kirk is so trying not to laugh

The Signs as Things my Grandfather Has Done

Aries: Rolled down his window and screamed: “YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF IDIOTS” at people protesting something he didn’t personally agree with. (I can’t remember exactly what they were protesting… I just remember it happening)

Taurus: Trash talked Donald Trump on a number of occasions, and called the guy who threw the shoe at George W. Bush a “goddamn national hero”.

Gemini: Looked me dead in the eye and said “Shianne, I’m so glad you agree that Kirk and Spock are gay. I’ve been trying to tell your grandma that for years.”

Cancer: Recorded all the episodes of Full House and put them on a video cassette for me. 

Leo: Whenever we drove past the cemetery told the same shitty joke: “You know people are just dying to get in there…” He laughed hysterically every time this happened. 

Virgo: I asked him what he was afraid of, he answered, “I’m afraid of someone holding a gun to my head and threatening to kill my entire family. That’s what I’m afraid of”. I was 7.

Libra: Jumped out of a moving car to avoid an argument with my grandmother.

Scorpio: Watched FOX News with me and paused every 10 seconds to explain why they were wrong. 

Sagittarius: Stayed up all night watching reruns of Seinfeld on multiple occasions.

Capricorn: Got really irritated that I kept calling crayons “colors”. He corrected me every single time.

Aquarius: Never signed up for the draft, even though he was 18 in ‘68. Is also very proud of this and says “I WOULD DO IT AGAIN!!!!!” on many occasions.

Pisces: Took a picture with his toy sized Yorkie for his Christmas card. They posed like he was taking her to the prom, and he was wearing a suit for some reason.

Pavlovian Boner

Characters: Bones x Reader

A/N: based on the conversations started by @bkwrm523 and @medicatemedrmccoy about how “Lee” prompts an unwanted boner.  Sorry it’s a little short, but i can definitely do a sequel… ;) enjoy babes

Warnings: it’s all sexual references and boners

Words:1739

tags: @annalisehartmann @outside-the-government @yourtropegirl

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Georgia Gal

Pairing: Bones x (Southern!)Reader

Word Count: 1914

Warnings: Some swearing, general bar creeps

A/N: Not my first fic ever but my first Bones fic! Very loosely inspired by Ed Sheeran’s “Galway Girl” (maybe if you squint?). Let me know what you guys think!! 

You weren’t quite sure how you kept ending up in this situation - settled in alone a noisy bar with your friends long gone and tongue deep in strangers by now.

“I need to find better friends,” you muttered to yourself as you knocked back what was left of your drink.

“Well, then it’s lucky I’m here” came a cocky voice from your right.

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okay but i want a fic where the enterprise is like on the outskirts of federation space and they pick up survivors of a half-wrecked cardassian freighter and one of the refugees is sybok who totally knew the attack was coming and low key orchestrated it but thats another story because when he gets beamed aboard he and spock have a reunion and it’s very logical and all but kirk is like holy shit spock you have a brother??? why did i not know?? and spock is like you never asked and sybok takes one look at the two of them interacting and realizes how bad his baby brother has it for his captain and says wow spock way to introduce me to your t’hy’la and spock BUGS OUT and gets all flustered and kirk has never seen him act like that before and is like wait what does that mean and spock won’t tell him and practically runs away and sybok is too busy laughing and getting debriefed, and then for the rest of the mission spock won’t look at kirk and he starts to wonder what that word actually means so he keeps trying to work it out of sybok or uhura but they won’t tell him and spock avoids him like the plague, and kirk starts to get dejected because maybe he’s done something wrong, somehow offended spock or something, and sybok realizes that the human is stupid in love too, and bribes scotty to lock them in the turbolift or a supply closet or something because they’re both just idiots and they need to make out and of course scotty does it because its been painfully obvious to everyone on the ship for months that the captain and first officer are SO IN LOVE, LIKE GO FUCK ALREADY JESUS 

and then they do. in the turbolift. 

Bones and Jim accidentally find out what makes Spock laugh. Like really, truly laugh.

when it happens, Spock’s eyes go wide and he emedently bends over and slaps his hands over his mouth and of corse Jim and Bones are worried, like, “omg are you ok?! whats wrong?!” and Spock doesn’t answer, just bends over more, his eyes crinkling up and now Bones is like “im gonna go get my stuff he’s dieing fuck u Spock for dieing right here right now i dont get payed enough for this shit” but as he’s leaving Spock’s sholders start shaking and jims like “please Bones do something! oh no whats wrong, what’s going on with our boyfriend?”

And then Spock starts making noises and theyre quiet and muffled and his sholders are really shaking now and his hands start trembling so he lowers them and its then that Bones and Jim can see he has this big smile on his face and he’s LUAGHING and he keeps trying to cover up his mouth again but he can’t he’s laughing to hard so instead he just holds his stomach and just laughs harder.

Jim of corse just lights up and is so happy like “LOOK AT THIS HIS SMILE IS SO PRETTY OH MY GOD” and then there’s Bones who’s all “shit he really is sick” but is only saying that because shit Spock’s cute when he laughs

Divided

This is a direct sequel to Unexpected Guest.

Thanks to @mccoymostly for planting the little plot bunny in my head and being my idea bouncer and beta. If everyone likes this and wants me to continue, there will probably be two more chapters.

