knot in my heart

Vandal queen

You can smile and forget it all
Over cocktails and sweet nothings.
You can obliterate those memories
Of all that I did for you.

But it won’t change the simple fact
That I bent over backwards to help:
My heart is knotted and bent now,
Like the root of some old oak.

And, like that oak, you hacked at me.
You cut off my branches until I had
No more leaves, no more life: Queen
Of the vandals with a wood axe.

But those limbs will grow back, because
My hate for your spite spurs on new shoots.
I am wiser; I am greater; I am better.
You will see me again, in full bloom.

Brother’s Best Friend - Dylan O’Brien [Smut] (Teen AU)

Author: @writing-obrien

Character(S): Dylan O’Brien/Reader, Brother!Tyler Posey, Daniel Sharman

Word Count: 3153

Notes: Fingering, Oral (female receiving), shower sex, this is much shorter than my usual works - excluding my first two or three works - and it didn’t really take the direction I had originally intended, but it’s cute and I was in a cute mood, let me live. Huge thanks to @stilinski-jpeg​ for her help on proofreading this. She’s my #SinTwin and I don’t know where I would be without her, I love you, Nia!! We all know how much I love drummer!Dylan so lets go fucking overdrive.

Originally posted by alwaysbeu


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This is a backwards love poem.
This is a–fuck, you fell in love with me and
I didn’t want you to and I’m bad
at setting boundaries.
This is a–I feel guilty when I talk to you
even though I know your feelings are not
my responsibility.
This is a–I’m not used to being on this end
of the problem
poem.
The worst part about all this is that
I recognize the look you’re giving me and
I know what it feels like and I wish
my heart weren’t so tied up in fisherman’s knots
so that I could give you the answer you’re looking for.
But I don’t know anything that scares me
half as much
as being loved does.
This is the part where I put space between us,
not because I want to, but because I don’t know
how not to. My version of being careful
with your feelings includes
ducking out in the middle of the night
and never coming back.
It involves turning a bad memory
into an exit wound
and taking off with blood on my hands.
The problem is, I don’t expect anyone
to ever fall in love with me, but
I keep trying to fall in love
with everyone.
—  IRRATIONAL FEAR OF BEING WANTED by Ashe Vernon
Live Life Golden Part 9

Jungkook x reader

Warnings: strong language

Words: 2678

{ Previous }

Summary:

He was a graduate of the elite class, inherited billions from his father, and lived the life of an international playboy. (y/n) came into his life and made him question it all.

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knots in my heart - makebelieveworlds on AO3

Luke didn’t mean to grow attached to Michael. The boy who lived on the other side of town, covered in tattoos and piercings, was only meant to be a way to piss Luke’s dad off for thinking he could control his son’s life. But somewhere between fucking and showing off, the two collide like stars in a galaxy—for better or for worse.

or; Luke struggles with his sexuality as his dad pushes the family business on him, and Michael’s just a boy trying to survive everyday life.

one two three four

“ With spells in her hair...”

This one’s for any witches with long(er) hair. If you’ve got close-cut hair, this won’t really work so well for you.

Ever heard of the witch’s ladder knot spell? If you don’t know, you’re more or less tying 9 knots in a rope, while spouting an incantation.

“By knot of one, the spell’s begun,

  By knot of two, it cometh true,

  By knot of three, thus shall it be,

  By knot of four, tis strengthened more,

  By knot of five, the spell’s alive,

  By knot of six, this spell I fix,

  By knot of seven, events I’ll leaven,

  By knot of eight, it will be fate,

  By knot of nine, what’s done is mine.”

Basically, you’re going to do this with your hair.

You don’t have to worry if your hair isn’t long enough for nine knots. I’ve found that you can even do one knot per curl, and just tie nine knots throughout your hair. It’ll be just as effective.

Now, keep in mind, a witch’s ladder knot spell is known to be extra powerful, because not only do you have a chant to follow, but a physical repeating pattern to help manifest it into reality. Because of this, I don’t suggest having any especially strong intentions (ie, weaving some sort of protection spell that sends a curse at offensive parties) because it’s basically a part of your body. And it’s on your head. You really don’t want anything to backfire.

So try a little glamour spell, blessing for body positivity, or good luck charm. Change the words around in the chant to suit your needs. I came up with the words as I knotted my hair, but if you need a little time to figure out what you want to say, go ahead and write it out.

