kuroko and akashi

  • friend: who is your crush?
  • me: *opens mouth*
  • friend: real people not fictional
  • me: *closes mouth*
  • Kuroko: *phone starts ringing*
  • Aomine, looking to see who's calling: Lmao, you still call your dad “daddy”?
  • Kuroko, answering the phone and making direct eye contact with Aomine: Hello Akashi-kun.
  • Aomine: *chokes on drink*
  • Haizaki: You know, my dick has a lot in common with the sun.
  • Aomine: Why? Because nobody likes looking at it directly?
  • Kise: It gives people cancer?
  • Kuroko: It’s going to die someday?
  • Momoi: It rises at the crack of dawn?
  • Murasakibara: It disappears at night?
  • Akashi: Direct exposure to it often leads to a nasty case of sunburn?
  • Midorima: It needs to stay approximately 92,960,000 miles away from me?
  • Nijimura: Nobody will ever touch it?
  • Kuroko: Why is blood so hard to wash off your hands?
  • Kuroko: I JUST REALIZED HOW BAD THIS SOUNDS. FOR THE RECORD, I HAD A NOSE BLEED, I’M NOT A SERIAL KILLER.
  • Aomine: But we both know that’s not quite true.
  • Midorima: Hydrogen peroxide dissolves blood, just fyi.
  • Akashi: Do you think if you gave someone a huge shot of hydrogen peroxide straight into their bloodstream it would kill them?
  • Kagami: THIS GODDAMN SCHOOL IS JUST ALL MADE UP OF MURDERERS.