and this was there. It wasn’t there yesterday, but it was today.

Now I need to figure what sort of charm should I make with it.

I hope to one day marry a woman as great as my dad.

This morning he said “good morning beautiful” I said “there is nothing good about waking up to my period. I want to die.” He kissed the top of my head and went back upstairs. When I came home from school on the counter was a box of tampons, chocolate, a cheeseburger and a note that said ” I love you Kenz, I’m sorry your unwanted monthly subscription to Satan’s waterfall has arrived, take a nap and try not to kill your brother .” Lmfao greatest man alive, take notes ladies. I love chocolate peanut butter cups, tacos, and cheeseburgers while I’m on my period and my cramps to be rubbed and sex and cuddles stop by if you feel like providing any or all of the above (;

“A’right love?”

A forceful grouse slips past her lips.

She just cannot reach that damn book…Why are all the ones that catch the eye on the highest shelf? She’s proper making a fool of herself, whining and groaning, reaching up on the very tips of her converse with trembling fingers, just barely managing to scrape a nail against the bottom of the spine. Those ballet classes she took when she was four aren’t doing shit to help her with this, and she’s going to make a gentle suggestion to the sweet old lady who runs the shop to get a stool for short people when she goes up to the register.

   This petite book shop has been her safe haven for years; she’s come every Friday for as long as she can remember. The shelves are completely lined from ceiling to floor with books of all ages, the sweet smell of paper became her new favorite aroma after spending hours browsing lost treasures. She’s become quite close to the owner, an eighty eight year old lady named June (nicknamed June-Bug). She has a habit of bringing the lady peanut butter cookies and sitting for tea while petting her cat.

   She’s staring up at the book still, rolling on the balls of her feet, contemplating how she could possibly reach it without knocking the shelf over, or dying. She doesn’t want to climb up there like a monkey, but she really needs that damn book and-

A tattooed hand reaches up from behind her and grabs the book she needs.

“A’right love?” She hears the drawl murmured into her ear sweetly, and it makes her heart flutter even harder than the little jump scare before.

She turns around and meets emerald eyes and a dimpled smile, and takes the book from his outstretched hand.

“Uh, yeah, thanks. Us short people suffer a disservice sometimes.”

“I’s no problem, but lemme tell ya, us freakishly tall people suffer a disservice sometimes too, ya know? Can ya imagine how many times ‘ve tripped over these gangly limbs?”

She barks out a laugh at that one, god, he’s so charming, and she’s probably blushing like a schoolgirl.

“Do.. do you come here often? I’m here pretty routinely every Friday, and I don’t think I’ve seen you around.” She’s trying to make polite conversation, racking her brain for a topic good enough.

“No, this is m’ first time ‘round. Got a recommendation from one of m’ mates; the lady up front is a proper sweetheart though, huh?”

“Oh June-Bug? She’s the best, basically my adopted mother. This place has been like a family heirloom to her. She always knows the best puns and I even helped her adopt a cat, but I wanted her to get a puppy but she’s so old and they’re so rowdy you know?  Oh… sorry I have a habit for getting off topic, yeah?” She cuts off before she can embarrass herself any further.

“‘S a’right love.”

Those damn dimples, she just wants to reach out and poke one. And he keeps calling her love, for Christ’s sake.

   She’s staring, she knows, and he’s waiting expectantly for her to speak, but the breath runs out of her and she starts to panic, she doesn’t want to ruin this or make a bad impression or stutter or say something stupid and oh god why is she so bad with boys this pregnant pause has gone on too long and oh-

She suddenly spies the small stack of books in his hands, his large hands, oh fuck, and it’s like a lightbulb goes off over her head. Books! She loves books, and knows how to talk about them for ages.

   “Hey, what’re you reading?” she says with a gasp of accomplishment.

   “Oh! These? Jus’ o’ bit o’ light reading, huh? Haven’ read these b’fore,” He replies with a toothy smile. He shows her the covers and she all but shrieks-

   “You haven’t read The Odyssey or The Iliad before?! Like… not even in school?” It’s his turn to blush, and she realizes how overwhelming she might have been.

“Oh fuck… I mean… shoot, sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m a little overbearing with my books aren’t I? It’s just those, those are like the most weathered books on my shelf at home.”

“You don’ have to apologize, love, ‘s quite cute really. Tell me, why do ya like ‘em so much? ‘M glad I could pick up some ‘cceptble books on my own.” He’s quite encouraging, and he called her cute!

“Well, I’ve always loved Greek mythology, and how they interact in The Odyssey is my favorite. It’s like… well, Hermes talked to Calypso like she was a bitch, but he talked to Odysseus like he was HIS bitch.You know? Well, I guess you don’t… but I don’t want to spoil anything though, you’ll see!” He’s chuckling to himself, and she’s proud for being so quirky on the fly.

