know-knowledge

I’m like a jigsaw puzzle nobody can put together because I purposely show different pieces of myself to different people. Nobody ever sees the whole picture… they never truly see ‘me’ in my entirety, just small aspects I have polished and refined enough to deem them ‘acceptable’ to put on show. I’m not ‘fake’… I am in fact very genuine but I keep a lot hidden because I know that knowledge is power… and it is only if you give someone the knowledge of who are in your entirety that you give them the power to hurt you.
Literally just all the sexual things Alexander Hamilton sent to John Laurens


“I love you.”

This one is pretty self explanatory. Men were much more intimate back in the 1700′s, forming bonds that seem very ~gay~ in today’s light. Homosexuality wasn’t a very understood thing back then because rigid moral codes and censured education prevented people from learning more about sexuality.

 But Alexander Hamilton knew.

 He grew up on an island where ‘Sodomites’ (gay people) were dumped and  allowed to mingle with the island population. Alex knew that there was a certain zone of interactions between men that went from being merely friendly to sexual. He clearly steps into the bounds of sexual while fully realizing it.

“In drawing my picture, you will no doubt be civil to your friend; mind you do justice to the length of my nose and don’t forget, that I [- - - - - -].”

Ahhhhhhhhh my son Alex, could you be more explicit? Alex here is obviously referring to his something else (you know) with the knowledge that John Lauren’s knows the size. This sentence right here is basically just one long ;).

 “Your friend” seems to be written teasingly, as if they both know how far from friends they are.

And we can only guess how dirty Alex got in those last six  CUT OUT words.

“Dear Boy” [sent by John Laurens]

John laurens calls his wife his ‘dear girl’, and here he calls Alex his ‘dear boy’.  Moreover, Laurens did not call any other man he ever wrote to as his ‘dear boy’. Laurens seems to see Alex as on the same level, if not higher, as his own wife.

“Did I mean to show my wit? If I did, I am sure I have missed my aim. Did I only intend to [frisk]? In this I have succeeded, but I have done more. I have gratified my feelings, by lengthening out the only kind of intercourse now in my power with my friend.”

This phrase right here I unfortunately do not see a lot when people talk about Alex and John’s letters. This, to me, is one of the most explicit. “Wit” also mean one’s you know what (here I give a nod to the Ravenclaw moto), so Hamilton’s saying he was pretty much just messing around with John the last letter he sent. This is the only sort of “intercourse” he is able to have with John, as they are both so far apart. He is incapable of ‘sexual’ intercourse because of their distance, so he feels he must, in the 18th century way, sext.

“I would invite you after the fall to Albany to be witness to the final consummation.”

As you might have already guessed, Alex is inviting John to a threesome on his wedding night. The idea that Alex feels so at ease inviting John to a threesome with his wife suggests they have already had something going for a long time now. 

“But like a jealous lover, when I thought you slighted my caresses, my affection was alarmed and my vanity piqued. I had almost resolved to lavish no more of them upon you and to reject you as an inconstant and an ungrateful –”

Here Alex compares himself to John’s lover, and a jealous one at that. John seems to be shying away from Alex’s bawdiness, as if realizing how strange their relationships is in retrospect. Alex is scrambling to hang on to him, even though he knows well what are and what happens to Sodomites. He would do anything for John while knowing the consequences. And John is too afraid to join him. And who the hell knows what the last word was.

“And believe me, I am lover in earnest,”

*cough cough* looks like John knows exactly what happens when Alex’s feeling frisky.

“She [Eliza] loves you a l'americaine not a la francoise.”

The French were renowned for their relaxed stance on extramarital love affairs, while Americans were more Puritan-minding and thought love affairs only should happen in church-sanctioned marriages. Thus Eliza has an a l’americaine love of John Laurens, rather than an a la francoise.

“You will be pleased to recollect in your negotiations that I have no invincible antipathy to the maidenly beauties & that I am willing to take the trouble of them upon myself.”

*cough* this sentence is a bit confusing, and could be taken a few ways. What I infer from this is that Alexander Hamilton is willing, and John knows this, to assume an air of femininity because he finds no fault with it. It was commonly noted by people who wrote of Hamilton that he was very feminine in comparison with other men of his day. Alex’s femininity seems to please John, the topic even having been discussed between the two in ‘negotiations’.

“My ravings are for your own bosom” Alex desperately misses Laurens’ intimate contact in a way that, in my opinion, could never be mistaken as simply friendship. Alex literally wants to be held by John. How fucking heartbreaking is that.

“Yrs for ever”

Ok, this one isn’t sexual, but I had to add it because it is so heartbreaking. This was Alex’s last farewell note to John. That is, if he even received it. He died shortly after Alex sent the letter; whether he read the farewell or not is all lost to history. Alex loved John so much, despite the fact that both already had a wife. He would have always loved him, even if they had grown apart…

That’s it folks: time for me to cry.

