ladies under the mountain

captaintauriel replied to your post “no but dwarves in alliances with men, and someone says ‘get the women…”

“Dwalin might have said that they were hiding behind their mother’s skirts, were he a Man. But the analogy didn’t fit for Dwarves–Dwarf women tended to be armed to the teeth at all times, and so hiding behind your mother was likely the safest place-

god terrifying dwarf mamas are so great

so i was rewatching the hobbit, and the bit where they’re saying that oin has read the portents etc (specifically the ‘as it was foretold’ line) got me thinking
oh my god a family of dwarf lady soothsayers. giving these bizarre prophecies hundreds of years in advance and being largely written off and laughed out of court when they try to tell the kings until ‘wait fuck didn’t that psychic say something about birds and a beast and erebor like five hundred years before???’ and they just kind of fake it the rest of the time; telling fortunes and drinking a lot (because insane nightmares obviously come with the territory) and passing their skills (because it’s a skill, and don’t you dare suggest otherwise) on down to their daughters and being eternally mildly put out with royalty and heroes and anyone who thinks they can change the fate of the world.
just. god. prophets are my favorites. and dwarf prophets even more so how had i not thought about this before???

madamefaust  asked:

Dis please, queen of the lady dwarves.

  • is totally thorin’s creepy not-twin. they look like, eerily similar, particularly with their beards kept short, which they both do. people get them confused if they don’t know them properly, and dís, being who she is, will totally just roll with it. (actually she’s gone to particularly sensitive political things in his place before when it was agreed that thorin would probably offend someone) (also she just thinks it’s super hilarious to confuse people sometimes.)
  • she fought at azanulbizar with her brothers, even though she was expressly told by her grandfather, father, and by thorin that she wouldn’t be allowed. they all believed she was too young (which was completely ridic, given that she was older than daín and no one was debating his right to be there) and that they couldn’t risk the entire line. but seriously? there was no way she was letting them go without her, not when literally everyone she loved was going, so she just quietly slipped into the ranks of soldiers and stayed near her family as best as she could. thorin didn’t actually know she was there until it was all over and he found her, still guarding frerin’s body.
  • she was almost entirely responsible for her sons’ education. she took it upon herself to teach them almost everything, because there wasn’t really anyone she trusted around consistently, and she didn’t want them not learning things well. so for the first like, seventy years of her boys’ lives, she was the world’s busiest dwarf, working in the forge with thorin (and for thorin, and as thorin more than once), keeping her house up and her boys fed and clothes, halfway leading a bunch of bizarre wandering dwarves, trying to maintain a reasonable social life, and teaching fíli and kíli most all of the subjects they would have learned from a proper teacher. (as well as significantly better fighting skills than they ever would have gotten, and how to properly prank their grumpy uncle thorin) occasionally when balin and dwalin were around, they would help out with some things, and thorin was semi-involved, but mostly it was her thing. and when anyone else was teaching them anything they totally had to okay it through her first.