Almost Is Never Enough |Part1|
Word Count: 2.8k
Genre: Angst + Smut + Fluff, Bestfriend AU! Min Yoongi!
Summary: What happen when you fell in love with your best friend and make him confused with your confession? Will he return your love or will he run away?
|Part 2| Final
I can still feel it. The sweat that he left behind coating my neck dripping down to my shoulders. His soft wet hair sticking to his forehead as he slouched into my arms. His scent mix with cinnamon, cigarette and the alcohol he still holds in his hand. His frame like a tower collapsing as his chuckles vibrates.
“Yoongi. Are you ok?” My arms reaching forward to hold every inch of him I can.
“I’m fine Y/N! I’ve never been better…” he slurred as his lips pulled upward revealing his gummy smile. The smile that I love so much. The smile that make him look so innocent, the smile that light my world up even on a gloomy day.
“You’re drunk Yoongi. Come on let me get you some water.” I dragged him in my apartment before he dropped down to my steps.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I came to see you because I missed you so much” He spread his arms wide for me to come in and embrace the place I used to feel safe in.
“Yoongi. You know you shouldn’t be here… You know how I feel about this. It’s the third time this week” I scoffed as I pulled his shoes off and take the can of beer out of his hand. I walked past him before a hand grabbed my wrist.
“…and you know how I feel about you. YOU KNOW IT Y/N SO WHY ARE YOU DENYING IT?” His head hangs low as he screamed. His voice cracked a little sending shivers down my spine.
“Because you don’t love me! You don’t. Stop forcing yourself… Stop telling yourself that you love me when you don’t Yoongi! Stop being so selfish!” I yanked my hand away from his grip and walked to the living room. Tears threatening to come out my eyes as I tried my best to be composed. I told myself I wouldn’t cry anymore. It’s been three months.
Three months of sorrow and sadness. Three months of laying lifeless in my bed and crying myself to sleep. Three months without Yoongi. Without his pale arms wrapped around me comforting me. Without his laughs echoing in my apartment. Without his shoes scatter at the front steps. Without him making noises at the crack of dawn trying to make me breakfast and without his warmth warming me up in the winter morning.
Yoongi and I met in our freshmen year of college through mutual friends. He never speaks a lot or try to make conversation but he always gave me the comforting vibe. It took me by surprise when he asked if I wanted to hang out. Nothing special, we dine at a local Diner down the street by campus and he didn’t try to impress me or tell me about how cool he was.
He was quiet but careful, the things I fell in love with. He didn’t try to be funny on purpose, he just was. His dry humor with a hint of straight forward attitude made me laugh harder than I ever did. He told me about his hometown, his hobbies, and his passion for music.
His gummy smile was show often throughout our conversation and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He’s beautiful. His jet black hair parted on his right side exposing just enough skin underneath. It looked so soft and fluffy and it was. His eyes squint every time he smile and his ears turn red every time our hands “accidentally” touch.
Yoongi came into my life like a storm swooping me under my feet. He was like the new drug that I quickly became addicted to. I wanted to spend all my time with him. And I felt like he feels the same way. We hang out a couple more times until we were completely comfortable with each other. He come over to my apartment and sometimes stayed the night.
We became best friends, we knew everything about each other. We understood each other like we knew one another for decades. He was my other half and with time my heart beats for him. We have moments when we would just stare at each other and no one has ever been so perfect in my eyes. It started with a conversation but now we’re standing still in between the friends and lovers line. I’m scared to step over the line and I’m scared to tell him I wanted more.
I don’t want to lose him … I don’t want to lose his warmth that he comforts me with in some sleepless nights. I don’t want to risk being turn down and risk whatever this is. I locked all my feelings away in my heart but he is my heart. He always finds a way to pump it back again. It’s frustrating to feel this way for the last two years.
I tried to get over him because I know he doesn’t feel the same way. I tried going out and meet new people but no one attracts me like he does. I tried having boyfriends but it never last, maybe they sense that my feelings were empty. I didn’t want to lose the only person I care about but you can’t always have what you want.
“Tae what am I going to do?” I whine to my friend as I run a hand over my disheveled hair.
“Y/N. How many time am I going to tell you this? TELL HIM LADY!” his eyes bulge out emphasizing his frustration.
“I’m pretty sure he’s into you as well by the way he always look at you” Taehyung fold his arms in front of his chest as he slouched on the sofa nodding his head.
