The Signs as Things my Grandfather Has Done
Aries: Rolled down his window and screamed: “YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF IDIOTS” at people protesting something he didn’t personally agree with. (I can’t remember exactly what they were protesting… I just remember it happening)
Taurus: Trash talked Donald Trump on a number of occasions, and called the guy who threw the shoe at George W. Bush a “goddamn national hero”.
Gemini: Looked me dead in the eye and said “Shianne, I’m so glad you agree that Kirk and Spock are gay. I’ve been trying to tell your grandma that for years.”
Cancer: Recorded all the episodes of Full House and put them on a video cassette for me.
Leo: Whenever we drove past the cemetery told the same shitty joke: “You know people are just dying to get in there…” He laughed hysterically every time this happened.
Virgo: I asked him what he was afraid of, he answered, “I’m afraid of someone holding a gun to my head and threatening to kill my entire family. That’s what I’m afraid of”. I was 7.
Libra: Jumped out of a moving car to avoid an argument with my grandmother.
Scorpio: Watched FOX News with me and paused every 10 seconds to explain why they were wrong.
Sagittarius: Stayed up all night watching reruns of Seinfeld on multiple occasions.
Capricorn: Got really irritated that I kept calling crayons “colors”. He corrected me every single time.
Aquarius: Never signed up for the draft, even though he was 18 in ‘68. Is also very proud of this and says “I WOULD DO IT AGAIN!!!!!” on many occasions.
Pisces: Took a picture with his toy sized Yorkie for his Christmas card. They posed like he was taking her to the prom, and he was wearing a suit for some reason.