kitty to karen

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wedding guest (The Royal Wedding of Prince William to Catherine Middleton  April 29, 2011)

20 Ways Mean Girls Would Be Different Today

1. Instead of joining the “cool Asian girls” clique, Gretchen Weiners would have become obsessed with her perfectly-curated Pinterest. And long for a girly DIY empire like Lauren Conrad’s. 


2. The Plastics would have been obsessed with Gossip Girl

3. Regina George would have a Beyoncé lyric as her Twitter bio. Because naturally the Queen Bee feels a kinship with Queen Bey. 

4. The Burn Book would be a private Facebook group. Until Regina made it public, rather than turning in the book to Principal Duvall. 

5. Rather than regular after-school trips to the mall, the Plastics would have gone to an upscale blow-dry bar. 

6. Janis Ian would have a very popular Tumblr with a big following (but not at their high school, naturally). Filled with alternative music and art, it would appeal to teen outcasts everywhere. 
 

7. Damian would be obsessed with Glee. And Tweet at Chris Colfer every day. 

8. Kevin Gnapoor would be dealing Adderall to the entire Mathletes team. Actually, they should make that movie. 

9. Regina’s mom (Amy Poehler) wouldn’t be in a Juicy Couture sweatsuit — she’d be in Lululemon. 

10. Every fight in the movie would be conducted entirely via Facebook or Twitter. And instead of breaking up physical fights in the hallway, Mrs. Norbury and Principal Duvall would have to learn The Youngs’ Interwebs in order to discover the student body’s fighting. 

11. Aaron Samuels would have Snapchatted dick pics to Regina and probably Cady. 

12. The Plastics would communicate mostly via iMessage or Whatsapp. Rather than three-way calls. 

13. “Fetch” totally would happen. See: “totes, obvs, natch.” 

14. The video of the Plastics’ “Jingle Bell Rock” talent show performance immediately would have gone viral. A boom box hitting a dude in the face? Hot high school girls in Santa hats? Would have been done for the Vine

15. Instead of comparing their flaws in a mirror, the Plastics would post selfies to Instagram. And make passive-aggressive comments on each others’. 

16. Instead of tricking Regina into eating Kalteen bars, Cady would have swapped Regina’s green juice for a protein shake.The kind gym rat dudes use to bulk up. 

17. Gretchen Weiner’s dad would have invented Candy Crush.Not Toaster Strudel. 

18. Instead of Abercrombie tanks and miniskirts, the Plastics would have worn skinny jeans and oversized sweaters. More Coachella, less Hello Kitty. 

19. Karen would become a minor Internet celeb for her “weather ESP” breasts. And possibly end up vlogging wildly popular “haul” videos. 
 

20. Instead of getting into sports, Regina George would grow up to be a contestant on The Bachelor. And very likely the bitchy blonde who starts drama among the other contestants. Competition is truly where she shines. 

I want a girl with a mind like a diamond
I want a girl who knows what’s best
I want a girl with shoes that cut
And eyes that burn like cigarettes

I want a girl with the right allocations
Who is fast and thorough and sharp as a tack
She’s playing with her jewelry, she’s putting up her hair
She’s touring the facility and picking up slack

I want a girl who gets up early
I want a girl who stays up late
I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity
Who uses a machete to cut through red tape

I want a girl with a smooth liquidation
I want a girl with good dividends
At Citibank we will meet accidentally
We’ll start to talk when she borrows my pen

She wants a car with a cupholder arm rest
She wants a car that will get her there
She’s changing her name from Kitty to Karen
She’s trading her MG for a white Chrysler Lebaron

With fingernails that shine like justice
And a voice that is dark like tinted glass
She is fast, thorough, and sharp as a tack
She is touring the facility and picking up slack

I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket

—  Cake, “Short Skirt Long Jacket”
Capricorn
Venus in Capricorn
youtube

Julia and I got a cat! And she’s purrfect

anonymous asked:

Ideal traits in a potential girlfriend? ;3c

I want a girl with a mind like a diamond
I want a girl who knows what’s best
I want a girl with shoes that cut
And eyes that burn like cigarettes
I want a girl with the right allocations
Who’s fast and thorough
And sharp as a tack
She’s playing with her jewelry
She’s putting up her hair
She’s touring the facility
And picking up slack
I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnng jacket……
I want a girl who gets up early
I want a girl who stays up late
I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity
Who uses a machete to cut through red tape
With fingernails that shine like justice
And a voice that is dark like tinted glass
She is fast and thorough
And sharp as a tack
She’s touring the facility
And picking up slack
I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnnng…. lonnng jacket
I want a girl with a smooth liquidation
I want a girl with good dividends
At Citibank we will meet accidentally
We’ll start to talk when she borrows my pen
She wants a car with a cupholder arm rest
She wants a car that will get her there
She’s changing her name from Kitty to Karen
She’s trading her MG for a white Chrysler La Baron
I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnnggggggggg jacket

A Night of Sedatives and Good Friends

A/N: A Daredevil fic set sometime in the unplanned future where both Karen and Foggy know about Matt’s powers because everyone can be a big happy family goddamnit. 

We need all the tickle fic in this fandom because it’s amazing. Go write some. 


When Matt became aware of himself, the world was dark. If the fire was there it was far away. He could hear. He could smell. Everything came at him very slowly. His skin entered the bubble of his awareness. The pillow under his cheek smelled faintly of cinnamon. Something was brushing his head in steady, even strokes. He was on a sofa. His? No. This was suede, not leather. His spine flexed, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t see. He really couldn’t see. There were people nearby, but he couldn’t sense them. 

He tried to breath slowly and quell the rising panic. He tried to speak, but his mouth was bone dry. His lips felt very far from his brain. The pleasant stroking in his hair stopped, and he immediately missed it, pushing his head upward until it encountered a warm object. He nudged it gently, and a familiar chuckle sounded above his head. 

“Matt?” Karen. He tried to make a sound again, struggling when he couldn’t. Karen’s hand (yes, it was Karen’s hand, small and soft with calloused fingertips) returned to his crown, carding gently through thick brown hair. Matt relaxed, sinking a little deeper into the dark water surrounding his mind. 

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