“.. and what if..?”
“No what if!” Tae cut off my sentence of doubt before I could finish.“For God sake it’s been like 2 years. If you don’t tell him soon someone will swing by and scoop him up and you’re going to regret not listening to me.”
“I know but I’m scared… You just don’t understand” I let out a sigh as I feel the anxiety and stress taking over at the thought of Yoongi being with someone else. Someone who’s way prettier and smarter than me.
Tae rolled his eyes as he grabbed his coffee bringing it to his lips. “It’s impossible to talk to you. I just want to throw a lemon at you!” he scolds as he fixed his hair. “Lemon… lemon. OMG LEMON!” I jumped up out of my seat as I panic to pack all my stuff.
“Y/N calm down. Yes, lemon. I will throw it at you but I’m not doing it now so why are you panicking?” “It’s not that Tae. I promised Yoongi I would come over today to make Lemon pie with him for his mom. She’s visiting!” I quickly explain to the confused boy.
“Tae I have to go. Thanks for the coffee, love ya bye!” I ran over to the other side of the table to give him a goodbye hug before running off.
I look at the clock and it’s 3:45pm. I’m almost an hour late. I supposed to meet Yoongi at his apartment 45 minutes ago. I can already see the raging smoke coming out of his ears. I quickly enter the elevator and walk to his apartment. With a bag of lemon in one hand and a spare key.
Yoongi gave me a spare key to his apartment because sometimes I would be worried sick when he’s working on his music and not answer his phone. I open the door with excitement and enter until I heard laughter as I close the door. The laughter was mixed with Yoongi and a girl…
“Yoongi?…” I called out. I walked towards the kitchen clutching tightly on my now wrinkled up lemon bag.
“Look who’s finally here.” Yoongi scoffed at me and rolled his eyes attacking me with his sass making me laugh a little. He then greeted me with his bright smile. He was covered in baking flour and cream all over his body and on the tip of his nose.
Besides him is a girl. She’s also covered in flour and cream. She was gorgeous. Long slick hair and a cute small face that was half the size of mines. Totally Yoongi type. I couldn’t help but felt a little insecure. What were they doing before I walked in? They were playing around? Maybe a little too friendly? I stood there awkwardly as the air starts to feel thicker around me.
“You were supposed to be here like 45 minutes ago you dummy.” Yoongi glared at me as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. “What’s your excuse?”
“I know I know. I’m so sorry Yoongi. I was with Tae and we were drinking coffee and then I lost track of time and I’m just so sorry. I know how much you wanted to make a good impression on your mom.” I apologized as I look at him and then her and then back to him.
“Yeah yeah. I was so desperate Lisa offered to help me. She lives 3 floors above and she saw how frustrated I was so she offered to lend me a hand.” Yoongi laugh echoed through his apartment aching my heart a bit.
I should be the one helping him and that frustrated me. I know it’s my fault and I couldn’t blame anyone but It still hurts. Seeing him so happy and playing around with another girl besides from me reminds me that he doesn’t belong to me. He never did…
“Lisa this is Y/N and Y/N this is Lisa” He introduces us. I gave her a small smile and she did the same.
“Well…um do you need me to help you with anything?” I asked awkwardly.
“No, we’re almost finish” Lisa answered as she gave me and smile it almost look like it’s telling me to go away. Yoongi just stared at her with loving eyes and I feel like I can’t breathe. This could not be happening. Yoongi should be looking at me like that, not at her. Yoongi should be standing next to me, not her. I should be helping him making pies and not her. I feel pathetic, I couldn’t confess to him and now I can’t stand seeing him with someone else.
“Alright. Then I’ll leave it to you guys.” I gave Yoongi a smile as I drop the bag of lemon onto the table.
“Y/N we’re still hanging out tomorrow right?” he spoked in what felt like eternity.
“Yeah of course. I’ll talk to you later” I waved at him then tried to exit as fast as possible. I wanted to get out of there. I wanted to erase the threatening image of them together. I wanted to think that it was nothing and it wouldn’t escalate to anything but I just couldn’t. With a girl like Lisa, Yoongi would be happier.
“Hellooo” Taehyung cheery voice contrasts with my gloomy one.
“Tae what am I going to do?”
After 45 minutes of me ranting about the incident that made me seemed pathetic he finally spoke up.