Another pause has fallen over them, but this time it isn’t as awkward, but pleasant. She can faintly hear June singing from the front of the shop, and she begins to hum along with her. She hears an intake of break and sees him opening up his mouth to speak when-

His phone rings. It’s her favorite Blind Melon song No Rain, so she’s not as upset as she normally would have been, just pleasantly surprised. He looks unnaturally vexed at the abrupt change in atmosphere, and he gives an apologetic smile before fishing his phone out of his jeans. How does he fit anything in those pockets?

“Well, it was nice t’ meet ya, but I should prolly take this. ‘S my mum, yeah?” She smiles in response and watches him walk away.


The bell above the door sings and he meets the eyes of little old June and sees her eyes light up.

“Oh hon!” June calls to the back of the shop, “The boy you’ve talked my ear off about is back!” His eyes bulge out of his head. She’s been talking about him? He hasn’t stopped thinking about her for a week! She kept him up at night staring at his ceiling.

“June-Bug! Are you trying to make me die of embarrassment?” He hears a squeak, and then there she is, right in front of him again. He doesn’t want her to be embarrassed, although he does love the blush on her cheeks and the sheepish smile.

“Finished those books so soon?” She inquires, “Need another recommendation?”

“‘F ‘m being completely honest, love, ‘m back here to see you.”

He hears a croon behind the both of them, and then the shaky voice of old June, “I’m going to go make tea for you lovebirds! Oh does this make my little heart swoon.”

She only blushed even more, and he’s sure his cheeks have got a tint to them now, too. June waddles into the back room, and he hears the clattering of dishes and water being poured in the kettle.

“Haven’ stopped thinkin’ ‘bout you all week, and I didn’ even get to catch ya name,” he admits shyly.

“Oh! My name is Ella, you’re Harry right? June told me.”

Ella. Dear god, he shouldn’t have asked. And the way she said his name, Christ.

“Yep ‘m Harry,” he chokes out, “Ella, Christ, I mean, ‘s a beautiful name yeah?” She laughs quietly over his stuttering, but it doesn’t make him feel bad, he loves that he could make her laugh. Her giggle.

“Well, Harry, how do you like those books so far? I’ve been thinking about how you would like them, been hoping you would come back so we could talk about them.”

“I mean… They’re a bit hard to understand yeah? ‘M readin’ them fo’ you love, like to hear you talk about books.” June then makes an appearance, ushering them into the back room.

   “You guys can talk all about Homer’s stories on your date, I have cookies and tea, I hope peppermint is okay for you Harry, I can’t buy enough of it for Ella here. Do you guys need music? I can get out my old classical collection if you’d-”

   “June!” Ella sputters, “A date? Wha- why… we’ll be fine.”

   “Thanks June, we’ll give a shout ‘f we need ya.” Harry fills in for her, trying to be reassuring and praying that she understands that he doesn’t mind. He walks up to one of the chairs and pulls it out for her,

   “A’right, love?”


   That afternoon, he leaves with her number. Written on a napkin with a purple glitter pen she found at the bottom of her bag. She drew a smiley face, and a little cartoon book next to her name, and shit, is he falling for her.


   “Trina!” Ella screeches into her phone.

   “I’m just saying,” Her best friend responds, “You never know where a date will end up! I’ll be over in an hour to help you get ready, and I don’t care what you say, I’m going to bring you condoms anyway. Hm, what size do you think he is? Magnum XL? Have you had a good look at his hands? I don’t know if that’s a proper good measurement of what his dick will be like though. I’ve been with some guys where-”

   “I’m going to hang up now. I hate you Trina.”

   “Love you too.”

   It’s just a date. She flops down onto her bed more exasperated than before she called. He’s going to take her to his favorite restaurant downtown, and then they might go back to his place to watch a movie, nothing more. She doesn’t want anything more than that. Right?


   She definitely wants more than just one date. Their dinner went longer than expected, they talked until the restaurant closed; and she felt like she could cry when he said he should get her back to her place. They’re sitting in his car, and she’s currently going through all of his CD’s in the glove department.

   “You listen to Pearl Jam? Are you my soulmate?”

   “Eddie Vedder ‘s like m’ idol.” He looks over at her with that award winning smile and her heart falls into her stomach.

   “I’ve met him you know.”

   “You’ve met Eddie Vedder?!” He all but screeches. The car swerves a bit before he quickly corrects himself, looking over at her with wide eyes.

   “Yes,” She laughs at him, “I have pictures on my phone, I swear I almost died.”

   He is still looking at her with disbelief when they pull up to her place, and she slowly gets out of his car, not wanting the night to end.

   “Well, thank you for taking me out, I had a wonderful time, really.” She prompts, looking up at him with wide eyes.

   “Me too, love.” He responds quickly bending down to give her a long hug, and a kiss on the cheek. Just her cheek.


   “Do ya want to go to this party w’ me? ‘S my best friends birthday, ‘nd he said I could bring someone. Ya don’ have to go if ya don’ want.” She listens to his slow drawl buzzing in her ear. She refrains from jumping up and down. He wants her to meet his friends. That’s a good sign right?

