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4

i think these were glimpses of even’s internal conflict that the common viewer wasn’t necessarily meant to notice

in the first moment, when they’re at even’s place, the viewer is led to believe that even is this very confident, laid back stranger. he nonchalantly invites isak to join him outside after they’ve faced each other for the first time in the restroom. he’s that guy who, the next week, says hi to isak on the bus like it’s no big deal at all, who nonchalantly invites isak back to his place because he “forgot his id”

making the first step, spontaneous, no second thought. the common viewer who’s only seen the first two episodes is not meant to second guess that

and then they’re lying in bed. after even invited him for a pre-drink, after even tells him they’re leaving the girls behind and they’re going somewhere, anywhere, after even convinces isak to break into someone’s home and to have a swim in their pool, after even is the one who first kisses isak 

making the first step, spontaneous, no second thought. the common viewer who’s only seen the first four episodes and that bed scene is not meant to second guess that

but it is already there, the internal conflict, the “will he stay if he knows?” and it’s so subtle, and the common viewer is not meant to notice it then, is not meant to try to see it because there are other things they are meant to concentrate on 

in that first moment, they finally sit down and talk to each other for the first time and even realizes that he doesn’t want to lose this person he is starting to get to know because he already knows that he’s loving everything he’s learning about isak, and he only wants to learn more and more and more 

in that second moment, even is holding isak close and he is starting to get used to the feeling of having isak pressed against him after they’ve spent all that time together, he is getting used to the weight of him, his smell and his face and his kisses and it’s a feeling that he already knows he doesn’t want to lose 

and the internal conflict is already there because even has probably wondered from the start how isak would react to the truth. these two moments were before isak’s comment in the locker room about people with a mental illness. i do think that comment was a catalyst for even and it quickly made him decide to pull away. but i don’t think it was the comment alone that made him leave. the comment turned his indecision into a decision, but i think, somehow, even had also been scared from the start