“I told you so” He taunted me through the line of signal. If he was here in person, I’m pretty sure I would smack him.
“Tae this is not the time” I scoffed making him chuckles.
“Out of all seriousness, you should really confess to him. If you don’t you might really lose him for good. From what you’ve said she’s a real beauty”
What he said was true. If I don’t tell him now I might never have the chance to. I can’t risk losing him.
I walk around in circle biting on my already bitten nails. The nervousness tapping on my back as the anxiety takes over.
“Deep breath Y/N, deep breath” Talking to myself “What could possibly be the worst outcome? Yoongi call me a creep and never talk to me again and I’ll never step out of this apartment until I’m old and alone” the thought out loud made my knees weak dropping me to the ground. Covering my ears with my palms to deafen out the noisy thoughts and paranoid voices in my head that keeps telling me that this is a bad idea.
*knock knock* he’s here…
I walked to door to greet a cheery go lucky Yoongi. He seems to be in a great mood.
“Hey Y/N” He gravitate towards my body to give it a tight squeeze. “I have big news!” He walked past me towards the counter to drop off the snacks for out little movies night.
“Yeah? What is it?” I said nervously.
“I got myself a date!” Yoongi cheer in triumph. “H-huh?” Was all I could let out.
“With Lisa, the girl you met yesterday.” Yoongi look at me with a wide smile on his face.
Somehow I can’t seem to mirror his as my smile falter slowly.
“That’s great” I said as I try my best to force a smile for my best friend, the man that I love.
“Y/N what’s wrong? I know that face” He closed the distance between us as he grabs onto my forearms with a concern face.
“Nothing Yoongi. I’m just a bit tired” I avoided his eyes contact turning my body toward the snack laying on the counter to unpack them.
“Alright. I wasn’t going to say it but you’ve been acting really weird lately…” He let go of my arms and I can feel him staring intensely at me.
“You Think so?” I continue unpacking the snack.
“I know so. What’s wrong with you? You haven’t talk to me that much. You barely call or text and now you don’t even tell me what’s going on in your life.” He raised his voice in frustration.
“Yoongi it’s really nothing.” I assured him as my voice shake a bit but it didn’t go unnoticed.
“Y/N look at me”
I kept my body facing the other way holding in my tears as much as possible. I don’t want him to know.
“Y/N LOOK AT ME!” He’s now screaming grabbing onto my wrist and forcing my body to turn.
“YOONGI LET GO!” I struggled trying to escape his grip.
“NOT UNTIL YOU TELL WHAT YOU’VE BEEN HIDING!” He held onto my wrist tighter than before.
“Please let go… please I can’t tell you” My vision blurred as tears weld up in my eyes threatening to escapes.
“I’M TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT Y/N. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO SELFISH?” His eyebrows furrowed as his chest heave up and down.
“Fine! You want to know? I’ll tell you! You’re the one that’s being selfish because you just wouldn’t leave me be. I’m not trying to mess your whole life up or this friendship up because Yoongi…” Tears felled down as I look in his eyes sincerely.
“I love you. I’ve love you for a long time. I’ve love you beyond our friendships. I wanted to be with you. Every second, every moment of my day. You make me so happy and I’m scared. I’m afraid that this day may come too soon and you don’t feel the same way and you’ll leave me…”
He looked at me with his eyes widen and I knew it’s over. This friendship. Me and him.
I looked away as I’m scared to how he’s going to react and what he’s going to say.
“Y/n I don’t know what to say…” He let go of my arms and take a step back.
“Nothing. You don’t have to say anything.” My head hangs low facing the wooden floor of my apartment.
“I-I I don’t know… You know I-I have a date with Lisa and I’ve never… I can’t think straight right now. I need time. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Y/N” He backed away slowly before turning towards the door.
A moment later I heard the door closed and I just snapped. I dropped to the floor and curled myself into a ball and cry. I just let it all out. I let all my tears streamed down my face damping my shirt in seconds. I needed this. I needed to let out all the frustrations, the emotions, the love I have for him out. I covered my face as I cried and shake uncontrollably.
I knew it would end like this but I still told him. I still let myself fall deeper. I still let myself love him and care for him. I still let myself get tangle in a ball of emotions and get hurt. I have no one to blame but myself. Even so, I still can’t let go of the love I have for Yoongi. I could and I probably should but I chose not to.
To be Continue…