knight's nurse

SMH and the Kiss Cam

I am 100% positive that the Kiss Cam has been pointed at the bench a million times so here’s some stuff that probably most definitely happened (feel free to add more if you want to)

  • Shitty and Jack - Shitty fucking POUNCES on that boy and gives him the sloppiest, grossest, wettest kiss on the cheek. The only time anyone has seen Jack smile during a game
  • Holster and Bitty - Holster somehow gets all 6′4″ of himself into Bitty’s lap and pecks kisses all over his face 
  • Nursey and Dex - Dex flips off the camera but once it is off of them Nursey kisses his cheek it was honestly really precious 
  • Tango and Whiskey - Tango does not notice the jumbotron or the camera pointed at them at ALL but Whiskey sure does and he just drops a kiss onto the top of Tango’s head
  • Jack and Bitty - okay this is before they got together and were still playing together so Bitty just blushes and laughs and shakes his head and Jack is sitting there disappointed but not knowing why 
  • Ransom and Holster - they straight up made out right then and there. the second they were up on the jumbotron the helmets were flung off their heads and they were somehow already on second base it went from 0 to 100 real quick mothers had to shield the eyes of their children and once the camera was off of them they were all like #nohomo but also #alittlehomo
  • Ransom and Nursey - Ransom kneels and kisses Nursey’s hand in the most dramatic, unnecessary way and Nursey somehow gets 10% gayer in that moment. 
  • Jack and Dex - it is the most awkward thing anyone has ever seen in their lives. They both act like they don’t know whats going on but they tOTALLY do. Shitty jumps in from off frame and tackles Dex, they both knock into Jack and it turns into a domino effect of everyone on the bench being completely obliterated. 
  • Chowder and Nursey - the softest, sweetest peck on the lips anyone has ever seen. It’s barely lasts .3 seconds but it happened and it was super cute
Check Please cast as funny moments from Family Feud

Steve Harvey explaining the experience of having a prostate exam to the Frogs sitting in the front row of the audience.

Steve Harvey: “What does your husband do when he runs out of clean underwear?” Lardo: “He wears a pair of mine.” *High fives Shitty*

Steve Harvey: “Which of the seven dwarves is your partner most like in bed?” Dex and Nurse facing off, just looking at each other and shaking their heads

Jack as that guy who can’t state his perfectly normal job title without sounding shifty.

Steve Harvey: “What is something that gets passed around?” Shitty: “A joint.” Bitty: “A collection basket at church.”

Steve Harvey: “What is something a burglar wouldn’t want to see if he breaks into your house?” Holster: “NAKED GRANDMA”

Steve Harvey: “What is somthing a man says is bigger now than it was when he was sixteen?” Ransom: “His penis.” Steve: “Couldn’t you have said dingaling? Schlong?” Ransom: “I used the medical term.”

Farmer as the producer laughing her ass off when Steve Harvey admits that he named his penis “Russel the Wonder Muscle”

Chowder as the most heartwarming contestant who tells Steve that he’s crossed two things off his bucket list, being on the show and meeting Steve. 

Steve Harvey: “What is a word that starts with ‘pot’?” Tater: “’Potato!’”

Kent Parson as the contestant who, after being asked what he does for a living, yells, “I’m single!” an starts to dance.

Omgcp characters and favorite musicals
  • Jack: Les Mis (has probably also read the entire book at LEAST twice.... nerd)
  • Bitty: Waitress and Rent
  • Shitty: Little Shop of Horrors
  • Ransom: Wicked
  • Holster: All of them. Every single one.
  • Lardo: Fun Home
  • Nursey: He would say it's something like Avenue Q but it's definitely Annie
  • Chowder: Into the Woods
  • Dex: would punch a musical in the face if given the opportunity
  • Kent: Chicago

There are three non-art students that Lardo lets into her studio.  

She never really invited Shitty.  He just showed up one day, his hands in the pockets of his jacket, said he was curious what she did when she wasn’t managing a team full of hooligans.  Lardo let him in.  She figured he wouldn’t stick around, or if he did, she could kick him out for trying to make suggestions, or for disrupting her carefully orchestrated mess.  It’s still surprising to her how quickly she got used to him being there.  He talked a lot, of course.  It’s Shitty.  But it was more questions than rambles.  It was him asking about her work and her techniques and about what she enjoyed about art.  It should have been annoying, someone cluttering up her space and talking while she was working.  Some days she did have to issue a gag order or threaten to kick him out if he didn’t shut up.  But nothing beat her creative block like talking with Shitty about her projects.  And she could always count on him to be with her at 3 AM the morning of a gallery showing, carefully applying glitter and sequins.

