Since I’m weak, I cannot do as she said. That’s why I cannot overcome this temptation. The flash of light I felt when I was stabbed in the heart. The overwhelming torrent of death and the beat of life. I always thought I had nothing, but there is still that simple thing left in me. What’s there is death. This fear that sends a chill down my spine. I have to feel the most death I can to feel the happiness of life. For everything in my life I have ignored until now. But it probably would be impossible to die like I did that night. I probably cannot hope for such a striking end. That death pierced me like lightning, like a needle, like a sword. That’s why I will try to come as close to that as possible. I don’t have any idea right now but I still have a few days to think about it. And I’ve already decided on the method. I don’t think I even need to say this, but I think my end should be a long fall from a place overlooking the world.