in these brief minutes i have learnt something painful about love [ ] felt the sharp edge of pleasure where it cuts against bone touched the blunt end of pumice to crush herbs against calloused palms i hope you never love anyone
like you love me, again. honey and lavender by which i mean
your dark red mouth open
against mine and the wreaths of violent green around shaking wrists.
i remember [ ], something sweet about pain
red earth under my fingernails reminding me to ask the sun
who always knows about love to
teach me how to set the gentle things [ ] on fire again.
and if i could inhabit a body outside of this thin skin i would become all sky and air and sadness turn into the color blue and color all of your dreams i would dissolve into the morning fog outside of your window and touch your face as an apology
am i making you cold? please remember your sweater
How can you look at yourself
And say you are nothing
More than a space filler
When everyone you meet
Is in awe of your glow
How bright your smile gets
As you talk about you passions
And the way you move your hands
As if you are conducting an orchestra
With every sentence every motion
Another melody plays out
The way you open you heart
To everyone and everything
And always see the best
In all situations
How can you think
You’re nothing more than background noise
When the whole world lights up
Because of you
I know this is over
Same as I know
That ticklish spot on your thigh
All your scars and their stories
How you stick out your tongue as you focus
And the feel of you in bed next to me
I know this is over
But god just remember after you’re gone
How it used to be
Perfect can still be perfect
Even when it ends
I dreamt about you again last night…
Like every time before, I woke up only to squeeze my eyes shut hoping to reenter that same world I had just left…
Waking up can be such torture at times like this.
Why can’t my reality involve holding you the way I do in my dreams?
While I am grateful for the lies my mind has told me as my body was recharging
I am no fan of this….this bed that doesn’t have you slumbering in it next to me
Those days where you aren’t laughing by my side…
Those silly arguments we’ll never have before we make up
Those tears that will never stream down my cheeks for you to wipe away
Every tender moment we’ll never have is a punch in the gut
But maybe it’s for the best
I am not here any more than you aren’t…
Drifting through the daze of every broken day
Waiting for the night to take me back to where I belong
How is it that I feel more alone in your presence than when I’m by myself?
Every attempt to reach you is all but ignored
You’ll say such pretty things when prompted…
Paint a pretty picture for others to see…
But where is all the love and affection when it is just you and me?
I am dying right in front of you
A shadow of my former self
Surviving on the few crumbs you cast my way
But starving more each and every day
Why am I not worth your time?
Why do you lie and hold me captive?
Every attempt I make to break free triggers this need within you…
Suddenly I am what you live for…
I am the air you breathe
Once I’m safely in my cage again…
I am just that one you walk away from…
I am always the one you leave.