2,685 word(s) of - fluff, fun and set up

No warnings  -  Leonard x Reader


You shimmered onto the transporter pad of the Enterprise, sighing deeply as you stared at the grey walls now surrounding you. You were standing in the front yard of your house just seconds before, with the warm breeze in your hair and the sun on your face. You loved space and were excited to be back, deep down, but it was always hard to leave your home and the blue skies behind.

You made your way down the familiar halls to your quarters, keying in the code to get into your room. The doors swished open quietly as you stepped inside the room. “Ahhh my home away from home.” You spoke quietly into the empty room, as you took your bags to your bedroom and dropped them inside the door, vowing to get to them later.

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Part 1

Summary:  Two weeks after waking up with no recollection of the people and ship around you, you take your future in your hands and try to piece together your past and the events that lead up to you losing your memory of the last five years. This means finally meeting Scotty, the man you just learned is your husband.

Word Count:  1,138

Author’s Note:  This is my first series that I’m posting on here! Please let me know what you think, I really love getting feedback.

Table of Contents Here



Scotty looked up at exactly the wrong moment. Jim made a joke and the whole table burst into laughter, including you. Your beautiful eyes crinkled up and your unapologetic smile bared your gleaming teeth. You simply shone.

Scotty couldn’t even bring himself to laugh when you laid your hand on Jim’s arm, steadying yourself as you calmed. Scotty’s heart clenched painfully.

And then there was Jim, that bastard, not that it was his fault, leaning in and laughing with you, tickled to make you smile so beautifully.

Scotty mumbled an excuse and stood, dropping his napkin on his tray and leaving the table at a steady stumble, trying to navigate through the pounding of blood in his ears.

The hallway rang with silence as the mess hall doors closed behind him.  Scotty looked up and down the hall, completely lost. He’s walked every single hall of this wonderful ship with you on his arm and now… what’s a man to do without you? How could he possibly move on and find some semblance of peace when you were in there laughing like that with Kirk of all people? Captain Fucking Perfect Hair with all his goodman charm and warmth…

“Scotty?”

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4

Name: Not to the Sickbay you say?
Pairing: Bones x Reader
Summary: the reader is on a mission with Kirk and gets badly hurt. However, she refuses to go tot he sickbay, so Kirk slowly realizes that she got a huge crush on Bones, so he decides to help the two idiots.

You always knew that Monday was not your lucky day, but today was special - since the very moment when you woke up (and found Sulu’s crazy plant in your shoes) your day has been getting worse, and a huge stone falling on your hip during a two-men mission was only a logical continuation of the day.

“Y/N, you are an incredibly lucky person,” Kirk sits down by your side, injecting you with a strong painkiller. “If you made a hundred more meters in any direction, the Enterprise would be able to beam us up, but… Here we are.”

“I am sorry, captain,” you mumble, and Kirk sighs, taking a communicator out. “W-what are you doing?”

“Asking our lovely doctor to come and cut your leg off, of course. Y/N, I simple will call McCoy and ask him to get here, so that he can fix your leg immediately after I cut the stone. He said that’s how I should do it, plus it’s the only way you will keep your leg after we are done.”

“Could you… could you ask anyone but Doctor McCoy to come?” you ask quietly, and Kirk closes his communicator, quite interested in what you have to say.

“Now, what did Bones do? He wasn’t mean on purpose, you know. It’s just his personality,” you shake your head, and Kirk keeps guessing. “Afraid of him? Y/N, he is probably the sweetest person on the whole ship. No?” you shake our head again, feeling how the stone starts pressing more on the legs and stomach. “Y/N, if you don’t have a reason serious enough, I will call him immediately. I am only allowed to get up to three people on the planet, and Bones is probably the only one who can properly deal with everything that is wrong with you right now,” you stay quiet. “Oh, you couldn’t fall for him, could you?!” and you blush so hard, Kirk start laughing, so proud of his deduction skills. “You actually fell for Bones? That’s why all the complications?” you stay quiet, but still blushing. “Can I call the Sickbay now?”

“Anyone but McCoy,” you murmur, and Kirk waves his hand at you, amused by the romantic feelings that his friend could provoke in anyone. “Captain, please!”

“Mister Spock, we need medical assistance down here… No, I am fine… Yes, send the doctor as soon as possible,” Kirk closes the communicator and looks at you. “How did you manage?”

“Well, I am an extremely lucky person,” you grin.

“You bet you are,” McCoy enters the ‘cave’ and sighs at your ‘comfortable’ position. “Jim, you have to take care of your team, not murder them.”

“Holy shit,” you whisper and look at Kirk, trying to retell how much you hate him right now, but Jim simply shrugs his shoulders, as if saying ‘not my fault, I asked them to send a doctor.’

“I haven’t even started, Y/N, stay down and breathe deeply,” Bones kneels next to you and quickly checks your pulse and overall health. “Yeah, Jim, she is alright, just lift the stone, and I’ll take care of the bones.”

“What’s wrong with the bones?”

“Oh, they are simply crushed. If I do not block the flow of blood as soon as captain takes the weight off, the pieces may very well end up in very, very bad places,” McCoy sighs again. “How did you even manage?”

“She is an extremely lucky person,” Kirk answers for you and raises his phaser, ready to vanish the rock. “Ready?”

