kraft ebing

some thoughts i had walking home from work today

John Watson is a Kinsey 1. He is mostly attracted to women, and when he is attracted to men, it’s part and parcel of a deeper emotional attraction, rather than something purely aesthetic. Would call himself straight, if heterosexuality had been invented yet. 

Sherlock Holmes is a Kinsey 5.5. He is almost solely attracted to men. He has one exception, and even she’s only halfway convinced. Voracious reader of Kraft-Ebbing; considers himself an invert, scorns the term ‘uranian’, hates oscar wilde. 

Irene Adler: Kinsey 3. Would believe all women are bisexual, if bisexuality had been invented yet. 

Mycroft Holmes: Kinsey 2. Mostly interested in women, but had deep and important erotic and emotional experiences with boys at school. Considers this sexually, romantically, developmentally normal, and would eyeroll at the idea of the Kinsey Scale if the Kinsey Scale had been invented yet. 

Mary Morstan: Kinsey 1.5. Would consider herself straight, but had deeply intense emotional experiences with girls at school that wind up being indistinguishable from later romantic feelings for men. Would be offended at the idea that all women are bisexual. 

Jane Eyre: Kinsey 3. Would consider herself bisexual if she knew it was an option. Struggles with internalized sexist/gender-essentialist modes of attraction: ie, she likes bad boys and nice girls. (See: Rochester, Helen.) 

Bertha Mason: Kinsey 6. In another life would have gladly been Jane’s first bad girl. Alternatively: in another life she could have been the demon to Helen’s angel, and Jane’s brain would have cried about it. 

Edward Fairfax Rochester: Kinsey 0.5. Half a point for resentfully noticing that certain men have “grecian” good looks. Years earlier had a dream about Richard Mason. Chalked it up to how terrible Bertha was as a wife. (sidenote: not at all related to his sexuality, but secretly and awfully likes the trappings of femininity: corsets, silk, dresses. At first this translates to liking them on Jane. Then reasoning that the reason he still got het up about them off Jane was that he associated them with the female body. Then eventually probably Jane laces him into something. This probably leads to a tortured Hemingway-like repression/double-life, or in some other world it leads to the deep-down truth that he’s genderqueer. This in turn means his kinsey score changes, but he’s still attracted to women almost entirely.)