In a traditional ladder knot spell, you go back and forth between ends trying knots, however, since your hair is attached to your head, just tie knots one after another, almost like a braid, then tie it at the end with an elastic to hold it in place.

You can spell one strand of hair (it looks really cool wrapped around the elastic of a ponytail), or you can weave your whole head up with spells!

If you put all your hair up in knot spells before bed, in the morning, when you take off the elastics and let the ladders come loose, you’ll be left with wildly witchy curls that resonate beautiful energy, and were literally formed with magick! 

Idea for incantation:

  “By knot of one, I’ll face the sun,

   By knot of two, I’ll love me too,

   By knot of three, I’m proud to be me,

   By knot of four, I am worth more,

   By knot of five, this day I’ll survive,

   By knot of six, my heart I’ll fix,

   By knot of seven, harsh thoughts I’ll lessen,

   By knot of eight, I know I’m great,

   By knot of nine, this life is mine.” 


I’ve found this method to be very effective, give it a try and share with me how it worked for you!

4

All the hearts I managed to do. Sorry if I didn’t get a chance to do yours. Sorry if the writting is hard to read. My hand gets reall shaky.

Sans - Toby
Swap - @popcornpr1nce]
Fell - Fandom
Error - @loverofpiggies
Reaper - @renrink
Ink - @comyet
Gear - @underloadhell @kazzy-bat
Evan - @pyrokitten
Palette - @angexci
Goth - @nekophy
Melon- @missladytale
Sugar - @sugartalesans
Lavender - @lavender-sans
Sylphy- @underfaerie @xxtheaufactoryxx
Rose and Irn-Bru!Sans - Moi

“Sometimes I have the strangest feeling about you. Especially when you are near me as you are now. It feels as though I had a string tied here under my left rib where my heart is, tightly knotted to you in a similar fashion. And when you go, I am afraid that this cord will be snapped, and I shall bleed inwardly.”
- Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë

White Wine Nights

Summary: In which, we expose Lin as a wine mom 

(I really couldn’t think of a better description, I apologize)

Author’s Note: yay, my collab with @hamilbye!!! yes, it did take us that long to decide to write together and yes, it only took us like three days to finish this. We put our amazing brains together and wrote this pretty quickly. 

I love love love working with you, Nat. It was the most fun. I also love love love you. You’re the best. AND you’re very talented. 

Words: 2,138 

Warnings: alcohol/drinking mentions, a curse word or two (I forget), fluff 


An audible sigh escaped you when you stepped off the elevator in your apartment building, taking a right turn to head down the long hallway. Your feet carried you, but protested heavily after the shift you had pulled at your dead-end waitressing job. You were sure you smelled of stale cigarettes and dirty dishes, but at least you had some cash in your pocket. As if that hadn’t been stressful enough, you hadn’t even seen your apartment in about 20 hours due to college classes and familial commitments. It was the week before Spring Break and hectic was the synonym for your life.

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Summer Night {Remus Lupin x Reader}

Trouble - Never Shout Never

Another one shot of Reader playing an instrument. I just really, really, love these ideas ‘cause I can’t play shit to save my life. This was really fun to write and it means a lot to me. 

Hope y'all enjoy!

Reader spends her summer vacation in her grandparents house and goes out with Remus while playing the ukulele under the tree. Fluff.

xx

In spite of the blazing heat during the day, summer nights were surprisingly cool and relaxing. (Y/n) was spending her vacation in her grandfather’s farm in the country side and almost everything was perfect if the mosquitoes did not bite her all the time. Nonetheless, she kept a happy and cheerful mood all the time.

She was eating eggs and bacon for dinner when an owl came swooping in through the window, making her old grandfather jolt in his seat.

“Attaaack! Attaaack! Quick, (Y/n)! Hide!”

(Y/n) held her grandfather with a comforting smile and took the letter from the owl’s talons. “Grandpa, it was just my owl. No one’s attacking us.”

“Oh! Ohh…Oh…Is it Remus?”

Her grandfather knew about her relationship with the boy and it excited him whenever he would come and visit them. Remus would tell him stories about his pranks with the boys and he would help out with the chores around the farm. He would bring chocolates to her grandmother as well which she would finish in one sitting. They loved him like a son and they loved him even more to see him take care of (Y/n) so well. The old man watched her open the letter and seeing her smile behind the parchment made him giggle.