“Sure,” Bones takes your hand, allowing for you to grab his sleeve, squeezing it as hard as possible, as the weight disappears, and the painkillers magically stop working, almost murdering you with the pain. “Shh,” Bones quickly injects you with something, stroking your forehead with a free hand. “It’s ok. Let me take a look now,” he frees his hands and cuts your uniform to get access to the injury, then whistles, looking back at your face.

“That bad?” he nods quietly. “Fixable?”

“Yes,” he starts quickly covering the injury with some sticky glue, then quickly attaches a small blinking mechanism to your hips, which quickly expanded and locked your legs in the same position. “Do not move.”

“I was going to go for a run,” you murmur, and Bones grins, appreciating your attitude, then quickly strokes your forehead with his thumb.

“We have to get back on board,” Kirk interrupts you, and McCoy agrees, as they both carefully lift you and carry out of the cave.

“All I had to do to get two people carry me around is get hurt,” you joke. “If only I knew about it before the mission.”

“Three to beam up,” Kirk says loudly, as Bones makes you stand up next to him, so that he holds you with both hands in order for you not to fall down.

“On scale from one to ten, how much does it hurt?” he asks you quietly, trying to almost lift you of the ground, to reduce the weight on the legs.

“About six,” you murmur, your hands wrapped around his shoulders.

“That’s good… I mean, it’s bad that it hurts, but good that it’s not ten,” you laugh, and Bones flinches, as your breath tickles his neck. “Sorry.”

“That’s… That’s alright,” McCoy tightens his grip on your waist, as you get transported on the Enterprise, and a second later, the medical team helps you get down on the stretcher, and they rush to the Sickbay.

“Why the rush?”

“Because I gave you a very strong sedative, so you wouldn’t feel it even if I cut your legs off… Which is literally happening right now,” quickly answers Bones. “I also blocked the flow of blood, so that the bone pieces as well as the possible virus do not enter the intestines…”

“Sounds sweet,” you answer, already terrified of dying. Bones takes your hand and strokes your palm.

“Y/N. It will be fine. I am not letting you lose your legs. I am doctor, this is my job. Clear?” you nod quickly, as you get to the Sickbay, and the team helps you get on the bed, and McCoy is about to sedate you.

“Doctor,” you look him in the eye. “Will I be ok?”

“You will be great,” he answers calmly. “All you should do is trust me,” he covers your face with the mask and starts the countdown until you fall asleep. “I got your back.”


You woke up two days laters, you legs tied together and hanging in the air.

“Look who’s back,” McCoy takes a look at you and smiles. “How are we feeling?”

“Painfully alive,” you answer, as Bones takes the readings from the apparatus and smiles at you.

“Before you ask. You will walk again,” you smile happily.

“Thank you, doctor,” you pretend to try to kneel, and he giggles.

“I will need you to come in at least twice a week, so that I can clear you to get back on duty, but I did talk to captain about you. He agreed to let you stay off duty for a few weeks, so you will stay in Sickbay and help me,” you grin, trying not to show how happy you are to be there (and you also realize that Kirk probably is doing that solely because he knows about your crush).

“Doctor McCoy, if you want me to spend more time here, all you have to do is ask,” Bones smiles again, quickly pats you on the shoulder, then heads out of the room, mumbling something about the job.

“Get better there,” you rest your head on the pillow and sigh, realizing that the following few weeks will be hard. And painful. And full of your hopeless and bad flirting, hidden in sarcasm and endless blushing.

2

Prompt: Congrats!! Can you do kirk one where your pavels twin and you come onto the enterprise to study a rock sample? Or something and kirk really takes a liking to you? Much pavel love, and bones sneaky comments? For Anon

Warnings: No……

Pairing: Kirk/Reader

A/N: I changed it to you beeing an older sister, just to make the age gap better. Also, I think this might get a part two!

Word Count: 2048

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Motivation Ficlets - Jim Kirk

Originally posted by hellobluemeetsgreen

Intro: So I wrote this little (yet probably not so little - I haven’t checked the word count yet) ficlet for @gryffindor9whovian who needed a little motivation and a Jim Kirk fluff fic, and I decided to make it into a little crew series thing.  

I know it is exam time for a lot of people, so I wanted to write some little pick-me-up fics to, well be a pick-me-up for these stressful times!  I am going to call these the Motivation Ficlets and do one for as many of the bridge crew as I can, starting with Jim, Bones and Spock, and probably adding a few more. 

Just little drabbles/ficlets to make you smile and give me something to do other than stats (UGH).  

Word Count: 993 (not as bad as I thought lol)

Pairing: Jim x reader

-Enjoy!-

“Ugh.” Was the first thing you said to Jim who who sat at the desk, his head bent over his work, and he lifted his head to give you the side-eye as you stalked into the room. 

“Hello to you too.” He called. 

“UGH.” You groaned again and threw yourself onto the bed, stuffing your face into the comforter, laying flat on your stomach. 

“Bad day?” Jim asked, and you heard the chair scrape back against the floor. 

You only mumbled incoherently against the comforter in response.  A hand smoothed along your back and the bed tipped as Jim’s weight was added. 

“I am dropping out of school and becoming a full-time goat herder who lives happily among their hundreds of goats and never has to study again, forever.” You spoke into the bed, your words muffled by the blanket. 

