knight's nurse

Check Please cast as funny moments from Family Feud

Steve Harvey explaining the experience of having a prostate exam to the Frogs sitting in the front row of the audience.

Steve Harvey: “What does your husband do when he runs out of clean underwear?” Lardo: “He wears a pair of mine.” *High fives Shitty*

Steve Harvey: “Which of the seven dwarves is your partner most like in bed?” Dex and Nurse facing off, just looking at each other and shaking their heads

Jack as that guy who can’t state his perfectly normal job title without sounding shifty.

Steve Harvey: “What is something that gets passed around?” Shitty: “A joint.” Bitty: “A collection basket at church.”

Steve Harvey: “What is something a burglar wouldn’t want to see if he breaks into your house?” Holster: “NAKED GRANDMA”

Steve Harvey: “What is somthing a man says is bigger now than it was when he was sixteen?” Ransom: “His penis.” Steve: “Couldn’t you have said dingaling? Schlong?” Ransom: “I used the medical term.”

Farmer as the producer laughing her ass off when Steve Harvey admits that he named his penis “Russel the Wonder Muscle”

Chowder as the most heartwarming contestant who tells Steve that he’s crossed two things off his bucket list, being on the show and meeting Steve. 

Steve Harvey: “What is a word that starts with ‘pot’?” Tater: “’Potato!’”

Kent Parson as the contestant who, after being asked what he does for a living, yells, “I’m single!” an starts to dance.

Omgcp characters and favorite musicals
  • Jack: Les Mis (has probably also read the entire book at LEAST twice.... nerd)
  • Bitty: Waitress and Rent
  • Shitty: Little Shop of Horrors
  • Ransom: Wicked
  • Holster: All of them. Every single one.
  • Lardo: Fun Home
  • Nursey: He would say it's something like Avenue Q but it's definitely Annie
  • Chowder: Into the Woods
  • Dex: would punch a musical in the face if given the opportunity
  • Kent: Chicago

There are three non-art students that Lardo lets into her studio.  

She never really invited Shitty.  He just showed up one day, his hands in the pockets of his jacket, said he was curious what she did when she wasn’t managing a team full of hooligans.  Lardo let him in.  She figured he wouldn’t stick around, or if he did, she could kick him out for trying to make suggestions, or for disrupting her carefully orchestrated mess.  It’s still surprising to her how quickly she got used to him being there.  He talked a lot, of course.  It’s Shitty.  But it was more questions than rambles.  It was him asking about her work and her techniques and about what she enjoyed about art.  It should have been annoying, someone cluttering up her space and talking while she was working.  Some days she did have to issue a gag order or threaten to kick him out if he didn’t shut up.  But nothing beat her creative block like talking with Shitty about her projects.  And she could always count on him to be with her at 3 AM the morning of a gallery showing, carefully applying glitter and sequins.

Jack she did invite.  A lot of the other guys on the team had places to go to get away from hockey, outside friends from classes and student orgs.  But as her frog year went along, she realized that Jack didn’t.  He spent his time in the Haus and in class and with the team.  She was in his room one day when she uncovered his camera, and they had a conversation about photography that led to talking about art mediums and about defining art.  Jack didn’t have a whole lot to contribute when they got more philosophical, but it put the idea in Lardo’s head to tell him to swing by her studio.  Whenever he was there, he worked quietly on his stuff while she worked on hers, and sometimes they talked, and sometimes he watched, but mostly they just enjoyed the quiet.  Lardo would introduce him to some of her friends that swung by, and most of them got a kick out of Jack Zimmermann sitting in her tiny studio.  But Lardo liked it.  And when she seriously suggested that he try out some art classes, maybe a photography class or two, he said he’d give it a shot.

Nursey came to Lardo’s studio the first time to bring her coffee on an all-night bender mid-way through second semester junior year.  She was sitting on the floor with printouts haphazardly spread out in front of her.  She was trying to work on her thesis proposal, but she mostly wanted to bang her head against the wall.  Nursey, who was always a little too nosy for his own good, glanced at her papers as Lardo venmo-ed him, and the grimace on his face made Lardo defensive.  “Dude, why aren’t you using headings?” Nursey asked.  “It’ll make it easier to organize and easier to read.”  What started as a coffee run became a three-hour editing session, which became 30 more coffee runs and a crash course in citation methods and, ultimately, a completed thesis.

Lardo let three non-art students into her studio, but Bitty never came to see her there.  Lardo knew that he had his own focusing place.  He worked in the kitchen, and when she needed him, she went to find him there.

The SMH as stuff I've done during finals week 2017
  • Bitty: Came up with the nobel-worthy innovation of putting samoas girl scout cookies into brownies when I should've been writing papers
  • Jack: spontaneously cut myself some swoopy bangs
  • Shitty: encouraged my friend to get an undercut
  • Lardo: realized I own like forty kinds of pen/marker
  • Ransom: alternated between packing and studying and cleaning in intervals that made it difficult to be efficient at either
  • Holster: tried to motivate myself by putting on my broadway playlist, ended up just singing along
  • Nursey: longed for a time machine to smack some sense into certain literary theorists
  • Dex: while cleaning my cafe for the summer, volunteered to get a screwdriver and take down the magnetic poetry board we all hate cause the word magnets fall down and get into the vacuum
  • Chowder: hugged my IKEA shark & cried a little
  • Tango: "Siri, how much caffeine is lethal?"
  • Whiskey: got so deep into writing a paper in another language that I forgot the word "cheese" in English for a few seconds
  • Ford: contemplated deleting groupme to free myself from all group projects
  • Johnson: started writing this post
The frogs and their awkward high school phases

insert the *you know I had to do it to em* pic here

Dex: He was a sad emo boy. Without question. if asked though he’d say he was punk but…no. All you need to do is just picture the awkwardest, lankiest fourteen year old with an oversized black hand me down tee with super bright ginger hair and there ya go: teen dex. I have so much more to say here.

