lady hulk not smashed

Chapter 1: Welcome to Asgard {Thor Odinson + Fem!Reader}

~Part 2~ The Life of an Avenger

Prompt: Thor decides its about time he made good on his promise to take (Y/N) to visit his realm of Asgard. He is beyond excited to finally fight, once again, beside one of his favorite and most fearsome warriors. He had promised Steve he would protect (Y/N) at all costs and bring her home safely to Earth.

Recommendation: If you are new here (welcome), please read the summary to Part 1 located in the link at the bottom of the page.

Warnings: cursing, major feminism (because fuck yeah)

  A heavenly glow of white light encompassed Thor and (Y/N) as he held her tight to his battle armored body. The light blinded (Y/N), but she prepared herself for a war. Her travel bag disintegrated beside her, shipped by Heimdall, as Thor had warned, to her guest room back at the palace. A moment later, Vanaheim.

 Smoke littered the field, warrior against warrior, fire against fire. Metallic armor gleamed in the light from…’stop a hot second, where’s the sun?’ (Y/N) thought to herself, but an arrow interrupted her thoughts. She ducked her head.

 “Hey! I’m walkin’ here!” (Y/N) yelled in a New York accent.

 “Indeed you are,” Thor announced, not understanding the reference, “But shall we fight instead?” 

  He threw his hammer from the dust that settled around (Y/N) and himself. Mjolnir hit a few…things, then returned to Thor’s hand like a boomerang. Thor then, catapulted from the ground, landing with a boom! Shockwaves electrocuted the Stormtroopers…aliens…ah, fuck she didn’t know what to call them. Anyway, their asses got blown to bits, alright? Dirt rained down onto the battle field, covering (Y/N) in freckles of soot. Now she was battle ready.

 Out on the field, (Y/N) immediately noticed a woman, clad in armor, silver shield, kicking alien ass like something out of The Walking Dead. It was awesome.

 “I’ve got this completely under control,” The woman asserted, and (Y/N) would’ve believed her, if only everything wasn’t on fire.

 “Is that why everything is on fire?” Thor joked back. Bingo.

 “Yeah, I agree with him,” (Y/N) stated, pointing at Thor, “Fire is great, very cinematic-ally pleasing, but in reality, kinda sucks.”

 “And who might you be?” The woman called out as she brought her shield down on an alien’s head.

 “(Y/N), (Y/N, Y/L/N),” She stated happily, completely oblivious to the war around her. The woman turned to Thor.

 “This is the fearsome warrior you spoke of from Midgard?” She asked him. (Y/N) scrunched her eyebrows. And she had really liked this woman because, well, feminism. Then, with a smirk, (Y/N) pivoted to face the battlefield.

 “Alright! Got an announcement to make, assholes!” (Y/N) yelled, stunning the entire field before her, “You have about five second to run before I turn all of you to ice sculptures and sell you to a bridal party!”

 She had every single alien at her attention, shocked faces filled the sea of endless blood and dirt. Then, laughter. Alien laughter. (Y/N) laughed too.

 “Suit yourselves,” She smirked, then created an orb of ice magic, shimmering in the non-sun light of Vanaheim. Whoosh! Forty aliens cast under (Y/N)’s spell, ice sculptures, indeed, did they become. The woman’s eyes widened in surprise, but Thor just clapped.

 “May I introduce, The Ice Queen,” Thor smiled proudly at (Y/N), her hair whipping in the wind from her own spell, snowflakes showering her in silver and white.

 “Fearsome indeed,” The woman whispered, then shook herself out of her own shock, “But there are more where that came from. Tell her to continue doing…that,” She directed Thor, then sprinted, like a gazelle, back into the bloodiest section of the battle reminding (Y/N) a lot of a Shakespearean Natasha. Thor jogged up to (Y/N), making aliens fly with a backhand from Mjolnir as he approached.

  “That was very well done! Lady Sif seems to approve of you,” Thor announced, overjoyed at his friend’s fearsome nature.

  “What can I say? I’m quite the people pleaser,” (Y/N) stated sarcastically, knowing she didn’t give a damn about other people’s opinions of her. Thor and (Y/N), back-to-back, began to take out aliens left and right. It was actually easy if (Y/N) had to be honest. Regardless, she was glad for the practice. Nobody back home would train with her because they knew she’d win. But here, they hadn’t gotten a taste of (Y/N) yet, but now, all they tasted was their own blood (and melted ice).

