ky gel

Went to CVS, 65 yr old guy asked the pharmacist, "where do you guys keep the KY Gel?"

I tried not to laugh. I really did. I stood there and just bit the inside of my cheek so I wouldn’t bust out laughing.

After he left, it was my turn with the pharmacist. I let out a sigh and my eyes were watery from when I was trying to stop myself from laughing.

The pharmacist just giggles and says “Eh, you get used to it after a while”

Old People having sexy time.

What a day. 

imagine your otp: retail edition

  • i work in the pickup area of walmart and you come in every day to ask me pointless questions will you just ask me out already
  • i just started working at target and walked into the break room and watched as you chugged one of those massive cans of monster in like 5 seconds 
  • we work together and even though i’ve said no more than two words to you we seem to have a soul connection as every time on of us has an annoying customer we share a look
  • you and your shitty friends tried to prank one of the managers and now i’m cackling as i watch them lecture you 
  • you came through my line and purchased condoms, garbage bags, KY gel and a set of knives what the fu c k
  • it’s black friday and i’m on the floor trying to pick up stray merchandise. i find one of those hatchimal things and pick it up, only to have your grandma punch me in the face
  • your sweet old grandpa comes in and talks to my coworkers and i every night and talks nonstop about you. one night he brings you and holy shit you’re cute
  • we work in pickup together and one night you’re outside in the trailers and i decide to scare you and oh my god you scream like a little girl
Christmas Song

Here is a little Christmas song to cheer you up on this Christmas season… Mistress LOVES Favourite things sung To the tune of “A Few of My Favourite Things”

Dildos and corsets and Chainmail Bikinis
Black Leather cages you lock on your weenies
Fetish and fashion and pierced nipple rings
These are a few of Mistress LOVES favorite things …

When the lash bites
When the crop stings
When it hits the Spot
I simply remember my favorite things
And it makes me feel … so hot!!

Wrist cuffs and collars and straps of black leather
Chrome chains and Padlocks to hold them together
Tease whips and gags sort the girls from the boys
These are a few of Mistress LOVES favorite toys …

Nip Clips and Clit clips and Ball gags and Blindfolds
Dildos and butt plugs to stop up your assholes
Enema pipes and some new “KY” gel
All delivered in brown paper, so the neighbors can’t tell …

Bottle green panties like the girls wore in school
A brief French maids outfit to make your mouth drool
Black halter tops and a PVC skirt
And a long leather whip … Oh yes, that will hurt!!

Floggers and paddles and crops of black leather
Rubber and latex are fun in all weather
Canes of rattan that deliver a sting
All these and more are Mistress LOVES favorite things!!!

When the lash bites
When the crop stings
When it hits the Spot
I simply remember my favorite things
And it makes me feel … so hot!!