“I assume the test didn’t go well, than?”

You shook your head, rubbing your nose in the bed, tears perched on your eyes. 

“If you become a goat herder, am I allowed to visit?” Jim asked, his fingers trailing up around your neck, curling in your hair gently. 

“Nope.  I am going to be a recluse and you are going to be a captain.   You won’t deal with the likes of me, but that’s alright, I will have my goats to keep me company.” You explained. 

Jim hummed in response and continued to stroke your back, fingers playing near your waist, making you twitch because it tickled, and you suddenly tensed as you weren’t a stranger to his tickle attacks. 

“James Tiberius Kirk if you tickle me I swear to god I will cut your fingers off.” You threatened, your grimace hidden in the soft blanket.

Jim laughed above you, “You’re mean.”

You hummed in response and played with the comforter between your fingers in silence for a moment before you felt Jim move beside you.  You barely had time to process it before you felt his entire body press against your back, pinning you to the bed. He was lying on top of you. 

You groaned against the sudden weight and laughed as his face ended up near the back of your ear.  He wasn’t putting his whole weight on you, keeping it dispersed on his hands and feet a little, but it still made it a little hard to breathe. 

“Hey.” He whispered into the skin behind your ear. 

“You’re heavy.” You wheezed with a chuckle. 

“Good.” He blew into your ear, but you felt him pull off you a little. 

“Is there a reason that you are lying on top of me?”

“Let’s go do something.” Jim suggested, pressing kisses into you hair. 

“No, just let me stay here and wallow in my failure.” You were feeling defeated now, even though his nose nudging through your hair sent tingles down your spine. 

“You are not a failure.” Jim murmured, “And your hair smells so good.”

“Would you love me if I was a goat herder?” You asked. 

“Of course.  And I think you would look really good in overalls and a straw hat.”

You huffed a laugh and rubbed your face into the comforter, trying to dispel the tears, remembering the test and how bad it had gone. 

Suddenly the weight against your back was gone and you felt him stand on the bed, his feet on either side of you.  You barely had time to wonder what he was doing before he was jumping.  Jim Kirk was jumping on the bed, on either side of you and your body jerked up and down sporadically in response to his jumping. 

“Up, up, my love!  And see what this day has to offer!” Jim was yelling, “Screw that stupid test!  It doesn’t deserve for you to be sad about it!  You are amazing!” 

You were giggling now and you didn’t want to let him win so you grabbed a pillow and stuffed it over your head.  He continued his incessant jumping and yelling and you wondered if your neighbours could hear.  On a particularly big jump of his you had enough and flipped over, taking your pillow and hitting him as hard as you could, right in his stomach.  

“HEY!” He gasped, stumbling a little before he grabbed the pillow and yanked it out of your hands.  

You were scrambling to your feet before you could stop yourself and reached for the other pillow, turning on him and swinging wildly.  You connected with his head first, causing him to emit a gasp of mock horror and he swung the pillow back to you, hitting you across the side. 

After a few more swings Jim grabbed your pillow and pulled it out of your hands again, tossing both pillows across the room.  

“HEy-” You started but were cut off by his hands pulling you to him and kissing you, deeply and passionately, the sudden motion causing you to sway a little atop the bed, but he held you steady.  

Pulling away after a moment to gasp for air you grasped the sides of his head between your hands and stared up into his crystal blue eyes.  

“You are crazy.” You gasped, dragging your lips across his softly, teasingly, unable to help yourself. 

“Mhm-and you can do this, Y/N.  School is tough and life is even tougher, but you can do this.  And I’ll be right by your side the entire time, armed with tickle attacks and pillow fights and kisses for when it gets tough.” Jim breathed, his words warming something deep inside you. 

“I guess that wouldn’t be so bad.” You teased, and you thumbed the corner of his lips as they tilted into a smile.  

And when you couldn’t keep this feeling of warmth and love inside you any longer, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled his lips to yours, tilting off balance, and you both landed on the bed in a fit of giggles and kisses. 

-Thanks for reading!  I hope you enjoyed it!-

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Unexpected Guest - Pt. 4

This is last and final chapter of the story based off a dream I had the other night, and decided to write out. Nothing special or exciting, just a fun, fluffy story. We made it to the end! Yay!

Thank you to everyone for your support on this story! I really didn’t think this story was going to do so well. I’m happy that it did though! I’m sad to see it end because I enjoyed writing it so much(sleepy Leonard gives me life).

3,977 word(s) of: fluff

Warnings: None

Leonard x Reader

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3


Your eyes fluttered open to the sounds of a soft buzzing. You lifted your head slightly trying to figure out where the noise was coming from. You blinked blearily over to your bedside table and saw the soft glow of your comm. You glanced over at Leonard whose mouth was open slightly as soft snores passed over his lips.

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Evading Your Physical

Prompt: “Imagine avoiding Leonard McCoy when the time for your next physical rolls around (because romantic feelings) until he winds up cornering you somewhere and talking you into it against your better judgment.” - @outside-the-government

Word Count: 1,296

Warnings: N/A

Author’s Note: I kind of struggled with an ending on this one, but I hope you all like it!

You had never really had a problem with doctors. Hyposprays, sure, but doctors never. Hospitals and clinics didn’t bother you either, so when you noticed yourself avoiding your physical, the answer seemed pretty clear. You were avoiding your primary care physician, Leonard McCoy, or as his friends affectionately called him, Bones.