  After a good ten minutes of kicking ass, (Y/N) heard the roar, not much unlike that of The Hulk. It echoed across the battlefield making everyone stop and stare. Out of the mist came a troll, twelve feet high, made of stone, swinging a bludgeon like a child loosely holding a teddy bear.

  “All yours,” Sif stated to Thor and (Y/N).

  “I would,” (Y/N) claimed, “But I just painted my nails. Here ye’ for the new Asgardian King!” (Y/N) wasn’t scared, she just thought it would funnier if Thor did it. Thor smiled and nodded to both ladies, then approached the giant oaf. The troll hulk-smashed the ground before Thor and roared. Thor didn’t even flinch.

  “Hello,” Thor stated awkwardly, “I accept your surrender,” He joked with a wide smile. The aliens laughed in mockery, just as they had (Y/N). Did they not learn their lesson the first time?

  A flash, a whip, a hurricane of Mjolnir and the troll was blown to bits in a geyser of pebbles. The aliens gasped in shock (’idiots’) and took a horrified step back from Thor.

  “Anyone else?” Thor asked.

  “You just got jacked!” (Y/N) yelled, laughing her ass off and pointing at the aliens, “You should see your faces!” The aliens looked annoyed, but dropped their weapons in surrender anyway as (Y/N) ran up and high-fived Thor. He remembered her teaching him so on the tower in New York, and the memory made him smile even more than his current victory.

  “Perhaps, next time we should start with the big one,” One of the Asgardian warriors announced with a smile.


  In the aftermath of the battle, Thor went to speak with one of his fellow warriors as (Y/N) corralled a group of aliens, ceaselessly taunting them from behind frozen bars.

  “Looks like the cast of Lord of the Rings is missing some extras!”

  “You’re as fucking useless as Stormtroopers! I mean, were you honestly trying to miss every shot? Because you did. A lot. Suppose I could set you up with some lessons with Hawkeye, but I don’t like you so…” (Y/N) shrugged.

  Unfortunately, not a single person on that damn field understood any of her references. Made her miss Tony a bit, but no matter. 

  “(Y/N)!” Thor called out to her, laughing at her fearlessness, “The Vanir are beyond defeat. You may cease your tongue, little maiden.”

  “Shit, but it’s just so much fun! Ain’t that right, Gollum?” (Y/N) elbowed the alien next to her who just grunted. “No? Okay?” (Y/N) mockingly skipped up the hill to stand beside Thor, then called down to the warriors whom had praised her so kindly below. “It’s been nice to meet you all, well, not you,” (Y/N) pointed at the Vanir, “Or you. Or you. Oh, and especially not you. Red is definitely not your color.” 

  “Come along now, (Y/N). Asgard awaits,” Thor laughed heartily, then looked up towards the foggy sky. “Heimdall, when you’re ready.”

  Then, like a laser, orange light blasted from the sky, shooting Thor and (Y/N) into a galaxy of neon colors like a pinball machine of flashing stars and blinding speed, until…the world stopped. Suddenly. (Y/N) stood frozen in a room of gold, domed, encircling a man who exuded the very essence of time and power itself. Sun dials lined every curved wall in metallic beauty, giving the impression of an ancient Egyptian tomb.

  (Y/N) just stood staring around the room for a second, yet her eyes did not move, almost in a state of whiplash.

  “(Y/N), my friend. Are you alright?” Thor asked, concern etching his face in worry lines.

  “…I don’t know,” (Y/N) answered honestly, “…Did we pass through the 80′s? So much neon color…” (Y/N) held her head, trying to catch up with time.

  “Welcome to Asgard, Lady (Y/N),” the man of gold spoke, his deep voice full of ancient wisdom that intrigued the hell out of (Y/N). “I am Heimdall. We have been expecting you.” 

  (Y/N) just stared at him for a second.

  “So, he has antlers too? Glad you got your costume back from Loki,” (Y/N) told him, no malice behind her voice, just genuine relief. Heimdall chuckled and played along with her.

  “I am very glad too. Although, I think they suit me much better,” He answered.

  “Agreed,” (Y/N) nodded, breaking out of her stupor, then began to walk around the room. “Nice place you got here. MTV would have a field day if they got a hold of this place,” (Y/N) joked, but neither god laughed, “And I already miss Tony.”

  Although her tongue spoke blunt and bold, her eyes were soft, fingers delicate as they traced each golden dial in absolute wonder, the light reflecting her long hair in a rare form of beauty.

  “This place really is beautiful,” (Y/N) whispered softly, her kind voice echoing off the golden walls.

