kneel-before-kod said: I notice that everyone seems to be referring to Steve as Vampire catnip. Have you ever found a reason why so many vampires go after him, even in pre-serum days? Like is it his blood or something?

Steve:  I’ve always wanted to ask Bucky that, but he always ends up blushing and changing the subject.  And I figure he was the reason I didn’t end up getting munched on by a vampire when I went to visit our friend Jilly over at that weird club they opened by the docks.  

Bucky:  I told you not to be caught there by sundown!  How many times –

Steve:  Jesus, Buck, it’s okay.  It was an accident, really - didn’t mean to stay so long, but I worried about Jilly being all by herself and well, there were people back in the day that didn’t take too kindly to a fella that preferred being a dame and dressing like one to boot.  Turns out, Jilly was fine.

Bucky:  And to answer your question - yes, it’s his blood.  There’s a bit more to that as well, because it’s Steve and Steve was probably born on this earth to give me premature gray hairs –

Steve:  What and you weren’t responsible for my gray hairs, you jerk?

Bucky:  As if you have any. But anyway.  I spent World War II being terrified half out of my mind that Steve was getting chewed on by some blood sucker and relieved that he wasn’t there next to me, getting shot in the head or blown up by a grenade.  And then, what do you know, serum.  Captain America.  What is my life, I ask you?

Steve:  And we ran into vampires on the front lines anyway.

Bucky:  And wouldn’t you know it - Steve’s the blue plate special.

Steve:  HEY!

Bucky:  ** smirks **


Oh Mahal.  I TRIED.  Mahal KNOWS how I tried. 

It was, to say the least, an EPIC Catastrophe.  Uncle nearly killed me for it… well, at least he pretty much said something along the lines of “I would like ONE OF YOU to at least provide me with grand-nephews or grand-nieces and if you TRAUMATIZE YOUR BROTHER AGAIN, KILI, SO HELP ME, I WILL MARRY YOU OFF TO AN ELF IF I HAVE TO!”

Yeah.  So.  No.  Never again! 

Fili has conveniently deleted this from his memory (yes, Fili, not SHERLOCK, I’m not confused!).  I still remember the horror and well, I think we’re not going to revisit that anytime soon, thank you very much. 

Lookalike….lookalike…  You mean that fellow up there with the fangs?  We’ve heard of him.  Good-looking bloke isn’t he?  Though of course, we all know who looks better, yeah?  *koff*

Also, he doesn’t sparkle, which is apparently a Very Good Thing if you happen to have fangs. 

- Kili (at your service)

You know, I toyed with the idea of simply letting Winter Moon be ABSOLUTELY HUMAN and then I went SCREW IT, IMMA WRITING A HAPPY ‘VERSE, GOD KNOWS THERE’S ENOUGH ANGST ALREADY SO THERE.

*deep breath*

So you know how in Imperial China (and even Imperial Japan), they call the Emperor “The Son of Heaven?” or a virtual god or descendant of gods?  My China that never was in the Middle-earth verse is the same.

Basically, while we were having Crazy-Ass Events Happening in Middle-earth, similar stuff was happening in Asia and the reason the Blue Wizards were sent in that general direction was to help fix it.  Morgoth had another Maiar disciple similar to Sauron raising hell on that side of the world. 

Long story short, the Blue Wizards, with the help of Dragons and Men, succeeded and as a reward, there were several families of Men, the Imperial Family among them, granted a very long life, in much the same way as the Numenoreans were.  Bonus points that some Numenoreans found their way East, having been separated from Elendil’s refugees and ending up marrying into the Imperial Family and other families. 

So, Winter Moon has a Numenorean lifespan and will live fairly close enough to Fili’s years that they won’t be separated for too long. 

Fun fact: this actually happened to Bilbo a couple of times in previous lives, being reborn as a Dwarf, rather than a Hobbit.  Though he made for a very Dwobbity Dwarf - LOL. 


Here’s the thing about being “The Eldest” - something that my Uncle knows full well, being as he happens to be in that position himself and it’s something he shared with me the night Kili was born. 