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Chekov x reader: The away Mission

Okay so I’m so excited for this one!  It’s my first ever one trying to do Chekov, fluff or romantic stuff, so I hope I did okay!  Thanks to @aos-imagines-n-such for the idea :)

Warnings:  I mean, maybe it’s fluff, it doesn’t feel very fluffy to me, but sure…

Word count: 1078

The day had been nothing less than a gigantic disappointment.  I had been on my way to the bridge when Bones had come out of med bay and yelled my name.  “Y/L/N! Thank goodness, I need your help.”  I had rolled my eyes and then gone to see what the problem was.  He was short-staffed due to everyone having come down with the flu, and he needed me to sub in for the day.  I was a trained doctor so it made sense that he should ask me, but I was supposed to go on an away mission that day.  When I told him, Bones said that it was no big deal, he could cancel my spot.  I had been looking forward to that mission for a month.
   So instead of having an adventure down on another planet, I got to take care of vomiting people and probably caught fifteen different diseases in the process.  
   When Bones finally released me from my duties, I ran down to the bridge to see how the mission had gone. Upon opening the door I saw the last picture of the planet flash off the screen as everyone began switching out for the night.  Not only had I missed the mission, I had missed the debriefing about the mission.
   Disappointed, I turned to leave when I heard a familiar voice from behind me.  “Y/N!  Why did you not go on the mission?”  It was Pavel Chekov, my best friend.
   Even though I knew he’d be able to read me like a book, I put on a fake smile before turning around.  “Hey Chek!  I stayed behind to help Bones in med-bay because he was short-staffed.”
   Pavel studied my face.  “I thought you wanted to go on the away mission…” he said slowly.
   I blinked away a tear and swallowed the lump in my throat.  “Well, yeah, I did, but it’s fine.  There’ll be other missions.”
   I sensed a change in his stance, and noticed that he got a look in his eye like he had an idea.  “Hold on a minute,” he said, moving away from me to talk to Captain Kirk.  
   Pavel spoke softly and Kirk nodded, his eyes flickering over to me.  A moment later, Pavel returned.  “Sorry about that,” he said.
   “What did you say?”  I asked.  Pavel Chekov was my best friend, and I wouldn’t put it past him to do something embarrassing to try to make me feel better.
   “Nothing,” he said, a cheeky grin appearing on his face.  “You know, I actually just thought of something I have to do right now, so I’ve gotta go.”
   “Chek, what did you say?”  I called with a laugh as he walked briskly away.
   “You’ll see!”  He called over his shoulder.
   As he exited the room, Captain Kirk came over to me.  “Y/L/N, I need you to help me with something.”  I searched his eyes to see if I could get him to spill the secret Chekov was cooking up.  
   “Captain, does this have anything to do with Chekov?”
   “Y/N, you shock me.  I wouldn’t get mixed up in the affairs of my crewmates!”  He gestured widely with his arms, before glancing back at me with a grin.  “Actually, I need you to sort these photographs that we took on the planet for me.  I want the ones of the environment over here, and the ones of the crew over here.  It shouldn’t take you too long, maybe five minutes.  Thank you so much!”
   *********************************************************************
   Forty-five minutes later, I had finally made it to my door.  As soon as I had finished sorting and left the bridge, Uhura asked me to help her move some furniture around in her dorm.  That took ten minutes on its own, and then some intern spilled coffee all over themselves and needed me to take them to Bones for burns.  Funny thing, the coffee wasn’t even hot.  And then, I had reached my door when two engineers began having an argument in the hallway. So of course I had to make sure that they were okay and had resolved their conflict before I walked away.
   Tired and exhausted, I entered my apartment and hit the light switch.  Nothing happened.  I was about ready to cry, because why me, on today of all days, when I suddenly noticed the jungle sounds and green streamers hanging from the ceiling.  “Hello?”  I called, not sure whether I should laugh or be afraid.  “Chekov, did you do this?”  I felt my way around the room until I found my bed.  Now I just had to find my flashlight and
   “Boo!”  Someone jumped me from behind and rolled onto the bed with me.  I screamed and twisted myself around to grapple them, pinning them down and pushing their face into the dim light of my clock.  
   “Crappit, Pavel!  Why’d you have to scare me like that?”  
   Pavel grinned at me.  “How do you like your away mission?”
   I looked around me as Pavel scooted out from under me to grab the remote for the TV in front of my bed.  The green streamers were all over the ceiling, and green paper was taped to all of my walls.  The jungle sounds were playing on Chek’s phone, and I laughed as I took it all in.  “You did all this because I was disappointed?  How did you have time?”
   “It wasn’t easy.  I had to bribe some girl to spill coffee all over herself and pretend she had burns to get you off the trail.”  
   I stared at him.  “Wait.  You got all those people to distract me?”
   He blushed.  “Maybe.”
   I laid back down on the bed beside him.  “Well thanks, this is amazing.  I really, really love it.”
   “Captain, I spot life on this planet!  What should we do?”  Pavel’s voice suddenly went low and stern, as if he was impersonating Spock.
   I laughed and then shouted, “beam us down, Scotty!”   On cue, the TV screen lit up with an image of an adorable monkey.
   “Now then Captain, I believe we must observe these animals in their natural habitat.”
   “Planet Earth!  This is my favorite documentary!”  I shouted excitedly.
   Chekov slipped his arm around me and put his finger against my mouth.  “Shush,” he whispered.  “You’ll wake the monkeys.”  
   “You’re the monkey,”  I said, laughing as I snuggled into his chest.  Yep, the day had been nothing less than a gigantic success.

