knowledge is

wardsarefunctioning  asked:

'Congratulations' / an AU where pregnant Ellana tells Dorian what Solas did and Dorian channels Angelica and yells at Solas, either in person ("All the way from Minrathous? DAMN") or via crystal

Pairing: Solavellan, post-Trespasser and reunited; minor Adoribull

Rating: Teen for swearing

Note: This is a slight AU of Chapter 9 of Body of Knowledge, inspired by the off-Broadway Hamilton song “Congratulations.” I always imagined that this conversation between Solas and Dorian happened but the chapter was already so long (and already featured Ellana giving him what-for, anyway) that I left it out. I am glad Wards was here to prompt me to finally give Dorian a chance to channel his inner Angelica!

Context, for anyone who hasn’t read Body of Knowledge: After reconciling with Solas and living together for a year, Ellana gets pregnant by accident. While they are both happy for the most part, Solas finds himself questioning his decision not to tear down the Veil when he considers that he may someday have to watch his own child die of old age. This leads him to secretly hunt for an orb belonging to another of the Evanuris to try and remove the Veil from Enasan, the new elven homeland - without telling Ellana of his plans. When she learns of this, she is furious, and he arrives home one day to find her gone. Dorian and Bull, who have planned to visit them for the birth but are not quite there yet, are treated to a surprise guest.

Feel free to prompt me with more Hamilton lines, or with other things you’d like to see!


Dorian’s first (incredibly uncharitable) thought when Ellana emerged from the eluvian was that she really was huge. Gone was the slight, muscled Inquisitor he’d known with her close-shaven hair. She was round everywhere now, from her cheeks to the great swell of her nine-months-gone-with-child belly. Her hair was longer than he’d ever seen it, too. It circled her head in a cloud of tight red ringlets that swayed with each step she took towards them. The sight should have made him happy. This was a thing she’d always wanted, and when the initial shock wore off, he thought impending motherhood suited her. She looked lovely, healthy - and furious.

“Hey Boss,” Bull said. “Let me carry that for you.”

He was already taking the bag Ellana had slung over one shoulder from her. One of the soldiers who’d arrived at her side immediately stepped forward with another, handing it to Bull.


As in - more than one?

Dorian felt his heart sink further than it had when Ellana first called him over the crystal the day before and asked if it was at all possible for he and Bull to get to Enasan sooner than they had planned. She hadn’t given many details, though there was fear and anger in her vocie. She’d only said that Solas was going away for a few days and that she didn’t want to be alone. It had all still been abstract then. He wasn’t too panicked. Now, when she was giving him an embrace that was equal parts awkward and warm because she was so very pregnant, it hit him all at once.

She’d left home in a rush, when she could have the child any day.

Solas had left her alone, when she could have the child any day.

What has Solas done?

“Shall we?” Ellana said, the embrace done. “I hear your inn is nearby. You’ll forgive me for wanting to take a carriage nonetheless.” This with a sheepish glance down at her belly.

“No, I demand you walk all the way, singing Rivaini sea chanties for my amusement.”

“Well, as Magister Pavus commands, so let it be done…”

They talked on the ride to the inn as if nothing was wrong, commenting on the weather and on how well kept the roads in Enasan were. Now and then Ellana ran a soothing hand over her stomach, though he couldn’t help but wonder if it was to comfort herself or the child within. Maker, Ellana was about to be a mother, and she was here with them instead of with Solas, and she had that far-off look he’d hoped never to see in her eyes again after that day in Kirkwall when Solas held her hand in a garden and told her he wanted to spend the rest of his days at her side.

“Stop it,” Ellana said at last, when they arrived safely at the inn.

“Stop what?”

“Looking at me like I’m a grenade about to go off. We’re fine.” Again, that soothing gesture, up and down the great curve of her midsection. We’re fine. Now that she said it, he was in fact concerned by the possibility that she might start grabbing at her stomach in pain instead. He’d signed up for this trip to celebrate his birthday and cuddle an already-born niece or nephew, thank you very much. Not to be the one holding her hand while she writhed in agony.

So where is Solas? And what has he done?

Keep reading


They were at the wards, waiting on her.

