lady ballers

philester  asked:

Make a phan fic involving dan and Phil and fidget spinners

anush u do not want to know where my mind went when i saw this.., here’s something a little uhgg more jesus than that

Harder by dangoghs
word count: 950
A/N: basically j dnp as fourteen yr old fbois except my word choice makes it sound kinda ;) dirty,, also sorry for the Lot of stereotyping but ive met plenty of ppl just like this and it doesn’t have any actual harm so
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Dan and Phil were sweating viciously in concentration. Their fingers were entwined around two identical fidget spinners. One red and one blue. Fire and water. Life and death. All was silent.
A crowd of friends were surrounding them, but they didn’t matter. It was only dan and phil and the spinners and the moment. Oh my god, it was glorious. They stared at each other from across the table passionately, two tigers in a duel of fatality. This was it.
The two top spinner masters in the whole eighth grade. Finally brought together for a face off. A battle to end all battles. Spinners of godly descent. God knows what was about to happen.
The rules were very clear. Their mutual bro, Bro McBro, gripping his snap-back in one hand which he had taken off in respect of the masters, recited they a last time. “Attention, spinner amateaurs and warriors from all across this realm. It is time for the duel we have been looking forward to for the past two hours because our attention span is very short and I forgot what I was looking forward to before that. I will now state the laws of fidget spinner warfare, although I am sure all of you know them by heart. But first, give it up for the MIGHTY LADY PLAYER AND BALLER, MASTER OF KIK, CALL OF DUTY WARFARE VETERAN, HOMEROOM 8F, DAAAAN HOWELLLL!!!!”
Dan stood up and displayed his masculinity by punching everyone in the chest while screeching “YAAAAAS!!!” His bros passed around the spinner, blessing it with kisses. He was pumped!
“And up against him, the WALKING ADIDAS MAGAZINE, ULTIMATE STREAK KEEPER AND HEART BREAKER, OWNING FIVE PAIRS OF THE SAME SHOES, PHIIIIILLLLL LEESSTERRERR!!!!”
Phil too punched all his bros in the stomach, a ritual of the bro code. He screamed, rivaling Dan’s ‘yas’ in annoyingness, “YEEEEEEEEEET!” while his loyal bros chanted “YA! YA! YA!”
McBro continued, quieting everyone down. “Okay. Firstly, no playin, because you get dishonor and all your streaks broken if you break these rules.” The spinner masters nodded in understanding. “You get thirty seconds to spin your weapons on this fine cafeteria table. Then, we wait. The wielder with the longest spin wins eternal respect and likes on his instagram photos.” The small bro-crowd reveled in the glory of the reward. “Understood?”
Dan and phil, consumed with energy, simply nodded again. They placed their snapbacks together on the side of the table, a sign of friendship. Their bond would not be broken by this duel. They stopped absentmindedly twisting the spinners in their palms and placed them on the table. Dan, red. Phil, blue. “Ready,” cried McBro. “Set!” “Go!”
Dan and phil spun their spinners so fast that the chants of their bros faded into the distance. Spin, spin, spin. “HARDER!” McBro shouted. “HAAAARDER!”
They kept spinning until the thirty seconds were up. It was time to wait.
Dan clenched his teeth and phil used his hand to remove a lock of his hair that was straying onto his sweaty forehead. SPIN! SPIN! SPIN! “YEEEEZ!” Dan squealed. He loved his spinner so much, he trusted it, he was infatuated with it, and it was not disappointing him. He was going to win!
But phil, he was thinking the same thing!! His blue spinner looked like a blue eye. It was spinning so fast that all the nuts and bolts of the trinket blurred together! “UNNHHHHHH!” Phil grunted. He was elated with pleasure.
The boys moaned in satisfaction, both delighted by how their respective spinners were going like lightning. “YES! YES! DONT STOP!” The bros cheered. This was something absolutely amazing!
Over a minute had passed and the spinners were still going strong. They were both groaning ferociously over the intensity of the competition. “FUCK!” Dan yelped, and parted his legs because fuckboys sit like that sometimes for no reason. His red spinner was fire, a volcanic bundle of everything dan lived for, he cheered for it so hard in those moments.
The bros were shouting, “UAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHH!” They were overcome with how fast the spinners were going. But then finally, they were starting to slow down! The “UHGGAH” turned into an “OOOOAHAHAHHH!!!” Suspense built up urgently. Phil lusted for victory. His only lecheries, desires, libidos were about this duel. Dan wailed when his spinner began failing him. The agony! The pain! He parted his legs even more! He grinded his nails into the table, in hope Phil’s spinner would slow as well, but no such thing.
And then it was almost over… both spinners were at the pace of a waddle, but Phil’s was still faster. Sabotage was not an option, so dan just sat still and inwardly sighed. His heart was torn in half as his spinner finally came to a halt, after three minutes of overwhelming feelings. He had cried, he had laughed. But now, it was the end.
Phil was maniacally screaming. He had won! He was so joyful that tears were grinding into his cheekbones. He was the master of the eighth grade. The tiger, the dragon, the honor. He licked his fidget spinner, sending his bros into another wave of whoops. Then he climbed onto the lunch table with no mercy for dans misery, and beat his chest like a gorilla. Dans heart was also being hit by these blows, but it was okay. They were bros. No, they were more than bros. But that’s a tale for another day.

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Back Home Ballers - Saturday Night Live

pls watch this

empire37  asked:

What do you think of astrid threatening drago. I've seen people trash her for it when honestly I think she believed everything she said. Hiccup would come for them.

I thought it was totally IC and also evidence to faith in Hiccup and how their relationship has progressed.  I also bulleted her point in the movie (I think, I only skimmed it) to help give my opinion.

Like… Astrid is a strong baller lady who can kick ass and carry out orders like a mother-effing boss… but she’s better at carrying out orders than, say, thinking three-steps-aheads and predicting political moves.  She’s more likely to fall back on aggression and threats when faced with an obstacle because that’s the Viking way. That’s the way she was raised and shown. That’s the way that’s worked so well in her past, against dragons and vikings, and despite the changing world Hiccup’s bringing, she knows the rest of the world–the BA, at least–is still ruled by that dogma.

This was a great example of Astrid’s power and weakness. 

**And her weakness does not take away from her character, it makes it