Omg if Benjamin Barker actually got to stay with Lucy and Johanna he would’ve been such a Dad Joke Father
I mean look at him in A Little Priest; the guy obviously loves puns.
Mrs. Lovett picks up on this (and loves them too) and takes to using puns as her method of flirting, but he completely misses the intention behind it and usually responds by telling her he’ll have to tell his wife and daughter whatever joke it was
Ofcourse Red Hood was just in the neighborhood with Arsenal when the Justice League requested support. They had recently finished a job and were about to leave within a couple of days. Their plans to hang out in the area’s finer cafes for lunch were dashed when Batman contacted them for help. The Justice League would be there soon, including the trinity, after a God knows what mission they’d been dogging since God knows when about God knows what outer space threat. The mission takedown was occurring at breakneck speed, and it was too late to evacuate the area completely. Someone needed to make sure the area’s citizens were alright. Crowd control. Which Batman assigned to the Red Hood and his partner Arsenal. “Crowd control? Reaally?” “Just make sure they’re safe, Hood. There are a lot of children here.” It was the school off-day, the park was nearby along with some family friendly cafe’s and eateries. It wasn’t just crowd control. He was entrusting these lives to his gun-toting son, which was big. (His trust, not the gun. That too.) Jason said yes.
Jason had finished rounding up children a little over half an hour ago. After the initial action, explosions and multi colored costumed people flying around, the people easily flocked to the voice of reason and safety. Heads and families were counted and it was ensured no one was missing. The parents seemed less nervous with the Red Hood and Arsenal amidst them all (Jason wondered what the reactions in the crowd if he told them there were a couple of mercenaries among them). Once the mission was completed the League heroes touched down and converged at the meeting point set, within distance of where Red Hood and Arsenal were now with the crowd. Batman took leave from the Leaguers, asking Superman to forward him later any important leftover details not covered currently, moving towards the crowd. Diana and Oliver Queen followed him, thinking of checking up with the crowd (and ward, in the case of Green Arrow). Batman saw most of the kids were with their parents, who had now taken to benches and the seating around. Arsenal was still making sure each of the parents there was no-one missing. It wasn’t a huge group, but still a large one. The Red Hood was kneeling on his knee, his hands on a young curly brown haired girl’s right arm. The girl’s wide, earnest green eyes were red rimmed as they focused on her elbow. Her round cheeks were half puffed out and lips pursed. On closer inspection, he saw the gash on her elbow. Batman surmised that to be the object of Red Hood’s focus, which was confirmed when he saw the band-aid being applied to it. He covered the band aid with his hand (to apply gentle pressure, Batman guessed). “There we go. All done. What’s your name kid?” he asked gently. “Kimo…” “ All right Kimo. Better now?” The girl’s lower lip shuddered, and she shook her head no. The Red Hood’s helmet was still on, which prevented any expression through to be seen, but there was humor in his next words. “Really? You sure? I mean… I’m pretty sure when I have a band aid this awesome it just magically takes all the pain away,” he said, taking off his hand to reveal a Hello Kitty band aid plastered over her wound. Kimo gasped as her eyes widened, her pout was now replaced with a wide grin. “It’s awesome! Thank you, Mr Hoodie!” Red Hood sighed. “No worries kid.” he said as she practically bounced away to her parents, who had been keeping the two under watch just a short distance away. “It’s the Red Hood…” he finished off lamely. ‘Right, that should be it,’ He thought as he lifted himself off his knee. People were still upset at the sudden invasion of their daily accountings he reflected, but the League had handled the threat efficiently… And he and Roy had handled the crowd. The fact that he’d been included in the mission for crowd control rubbed his feathers the wrong way. He’d make sure to bitch about it to Bruce. As loudly as he can. All the sheep had been herded to safety and should be free to go now. Which should be soon, he thought, as he saw the Leaguers joining back. He saw