Being the Eldest amongst the siblings means we get Super Powers.  Yes.  Don’t laugh.  We do.  We develop eyes in the back of our heads, super-hearing, super strength, all the wiles and the cunning to keep our younger siblings safe, sound and out of trouble.  This includes Not Getting in Trouble With the Parental Figures Which Include Majestic Uncles. 

You’d think taking care of Kili was bad enough?  HA!  I usually had to keep an eye on most of the kids back in Ered Luin, INCLUDING Wee Gimli, who was every bit of a handful as Kili was, if not worse, since Gimli was convinced that Elves were hiding under his bed all the time.  (I blame Kili for this one - he’s the one who told Gimli Thranduil-spawn haunted the underside of his bed and our cousin would cuddle his favorite axe in his sleep as a result!)

Yes, that means I also watch over the other little ones in the Blanket Fort, including Lilo, who is an Awesome Assistant.  Hey, her best friend happens to be an Unstoppable Force of Fuzzy Blue Mass Destruction.  I know how to appreciate all the help I can get.

The only time Our Eldest Brother Super Powers Fail Us is… well, I don’t really like thinking about the time I nearly lost Kili in the Battle of Five Armies.  Too close.  Just…. too close for me.

Uncle Thorin knows what I mean.  Except that he did lose Uncle Frerin at Azanulbizar … which is why I understand that even Older Brother Super Powers aren’t infallible.

- Fili

In the crazy crack shapeshifter now with Marvel Movie Superhusbands universe, Bilbo and Thorin ARE definitely married.   Happily so.  And it looks like the honeymoon phase will last a few good years too! :)

And if by “yenta” with Fili and Kili …. um…. sorry, I don’t write durincest so I don’t ship Fili with Kili.  (No offense to any followers out there who like that - it’s just really not my cup of tea.)  If you mean shipping Fili and Kili with other people, well, let’s just say that Thorin and Bilbo are protective over their boys and are hilariously not yet willing to let them out of the nest, so to speak, just yet. 

(I still haven’t decided whether I ought to ship Kili with Tauriel or Legolas…. I’ll probably end up deciding once I watch Desolation of Smaug.  Fili, of course, has Winter Moon, but that’s going to come a LOT later…)


I am guilty of doing Fandom Soup and doing it often, if you’ve seen my other works. LOL.  If I can find the connection, I’ll do it and if I can’t, I may write a different fic verse or do a spin-off. 

The Sebastian Moran in my main Sherlock Universe was based on Ian Hallard (since the Godtiss’ lovely spouse was kind enough to troll all of us about that).  And he was written as the loving, blood-kinky and warmongering psycho to Everybody’s Favorite Evil Mastermind Moriarty.

However, MY ARMITAGE-LOVING, BAGGINSHIELD-OBSESSED DASHBOARD (You guys know who you are) ended up sending me a Sebastian Moran based on Richard “Life Ruining Bastard” Armitage, who’s pretty much Thorin Oakenshield reincarnated.  And now he wants me to tell his story or what parts of his story I’m able to relay and he didn’t start working for Moriarty because he wanted to. 

Moriarty had a hook on him and while Sebastian Moran will freely admit he’s no angel or wronged hero, he doesn’t believe in allowing other people to pay for his sins. 

Therefore, I am compelled to write something about THIS Sebastian Moran and how John Watson proceeded to ruin his life in the way we Tumblr peeps mean it and I’m not sure where this is going yet, the Evil Giggling of my John Muse fills me with Absolute Terror.


The trouble is that I seem to be done with their current storyline.  *sigh*

Face is currently shacked up with Hannibal.

The boys are currently in the Philippines, which is the best place for them to avoid Evil CIA people and they’re generally globe-trotting all over, doing their best to help the little guy and getting into all sorts of shenanigans.

Now if they end up visiting London, because they’d like to check in on their favorite ex-Army Doctor and maybe meet his curly-haired cousin who’ll end up being married to a King and a military BAMF in his own right, I will not be held responsible for the ensuing mayhem.