The 5th House and Your “Type”

The 5th house rules creativity/creative expression, sex, children, fun and how you approach it, romance and relationships (note: this is different from the 7th house. The 5th house is fun partnerships and people who are enjoyable to be around. 7th house partnerships are more about learning a complementary piece of yourself and aren’t always as lighthearted). I’ve found it also tends to rule the type of person you always seem to find yourself attracted to or crushing on. The traits your type could have depend on the sign on and/or planets in your 5th house.

I also recommend looking at both the sign and the planet that construct your 5th house (if your 5th house is empty don’t worry about this). For example, I have a Sagittarius Mars in the 5th house so I would read both the Mars in 5th and Sagittarius 5th house. I’d then put both descriptions together like my type could be someone who is a leader, has a broad world view, is playful with and inspiring to kids, and has a drive to do something in life. You could further synthesize this down to archetypes, like mine might be a camp counselor, a teacher/professor, or a humanitarian. 

Aries 5th house / Mars in 5th - Leaders, people who take initiative, active, someone with a strong drive, energetic, chasers, risk takers, someone athletic, someone who is a go-getter, bold, possibly aggressive, loud, playful with kids, spontaneous, exciting, expressive

Taurus 5th house / Venus in 5th - Professional aesthetes, artists and musicians, wealthy, people who live a life of luxury, creative, relaxed, charming, physically attractive, sensual, affectionate, might be lazy, spoils children

Gemini 5th house / Mercury in 5th - Inventors, creative minds, thinkers, talkative, people who could talk all day about their interests, engineers, bright, people who can’t sit still, quick witted, funny, always inspiring children to learn

Cancer 5th house / Moon in 5th - Homebodies, nurturers, caring, calming, protective, emotionally expressive/available, people who don’t mind taking care of others, sensitive, warm, safe, supportive, a true caretaker of children

Leo 5th house / Sun in 5th - Actors/Actresses, vibrant, dramatic, melodramatic, fun loving, expressive, confident, encouraging, people who live life to the fullest, glamorous, enthusiastic, someone always ready to go out and have fun, lively, encourages children to express themselves

Virgo 5th house / Mercury in 5th - Organizers, quick thinkers, logical, sensible, smart, someone who always has a plan, people who know what’s best, practical, knowledgeable, people who know how to throw the perfect surprise, ensures a stable environment for children

Libra 5th house / Venus in 5th - Charmers, flirty, kind, sophisticated, polite, well mannered, someone who can charm your pants off, fair, people who have a way with words, people who know how to get what they want, pretty, does what they can to keep children happy

Scorpio 5th house / Pluto in 5th - The Mysterious, dark, possibly secretive, people who are more than they seem, someone in tune with themselves and others, possessive, clingy, someone who finds catharsis in fun, holds children dear to them and always keeps them as close as they can

Sagittarius 5th house / Jupiter in 5th - Intellectuals, philosophers, the enlightened, world travelers, someone who can broaden your perspective, lighthearted, respectful and respectable, people always looking for new experiences, adventurous, tries to show children the wonders of life

Capricorn 5th house / Saturn in 5th - The Dedicated, hard workers, mature, people who take their time, people who take a bit of warming up but end up being the most fun, someone strict but with good intentions, committed, wants what is best for children even if it means being a bit controlling 

Aquarius 5th house / Uranus in 5th - The Unusual, rebels, someone who can be relatively transitory, someone who challenges who you are and your beliefs, someone who always brings something new, original, experimenters, independent, a friend, encourages children to explore and learn through experience

Pisces 5th house / Neptune in 5th - The Ingenue, healers, imaginative, elusive, people you think you can save or can save you, dreamers, someone who seems like all your dreams come true, confusing, lost, people whose love is pure, will do anything they can for the sake of a child

Empath: a person with the paranormal ability to perceive the mental or emotional state of another individual when they are within presence.

Clairsentient: is the ability to sense the present, past or future physical and emotional states of other people & objects, without the use of the normal five senses.

Clairvoyant: refers to the ability to gain visual telepathic information about an object, person, location or physical event through means other than the known human senses.

Clairaudient: is the ability to perceive sounds or words from outside sources in the spirit world.

Claircognizance: is the ability for a person to acquire psychic knowledge without knowing how or why he or she knew it. The user can gain information about a person, object, place, or event through intrinsic knowledge, as in it just “comes to” the user’s mind.

Remember: Feel, Sense, See, Hear = Knowing

Think of the signs in your birth chart as voices...

Your rising sign is the voice you speak with, the voice others will always recognize you by.

Your sun sign is the voice deep inside you, regulating you, repeating certain key phrases over and over.

Your moon sign is the voice you laugh with, the voice you tell secrets with, and the voice that tells you it’s time to cry.

