king baz

king of pigeons

Summary: coffee shop au (ish. at first). fluffiest of the fluff.

Words: 1290

note: in this au baz is more openly gay and confident in that sense. also more happy. probably because he’s not a vampire. simon is more bashful. probably because baz is supermegafoxyawesomehot.

please let me know what you think! I love feedback (good or bad) and it makes my day to know that people are actually reading my writing eheh c:

Thud. Splash.

Simon froze. He slowly looked up to meet the eyes of the person he had just spilled coffee all down the front of. Deep grey eyes. Dark hair. An expensive-looking dark blue sweater, now covered in coffee. He stared incredulously down at his dripping sweater then up at Simon.

“I- I’m so sorry!” Simon stuttered, he felt his cheeks turn pink. “I’ll just go get-” He gestured vaguely towards the napkins at the front of the coffee shop, turned, and promptly tripped over a chair. A hand shot out from nowhere and caught his arm as he fell, pulling him upright. 

“Apology accepted. Are you always this clumsy?” Simon glanced at his arm caught in sweater-boy’s grasp and quickly snatched it back. The boy’s lips were quirked in an amused smirk but his eyes were friendly. 

“Yes. No.” Simon cringed. “I don’t know.” He couldn’t seem to find the right words. It was all that boy’s fault. He was looking at Simon with those grey eyes and Simon couldn’t think straight. “Sorry.” Simon muttered. The boy laughed and shook his head.

“Baz.” He held out a hand. “Nice to meet you.” Simon reluctantly extended his own. “I’m Simon. Simon Snow.”

“Snow? What kind of name is that?” The smirk returned, more pronounced this time.

Simon squared his shoulders and frowned. “Mine, that’s what kind of name it is.”

“You’re really going to talk to me like that after what you did to my sweater?” He pointed at the brown stain slowly sinking into the knitted fabric.

“Oh. Right, sorry.”

“Apology not accepted.”

“Good. Wait, what?”

“I said, apology not accepted.” Baz moved past Simon to grab napkins from the counter. Simon dumbfoundedly watched him go. Apology not accepted? What the hell was that supposed to mean? Baz returned a few moments later with a fist full of napkins and a mischievous smile on his face. 

“Apology not accepted,” he paused, “Unless, you let me buy you a coffee to make up for the one you wasted on my sweater.”

Simon frowned, “Fine.”

“As a date.”

Simon blushed, “Fine…” 

Baz dabbed nonchalantly at his sweater. “Like I’m a guy and you’re a guy, and we’re going to go on a date. Romantically.”

Simon blushed harder, “Okay.”


The golden-haired boy, Simon, was hot. There was no denying it. One glance at him and Baz couldn’t tear his eyes away. He looked delicious, like something you could eat. A human pastry. A scone, perhaps. Or, like, a really attractive waffle. (Tawny skin and golden hair. Waffle. Baz wasn’t crazy). 

Baz didn’t usually ask guys on a date out of the blue like that. He’d been splashed with hot coffee and looked up at the offender, expecting to see some grumpy businessman, only to find an irresistibly rumpled and comically bewildered boy staring up at him with wide blue eyes. He couldn’t be mad at that. And he stuttered. Absolutely adorable. Hardly knowing what he was doing, it felt as if some outside force compelled him to ask the boy out. 

And now he was hand in hand with Simon in a park. It was unreal. 

That first date was spent saying less than they wanted, and what little was said didn’t come out right. The next date was better.

“What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?”

Simon scrunched his eyebrows, “I don’t know. I don’t really think about whether or not something is stupid, I just do it.” They were hand in hand in that same park lying on a grassy hill under the darkening autumn sky. There was a slight chill in the air and Baz scooted closer to Simon.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Hey!” His chin jutted forward. “I am not! What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?”

“Ask you out.” Baz teased. Simon made a little frustrated grumbling sound in his throat. “But actually,” Baz continued, “One time I locked my sister in her closet on accident. Then I forgot about it and my mom and I spent the whole day looking for her.”

“That is stupid.”

“I know.”

“What’s you’re mom like?”

“Nice. And stern. And…” he paused, searching for the right way to say it. “Dead.” He cringed at the way the word fell flat in the air. It just stuck there, unmoving and uncomfortable. There wasn’t really a right way to say it. He felt Simon tense up. “Oh.”


“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.” Simon was silent. Baz chuckled, “Great second date topic. I obviously know how to get all the guys.” Simon laughed, “You should try spilling coffee on them. Works every time.”

“I’ll try to remember that. Thanks for the advice, Snow.”

“Was that sarcasm?”

“What do you think.”

“I think it was.”

“Look at you, Snow, the bloody genius.” He sat up and made a grand sweeping motion at some pigeons nearby, “Did you hear that, birds? Why aren’t you bowing down to the all-powerful mastermind overlord Snow? You are not worthy subjects.” The pigeons cooed and pecked at the grass. Baz snorted and turned to Simon, “Peasants, am I right?”

Simon shook with silent laughter. “Am I king of the pigeons?” He choked out, struggling to sit up. Baz grinned, “Yes, but some day you hope to expand your kingdom to include the rodents.”

“What about humans? May I some day lord over them as well?”

“No. They are too beneath you. They are not worth your time.”

“Of course.” Simon grinned back at him. “I knew that. I was just testing you.” Baz stood up and swept him a low graceful bow, extending a hand. “I did not doubt you for a moment, oh mighty Snow.” 

Simon took his hand and Baz pulled him up with unexpected force. Enough that Simon stumbled forward into Baz. And suddenly there they were.

Faces centimeters apart.

Bodies pressed together.

Hot breath quivering with life in the cool air.

Dusty grey eyes staring into sky blue ones. 

And Simon felt he was falling, falling…and Baz caught him with his lips. And they were kissing. More than kissing. It was a dance, pressing forward and falling back, feeling and tasting and touching and smelling. Baz smelled of cedar and bergamot and Simon inhaled deeply, a small sigh escaping him as Baz tugged gently at his hair. His hands left trails of tingling skin wherever they touched on his neck and face.

Simon was soft and warm. His lips were hot and his hands gripped firmly on Baz’s neck. And he tasted like a pastry. Baz had to break away to laugh. Simon looked worried.

“What? What is it? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you’re perfect. You’re absolutely wonderful, it’s just-” He laughed again. “You taste like a pastry.”

“I do?” He looked utterly bewildered, curls haphazardly falling in his face. Irresistible.

“Yes, you do. Now shut up and kiss me.” Baz leaned in but Simon pulled away.

“Why is that funny?” 

Baz groaned at the effort of having to explain himself. “When I first saw you I thought you looked delicious. Like a pastry, that’s the metaphor I used. Don’t ask me why, because I don’t know why. All I know is that you’re absolutely beautiful so can I please kiss you now?” 

Simon didn’t reply. Instead he twisted his fingers in Baz’s hair and pulled his lips to his own. And Baz was falling, falling. And he never wanted to come back.

All for the Game and Carry On crossover?

Andrew and Baz casually smoking together, not saying anything, just glaring and smoking.
Penny hanging out with Allison and Renee, they talk and have coffee, complaining about “their boys”.
Simon and Neil talking about their sexuality, both of them shrugging at the question.
Nicky and Trixie going to pride together.
Nicky and Baz having a gay off.
Matt, Dan, and Penny being the official parents of the group.
Agatha and Neil sympathizing about running away(or just running in general).
Aaron and Agatha just sitting all angry at every gathering.

If you get out, it’s not the end of the world.
“But jeez, you can have some fun, if you put your heart and soul into it.”