I Have Never

Okay so I had this idea that got stuck in my head and although it is Bones related it’s kinda about your friendship with Scotty.  Anyway, have a read and let me know what you think.  All feedback appreciated.

This is also to cheer up @bkwrm523 after a shocker of a day. xx

Characters: Scotty, Reader, Kirk

Summary: Challenging a Scott and a charmer to a drinking game might not be the best idea, you never know what secrets you might spill.

Word Count: 1055 words

Originally posted by robstenkr

‘I have never…’  Scotty paused and looked cautiously at his companions before grinning. ‘… not worn underwear when in uniform.’ Kirk raised his glass and took a swig, raising his eyebrows when he saw you do the same.  

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Your Kirk trying to make a constellation on Spock's neck by giving him hickeys made me laugh and then squeal and Jim's purity :D! And your illustration of the entire crew made me melt! So beautiful!:D You're a talented, brilliant person. Keep on being beautiful and living your life :)

Thanks but also that constellation thing is a terrible idea and should never be made.

anonymous asked:

dating aos chekov would include....

  • Day one on the ship: he’s shamelessly flirting, and you almost fall for it until you see him doing the same thing with one of the other new recruits 
  • So it progresses into the “rejecting the guy –> becoming close friends with the guy –> teasing the guy every time he gets shot down by a girl–> realizing you have feelings for the guy but all you’ll ever be is a friend *angst angst angst* –> it turns out guy has developed feelings for you too and he is going to drop his womanizer ways –> you begin to date” trope
  • When he’s off duty he tries to sneak you onto the bridge partly to show off and partly because it has the best view on the ship, but Spock catches you almost every time
  • Then the next day he reports it to Kirk who pulls Chekov to the side to pretend like he’s disciplining him, but instead gives him a pat on the back and a knowing smirk and a few suggestions as to how not to get caught
  • He has a little picture of you on his control panel, and he tries to work it into conversation whenever he can to show you off and it annoys the shit out of everyone 
  • Literally all of his free time is spent with you
  • Basically everything he says is adorable because of his accent 
  • He’s always trying to impress you with random bits of trivia 
  • The crew can’t help but laugh every time they pass the two of you in a corridor because he always looks so excited and animated while he talks
  • No but seriously he’s a little puppy/whipped af 
  • He may be small, but he will fight anyone for you
  • Sometimes while on duty he’ll space out, daydreaming about you and Kirk will have to come smack him upside the head to get him to focus
  • He was such a little manwhore before he met you, so he knows a thing or two when it come to sex 
  • He also always puts you first
  • Occasionally you’ll go into a super passionate love-making session, but for the most part, the two of you keep things playful and fun
  • He always jumps at the chance to take you for a night on the town whenever you stop at a starbase
  • It starts with him spoiling you rotten and taking you out to eat somewhere nice
  • Then it ends with a quickie somewhere 
  • It’s a nice little routine that he plans on doing with you for the rest of his life

Dating James Kirk would involve:

  • He can be a little shit sometimes. Teasing you and making little dumb jokes and then laughing when you glare at him
  • But he does try to make you laugh. When you smile, he smiles
  • Really kinda protective. Keeping you out of harm’s way and then pretending he isn’t
  • “Jim, I don’t see why I can’t go on this mission. I’m the best one for the job.” “Because I’m the Captain and I said so, that’s why.”
  • He’s really cool with PDA, as long as it doesn’t really interfere with being professional as the Captain. But he will give you a forehead kiss or a hug around members of the crew without a problem
  • Can be really stubborn and willful, so that might cause some problems
  • Jim is really calm in a fight though. He might yell, but he’s never really said anything he’s regretted or thrown anything
  • And to make up, he’ll give you flowers and make dinner and genuinely say sorry

Requested by Anon~

OK so I just finished Star Trek TAS...

so my one question for the Trekkie fandom simply comes down to this:

what in the hell did I just watch??

ok so before I started the series, I had heard that this series was kind of ridiculous, you know, the whole 

up close…

and personal experience you have…

of everyone’s face

(sorry about the captions but that’s how I watch shows)

but I had no idea it was going to be THIS weird….

so it was definitely much different than the Star Trek I was used to (I had finished TNG before starting this and was used to that style rather than the TOS, which it’s been almost 6 months since I had last watched a TOS episode) so maybe you could imagine my surprise when I saw characters like

scary big bird,

and creepy seductive cat-lion lady (seriously why was she so sexual?)

make their appearances on the show. But then, there were some classic characters like 

the mutated tribbles (or as I like to call them, giant snuggly fuzzballs) 

and of course, the adorablely sassy fetus Spock and his pet, I-Chaya

that were both adorable and made the show kind of fun to watch.

ok now that that’s covered, I like to switch gears and mention something else. Now, I am really not a big believer in the whole “Spock/Jim” relationship, just because I just never saw their relationship like that until I found out there’s a whole fandom for it on tumblr. but this series made me think that the writers of this show caught wind of that “ship” and totally decided to run with it… and it was kind of ridiculous..