Also not responsible for the Massive Migraine that will be suffered by one Mycroft Holmes.

Thankfully, this is definitely NOT the division of one D.I. Lestrade.



Plot Bunnied?


I am referencing This Story - which was a part of the Tumblr Crackficlets Johnlock stories I did.  The only difference is that I’m no longer considering John Watson to be Bilbo’s reincarnation, since I’ve decided to have the two characters be separate. 

Sherlock and John, in the Bagginshield Modern AU, are the reincarnations of Luthien and Beren, respectively and also Snowlock and Iain Took.  My headcanon is that Gandalf was around at least as Olorin during the time of Luthien and Beren…. and he admits to being present during the shenanigans of Iain and Snowlock.  LOL. 

kneel-before-kod replied to your postooh shit’s gonna get good

The cinderella movie with Drew Barrymore?

yes!! the stepmom and her 1st daughter are complete wankers

connor-sexonlegswithahat-temple replied to your postocarinaofzillyhoo replied to…

People who haven’t seen The Princess Bride or Ever After are clearly Satanists.

thank you for your input

This is Stitch.

I shamefully admit that I may have played around with Hawaii’s geography a bit.  Basically, Lilo and family are living on the same island where Five-0 is so Nani’s not exactly in a different island altogether.  At least in my universe.  Oy.  *facepalm*

I haven’t really shown Nani in the story yet.  She DID throw up an EPIC hissy fit when she heard about it - throwaway line from Danny in one of the chapters, but I’ll need to go into detail later.  She was actually present in the Five-0 station and wanted to take Lilo home but Lilo dug in her heels and didn’t want to leave Bilbo and Thorin alone. 

Also, there IS a threat to Lilo and Stitch and alien presence means Special Circumstances.  My idea was that Cobra Bubbles took charge of protecting the rest of the Pelekai family.  Nani isn’t really far away from Lilo - I should write in her coming to the hospital in a little while. 

Though while Nani is protective - she is a lot older than Lilo and Lilo, from the movies, tends to be very independent, often going out on her own with Stitch for company. 

- ‘Stitch (even cracked fan fics need to make sense, y/y?)


1.  Thorin was wounded trying to get the mind-control collar off Stitch.  That’s why he’s in the hospital.  He’s actually recovering at a faster-than-normal rate.  But still, blood loss, stress - sleep is his friend right now. 

2.  LMAO - Thorin IS a King after all.  Also, the Alien Critters of Stitch’s Ohana are mostly classified as welcome in most countries, as long as they are vouched for by their human partners.  (Yes, I’m handwaving.  It’s a cracked universe!)  And Toothless can fly faster than a F-22 Raptor in my personal headcanon - also more maneuverable - so it’s not as if he’s going to just casually sit in a private jet back to London and Erebor.

3. In the modern Bagginshield AU - they’re not exactly dwarves.  I mean, I DID say that Modern Thorin is six foot two, after all.

Without giving too much of the plot away, my headcanon is that a kazillion years ago, somebody in the Line of Durin married a human.  Specifically, that person married a human from ARAGORN’s family.  Maybe it was Fili’s great-great-great grandson.  Something like that. 

When Gondor fell (which doesn’t happen for a good long time, to be honest - Eldarion had a good reign and this continued on for several generations of his descendants), the Dunedain ended up taking refuge in Erebor, on account of one of their princesses having married a Dwarf Prince.   A lot of intermarriages happened - and remember, the Dwarves never did have a lot of women in their population.  There were also Dwarf-Hobbit marriages too. 

Also, the Dwarves were beginning to fade from Middle-earth and so were the Hobbits.  Eventually, the population of Erebor began to appear more Man-like, but had certain genetic quirks unique to the Dunedain, Dwarves and Hobbits.  But this is very very obvious and a lot more pronounced in the Line of Durin. 

And we’ll see HOW important that is in the next installment of my madness.  MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!