Mira placed down her communicator, the bloodstone earrings and flames appeared in her hands as she destroyed the only things that could lead them to the ones she left behind.

Aura and Serene would understand, she had discussed the possibility with her students when the Legion first attacked. Plans had been made to ensure that the General’s important research would be completed, that they would be safe. Now that the laboratory was on Atlas, she knew they had a place to belong. Darnath and Zaerathian would not let them be harmed in any way.

Taladren wouldn’t even remember her after a while, he was young enough and he had his mother now. Raine understood, she had made that decision before to save Kit. Mira and the priestess were of one accord when it came to this…

Leona would not accept this.

Despite the girl’s tendency to rush headfirst into a fight, her decision at the Trials, her sheer recklessness for her own safety when it came to the protection of others, she knew that Leona would never forgive her or Varotin for the decision they were making now.

She put the girl officially under Rizzy’s care last night, choosing that instead of her original plan of having Zaerathian watch her when he had messaged her to make a case for Leona.

Vonic was watching her from deep within the earth, Saeris and Rizzy were watching her from their home by the sea.

She may never forgive them, but she would be safe. Time would heal her.

“It’s easy to die for someone you love, but how come you can’t fight to live for them? Wouldn’t that be better?”

The Young Mistress’s words came back to haunt her.

Leona and I just had a fight on taking things alone. On lying about that sort of thing… that none of us should…

Varotin is with me. I’m trusting in the bond.

There was a chance that they would actually come out of this fight…

Mira closed her eyes. Her father would erase everything Cero had done, he promised as such last night when he attacked her wards. Her sisters would not absorb her… they wouldn’t dare go against her father… but…

Her last minutes of freedom were here and now.

The ring on her finger glinted and she smiled sadly at it before looking up to Varotin, before walking over and putting her arms around his shoulders.

Who had taught her how to hug? Theravir? The Young Mistress?

Tears flowed as she lost herself in it, this simple touch that most succubi just ignored in their lessons of seduction and pleasure.

When she had released Darriana, she realized that just this alone gave her more substance than an entire room of carnal pleasures. Such a simple thing…

Her last act of freedom.

She would trust in Cero’s strength, in Theravir’s kindness.

Varotin would be by her side, she’d trust in their bond.

Leona was safe on Azeroth. The ones there would ensure that her daughter would remain protected.

“I love you,” she whispered, then smiled at him, “…let’s go get my father’s blessing.”

She needed to come and face them anyways. Leona was right on that, and not just because the stories said so.
Yet the child didn’t know that the good guys didn’t always win just yet… it was some small hope that she still clung to, and she knew that Leona, despite everything, still held on to the belief that there really was such a thing as justice.

That despite being born a demon, there was hope. 

Mira hoped that would be something that her daughter would change in this universe.

@generalcero @batandmole
@theravir @darnath @zaerathian @rizzythemonk @crimsynlotus

Universities are very familiar with bright, qualified school-leavers who arrive and then go into shock on finding that biology or physics isn’t quite what they’ve been taught so far. ‘Yes, but you needed to understand that,’ they are told, 'so that now we can tell you why it isn’t exactly true.’ Discworld teachers know this, and use it to demonstrate why universities are truly storehouses of knowledge: students arrive from school confident that they know very nearly everything, and they leave years later certain that they know practically nothing. Where did the knowledge go in the meantime? Into the university, of course, where it is carefully dried and stored.
—  Terry Pratchett - The Science Of Discworld
First time we meet the boys
  • Eddie: So there’s like this church full of jews, right, and Stan has to take like this super jewy test…
  • Bill: But how’s it work?
  • Eddie: They slice the tip of his dick off.
  • Richie: Then Stan will have nothing left!
  • Eddie: That’s true.
  • Stan: Hey, you guys!
  • Bill: Hey Stan, what happens at the Bar mitzvah anyways? Ed says they slice the tip of you d-d-dick off.
  • Richie: Yeah man, I think the rabbi’s gonna pull down your pants, turn to the crowd and say “Where’s the view”?
  • Stan: At the Bar mitzvah, I read from the Torah and then I make a speech and suddenly, I become a man.
  • Richie: I can think of funner ways to become a man.
  • Stan: More fun, you mean.