First it was this scene, but I was like, “Oh he just saved his friend from falling no big deal” but then they kept going and was all like

“thanks Jim, it’s good to have a friend like you”

“strange, that’s how I feel about you too, my dear friend Spock”

[queue cringworthy pause and semi awkward side-hug as they gazed longingly into each other’s eyes]

but then I knew it couldn’t have been a coincidence because there was this scene in the second season when the ship decided to turn into a sassy lil’ bitch and put fog/ice on the ship, and Spock saves Kirk from falling

and they just keep holding onto each other for the rest of the scene.. So, as a nonbeliever of this relationship, not that I have anything against it or all you people in this Spirk(?) fandom, I constantly found myself laughing from the fact the writers didn’t seem to even try to hide that they totally shipped these two as well.

But wait, there’s more.

During the entire show, was it just me, or was the music playing in the background some type of mixture between Scooby Doo and jazzy secret agent? the whole time I couldn’t decide whether or not the cast was going to break out in some 1920′s dance as they fought off aliens with their perfectly executed charlestons or if Spock was suddenly going to say, “Jeepers Kirk! the Romulans disappeared into thin air!”

Lastly, other moments got me so confused. I turned away for two seconds and all of the sudden…

Uhura was an infant,

Kirk was a jerk

and my favorite “old country doctor”, was hitting on women like, “yeah I just save the whole crew for a living NBD lemme swoon you with my fancy schmancy words about your heart” like come on doctor, pull yourself together..

I don’t know, this series felt like a complete mess, please, someone give me clarity or is this pretty much it?

ScottyxReader- Across The Pond (Part 2)

(Whoo it’s finally up!! This isn’t the last installment, there’s still a part three (and I’m pretty sure part three will be the last), but because I have a few other fics I need to do it probably won’t be up for a while. ^^”

Part One: Link
Part Two: Hello yes you are here.)


“Capt'n Kirk! Capt'n!! Cap—OI! JIM!” Scotty called, jogging behind the captain of the Enterprise. Kirk was accompanied by his first officer and the chief surgeon, who were bickering over cultural differences as usual.

Kirk turned his head and stopped, a large grin spreading across his face as he watched the slightly out-of-shape Scotsman try to catch his breath.

“Mr. Scott! Strange to see you outside of the engine room. To what do we owe this rare pleasure?”

“Captain perhaps you should allow Chief Engineer Scott the opportunity to catch his breath before you attempt to engage him in humorous banter,” Spock said, the faintest trace of a smirk tugging on his lips, “As I have been given to understand by Doctor McCoy, the medical bay is full, and he does not wish to have any more personnel unless it is of absolute necessity.”

“Did ya hear that, Jim? The damn Vulcan took my side for once!”

“Guys!” Kirk snipped. The two men in blue shirts quieted down at his command.

“Sir,” Scotty said, having caught his breath halfway through Spock’s attempt at a joke, “I was wondering if I could…erm, could we…talk about this in private, sir?”

“Yeah, sure,” Kirk replied apprehensively, “Guys could you give us a moment?”

The two blue shirts exchanged a questioning look before turning in the opposite direction and discussing something in hushed tones.

“What’s the matter, Scotty?” Kirk said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and leading him to a quieter corner of the corridor.

“I was…well, I was wondering if I…could…request a transfer.”

Kirk’s jaw dropped and his eyebrows rose in shock.

“I-it’s not for me, Jim,” Scotty quickly explained before Kirk had any time to question, “It’s for someone else on another ship. I was wondering if there was any way you could get them transferred over to the Enterprise.”

“You had me worried there for a moment,” Kirk stated after giving himself a moment to recover from the scare, “Who are you looking to transfer?”

“Lieutenant Y/N Y/L/N. She’s an exploratory science officer currently stationed on the Dionysus.”

“…I’m not sure if you’re aware, Scotty, but the Dionysus is already short staffed. I don’t think Captain Collins would be to thrilled about having one of the few and best members of his crew transferred over.”

The engineer nodded dejectedly, “Aye. I know. But she’d be a valuable asset here, sir. She’d fit almost anywhere you put her.”

“…Let me see what I can do.”

“Now Jim, I know what you’re thinking, but I promise you that–wait, really?”

“I’m not guaranteeing anything, Scotty, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you,” Scotty laughed in disbelief as a bright smile flashed across his face, before clearing his throat and regaining his composure, “Thank you, Capt’n.”

“It’s no trouble,” Jim said dismissively, “but I have to ask…who exactly is she to you? Why do you care so much if she’s transferred here?”

“Oh, she’s, umm…” the Scotsman fumbled, trying to figure out just how to explain it, “She’s–”

“Captain!” a woman’s voice called, “You’re needed on the bridge.”

Kirk gave a frustrated sigh and murmured under his breath, “We’ll talk about this later, alright Scotty?”

“Yeah, sure Jim,” Scotty nodded. He waited until Jim was a ways away before letting a grin spread on his face. He turned his heels and made his way towards engineering.