  “I am very pleased that you enjoy my Observatory. I can see everything, even you.” Heimdall explained. (Y/N) turned to face him.

  “Well, that’s a little creepy. Didn’t know I signed up for this season of Big Brother,” (Y/N) laughed. Both gods, again, looked on confused at (Y/N), “I’m gonna to have to get used to people not understanding me around here, aren’t I?” They both nodded and (Y/N) shrugged. “The casualties of travelling,” She almost sang.

  “Very well, (Y/N). It has been nice to see you again, Heimdall,” Thor announced and Heimdall bowed his antlered head. “Now, it is time for us to journey to the palace and meet my father.”

  “If we must,” (Y/N) sighed, then perked her head up, “Damn, now I even speak like you,” She laughed.

  “Consider it a blessing,” Thor answered.

  “I suppose so, thine worthy companion. Shall we take the road of victory to meet thine father before, or after we drink our tea?” (Y/N) joked. Thor just rolled his eyes and pushed her gently through the wide doorway to literally Mario Kart’s Rainbow Road. Not even joking. (Y/N) half expected Mario to come flying down the road past her yelling, “Let’s-a go!”

  “Well, this is subtle,” (Y/N) deadpanned, but then she lifted her eyes to the palace. Thor’s palace. Where she would staying. Her mind blew for a second, she couldn’t even think straight, it was…

  “Emerald City,” (Y/N) whispered. Thor looked down at her in confusion.

  “Asgard,” He corrected her.

  “No,” (Y/N) laughed, shaking herself out of awe, and began to explain, “I know. There’s a movie called The Wizard of Oz, and there’s a castle, Oz’s castle, in the movie that looks like…this.” Then, (Y/N) looked down. “And we’re standing on the fucking Yellow Brick Road. Awesome.”

  “Bifrost,” Thor corrected her again. (Y/N) just shook her head and smiled.

  “Let’s just walk.”


  Across the Bifrost they walked, over gorgeous houses of gold. It seemed every person was dressed to the nines, completely decked out in the most intriguing array of metallic armor or silk gowns. 

  Into the palace’s foyer they strode, Thor pointing out every single person to (Y/N) whose names she fell in love with for their originality, especially knowing she couldn’t spell a single damn one. They passed by waterfalls, their mist glowing in rainbows of light as ravens circled the skies. Men and woman in full battle armor were practicing their swordsmanship like gladiators in the Roman Times. 

  And, that’s when it hit (Y/N). She not only traveled to another realm, but she also seemed to travel back in time. Yet, the technology was beyond that of Earth and looked as if she had stepped into the future. But, on the other hand, no wifi.

  ‘Three birds, one stone?’ (Y/N) thought to herself.

  Once inside the palace itself, they roamed it’s long hallways that were lined in battle armor, beautiful paintings of ancient beauty, and tapestry of every color imaginable. (Y/N) felt like pure royalty just by gliding along the endless carpeted hallways, listening with vast wonder to Thor’s stories of victorious battles, Norse mythology, dragons and other beings in far off lands. It seemed every corner of the castle, every artifact, every masterpiece had a story of it’s own. Interweaving with one another to create Asgard’s complicated, yet extraordinary world. (Y/N) couldn’t get enough of it.

  “Tell me more,” (Y/N) would whisper to Thor after almost every story.

  “I would be honored,” He answered with a genuine smile. 

  ‘How can so much curiosity and power come from such a small maiden,’ he would wonder.

  Eventually, they reached a balcony overlooking the castle’s terrace, warriors in practice combat swung and spun weapons in arching light and grace. Then, (Y/N) got distracted (’figures’). The man before her on the balcony had a bird perched atop his wrist. (Y/N) was instantly fascinated as the bird flew away.

  “Whoa! How’d you do that? Got bird-seed or something? How do I get one of those? Hey, come back!” (Y/N) called out to the bird, attempting to whistle like Snow White to bring it back.

  “I’m sorry,” The man asked, “And who might you be?”

  “Oh, I’m (Y/N),” She extended her hand to the man who grasped it regally.

  “Of?” He continued.

  “Of…DC?” (Y/N) tried to answer, despite her confusion.

  “Midgard,” Thor finished for her.

  “Right, yeah. That,” (Y/N) pointed a finger handgun at Thor, “By the way, I love your eye patch. Very pirate couture,” She stated, cocking her head in curiosity. The man just looked at her confused, but (Y/N) shook it off, “Anyway, what’s your name?” She asked brightly.

  “Odin, King of Asgard,” He announced with an air of suprrme power that almost knocked (Y/N) off the balcony.

