okay so like, say Whiskey and Dex totally become bros, much to the dismay of Derek “I Am Chill As Fuck But He Was My Friend First” Nurse. And Whiskey’s totally rockin’ the shaved sides, and somehow him and Bitty manage to convince Dex to ditch the monthly haircuts and get the old Samwell chop. Maybe it’s like after playoffs or whatever and Dex hasn’t cut his hair in forever and Whiskey drags him to his barber and then teaches him how to style it even though Dex totally fails and most of the time it’s just this mop of glorious red hair sticking up in all directions or flopping over his forehead and like Derek Malik Nurse cannot deal.
This is the actual worst thing that has happened to him in his entire life. Because this hair cut makes Dex’s jaw look more square and somehow his giant ass ears look even cuter and there’s more freckles and fucking Whiskey is always touching it and Nursey wants to be the one touching it - okay he totally always has his hands in Dex’s hair but like, for noogies and with the charade of trying to mess it up. Whiskey is always looking all smug and stroking it (okay that sounds bad, stop it Nurse) and if Derek wasn’t so chill he’d punch bro right in the face.
And then it gets worse.
Ransom and Holster throw an 80′s themed party (Ransom: bro you should totally dress up like Madonna. Holster: broooooooo). In an effort to piss Dex off (because what is life without trying to see how far Dex’s blush will go honestly) Derek has gone with the preppy douche bag pastel sweater tied around the shoulders look. He also has plans to ask Dex where he “summers” or something. He probably should have watched some 80′s movies to get the lingo right, but whatever. Anyways, he’s lounging around the Haus, cup of tub juice in one hand, trying to identify who’s on Nursey Patrol (it’s Chowder and Tango. Good luck with that boys), when Dex walks in.
Derek knows that Dex likes to listen to Dad Rock™
okay, but he did not sign up for this shit. This has to be Whiskey’s fault somehow, that Dex is walking in here in a tight white t-shirt tucked into his jeans with the sleeves rolled up and a red bandanna tied around his head - clashing horribly with his hair - and Derek did NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS BRUCE FUCKING SPRINGSTEEN SHIT OKAY. So he runs away. Or well, swaggers away because he cannot deal with this. But like an hour and too much tub juice later Dex is like heading right towards him and he needs to escape so he can breathe and get his chill back but Dex is smirking and Derek is like frozen and all of a sudden Dex has got him boxed in against the wall. Nursey is not going to freak out, he’s cool as a cucumber, Dex’s warm breath on his ear is obviously not affecting him whatsoever. And then Dex starts singing Dancing in The Dark in his ear and Derek looses all his chill.
RIP Derek Malik Nurse
But you know, Dex is like really close and his lips are touching Derek’s ear and obviously this means that the best plan of action is just to kiss him. There’s like a solid second where Derek is convinced Dex is just going to punch him in the face but then he starts kissing back and Derek dies and looses any lingering remnants of his chill.
But he’s finally got his fingers in Dex’s hair, so what does he even need to be chill for anyways?