APLANG open argument: a new take

So we get out of APLANG after the open argument and everyone is like, did you write about trump? I wrote about trump? Trump? And @kiptile just shrugs and “well I wrote about Hamlet.” HAMLET???
I can already picture the poor college board essay scorer after hours and hours of trump. He’s tired and worn, growing increasingly frustrated and giving lower and lower marks… And then he gets to HAMLET and he just smiles, takes off his glasses and lets a single perfect tear roll down onto his tweed jacket as he sighs the blessed name into the chilly college air…