   “I’d love to go! When is it?”

   “‘S tomorrow, starts at 6, sorry fo’ the late notice.”

   “No that’s fine, I should be able to go.” She breathes quickly into the phone.

   “Great,” she can hear the smile in his voice, “I’ll pick you up a little before then.”

   She has to admit. She feels banging. The dress she’s wearing is still casual but hugs her curves in all the right places, and she made sure to put extra effort into her hair and makeup. She feels extra confident, especially after the looks Harry has been giving her all night.

   She loves his friends. They made sure to include her right away, bringing her into all the conversations. The blond one, the birthday boy, has barely left her alone. She thinks he might have had a little too much to drink, because he keeps laughing and borderline screaming jokes into her ear. She doesn’t mind though, she quite likes his Irish accent.

   Harry hasn’t left her side all night, not wanting her to feel left out. He keeps touching her lower back, and asking if she needs another drink every so often, and her insides feel warm because of it.

   “C’mon Harry! Let’s go dance!” She pulls him by the arm out into the living room, where people have gathered to dance to the bumping music. She has never been one to dance, because she never has felt comfortable enough with anyone to do it often; but she feels comfortable with him. Honestly, she wanted to show him how much she wanted him.

   They danced for a few minutes, before she hears someone calling his name.

   “Harry! C’mon mate, we gotta take some pictures.” His friends are beckoning him over to the kitchen, where a small group of people are lining up to get a shot. He looks at her questioningly but she waves her hand at him for him to go.

   “It’s fine, I’ll be okay, I’ll just wait here.” She smiles at him reassuringly. He hurriedly walks over, and stands on the end, next to a pretty blond girl. She tries to ignore the clench of jealousy in her stomach as she nuzzles into him, smiling for the flashing camera. They aren’t even official yet. She shouldn’t get resentful with him for talking to a girl.

   She does get mad, however, when the girl turns around and hooks her arms around his neck. The pictures are over, the people are dispersing, and hadn’t she seen the two of them grinding on each other just a few minutes ago? He’s not reciprocating the blonde’s touch, but he’s not trying to stop her either. Maybe he’s just being polite? The tears well up in her eyes, though, when he smiles nervously at something the girl has whispered into his ear, quickly giving in to a laugh. It’s when the girl starts kissing his neck that she has to make herself leave. She can’t watch anymore.

   Before anyone can see her upset, she quickly sets her cup down and walks towards the door, he doesn’t even notice her trying to leave.

   She thought he was nice, why is he flirting with this other girl? Was she just something to pass the time until someone better came along?


   He knows he’s fucked up.

   He just about had a panic attack when he returned to the spot he left her a few minutes ago, but not finding her. She probably just went to the bathroom, right? Oh god, he hopes she hadn’t seen him talking to that girl. The blonde just wanted a hook up, and he had to find a way to quickly declined her advances before things got out of hand.

   “Mate, I just saw your girl leave, she looked pretty upset.” One of his friends taps him on the shoulder, and pulls him out of his trance.

   Shit, shit, shit.

   He quite liked the sound of her being ‘his girl.’

   “Fuck.” He responds, running out of the house, almost falling three times running down the steps.

   How did she get home? He wonders as he jams the keys of his car into the ignition. He’ll never forgive himself if she had to walk home, this late, at night. He hasn’t felt this way about a girl, and he’ll be damned if he lets her get away without a fight.


   She groans at the sound of someone knocking on her door. Her eyes are puffy and red from tears and her feet are aching from walking all the way home in her heels. The breath runs out of her when she looks through the peephole and sees him. He’s the last person she wants to see at this moment, but she opens the door anyway for him.

   “Look, Harry,” she cuts in before him, as she swings the door open, “I’m sorry I got so upset, we aren’t even together. It’s… it’s just, I couldn’t stand seeing you with that girl, she was all over you and she was so much prettier than me and if you don’t want to be with me just tell me and-” He cuts off her rambling when he lunges at her, and presses his lips to hers with shaky hands cupping her cheeks.

   Damn him. Why’d he have to kiss her now? This was not how she imagined their first kiss. With tears running down her cheeks as their teeth bumped together awkwardly. He pulls away first and starts rambling before she could even catch her breath.

   “I want you. That girl just wanted a hookup, and she was so drunk it was gross, and I couldn’t stop thinking of you and when my friend told me you left, he called you my girl, and I loved the sound of it so much I couldn’t bear to think of you not talking to me anymore. I’ll understand if you hate me and say no, but please love, would you be my girl?”

   Her answer is a swift press of her lips to his.


“There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.”

- Albert Schweitzer

Treeline” by Sarah Donner (Featuring the lovely Lady Peanut)


Forever the cutest shit in the world. Plus the song isn’t half bad…

But seriously, like look at the kitty’s face when she stops playing, she’s like WHAT HAPPENED?!