The day was long, hard and exhausting. Engineers were in and out of the engine room all day for physicals, and when they returned many of them up and started a new task, leaving Scotty to finish up after them. As far as he knew, there was never a time that he was more relieved to end the work day, and there was no way that Scotty was going to end this day without a drink…or three. He walked up to the bar and ordered a drink before sitting on the stool with an exasperated sigh.

When the glass was in his hand he let his mind wander a while before settling down on one thought; Y/N. He wondered how she was going to take it; will she be excited? Will she be happy about leaving her crew for this one? Despite everything she was rather fond of the crew of the Dionysus, what if she resented the transfer?

And then there was the whole matter with Kirk; he really didn’t want to tell the captain how he knew Y/N. It was kind of embarrassing really, as far as how much he fancied her. After Delta Vega…everything seemed to make sense. The fact that she was the only one to calm his nerves faster than any alcohol never really made sense to him until he realized that all he wanted was her arms wrapped around him, warming him up every night on that cold, desolate planet.

He wanted to tell her, he really did, but at the same time he was also quite happy with what they had now. He had planned on waiting until she said something to him first. He didn’t want to make an ass of himself anymore than he absolutely had to, and letting her go first was a surefire way he wouldn’t get shut down. But that last conversation, things seemed to change. He realized how much he missed seeing her face, hearing her laugh and give him hell. He needed to see her on a regular basis.

Suddenly, Montgomery felt a presence moving behind him and sitting to his left.

“So I talked to Captain Collins,” James T. Kirk said with a sigh, swiveling his chair to face the lead engineer.

“…And?” Scotty asked.

“He’s willing to transfer Lieutenant Y/N/L to the Enterprise.”

Scotty couldn’t keep the grin from growing on his face, and mentally cursed himself before turning his attention to his drink. With a clear of his throat, he tried to regain a serious, unexpressive composure.

“Good. That’s, ehh….that’s good to hear.”

“There is a catch though.”

God dammit, Scotty thought, covering his scowl with his glass.

“You have to tell me why you want Y/L/N on this ship. Who is she to you?”

Scotty chuckled, shaking his head and downing what remained in the glass with one go. He cleared his throat and set his glass down with an audible thunk.

“Oh come on, Scotty,” Jim scoffed, taking his actions as a sign of not wanting to tell, “You knew when you asked me about this you wouldn’t get off easy.”

“Ya promise not to laugh?” the Scotsman said, raising his eyebrows.

Kirk nodded, holding his right hand in the air while crossing his heart with his left. For some reason, the action reminded Scotty of Y/N. Perhaps it was the simple act of trying to bring levity of the situation, but whatever the case may have been it unnerved him slightly.

“We met on our first day at the academy,” Scotty began, “We were both in such a hurry. She told me later that it was because her roommate didn’t bother to wake her up or something…I can’t really remember off the top of my head. We…literally…ran into each other. Knocked the poor lass right off her feet. Course, I was in my own little world, and didn’t care for her explanation at the time, but I just started cursin’ up a storm. For a moment, I was cursing at her, too; telling her to watch where she was going and blaming her for being late to my classes. The hangover probably made things worse…a lot of what I remember about that day was my head pounding like there was no tomorrow.

“Anyway, I start yellin’ at her, right? And throughout the whole time I had no idea she was glaring right at me–I’m telling ya, Jim, if looks could kill I wouldn’t be here to tell you this story–and she was muttering a few curses here and there before, but once I went off on her she just got really quiet. And after a while she says, ‘Sorr’–no, it was, ‘Excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude, but just whO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!’

“And she just goes off on me,” Scotty says with a grin, his hands trying their best to convey the feelings he was experiencing with grand gestures, “And starts yelling at me, and yelling at me until she finally decides she has enough and just leaves for her lesson. So I just slink to my class with my tail between my legs because, for one thing she was right, and also because the entire square was just kind of staring and wondering what the bloody hell just happened.

“So afterwards I start feeling guilty as hell, and so I’m thinking of a way to try to make it up to her–because she was by far the prettiest girl I had seen in quite some time–but I’m thinking to myself, ‘God,’ I thought, ‘I don’t even know her name, much less whether I’ll be able to see her and make it up to her!’

“Long story short, I think I had her roommate–yeah, it was her roommate–in one of my classes, and I got her to send a message and meet up for a time for me to at least apologize for making an ass out of myself. And we started talking, and getting to know each other more, and we became really close.

“She’s like my best friend, Jim,” Scotty said with an air of finality, “She kept me sane while I was stuck in that frozen hellhole with her messages, she’s always been there for me…she’s one hell of a drinking buddy. Except, I can’t shake the feeling that maybe there should be more between us? I mean, if she asked to go steady I would be all in for it, but ever since Delta Vega…I’m starting to think I might love her.”

Kirk nodded. He had been listening the entire time, smiling as he listened to the engineer talk about this seemingly wonderful Lieutenant. He hadn’t seen Scotty’s eyes light up like that for anyone but the Enterprise.

“She sounds like one hell of a woman,” Kirk beamed, “Then again, I guess she has to be to keep up with you.”

“Oh piss off,” Scotty said with a chuckle, taking a gulp of his newly filled glass as his cheeks began their attempt to match the color of his shirt.

“It’s true!” Kirk exclaimed before patting the engineer on the shoulder before adding in a quiet, reassuring tone…

“And she’ll make a fantastic addition to this crew.”