Your mercury sign is the voice in your head, the one that reads for you when you’re alone, and shapes your ideas into sentences.

Your venus sign is the voice that warms you, the softer one you use around that special person.

Your mars sign is the voice that excites you, the one that gets too loud sometimes, and the one saying those things you wish you could take back.

Your jupiter sign is the voice that tells you to do better, be better, grow. The one that inspires you and humbles you.

Your saturn sign is the voice that tells you to just go do it. The one that tells you when to keep your head down and when to have fun.

Your uranus sign is the voice you speak with when adressing someone higher than you, and the voice that urges you to find your purpose, so that you may one day change the world with it.

Your neptune sign is the voice that sings you to sleep, the one you trust to tell you how your dreams went, and the one that whispers that there is so much more to the universe than we know.

Your pluto sign is the voice that only asks questions that cannot be answered. The one that, ultimately, decides what you believe.

Your midheaven is the voice you use at a job interview, and even online. It’s the voice illuminating your skills and knowledge.

Animals are not decor, fish are not decoration, fish are not aesthetics, they are sentient beings that need proper care. 

Jars, flower base, “fish bowls” aren’t suitable homes for our aquatic friends, I know popular knowledge tells you betta fish are cheap, easy and can live in any thing with water, but this is animal abuse. 

Nobody is born knowing and it’s ok if you thought your little friend was gonna be happy in those conditions, BUT it’s now a responsibility, ignorance is not a sin, but if you know what your pet needs and you still don’t want to take proper care of them, you shouldn’t own one. Internet is a blessing and you can easily research about proper care, here are the basics: 

  • Betta Fish need at least 2.5 gallons,but the more the better. 
  • Betta Fish need a low or non flow filter, without this there could be dangerous amount of ammonia and waste in the water. 
  • Betta Fish need a heater, they do better in 74-81 °F   
  • Betta Fish need water conditioner, anti-stress 
  • One tank = One betta. 
  • Decoration: They need hideouts and plants, they can be live plants or silk plants, plastic can hurt their fins. 
  • They need a LID, they tend to jump. 

Fish are PETS, and NEED you to be responsible, it might be just a fish for you (I hope it’s not) but for them YOU are their entire world, our pets rely 100% in us, their health is a responsibility.

  • Vision: Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit.
  • Tony: Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
  • Peter: Philosophy is wondering whether that makes ketchup a smoothie.
  • Rhodey: Common sense is knowing that ketchup isn't a fucking smoothie.
  • Oikawa: Knowledge is knowing that tomatoes are a fruit.
  • Matsukawa: Wisdom is knowing not to put them in a fruit salad.
  • Hanamaki: Philosophy is wondering whether that makes ketchup a smoothie.
  • Iwaizumi: Common sense is knowing that ketchup isn't a fucking smoothie.
Be a teacher. Help others around you learn new things and develop their mindset. Knowledge is better to be spread, not kept to one self.
—  Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin
An All-Inclusive Guide to Making Your First Year in Practice Not Suck As Much As Wayfaring’s

Hi there, just curious if you’d share what things you were looking for in your first job vs what things you value now, now that you’ve been working out there on your own. Anything that must be in the contract that wasn’t there before (or vice versa)? Tips for future graduating residents?

Yaaaaasssss so many advices. So many things. This ask has been in my inbox for months because I have too many things to say about it and I can’t seem to organize it properly. 

Let’s break it down into 3 sections: 1) What I thought I wanted 2) What I needed and didn’t know to ask/look for 3) What I want now. Here goes.

What I thought I wanted:

  • big dolla$$$
  • super sweet signing bonus
  • moving allowance
  • loan repayment assistance
  • regular 40 hour work schedule
  • nice patients
  • independence / autonomy in decisionmaking
  • ability to practice the way I was trained - with up to date guidelines and procedures and equipment


What I wanted and didn’t know to ask for:

