Today, I fucked up... by throwing a pregnant spider at my TV
So there I was, minding my own business watching the new Rick and Morty episode in my bed when my dog walked happily into my room.
He slowly walked over and sat next to me on the floor, it was that moment I started to regret every choice I took. He was trying to lick something on his upper nose area, my light was off so at the time it just looked like a black heap of something. I grabbed it and in that instant second, I realised what I had done.
I still shudder to imagine that beast, just imagine touching a hairy rock that has long, hairy legs and the sudden feeling of horror and dread mixed up in one giant ball of fear. It felt like slow motion, even though I knew what was in my hand I lifted my hand closer to make sure it wasn’t just some rotted kiwifruit.
I was wrong.. Oh, I was very, very wrong.
I shrieked louder than a crying infant and with all the power the seven gods could muster I threw that monster across the room with great power. It flies right next to my Tv and into my Tv cabinet, all I hear is a small thud and hundreds of tiny hairy pebbles hitting the base of the cabinet.
I knew this couldn’t be good.
I very carefully crept over to my door and turned on the light. Why , oh god why did I turn on the light. There in front of me, hundreds of small dark, hairy creatures scattered my entire floor and Tv. Funny, isn’t it? The one place I can truly feel safe in has turned into an insane asylum. I grabbed my laptop, luckily it was in arms reach and ran out of there screaming.
Even though I can never return, I suppose I do get to finish the Rick and Morty Episode.
- Come and see our giant kiwifruit. Come and see our giant carrot. Even come and see our giant Lemon and Paeroa bottle. But don’t think, even for a second, about what left them behind.
- You get stuck in traffic. Your dad blames it on foreign drivers. You don’t bother correcting him. You don’t bother telling him that all of these vehicles are unoccupied.
- They say the Moa went extinct. But then, what’s the explanation for the enormous avian figure looming over your bed each night? You don’t know. You just close your eyes and hope it will be gone by morning.
- “I’m just going down to the dairy, you wanna come?”, your friend asks. You refuse. Too often have people uttered that line and never come back. There’s too many dairies. All of them interconnected, woven with each other. They say that you stay lost forever, but you might as well get a phone top-up while you’re there.
- They say that in this country, you are never more than 40 Kilometers from the beach. Everywhere you go, the beach follows. Distant, but close enough to be unnerving. The sand and surf rush to catch up to you as you speed up.
-There is a town in Auckland that used to be overrun by chickens. The local school incorporated them into their school logo. The local school regularly worshiped the chickens. One day, the chickens vanished. The school still worships, waiting.
- We are proud of our sports. We are proud of the All Blacks. Proud of the all encompassing void that is our national rugby team.
- The weatherman consults the weather map. He does not find a satisfactory answer. The weatherman consults ancient deities. He does not find a satisfactory answer. The weatherman writes “30% chance of rain” and prays it will be enough.
- As a child, I always watched “What Now?”. They never gave me an answer. I still don’t know what to do now.
- That ad you like comes on. You watch it. You laugh. The nation laughs. But most of all, the government laughs.
- They tell me Lake Taupo was caused by an enormous volcano thousands of years ago. I point questioningly to the enormous figure off the coastline, making other enormous craters with its mighty fists. They pretend they don’t see.
- The glowworms in Waitomo are trying to communicate. We just don’t know who the intended recipient is.
- Tourists come, looking for Middle Earth. We laugh. We point them to the movie sets. We protect the last of the hobbits.
- We hear our country mentioned in international media. We are excited. Maybe someone will come and free us this time.
- You stare at the Moeraki boulders. You have done this every day since that time you swear you saw one of them move. You spend hours, waiting, watching. Just as you turn to leave, you notice that one is cracked. It was not cracked yesterday. You continue to leave, faster now.
- You drive through the countryside. All the small towns you pass have their own little quirk. This one has a bathroom made mostly of recycled glass bottles. This one has an enormous farmers market. This one has it’s inhabitants cowering inside their homes. They are hiding from you. You drive through the countryside.
CREAMY MERMAID COCONUT BOWL 🍦🍃🐚🐠🌊💫🌾
with a scoop of homemade blue-algae coconut ice cream. The base was blended fro nanas with pinches of blue-algae powder and wheatgrass powder (which you can’t even taste btw!). I finished it off with coconut shreds, dehydrated kiwifruit chips, cashew based rawnola, and dragon fruit balls. Too delicious! Join me on Instagram for more original posts.Here ✘ #radplantlife
My bf bought these really weird kiwifruits today. They are called “red heart” kiwis (according to him), and they have a bright red centre when you cut them in half.
The colour reminds me of a Qurupeco, so I kinda did a quick sketch while eating kiwis.
It’s like you expect the kiwi to be green, but when you cut it…
BOOM. IT’S RED.
It’s like how Peco looks like it’s green…
BUT BOOM. Sudden red colour.
On a total side note:
I’m somehow approaching 300 followers
After blocking some bot blogs today, I realised that I actually have 296 “real” followers.
I think I said this many times before, but I really didn’t expect to gain followers, so it’s surprising to me that I have over 200 followers now. So thank you to everyone who have been encouraging me, I actually used to be really shy when it comes to showing other people my art. I’ll continue to try my best to improve my drawings, haha 😁