  “My father,” Thor added. (Y/N) wanted to slap herself in the face, then run herself over with a car…then slap herself in the face again.

  “Oh…” She whispered in a long, realization sigh, “Cool.”

  “So,” Odin turned to his son, “This is the fearsome warrior who helped to defeat Loki? I do not see it. Please tell me you have not told me a great lie,” He warned darkly. (Y/N) just rolled her eyes.

  “Why does everyone keep saying that?” (Y/N) stated in exasperation. Then, she willed a sphere of silver and blue magic to appear before her and with the flick of her wrist, cast the entire terrace under her spell, freezing every warrior in place, covering the pavement in crystal. Then, she turned to the two men, arms crossed, one eyebrow raised.

  “Fearsome enough for you?” She dared. Thor was frozen himself, not by magic, but shock. He expected his father to rip (Y/N)’s head off right there and then. But that didn’t happen. Odin laughed. That’s right. He fucking laughed. Well, it was more of a short chuckle, amused by the small maiden before him. He just waved his hand as he walked back into the castle.

  “Unfreeze my men, Lady (Y/N),” He commanded as he strode back into his palace. (Y/N) shrugged, then released the warriors below who looked like they had all collectively seen a ghost. Twelve ghosts. Riding motorcycles. On fire.

  “Relax, my fellow warriors. (Y/N) was only teasing. Please continue your warring,” Thor announced over the balcony to his future subjects below. Then, he turned back to (Y/N) who was laughing her ass off and clapping.

  “I’m sorry. I have to applaud my damn self, man. I just proved the king of Asgard wrong. That’s it. Now I can die in peace. I think I’ve finally done everything.”

  “Well, you have not enjoyed an Asgardian feast. Our celebrations are those of legends.”

  “Well,” (Y/N) hypothesized, “Considering you are all legends in and of yourselves, I could believe that.”

  “Good, then shall I escort you to your room?”

  “Fuck yeah!” (Y/N) exclaimed, breaking her already broken composure as they began their trek to the guest quarters.


  If she thought Heimdall’s Observatory was amazing, she could’ve died when she saw the room she was staying in. Up a spiral of stairs they roamed. Thor opened the grand, ancient wooden door to enter (Y/N)’s literal dream. The room itself wasn’t big, but the artifacts that laid upon every surface, books that filled every crevice, made (Y/N)’s curious mind buzz like an intoxicated wasp. 

  Tapestry fell from every wall. A large four poster bed draped in an almost bohemian-style white, lace fabric, gave the bed an enchanting, whimsical appeal. Just beyond the bed was a large window, opened to the world below. Open to Asgard. (Y/N) was speechless. A rarity that Thor had to question.

  “You have not spoken, Lady (Y/N). Are the guest quarters not to your liking?”

  “I, uh…what?” (Y/N) asked, still dazed by the room.

  “Would you like a different room? We have plenty. I am sorry if-”

  “Oh my gosh, no!” (Y/N) exclaimed, finally hearing his words. “Good God, no!” She laughed, “This is beyond anything I could’ve ever even thought of. It’s, it’s perfect. Thank you,” (Y/N) smiled and Thor smiled back.

  “You are absolutely welcome. Now, get dressed. My mother promised to fill the closet over there with her most beautiful gowns. You are welcome to any of them.”

  “Are you- no!” (Y/N) exclaimed as she ran to the closet and pulled open it’s white, wooden doors. But, there. Royal ballgowns. She wasn’t really the fashion type, never cared much for clothes., but those dresses could’ve given any woman an orgasm. They were so beautiful.

  “I shall leave you now. Be ready in an hour,” Thor directed as he closed the door behind her. (Y/N) sat down at the vanity next to the closet, then stared in the mirror at her own reflection.

  ‘This can’t even be real. I’m in a real castle with the royal family. Royal, basically, gods,’ (Y/N) thought. It didn’t seem real. She’d done some crazy shit, but this was next level. This was the big leagues. 

  She walked over to the window, leaning her elbows on the wooden frame. Only her toes touched the cool, stone floor as she gazed outside to the wide, blue skies that danced with pink clouds reflecting the evening light in dazzling color. Nothing could make this day better. Nothing…except Steve.

  Homesick? (Y/N) was homesick? She never thought she would see the day. But, the feeling was there, and she welcomed it gladly. (Y/N) smiled to herself, still gazing at the new realm before her. Steve, Tony, Natasha, Bruce, Clint. Her friends. Her team.

  ‘My home.’


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MASTERLIST (part 1)