  • Supportive colleagues - In your first year of practice out of residency you lose every ounce of confidence that you gained as a senior resident. You question minor decisions and are constantly afraid of killing people or being sued. It is extra hard to practice in a new town when your partners in practice are not supportive. Sometimes you need someone to lay a fresh set of eyes on a wonky EKG or a weird rash, you know? I didn’t have that option. It made me study harder and somewhat be more cautious and definitely more creative in my practice. But having a colleague to commiserate with at the end of the day or to consult on difficult cases would have been really nice. You don’t have to be BFFs with your colleagues, but they have to be people you can agree/get along with and trust to take care of your patients in your absence.
  • Friends - This sounds obvious, but I moved to a new town that literally has no people anywhere close to my age. Even having one person I knew and could confide in would have been wonderful. One person to go to a movie with or watch a football game with would have been a sanity saver for me. Find a place where you can find other people like you. 
  • A reasonable amount of time off - I got less time off in my first job than I did as a resident. That was unacceptable to me. This would be fine if my practice didn’t act like they were going to go bankrupt if I took an unpaid day or even a half day to go to the doctor, but they did. You need a place where you can take one week off every 3-4 months if possible, even if all that time isn’t paid. Medicine is such a stressful job. Make sure they’re giving you rest time.
  • A non-toxic work environment - I knew going into my job that I was replacing a workaholic and that I was joining a workaholic. What I didn’t realize was that I was also expected to be a workaholic and anything less than killing myself was seen as laziness. Pay attention to the culture at your new job. Ask the docs what they do for fun or to relax and more importantly when the last time was they did that thing. If they don’t have any answers, they’re too busy. 
  • Diversity. This may just be me, but I went into family medicine because I get bored easily. I need variety of patient types and disease types and socioeconomic groups and everything else. I realized quickly in my practice that most of my patients were privately insured elderly white people. As in, the most boring demographic for Wayfaring
  • A Balanced schedule. I figured that when I joined a practice that had been established for 30 years that the workflow kinks would have been worked out and it would run like a well oiled machine. In reality I would have 8 physicals a day and 5 of my most complicated patients in hospital follow ups back to back, all scheduled for just 15 minutes. There has to be balance in the schedule. You have to be able to take a little extra time here and make it up elsewhere. 


What I want now: 

  • fair dolla$$$. In actuality, what’s fair is actually considerably more than what I was making in my first job. I was grossly underpaid, particularly considering this being a rural area where nobody wants to work (typically those jobs are paid much higher). It’s not about the bottom dollar value for me. It’s about compensating me in a way that is comparable to my peers. 
  • Colleagues who can be both friends and mentors. See above. 
  • Good benefits. Two years of no dental or vision sucks when your most expensive problems are dental and vision related. Life insurance and retirement plans aren’t something most 30 year olds think of, but they’re really important, and I didn’t have those to start with. 
  • A flexible schedule. The whole world doesn’t need to fall apart if I need to switch my regular day off or if I need a half day to go to the doctor. 
  • Administrative time. Preferably a full week day, but a half day is great too. I’m happy working 4 10 or 12 hour days a week to have one week day off to catch up on work I’m behind on or get my hair cut and get my taxes done and see my psychiatrist, you know?
  • Knowledgeable and helpful staff. I need staff who don’t perpetuate old wives’ tales and notions like “you need a zpack for that cold”. I need to work with people who will ask if they don’t understand something rather than just make something up and who can help me educate my patients. I need folks who are prompt and who can anticipate some needs. 
  • To not be responsible for other peoples’ paychecks. In private practice, if I take time off or scale back, the practice loses money and thus our staff lose hours or money too. The staff in my first job were horribly underpaid and I don’t like the idea of the entire burden of the practice’s finances hanging on my shoulders. Sign me up for that hospital-owned practice, please.
  • To not have to turn patients away based on payer source. This is a national problem and is definitely not limited to my first job. But my first job wouldn’t let me take Medicaid patients at all. It made it completely impossible for me to build any sort of pediatric or OB practice in our town. I don’t like the idea of turning away a patient because their type of insurance doesn’t pay as well. I want to just treat patients and not have to worry about their payments. Hello, single payer healthcare system. Get on it! Obviously I will still have to worry about whether my patient can afford their meds or whether their insurance will cover their meds, but I won’t have to pick and choose what patients I accept based on their payer source. 
  • To deliver quality, up to date care. To work with people who will back up my evidence-based decisions and not practice based on feelings and patient satisfaction. To work with people who will encourage me to learn more and do new things. 

There you have it folks. A lil summary of what I want, what you might want, and what I’ve learned in these first (almost) 2 years of practice. Here’s to better future jobs for us all!

  • Annabeth: "Knowledge" is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; "wisdom" is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • Piper: That was deep.
  • Leo: "Philosophy" is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie.
  • Jason: That was deeper.
  • Percy: "Common sense" is knowing that ketchup isn’t a damn smoothie, you nasties.
Vik: “Knowledge” is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; “wisdom” is not putting it in a fruit salad .
Josh: That was deep.
Harry: “Philosophy” is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie.
Simon: That was deeper.
Tobi: “Common sense” is knowing that ketchup isn’t a damn smoothie, you nasties.
The brain seems so simple. It’s pink, rounded, and just sits there inside our heads. But yet, it’s so complex. Thoughts are produced almost instantaneously. Neurotransmitters are sweeping across from one end of the body to another. What would we do without this brain ours? How would we think? How would we be able to experience anything at all?
—  Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin
At dinner

Izzy: Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit basket.

Jace: That’s deep

Simon: Philosophy is wondering if that makes ketchup a smoothie.

Clary: That’s deeper

Alec: Common sense is knowing ketchup is not a smoothie, ya nasties