kubo tite you jerk

Reverse "fans ship you with"...starring Kira

As requested by anon. :)

It is time for Kira to let us know what he thinks of his most popular ships! So, Kira, how do you feel about being shipped with…

1. …Gin?

“No, I get it. People like to see me suffer. They got off on it. Tite Kubo certainly does. So this ship makes perfect sense. You jerks.”

Gin: I love you too, Izuru!

2. …Hinamori?

“I-I am very fond of Hinamori! But I really don’t deserve a shot with her, seeing as I attacked her. It’s hard to get past a thing like that.”

Hinamori: So you’re saying I shouldn’t date anyone?

3. …Hisagi?

“I feel like Hisagi handled our respective betrayals much better than I did. I’d love to learn his secret. Maybe while licking whipped cream off of his tattoo.”

Hisagi: Say what now?

Kira: I want to learn your secrets?


4. …Rose?

“Look, I know he means well, but I just don’t think I could date a birdheaded man. My natural reflex in that case is ‘beheading.’”

Rose: Hmmm… 'Reflexive Beheading’ would be a cool song name.

Kira: Also he turns everything I say into song titles.

5. …Unohana?

“…Must I be shipped with all of my captains, past and present?”

Unohana: Yes, Kira, that is the rule.

Kira: W-why are you so on board with that?!

6. …Renji?

“I first met Renji when he fell out of a tree in front of me. And I believe that if a hot man drops out of the sky, that is destiny.”

Renji: …are you being sarcastic right now?

Kira: Can’t you tell?

Renji: Try matching your expression to your emotions and get back to me.

7. …Nnoitra?

“Ha ha the despair espada how adorable.”

Nnoitra: I don’t pay attention to people below captain-level.

Kira: That’s okay because I’m not actually interested in you.

Nnoitra: WHY NOT?!

8. …Matsumoto?

“No, see, I stripped for her platonically. Well, drunkenly, anyway.”

Matsumoto: Aw, Kira, I was just trying to help you with Hisagi!

Matsumoto: While I watched.

9. …Kurotsuchi?

“If this has anything to do with us both losing our torsos to a Quincy opponent - fuck you fans so hard.”

Kurotsuchi: Like I would date a man affected by such a trivial injury.


“Guys, come on. I beheaded him. There was beheading. The end of our relationship was head removal. No more head for Abirama.”

Abirama: Yeah, that’s the deal breaker for me too.

Kira: No talking without a head.