Jack she did invite.  A lot of the other guys on the team had places to go to get away from hockey, outside friends from classes and student orgs.  But as her frog year went along, she realized that Jack didn’t.  He spent his time in the Haus and in class and with the team.  She was in his room one day when she uncovered his camera, and they had a conversation about photography that led to talking about art mediums and about defining art.  Jack didn’t have a whole lot to contribute when they got more philosophical, but it put the idea in Lardo’s head to tell him to swing by her studio.  Whenever he was there, he worked quietly on his stuff while she worked on hers, and sometimes they talked, and sometimes he watched, but mostly they just enjoyed the quiet.  Lardo would introduce him to some of her friends that swung by, and most of them got a kick out of Jack Zimmermann sitting in her tiny studio.  But Lardo liked it.  And when she seriously suggested that he try out some art classes, maybe a photography class or two, he said he’d give it a shot.

Nursey came to Lardo’s studio the first time to bring her coffee on an all-night bender mid-way through second semester junior year.  She was sitting on the floor with printouts haphazardly spread out in front of her.  She was trying to work on her thesis proposal, but she mostly wanted to bang her head against the wall.  Nursey, who was always a little too nosy for his own good, glanced at her papers as Lardo venmo-ed him, and the grimace on his face made Lardo defensive.  “Dude, why aren’t you using headings?” Nursey asked.  “It’ll make it easier to organize and easier to read.”  What started as a coffee run became a three-hour editing session, which became 30 more coffee runs and a crash course in citation methods and, ultimately, a completed thesis.

Lardo let three non-art students into her studio, but Bitty never came to see her there.  Lardo knew that he had his own focusing place.  He worked in the kitchen, and when she needed him, she went to find him there.

country singer bitty accidentally writes a hit about nhl player jack

Based on this post about the inspiration for Dolly Parton’s Jolene, which is somehow even gayer than the song itself. Bless you, Dolly.


It had started out so innocently.

Bitty had been tired after hours of this meet n’ greet, and when that tall drink of water walked up to get his autograph, Bitty couldn’t help the words that tumbled out of his mouth.

“Gosh, well aren’t you the most handsome fella I’ve ever seen,” he said, reached for the outstretched CD–CD! Who even bought CDs anymore?–and readied his Sharpie. “What’s your name, hun?”

“Uh, Jack,” the man said, pretty eyes going wide. If he’d been more awake, Bitty might’ve felt bad for making a fan uncomfortable. But if this Jack really were a fan, then he certainly wouldn’t have a problem with another man complimenting him. And besides, he was handsome, with his wide shoulders and high cheekbones and eyes as blue as the summer sky.

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Check Please Characters As My High School Career
  • Bitty: baked historically accurate Roman bread for SOMEONE ELSE'S project in exchange for participation in my project
  • Jack: only skipped one day of school in all 4 years, and that was to study for the APUSH exam
  • Holster: got pissed at how shitty all the plays we were trying for spring drama were, wrote my own and bullied the director into producing it
  • Ransom: took Advanced Chem and Advanced Physics and precal at the same time for some reason
  • Shitty: got into a fight every day in senior ethics
  • Lardo: drew an elaborate and ongoing comic series where my bible as literature teacher battled a kid in the class
  • Nursey: convinced a teacher to let me do an independent study of writing a novel; never finished it to this day but I got a 100%
  • Dex: was more prepared than the school nurse, to the point where people would just come to me for advil and bandaids
  • Chowder: I actually had school spirit
  • Whiskey: pretended not to be in the room when my coach tried to make me do tree identification for science olympiad
  • Tango: asked my world history teacher questions that I knew would prompt him to tell us stories instead of teaching
  • Ford: gave up on telling the theater boys to stop trying to pick each other up and just started filming
I need someone to write this ASAP 😂

Okay, but how about Shitty or Ransom or Holster (or all of them) overhearing an absolutely ridiculous conversation between Jack and Bitty after they come out to the team? Like I want to see how each of them would react, because out of context the conversation is like WOOOAH THERE, but they’re really talking about staging a surprise birthday party for one of the frogs and they need a word to signal that “it’s time.” But obviously they walk I to the Haus at the wrong moment because all they end up hearing is

Jack: We can’t do this without a safeword.

Jack: I’m going to go with apricot.

Bitty: Hun, that’s way too normal. We need to go with something weird like…dragon slippers!

Jack: What??

Bitty: I use apricot too much in my normal life.

Jack: Why do you use apricot so much?

Bitty: What else am I supposed to call them, Mr. Zimmerman? Sweet tangy balls?

Jack: Do not call them sweet tangy balls, Bittle.