Batman, Wonder Woman and Green Arrow already on their way back to the crowd- Wonder Woman and Arrow no doubt to make sure the crowd were okay, and Batman to make sure the Red Hood didn’t screw up or shit, he guessed. He was just congratulating himself on his job well done when he felt two fingers tapping him on the shoulder, he turned around to face a guy with large beefed up arms, wearing a black tee and jeans. He had a stubble covering his jaw, and cold brown steely eyes, which were squinted in anger. “Mister, what the hell do you think you’re doing with the kids?” the man asked, his voice gravelly and loud. He glared at the Red Hood. He stared back at the guy for a minute, and stated “Patching them up…? Dude, are you sore I couldn’t play nurse with you? Do you need some more…” “Right. You gave my son these pansy ass girlie bandages. The hell? Who gives boys girl stuff? Keep this pink crap away from him please. He doesn’t need it.” He said, as he handed the three band aids back to Jason, still wrapped. “Thank you.” the guy spat out shortly. Jason eyes caught the little boy standing right behind the guy. He concluded the boy to be six to seven years old. His shoulders drooped, but he was looking at the Red Hood with large morose brown eyes. “You think these band-aids are too girly for your son? They’re what is available right now to stop his wounds getting infected,” he stated in (what he hoped was) a level voice. “He won’t get infected. He doesn’t need pink girlie band-aids to protect him!” the guy declared loudly. Jason scoffed softly at the guy’s machismo. The little girls around them were staring at the guy. He caught a couple of boys peel off their band aids discretely, scrunching them up and throwing them away. He grit his teeth as he caught bits of questions coming from kids around him. “Daddy, why can’t boys wear these band-aids?” “Mum, are pink band-aids not good for boys?” “Why is he so mad? These are cute, aren’t they?” Staring at the guy in front of him who was now about to leave, he decided he’d set him right. He knelt on his knee and caught the attention of the jerk’s kid, and spoke in a low yet friendly manner. “Do you think these band aids aren’t good enough for you, kid? They would have stopped your bleeding pretty effective, dontcha think?” The kid quietly stared back, still standing behind his dad. “They’ll stop your wounds from getting infected won’t they?” The kid nodded, yes, slowly, “But daddy says they’re girly… I’m a boy, I shouldn’t be wearing them…” “Really? I dunno man, they seem alright to me,” he said, as he brandished his own arm forward for the kid to see the two pink, hello kitty flowery band aids stuck there in a cross. The kid still stared, albeit with wider eyes. His frown started to uplift. The jerk clasped his son’s hand and stood straighter. “I mean,” said Jason, glancing behind him to where the Batman who now stood. Wonder Woman was standing next to his right, and Green Arrow seemed to be discussing something with Roy, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but with his ex-mentor. “It’s not too ‘girly’ for anyone, kid. It’s cute, it makes you happy and it gets the job done.” He finished his sentence as he stood next to the Batman, who was surveying the scene with interest. Jason sneakily unwrapped the second last band aid in his hand. All the kids (and the parents) were now attentive, listening in or watching the scene. “You know who else thinks so?” he asked the kid, who shook his head no. His eyes held awe, yet was grinning and looking on with rapt interest at the big heroes, (Wonder Woman and Batman!) Jason grinned. “Batman! See?” he said, holding out Batman’s gauntlet’d hand for the kids to look at, which sported a band aid which was suspiciously not there a couple of minutes before. The kids stared at the cat covered bandages on (the glowering) Batman’s hand, and when no other reaction came forward from the Dark Knight, a chorus of snickers and giggles sounded off. Batman turned to Jason with the BatGlare TM. “Oh, come on Batman. It’s an educational experience for jerks and kids, be supportive.” said Jason, noticing Wonder Woman’s approving grin as he unwrapped the last Hello Kitty band aid and neatly placed it onto the cowled temple. “There,” Jason finished. “Now you can strike fear in the hearts of judgmental and sexist assholes and set them right.”
My first fic. I just had to write it down after the cute Tumblr prompts on Jason Todd and Hello Kitty band-aids a few days back ^_^