l miss

ok so i know that tv shows are different than books. i Know that and i Know it’s impossible to include everything. but i can’t stop imagining potential scenes and losing all composure.

  • the first time we see 300 fox way. the reading room. blue’s bedroom. You Guys.
  • the first time we see monmouth from the inside. the bathroom/kitchen/laundry room. mini-henrietta.
  • the pig. THE PIG.
  • aglionby uniforms. 
    • and the entire wardrobe tbh. ronan’s dishevelment. blue’s deliberate wackiness. the boat shoes. adam covered in car grease.
  • how are they going to capture noah’s smudginess? what if they do Cool Cinematic Stuff like make him flicker or glitch. What If. 
  • gansey’s journal. Fuck. it’s gonna be real. there’s gonna be a real gansey’s journal.
  • the seasons changing in cabeswater. Imagine. 
    • truly Everything about cabeswater. Imagine.
  • finding noah’s skeleton.
  • also? um. FLASHBACKS. flashbacks? to anything pre-series? noah? gansey? ronan? 
  • the ‘murdered murdered remembered’ scene. Holy Shit. 
  • i’m gonna get to see robert parrish get beat to shit with my own two eyes.
  • adaM’S SACRIFICE. “i sacrifice myself.” spoken out loud in a henrietta accent. words into my ears. 

i’m not saying exo’s lay zhang yixing would be the best at doing the eve choreography but exo’s lay zhang yixing would be the best at doing the eve choreography

sexuality.

You could almost say I’ve been studying Laurens behaviour from 2012-16 in correlation with her sexuality. I’m finding it extremely difficult to see anything ‘questionable’ about her sexuality, other than her interactions with Camila. When I watch these interviews with the girls, Lauren touching or looking at the girls is clearly platonic. There’s nothing that even hints at anything within her sexuality through her behaviour with the girls. But with Camila, there’s something different. Those longing stares weren’t platonic, how they touched and interacted with each other, wasn’t platonic. The only part of Laurens behaviour that showed us she was also attracted to girls, could be seen through moments with Camila. There’s no doubt in my mind that C played a huge part in Laurens self-acceptance. In an interview a couple months back, Lauren spoke about her sexuality at #beautyconNYC: (3:10-)

Lauren saying “what are you looking at when you see that” is blatantly obvious to me. Camila. The only factor fans could use at the time when/if doubting Lauren’s sexuality was Camila. The interactions and behaviours that the two shared, fuelled the speculation and presumptions about not only Lauren’s sexuality, but Camila’s also. She mentioned when she was younger, she “wasn’t ready to accept it about herself”. Presuming she was questioning her sexuality in her mid/late teens, the only person around her whom she publicly showed attraction to via these little secret looks and touches was Camila. She didn’t show anything intense towards the other 5H girls as she did with Camila. You could tell her interactions with Dinah, Ally and Normani were purely platonic and even from early X-Factor interviews, Lauren was always extremely protective and admiring of Camila. She spoke about “not being ready” to come out so at the time she must have already had existing doubts about her sexuality. I wonder which girl caused her questioning? Fans labelled her before she even had a chance to accept and fully understand it herself. So this coincides perfectly with Camila’s Facebook live, where she’s asked for her advise on an LGBT relationship where the other half isn’t ready “to come out”. (12:40-13:50)

Watch Lauren’s interview first then watch Camila’s. Compare their descriptions and understandings of ‘coming out’ and note that they are EXACTLY the same. C fills in the gaps L missed out in her interview and vice versa. It all falls in place like a little puzzle. Their words are spoken parallel to each others. Aren’t they basically both explaining how they personally reacted during that specific time? You can tell both are speaking from experience. C’s “I’ve learned that” was a massive slip up on her behalf.  I mean the only way you learn something is if you study it, or it happens to you. Camila must be super invested in the LGBT+ community to be able to articulate a response as intricate as the one she gave in this particular interview. There’s no doubt that each individual played some sort of role in the acceptance of each other’s sexualities, whatever those may be. 

Remember though: “All you can do is just love them”.

I wonder who did the loving in this scenario? Was it Camila? Was she loving Lauren as they both finally understood and accepted their feelings towards one and other? Is C’s Hurting the struggle in which she/Lauren were unable to view their sexualities in a positive light after the pressure of shipping and criticism from labels and PR teams? Is the Healing her coming to terms with herself and starting to gradually share to fans a huge part of her that is ‘forbidden’? Is the Loving the final ‘fuck it’, C accepting and being proud of being who she is? I wonder how many more “she” pronouns will pop up in the album. 

Everything is a process, sit tight.