“Only Remus can make you smile like that,” he said, showing a toothless grin.

(Y/n) chuckled, her heart beating loud at his words. “He’s going to visit us tonight, grandpa.”

“Tonight? Your grandma should know. Sweetie!” He called, sending her grandmother rushing to the dining room where they sat. It was a small house so it does not take much to get into the next room which makes chores even easier.

“What is it, dear?”

“The Lupin boy is visiting us tonight!”

“Oh, splendid! (Y/n), you should get dressed.”

(Y/n)’s spoon was halfway through her mouth when her grandmother pulled her from the chair before whipping out her wand. (Y/n) have always loved Remus since first year. He was her first crush and it amazes her how her first crush also became her first kiss and first boyfriend. It was sweet and though there were days when they don’t get along, they always come back together. His friends would endlessly tease them (mostly him) but they would also help them out on what gifts to get for each other every Christmas holidays. (Y/n) loved him dearly and he loved her back.

“But grandma, I’m already comfortable in my pajamas,” she complained.

“Hush, deary. Your boyfriend is coming and you should look great! Not in strawberry pajamas.”

“He’s seen me in this already.”

“And I’m not about to let that happen again.” She twirled her wand and with a tap on her pajamas, her clothes turned into a (f/c) dress with a small bow on the back. Her hair was also fixed nicely with small flowers stuck on her hair. She looked very beautiful indeed and her grandparents were sure it would definitely make Remus happy.

“Now go brush your teeth and I’ll call you when he’s here,” her grandmother said, embracing her. She sat down on the table with her husband while (Y/n) went to the bathroom and made a quick stop to her room.

She took her ukulele with her which was a very small guitar she bought with Remus in a muggle store in town. His name was written on it with a heart and the date it was bought. Not long after, a knock came from the door. Everyone stood up and rushed to the door to see who it was.

A tall boy with brown hair and hazel eyes stood in front of them, carrying a bouquet of flowers. “Hello, (Y/n).”

(Y/n) could not contain her happiness, immediately jumping into her boyfriend,her arms around his neck.

“Remus!” She giggled, kissing his cheek. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He chuckled, pressing a kiss on her forehead before looking at her grandparents with a polite nod. “Good evening, sir. Good evening, ma'am.”

“Good evening, Remus.” They greeted together. “I hope the trip did not tire you.”

“Not at all,” he said while (Y/n) took the bouquet and her ukulele.

“Come on, Remus. Let’s go to the mango tree,” she held his hand but before they left, they waved goodbye at her grandparents who watched the two run with a smile on their faces.

(Y/n) raced him and reached the tree where they shared many happy memories with each other. Remus followed and pulled her back into his arms, capturing her lips in a soft kiss.

“You look so exquisite, love.” He whispered, “My little flower.”

“And you’re my handsome Moony.”

They sat down under the big mango tree when (Y/n) took her small guitar and began to play a song. Remus started singing the first verse while she continued strumming.

I’m in trouble, I’m an addict. I’m addicted to this girl. She’s got my heart tied in a knot.” He winked, “That’s you. And my stomach in a whirl. But even worse, I can’t stop calling her. She’s all I want and more, I mean damn, what’s not to adore?

(Y/n) smiled and sang along with him. He had never sung for anyone before but the words seemed to roll off his tongue perfectly and he couldn’t help but relate to the lyrics. It was how he felt for (Y/n). Every time he would look at her, he felt happy and all his problems would go away. He loved her so much from her cute face, her (h/c) hair, and her smile that brightens up his day. Even the worst full moon could not seem to ruin his mood as much as before whenever he talks to her.

She sang along and sat between his long legs.

And oh, O-oh, o-oh, o-ooh. Oh, I’m running my mouth just like I got him but I surely don't–”

“But you do.”

“I do,” She laughed before continuing the song. Flowers started growing out of the ground and small blinking lights appeared from the tree like fireflies, making it more romantic.

After she finished the song, she turned to Lupin, her thumb rubbing circles on his scarred cheek. She kissed his soft pair of lips that made her melt while he returned the gesture by cupping her cheeks and placing her on his lap. He brushed her hair over her ear and gave her one last kiss.

“You’re my light, (Y/n). I promise I’ll stay with you until my last breath.”

“And I’ll be with you forever.”

They kissed once more and continued playing songs under the mango tree, beneath the deep blue sheet of sky painted with stars.

