kitchen implements

Long, long list of Frozen headcanons

-All the castle guards had a betting pool going on how long it’ll take Kristoff to propose.

-Anna teaches herself how to sew and recreates the sisters dolls she and Elsa had when they were little.

-Both sisters can speak several languages: Elsa because it was part of being groomed to be queen, Anna because she was bored and lonely.

-Both of them hate English with all their hearts. 

-Kristoff learns how to read out of Anna’s collection of romance novels (“So that’s how you spell orgasm”).

-Since he’s a snowman, it’s impossible for Olaf to sleep. Everyone has now gotten used to him wandering the castle at night, pretending to be a phantom or trying to play music with kitchen implements.

-The entire kitchen staff are hardcore Elsanna shippers.

-But the guards and maids root for Kristanna.

-Snow-statue contests, all year round. Elsa always wins.

-There are multiple souvenir shops around Arendelle that sell little dolls and figurines of the royal family (for the 19th-century predecessors of the Frozen fandom).

-Elsa’s ice-clothing melts when she gets aroused. Luckily or unluckily, that only happened once in public.

-Anna goes to visit the little kids all the time at the local schools and orphanage. She often brings Kristoff or Elsa with her; the first because he (for some reason) gets all adorably awkward and blushy when he sees her with kids, the second because she loves kids but probably won’t have any of her own.

-Speaking of kids, Anna and Kristoff eventually have two: a boy and a girl. The girl becomes a boss-ass ice harvester when she gets older.

-Since she’s no longer scared she’ll kill everything she touches, Elsa gets a crapton of pets.

-Sven lives unusually long for a reindeer: long enough to see his best friend marry Anna and her have both of his babies.

-Elsa has her snowgies play pranks on everyone when she wants revenge; and they happily oblige. They have stolen clothing, put salt in cakes, dive-bombed sleds, and hidden Marshmallow’s tiara in people’s bedrooms.

-Because of the tiara incident, Marshmallow nearly went on a rampage just to get it back.

-Anna makes all her family dance with her at least once at all the royal balls.

-Whenever they have family sleepovers, it’s always in Anna’s room, where they eat ice cream and talk smack about other royalty.

-After balls, Elsa and Anna arguing about which prince was ogling who, and Kristoff pouting enviously.

-Olaf is the. Worst. Babysitter. EVER. He lets the kids get away with EVERYTHING. Elsa’s always the disciplinarian. 

-Kristoff’s wedding ring is engraved with “May we?” in runes, and Anna’s is engraved with “We may.”

-The trolls spoil the kids rotten, and always keep giving advice for all the adults. The most recurring one is that Elsa needs to get out and socialize more.

-Elsa and Kristoff have a mutual agreement: if they need to, they’ll work together to protect Anna, even if they both know she can protect herself.

-Elsa and Kristoff spend the royal balls and parties discreetly trying to hide from everyone else, at least until Anna finds them.

-Flagendorfer-eating contests. Anna always wins.

-Their family portraits are their most precious possessions.

-When they’re all really old, Elsa and Anna and Kristoff all write down the story of the freeze and thaw to always remind their family of the power of true love. Over a hundred years later, a woman accidentally finds it while traveling to Norway to do research for a possible movie. Her name is Jennifer Lee.


Name: Raúl Jiménez
Team: Mexico
Number/Position: 9/Supporting striker
Birthplace: Tepeji, Hidalgo, Mexico
Age/Birthday: 23/5 May 1991
Smokeshow Qualification: Cheekbones for days. I swear, slap some blush on this boy and he could walk the runways tomorrow. Taller, stretched out, but not skinny–plenty of muscle here.
Why We Love Him: Great Twitter account. Really appreciate the adorable baby, Raúl. His profile picture is adorable and he clearly does not know how to choose the correct pixel size for the header. Selfys. So many photos of him were him grinning.
What Fictional Character I Think He Looks Like: Peter Pan.
What Kitchen Implement Would He Be: A fork.
Anything Else: European teams have started to express interest in him so future star? Posiblemente.

anonymous asked:

stuff the team lost cause Firestorm is practicing transmutation?

A Probably Incomplete List of Things Lost in Firestorm’s Transmutation Practice:

  • approx. 682 pens - mostly Martin’s, but also a few of Ray’s favorite clicking pens*. Losing them really hurt his feelings. 
  • A variety of kitchen implements - a potato masher, a pink colander, and a soup ladle - that Rip couldn’t remember buying and gave Jax and Martin free reign to destroy.
    • Note: said kitchen implements turned out to have been bought on board by Kendra, who was Not Happy when she noticed they were missing.
  • Jax’s old running shoes, since he wanted to motivate himself to get a new pair anyway.
  • A  painting that Snart picked up in 1788 that turned out to be a forgery. He wanted it destroyed immediately, since he was pissed that a fake fooled him.
    • “In 1788. Who was forging art in 1788?”
    • “You didn’t invent crime, dude.” 
    • “Eat me, Jax.”
  • Some empty pints of ice cream that Sara was too lazy to throw away.
  • One deck of Uno cards, after a Waverider Game Night nearly turned into a homicide. 

