are you still doing fic outlines, if so: All But The Kitchen Sink, Viktuuri
Oh my god. Yuri on Ice: HGTV AU.
- “I’m a figure skater,” Victor says.
“I’m… also a figure skater?” Yuuri says.
“And our budget is 2 million!”
- (”Wait,” Yuuri says. “Really?”
Victor rubs Yuuri’s arm. “Our last ice show did very well.”)
- Neither of them are helpful.
-The least bit helpful.
- “Anywhere I can be with Yuuri is home,” Victor keeps sighing.
“Okay but how many bathrooms,” the hosts keep replying.
- Victor honestly believes that, but also he’ll casually drop statements like “we’re really in the market for eight bedrooms minimum” or “if you can’t fit a California king inside it is it really a walk-in closet.”
- (He’s trolling, mostly, but he does want to make sure they have enough bedrooms for their eventual hockey team of children.)
- For the first several houses, Yuuri’s response to everything is to wring his hands and say “It looks nice.” Finally, after all-out begging from the producers, Yuuri gives actual opinions and it turns out they are BLISTERINGLY SAVAGE.
- The camera crew stalks him from that moment on, zooming in on his beautiful thoughtful face, waiting for him to quietly eviscerate another McMansion.
- They are the first couple in the history of the show who do not want a double vanity. “Why?” ask the hosts. There’s a smash-cut to these clingy octopus monsters brushing their teeth while wrapped around each other.
- Victor pretends to be torn about their eventual house. He knows how reality TV works. He pretends the lack of apron sink in the kitchen is going to be a dealbreaker.
- And then their faces upon entering the master suite and seeing the hot tub become an extremely popular reaction gif.
- “I need it,” Yuuri hisses. Victor cries a little.