…WHEN WE’VE ALL GROWN UP, HAD A CAREER, MAYBE GOT MARRIED AND HAD KIDS, WHEN WERE ALL GOING ABOUT OUR DAILY ROUTINE. MAYBE YOU’RE DRIVING TO WORK WITH THE CAR RADIO ON, OR YOU’RE MAKING DINNER WITH THE TV ON IN THE LOUNGE. LIFE AS USUAL, AND THEN WE HEAR A NAME. IT’S THE NAME OF THE PERSON YOU HAD A BLOG DEDICATED TO WHEN YOU WERE 16. THE PERSON YOU HAD POSTERS OF UP ON YOUR BEDROOM WALL, OR AS YOUR DESKTOP BACKGROUND. THE PERSON OFF THAT SHOW YOU USED TO WATCH EVERY WEEK, AS SOON AS IT CAME OUT, OR THAT BAND YOU USED TO LOVE. THE PERSON FROM THE CAST OF A MOVIE THAT CHANGED YOUR LIFE, OR THE CHARACTER WHO YOU SCROLLED THROUGH PAGE AFTER PAGE OF FANFICTION OF. YOU HAVEN’T HEARD THAT NAME IN A LONG TIME, AND IT BRINGS EVERYTHING BACK. AND THEN THE NAME IS FOLLOWED BY THREE WORDS YOU THOUGHT YOU’D NEVER HEAR. HAS PASSED AWAY. AND THEN YOU PUT DOWN THE POTATO PEELER AND LEAN BACK AGAINST YOUR KITCHEN BENCH, OR YOU PULL OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, AND TEARS ARE STREAMING DOWN YOUR FACE. AND ALL OVER THE WORLD, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO USED TO BE JUST LIKE YOU, WITH TEARS MARKING THEIR CHEEKS AND SOBS FORCING THEIR WAY OUT OF THEIR THROAT, BECAUSE THEY REMEMBER. BECAUSE FANDOMS NEVER REALLY DIE OUT. WE NEVER REALLY MOVE ON. WE NEVER REALLY FORGET.
so i was at my friends house a few days ago and we were watching Cake Boss. he fell asleep so i went downstairs to get some food and as i was walking into the kitchen, his cat was just chillin on the floor. i didn’t see it and it was dark so, i accidentally stepped on it. AND OMG it just let out the loudest, high pitched scream (oh my goodness i felt so bad because i love cats but that’s beside the point) and i was just like “SHH, SHH ITS OK SHH” because i didn’t want it to wake my friend up but it was too late. SOOO this is where the good part comes. sort of. well he wasn’t expecting anyone to be in the kitchen because he thought i was in the bathroom or whatever so he comes tripping down the stairs and he’s yelling “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT” and flips on the light but he doesn’t know what he’s in for.
i’m at the microwave all
AND HE LITERALLY FLIPS THE F**K OUT LIKE
it was probably the funniest thing i’ve ever seen in my life.
I think a quality everyone should have is passion. Passion for anything, really. Maybe if you like collecting things such as seashells or buttons, or if you live for dance or your home is in the recording studio, that favorite band or music of yours, if you feel all the troubles and worries go away when you pick up that pen to write or that paintbrush. Maybe you’re happiest when you strum or play an instrument, on the basketball court or the baseball field, on the top of that mountain, kicking the soccer ball around or if you’re running as hard as you can on the track. Maybe if that length of silk feels like you’re touching clouds, if those books you read transport you into a completely different world or if that spray paint can is your tool to survive. It might even be if you perfected all of your lines for that play or know all the answers to the math test, or look through the viewfinder of that camera and see a whole new view. Whatever the case may be, it doesn’t matter.
All I know is that if you’re not passionate about something, you’re not truly living. So many doors can be opened for you. You can meet so many incredible people and have so many life changing opportunities, if only you do your best in everything. If you have a job you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.
You’re here on this earth for a reason. God gave you a gift.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately,sometimes about my future. I’ve realized that there’s nothing here for me where I am right now. Nothing. I want to be somebody, you know? Go out and do something great. Help people. I want to travel, I want to see incredible things and meet incredible people and just get out of this hellhole I’m living in. That may be over exaggerating but my life is completely chaotic right now, and there are few things that keep me grounded, such as you guys, other certain people, God and music.
And another thing; on top of the chaos, I’ve also been given the power to see straight through fake people and know where true hearts lie. It hurts to know people you once put all of your trust into betray you, just like that. I used to get attached way too easily. I used to forgive when I shouldn't have. I used to not know when to let go. But that changed. I don’t let a lot of people in, now. But that’s what happens. You let them in, and they destroy you. It may sound cruel, but the thing is, I've only met less than a handful of people I could truly, honest to God trust with all of my being, and even saying that, not even that much. It’s hard to keep it all to myself, but at least it’s safe.
Little to no people give me full support, even those close to me. I have a lot of big dreams and I know most of those will never be accomplished, but I can still try hard. I feel the passion, I feel the fire, I feel the ambition to go out and just fucking live. I can’t stand being normal; it’s boring, it’s overrated, and I think the world needs a handful of crazies to balance everything out. I think some of the best advice I’ve ever been given is just to be yourself, and that’s one of the rules I try to live by.
But most of all, I’m just trying to find out who I am because I’m lost right now, and I know a lot of you are, too.
I really appreciate all of you a lot, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart if I don’t show it often enough. A lot of you have really given me a new perspective on life, and I can’t thank you enough for that. I’m so glad our mutual love of Victor, YTF, Quest, WF, i.aM.mE, ABDC, or whatever the case may be, has brought us together under one huge fandom, if it’s even that. Sorry if this is just spam to you and if so, keep scrolling, but for those who read all the way, I applaud you. <3 Thanks for sticking with me through the short ride so far; I know we have a long way to go, and it’s going to be perf. :] Thank you for inspiring me, thank you for pushing me to do my best, thank you for just being, you.