*Clicking pens is Ray’s #1 stim. The team spent most of a weekend trying to find the right Office Max on the exact right year and day to replace his clicky pens. 

picking your battles: an unauthorized los santos survival guide [part 3]

Part 3/3 [Part 1] [Part 2]
On AO3
Raywood, rated M
Warning for drugs/canon-typical violence/general narrative stupidity

Ray gets to know Ryan better, which is weird and great and confusing. He learns things.

(Such as: Ryan doesn’t have a sweet tooth, but he’ll eat the green apple Skittles from Ray’s bag without complaining.

Such as: Ryan doesn’t talk about his family, but he’s from the South, and he gets a wistful expression on his face whenever Ray talks about his mom.

Such as: Ray calls them the “R ‘n’ R Connection” once, but Ryan only rolls his eyes about it when Ray suggests they get matching t-shirts.

Such as: Ryan constantly does things that are terrifying without realizing that they are terrifying, like staring for long periods of time, or holding kitchen implements in a ‘I will gut you like a fish with this spatula, don’t test me, don’t question it, I can make it happen’ way, or humming things while he murders people—cheerful things, usually, which doesn’t make it better; one time Ray recognizes ‘Tiptoe Through the Tulips’ and has to leave, just leaves, right in the middle of the gun fight.

Such as: They can’t be like Hot Fuzz, Ray finds out, because one night Ryan actually humors him and does the worst British accent ever and Ray nearly chokes on his tongue.)

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Any advice for those who are still in the broom closet? (ie how to do spells with things commonly found around the house)

(Without additional information I’m going to assume you mean spells of the kind often found in spaces like neo-Wicca and other common forms of paganism and witchcraft, which are very different from practices like hoodoo.)

One characteristic of contemporary Western witchcraft is how much room for improvisation it allows.  It can operate on both common associations, such as a rose representing romantic love, and personal ones, like my using a particular herb as self-representation because its name is similar to mine.  If you need a chalice, use a regular glass, mug, shotglass, or bowl.  If you need a cauldron, use a pot, though be careful not to damage any nonstick coating with metal implements.  Kitchen knives and scissors work for an athame.  Chopsticks become wands.  Spice racks hold a wide variety of mundane herbs that are useful both for cooking and for spells.  Warm oven tops become a hearth.  If you can’t burn a candle, you can substitute with a particularly strong spice, an unlit match, something with an electric current, or anything else that calls to mind heat or the potential for heat.  Password-protected laptops and cell phones can be your Book of Shadows, magical journal, grimoire, or other text; the wallpaper or desktop can be your religious icon.  Altars can be kept in shoeboxes, drawers, masqueraded as a ‘curio’ shelf, or only assembled when you need to use one.

As for actually doing a spell, that depends more on your personal preference.  If you’re the type to cast a circle every time, you might disguise it by pretending to dance and sing while using the kitchen or doing chores.  You can establish spaces using music, sweeping or vacuuming, or flicking a little water from a cup with your fingertips.  Incantations you might use don’t necessarily have to be said aloud, especially if there are people around who might be discomfited, or can be adapted to fit a popular tune.  If you like to do visualization, that’s a powerful and invisible tool as well.  Practicality and creativity are your greatest tools of all.

- Mountain Hound

Actually, it was only part of myself I wanted to kill: the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsal for tragedy. I didn’t figure this out, though, until after I’d swallowed the fifty aspirin.
—  Girl, Interrupted, Susanna Kaysen
It was only part of myself I wanted to kill: the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsel for tragedy
—  Girl, Interrupted
Actually, it was only part of myself I wanted to kill: the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsal for tragedy.
—  Susanna Kaysen, Girl, Interrupted

paxfelis  asked:

Nobody messes with Bucky's stuffed turtle.


Title: New Pets
Rating: G
Summary: It’s not a likely gift, but it’s a well-loved one. 

Looking back, it was a weird, unlikely intuitive leap. Steve liked to think that he was reasonably sensible when it came to interpersonal relations, but he wasn’t psychic. Still, he’d known Bucky almost their entire lives, sort of, which had to count for something.

He’d never been to an Ikea before Sam announced they were going, because a good-natured scuffling match in the living room between two super-soldiers had accidentally thrashed one of Sam’s bookshelves, and Steve therefore owed him a new one. Steve was unprepared for the Ikea Experience. 