Need me

Hellooo, so, here’s just something I wrote today. If you’d like me to do a part two, send me a message! Hope you guys like it :)

***

I knew things were not good the moment he got back from tour and didn’t jump my bones the moment he got his boot clad foot into the door.

It has been a month since that happened and he hasn’t laid a finger on me, just short kisses and a few warm hugs but nothing more than that. He hasn’t asked me for a cuddle like he usually did, not even the mornings we could both sleep until late.

It was weird, not feeling wanted. It’s a feeling that starts really tiny, that makes you laugh to yourself and think “I’m going insane, of course he wants me. We wouldn’t be together for the past year and a half of he didn’t” and then go on with my life as if the thought had never crossed my mind. Then, as the days went by and the distance became bigger and heavy on my shoulders, I started to realize that those thoughts weren’t that insane and that it makes so much sense the fact that he no longer wants to be around me. And then I started finding every flaw I’ve  ever feared everyone else to see, pay attention to every move that could push him away. It was like walking on broken glass except the cutting pieces are from my broken heart.


Harry wasn’t one to talk much about feelings, he’d rather show me how much he cares with actions. He said ‘I love you’ often but I didn’t believe him anymore. Not when he wasn’t showing it. How can he say he loves me but never show me what he means? You can’t possibly love someone if you don’t ever wanna kiss them anymore, or cuddle or have sex. Oh, the sex. How I missed it. The way I felt my body lose itself on his touch, my mind unable of thinking of anything other than Harry and his lips, his hands, the warmth of his body, the perfect balance between muscle and softness. I missed having his lips leaving frenetic kisses all over my skin because he couldn’t decide where he wanted to kiss first, his hands roaming my legs and touching me, getting noises out of me that would put anyone else to shame and his kisses… Harry’s lovely kisses, that seemed like melting chocolate and strawberries, the sweetest kiss. He kissed deep and slow, just like the way he talks and it was my favorite part. I felt more connected to him when we kissed, because Harry put all of him in it. Not just his lips, but his tongue and his body.

I was hiding in our spare bedroom, the silence of the empty house letting my thoughts wander far away. I couldn’t stay in our bed. It had started to haunt me. The memories of the long nights of passionate love making, where I could see clearly how much he loved me because he couldn’t stop saying it, with his words and his body. When he took me so many times I was left nothing but a mess of jelly like limbs and harsh breathing, my heart beating like it was going to leave my body and the feeling of loving him so overwhelming that I could feel tears well up in my eyes.

I was so lost in memories that I didn’t hear the juggling of the keys and the sound of Harry’s boots on the hardwood floors. I stayed there, silent and feeling as lonely as ever, tears falling before I could stop them. I had been doing that a lot. Crying, I mean.
I could feel the dampness of my cheeks and the sleeves of my sweater, my hands trembling. There was something really scary that had been eating at me, that never left my mind whenever Harry was around. Was this it? Was this the end of the most wonderful I’ve ever had? Was I going to lose him to someone else? Jesus, I couldn’t even control myself when I started thinking about that. I could feel any control I had slipping away, the sounds of my sobs becoming louder until I was full on crying.

My chest hurt. My stomach was in knots. My head was pounding and O felt like my heart skipped a beat every time I thought about him leaving. How did it get to this point? Where did it all went wrong? Is there a way to fix it? I needed to know.

I hugged my pillow, letting it all out. I had stopped trying to drown the sounds I was making because it was only making it worse. I had been holding this in for so long there was no stopping now. Not even when Harry opened the door to the spare bedroom, his face colorless and scared, taking in my trembling body and loud sobs, tear stained face and absolutely wrecked heart.

“Love, are you ok? What happened to you? Why are you crying like this?” He asked, walking to me in a hurry and putting a hand on my face, trying to find any wounds I suppose.

“Stop touching me!” I let out, pushing his hands away and crawling towards the other end of the bed, hugging my knees and trying to hide my face from him.

“Why are you running, what happened? Baby, please…” Harry begged, worry set on his features.

“Nothing happened Harry, absolutely nothing happened.” I said, looking at him through my tears, my welled up eyes focusing on his. I loved his eyes but right now, it hurt to look at them.

“I don’t understand.” He said, sitting down and pulling his hair slightly. He was clearly frustrated. Good, at least I was getting some kind of reaction out of him.