  •  he wrote angry song lyrics all over the knock off converse his mom paid good money for. She’s very disappointed in you William thats so irresponsible. 
    • also: wrote song lyrics and little emo symbols all over his arms with sharpie whenever he got bored in school. You’re poisoning your blood billy your mother is concerned
  • Wore heavy wool beanies all the time. Like even in the summer. He did it to cover his hair and the tips of his ears because he didn’t think red hair and big ears were punk and he was embarrassed.
  • keep in mind that dex was an active hockey player during this time. Was probably the captain of high school team and everything, but that didn’t stop him from getting chirped to hell for showing up to practice with his nails painted black from the polish he borrowed/stole from his cousin. 
    • Not to mention that one time that his goalie found a super embarrassing picture of dex from when he was first starting to come out of his emo little shell. For a full month his nickname was guyliner.
  • His older brother thought that Dex’s emo/punk phase was the funniest thing ever. He’s make fun of Dex for it all the time. This lead to several instances where Dex would yell ‘it’s not a phase!’ ‘no one understands me’ etc and then he’d lock himself in his room for an hour and blasted bad punk music from the 70s. 
  • Whenever he raised enough money to pay for something hockey or school related, hed buy it, but he’d always get a little sad after the purchase bc he really wanted to save up to get an eyebrow piercing one day
  • One good thing came out of this emo phase though! he learned to play guitar and he got really good. He also tried to start a garage band, but he didn’t have the social skills to acquire member for that said band. To this day he often daydreams about how awesome this band would have been.  CHOWDWR AND NURSEY BELOW >>

Keep reading

In an AU where Jack never went to Samwell, the Samwell Men’s Hockey team wins a contest to watch the Falconers play the Aces in Las Vegas. In a twenty-four hour period, the following things occur:

- Ransom, Holster, Lardo, and Shitty organize and execute an extravagant yet tasteful double wedding using Shitty’s family’s money

-Whiskey wins $274,548 on slot machines he’s not technically old enough to use 

-Tango loses $274,493 at game tables he’s not technically old enough to be at

-Bitty has a threesome with not one but two NHL stars

-No one can find Dex except for Nursey, who is handcuffed to him in a Denny’s parking lot

-Chris “Chowder” Chow, sunshine of everyone’s lives and the only person to get back to the designated hotel by curfew, has to deal with all of this before the coaches wake up from their hangovers and realize that they’ve missed their flight home.

archiveofourown.org
I'm Gay (Da Ba De)

YO LISTEN UP HERE’S A CRACKFIC


Shitty was yelling.

No, scratch that. Shitty was losing his goddamn mind, what the FUCK. Dex didn’t even remember what was happening before he said it, and then Shitty was there (when did Shitty even get there? He lives in Boston how did he get there so fast?) lecturing up a storm.

“–super insensitive and offensive. There’s literally a gay man living in this very Haus, bro. Gay is not an insult, it’s not a thing you can just use negatively like that. Fuckin’, Jesus, Dex. I knew you came to us as but a small Republican dickwad but I didn’t expect you to continue being a dickwad this long–”

All he had said was ‘that’s gay.’ That was it. Had it had something to do with Ransom and Holster? Maybe? He still couldn’t remember.

He was very aware of Nurse standing next to him, also losing his shit, but in a different sense. Nursey was dying, all snorts and giggles and oh man that was also,,,,very gay. As was Dex himself, which was why Nurse found this all so hilarious.

Dex and Nursey made Eye Contact™.

Not a single word of Shitty’s long-ass rant was sinking in. There was a silent question, hanging between Dex and Nursey. You wanna shut him up? It wasn’t clear which one was asking it, just that someone needed to do something to stop Shitty from choking on the foot he was currently shoving into his mouth.

Dex made the first move. He cupped Nursey’s jaw and pulled him in, kissing him gently.

“–and honestly, I’ve probably said that before too but that was before I knew that it was offensive and rude and…and…What? The? Fuck?”

Dex and Nursey broke apart, but stayed close enough for Nursey to press their foreheads together.

“Shitty, I’m gay,” Dex said slowly. “I am a man who finds other men attractive and wants to date them. I took a boy to my senior prom, I went with Nurse to Winter Screw and nobody said a word, we finally had a DTR talk after Lardo gave us her dibs. I am a gay man in a gay relationship with my gay boyfriend–well pan but you get the idea–everyday I wake up in my gay bed in my gay dorm and put on my gay clothes and go to gay hockey practice and eat gay pie made by another gay hockey player.”

Nursey continued losing his shit and grinning widely in Dex’s personal space, while Shitty seemed to be dropping frames as he tried to process too much data at once.

Then, Holster interrupted the scene, absolutely overjoyed. “Yo liSTEN UP, HERE’S A STORY--”

ABOUT A LITTLE GAY WHO LIVES IN A GAY WORLD,” Ransom added in. This only made Nursey laugh harder, pushing away from Dex to double over.

AND ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT AND EVERYTHING HE SEES IS JUST GAY LIKE HIM INSIDE AND OUTSIDE.”

In his laughing fit, Nursey stumbled and knocked over: a lamp, a small table, Shitty, and an unexplained traffic cone that either Ransom or Holster had put in the living room.

As Ransom and Holster continued to go through their (very rehearsed) rendition of ‘Blue (Da Ba De)’, Dex tried to help up Shitty and Nursey. Unfortunately, Nursey just fell right back down.

“–I’M GAY DA BA DEE DA BA DIE–”