He followed Sam around the store, wide-eyed, asking more questions than he knew was sane for an adult person to ask. Sam was looking for bookshelves but they walked the entire store, testing out sofas because they looked comfortable (some looked much more comfortable than they were) and investigating strange light fixtures. Sam bought lunch at the Ikea cafeteria, and Steve at a little of everything and a lot of meatballs. 

They’d actually managed to pick out new bookshelves (and a new chair, which Steve said they needed since three men squeezed onto one couch was kind of…intimate) and they were on their way to pick up the boxes when they passed into the home-goods-and-strange-kitchen-implements section, and were faced with a wall of stuffed turtles. 

“Those were big for Christmas last year,” Sam said. “Year before, it was sharks.”

Steve touched one of the turtles gently. “It’s really soft.”

Sam gave him an eyebrow. “You want a turtle?”

“No, I – ” Steve took one down and squeezed it. “Squishy." 

"Because if you want a turtle, I’m not here to judge.”

“Not for me,” Steve said, inspecting the head and limbs. He shoved the head into the shell, then squeezed. The head popped out again. “For Bucky.”

Sam gave him a look that said Crazy super soldiers from the forties be crazy but he just put the turtle in the handbasket with the new spatula and desk lamp he was buying. 

By the time they got home, Steve was regretting the purchase, because it seemed weird, but when he put the bag on the table, Bucky set down the box of shelving he’d been carrying in and said, “What’s that?”

“Oh, it’s uh, I got it for you, it’s…a turtle,” Steve said. Bucky reached in and took it out of the bag, running his metal hand over the fluffy shell.

“It’s soft,” he said.

“Well, that’s what I said,” Steve agreed. Bucky carefully carried the turtle to the living room and set it next to him on the floor, crossing his legs to start opening the bookshelf box. He spread out the instructions on the turtle’s shell and set to work methodically assembling shelves. 

By the time the shelf was fully assembled, Mischa the Turtle had migrated to the sofa, and Bucky went back and sat with it as soon as the shelf was placed. Sam braced it to the wall while Steve opened some beers and Bucky watched, his hand still rubbing little circles in the fur on the turtle’s head. 

“You gonna help me with this chair or what?” Sam asked, as Bucky pulled his legs out of the way and Steve started cutting the plastic off the chair parts. 

“No,” Bucky said, turning the TV on. “We’re watching TV.”

“I got it, Sam,” Steve said, grinning over the edge of the chair’s packaging at Bucky. “New pets need a lot of attention.”

“Get stuffed,” Bucky suggested, popping the turtle’s head into its shell. “Misha wants to watch you make fun of the History Channel." 



Name: Steven “Stevie” “Captain Fantastic” Gerrard
Team: England
Number/Position: 4/Midfielder
Birthplace: Whiston, Mercyside, England (oh. my. god. This is the most England place name ever. This should be the capital of England just because of its name.)
Age/Birthday: 34/30 May 1980
Smokeshow Qualification: This guy. This f***ing guy. Stevie has successfully gone from hot young thing (HYT, subset of PYT) to a well established DILF. Look at the stubble. The creases in the forehead. The laugh lines. The eyes that I would like to live in. The muscled, muscled arms. I want him to be disappointed in me. I want him to be disappointed in me in my bedroom.
Why We Love Him: Gerrard has taken on the responsibility of being captain with such poise and charm. He and his former teammate Alonso (see Monday’s installment) are similar in this–they understand and carry the full weight of the national team on their shoulders. His pre-game inspiring speech was basically that the summer would suck if they didn’t win. He’s incredibly down-to-earth, even with his gorgeous wife and fleet of blonde daughters.
What Fictional Character I Think He Looks Like: Grownup Will Parry.
What Kitchen Implement Would He Be: The oven. Is that an implement? I don’t care. That’s how integral he is.
Anything Else: The only footballer ever to have scored a goal in an FA Cup Final, a League Cup Final, a UEFA Cup Final and a Champions League Final. Here are some commercials. Also, here’s his Insta, be prepared to lose 3-5 hours of your life.

To be fair to Tchibo, in addition to adorably pointless kitchen implements that make you realize why white people jokes exist, they also sell useful things. What kind of useful things, you ask? All of them. Need a cup of coffee and biscotti? Tchibo. Need something for your bike? Tchibo. Need bedding? Tchibo. Need speakers you can plug into your mp3 player? Tchibo. Gardening stuff? Tchibo. Special box just for kiwi fruit? Tchibo. Weird exercise gear of questionable safety? Tchibo. And it’s all crammed into a small storefront but in a classy way