“Tell me…” I started, my voice unsteady, the never ending ears making me sound a uncertain. “When were you ever going to tell me that you don’t want this anymore?” I asked, startling him.

“What?” He asked, his usually calm and collected tone was now breathless and incredulous.

“Don’t play coy with me Harry, I know you too well.”

“You’re insane. What makes you think I don’t want this anymore?” He asked, getting up and pacing in front of the bed, his hands on his hair again. He had the habit of running it through it when he was nervous.

“I don’t want to sound needy and I don’t want to be a bitch. I’m not accusing you of anything. I just added the facts.” My voice sounded defeated and I felt like that. I couldn’t see a way for this to end well. “You don- you don’t talk to me anymore.” I started, throwing my head back so I had a chance to stop crying. “And we never kiss, you’re always out and you haven’t touched me in so long…” My voice cracked, the tears spilling out warm, it felt like my skin was burning. “Did yo- did you find someone else?” The question slipped out before I could stop myself, looking down at the white sheets. I couldn’t look up, the weight of the world on my shoulders stopping from even moving.

Harry was silent. I could only hear his harsh breathing and my sniffling. I couldn’t even dare to look up, scared to see the look on his eyes.

“Where-” Harry started, sounding like he just ran a marathon from how breathless he was. “What-” he tried again. I looked up, seeing his face red and tears on his eyes, his hands I loved so much balled in tight fists, his knuckles white from how hard he was clenching. “Where did you get that from?” His voice boomed inside the small room, making me jump. I wasn’t expecting such a strong reaction.

“I’m not accusing you, I was just askin-” I started but he cut me off.

“I don’t have anyone else! I don’t WANT anyone else! Haven’t I proved you enough?” Harry asked, tears sliding down his face and hands shaking, his hair a mess and his shoulders slumped.

“But you don’t want me either!” I yelled, letting the fear and the rejection take over and control everything I was saying. “You’ve been back from tour for two months and you haven’t touched me once! Not even a kiss! We’ve never been like this before and if you’re not getting it somewhere else then you don’t want me anymore!” I screamed, my throat hurt from how hard I was pushing to make him listen to me. I just needed him to listen. I needed him.

“I’M NOT FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE!” Harry said, throwing his phone to the wall and making me jump. “I have NEVER even looked at another woman since the moment I met you.” He pointed, I could see him shaking.

“Then why don’t you want me? Why don’t you kiss me or talk to me, why don’t you care?” I questioned. I had to know.

“I think… I think I just got used to not having you around.” He breathed in, his chest raising fast from his harsh breathing. “I didn’t have a present girlfriend for six months, I got used to only the idea of you.” Harry sat down, his back against the headboard and his shoulders tense. “I didn’t have any obligations, I didn’t have to wait on you or think about your needs. It was me, myself and I. And I just got used to not needing you for anything.”

“But I still need you.” I whispered. I had given up on stopping the tears, there were so many feelings going through me that there was no way I was going to stop anytime soon. “I need you to need me too.” I let out. “I need you to need me too!” I said, this time louder and more desperate than before.

Our eyes met when he crawled to me, his hands finding my face. I couldn’t look away, not when I seeing how hurt he was by this situation and even after all the pain he put me through, I still wanted him. I wanted to make him stop hurting, but I couldn’t because I was too broken to mend someone else.

“I need you to need me too…” I whispered.

***

Tell me what you think!

xx

The First Time I Said I Love You

The first time I said it to someone other than my own kin
Mid argument
I was craving the feeling before I saw your name on a screen
“No one wants me, no one likes me”
I knew there could be one thing
One thing to make you calm
One thing to make you stop
One thing to lift your head from its overthought rot
“I like you” I began
My tongue twists up in knots
My heart drops and echoes
As it falls straight into my socks
“In fact” I persevered
Despite the echoing NO playing in my ears
“I think” I was stalling but I’d passed my exit sign
“I love you” deep breaths, just go in and out
If it worked then it’s worth it, if not then I’m done
His deep breath crept through my phone
Then suddenly like a dam
Or a damned tsunami storm
“I love you too oh my god thank the lord”
Like clouds pulled aside by puppeteer strings
Like sunshine from stagelights and a birdsong CD
You’re wanted you’re hopeful
It’s what you needed
And that’s how I said ‘I love you’
When I really didn’t mean it.