Where are all the snarky!draco ficks at?.. I need some sarcasm and bickering ... but lately I find only ficks with too much fluff ... and sappy draco or worse draco who's not draco at all... wth :( help
Snarky!Draco fics are the best!!! What is Draco without his biting wit, right? We are very
fortunate in Drarry fandom to have many writers who have great takes on Draco
and all his brilliant sarcasm. These are just some of my favorites.
by @tessacrowley (103K) - Chaos: when the
present determines the future, but the approximate present does not
approximately determine the future. One gene varies, one neuron fires, one
butterfly flaps its wings, and Draco Malfoy’s life is completely different.
Draco has always found a certain comfort in chaos. Perhaps he shouldn’t.
This is an absolutely brilliant story – one of the first Drarry fics I read, and it remains a favorite. It is an AU canon retelling in which Draco is sorted into Ravenclaw and proceeds to run circles around his fellow students and professors. Draco’s interactions with Snape are particularly amusing as the two unleash their sarcasm at each other. It’s also a gorgeous slow-burn love story. Heed the warnings, as the plot goes very dark.
Azoth by @lol-zeitgeistic (88K) – Now that Harry is
back at Hogwarts with Hermione for eighth year, he realises that something’s
missing from his life, and it either has to do with Ron, his boggart, Snape, or
Malfoy. Furthermore, what, exactly, does it mean when one’s life is defined by
the desire to simultaneously impress and annoy a portrait? Harry has no idea;
he’s too busy trying not to be in love with Malfoy to care.
This is an 8th
Year fic and another one of my favorites. The plotting and writing are superb. Post-war
Harry returns to Hogwarts to take his NEWTs, but Ron opts to join the aurors,
leaving Harry somewhat at loose ends in regard to having a best male friend.
Enter Draco, who becomes Harry’s tutor for potions. Harry, Draco, Hermione, and
assorted other familiar characters end up participating in the Hogwarts
Apprenticeship Program, with Harry apprenticing under portrait!Snape. I can’t
even begin to describe the wonder that is zeitgeistic’s Snape: It has to be
experienced. Harry ends up falling for Draco, who retreats to his customary
sarcasm to remain emotionally distant.
All the Sense in the World by @l0vegl0wsinthedark
(10K) - He had absolutely no idea what
was about to happen. Maybe Malfoy would kick him in the face. Maybe he’d scream
loud enough that the whole school would rush in and see him lying there between
Malfoy’s legs with his cock rock hard. Maybe he’d hex Harry’s rock hard cock
off. Hell, maybe Harry’d wake in his own bed in a few minutes with a rock hard
cock and would never again be able to look at Malfoy without sprouting an
maybe he and Malfoy would have sex.
By the author’s own admission, this fic is barely more than PWP (very compelling porn, I might add.). The boys find themselves in the Hogwarts infirmary, and their beds just happen to be next to each other. Draco is grumpy from a potions accident, so initially he is not receptive to Harry’s overtures. As you can imagine, this state of affairs doesn’t last long.
Hey, Potter by SunseticMonster (16k) - Harry returns to Hogwarts for his 8th year, determined not to let Malfoy get to him. But when the snarky teasing starts up again, Harry finds that returning the jibes with compliments has a far more interesting outcome.
A charming take on the enemies-to-lovers trope. Draco’s snark in this fic hews close to the tone that Rowling established in the original books. Think sophomoric insults that can only warrant a good eye-roll. Naturally, insults give way to Something More. This is also a story about healing in the post-war era, with a bittersweet subplot about letting go.
And for some
After Hours at the Ministry of Magic by birdsofshore (11K) - It isn’t precisely how Harry planned to spend Christmas Eve: trapped in a lift with his ex-boyfriend, somewhere between the third and the fourth floors of the Ministry of Magic.
tells you pretty much all you need to know about this story, which is a
variation on the forced proximity trope. As you can imagine, Draco and Harry are not as
over each other as they might seem. The air in the elevator grows increasingly
hot and stuffy, so of course they have to remove clothing to moderate their body temperatures. And
then they ruin it all with some smokin’ hot sex.
I’ll Be Good For You by Burning_Up_A_Sun
(7K) - Harry swears his naked calendar
will outsell Draco’s naked calendar. They snark over their bad break up, and
then, well, it is the Draco tops Harry fest…
Harry and Draco end up the subjects of two calendars produced to benefit needy crups and kneazles. The situation is tense, as they had broken up a month prior. A little competition has always fired up the two, though, and it’s all for charity, right? Features the use of TWIZARD to track the sales figures in real time, #NakedPotter vs. #NakedMalfoy.
Sweatin’ to the Voldies by
commas_and_ampersands (dark_branwen) (24.2K) -
The-Boy-Who-Lived has become The-Boy-Who-Ate, and his girlfriend just
can’t take it anymore. After Ginny leaves Harry for presumably slimmer
pastures, Harry realizes that if he has any chance of getting her back,
he’s going to have to get fit quick. It’s really just his bad luck that a
certain pale, pointy bastard owns the only wizarding gym in the
Ok, titles are hard. I totally get that. However, I’m shallow, and I wasn’t in a hurry to read this story until I read another review that claimed the title wasn’t representative of the work overall. This is both true and not true. The humor in the title is actually a taste of one of the most fun stories I’ve read in a long time. Draco is just so mean to Harry in this fic. I’ve never been so delighted to be proven wrong about judging a book by its (kinda) cover. Bonus: Great supporting characters in Luna and Goyle (in spandex!).
What You Do With
Your Life, A.H.K.B.C.B. (After the Hero Kills the Batshit Crazy Bastard) by oldenuf2nb
(40K) - Draco Malfoy had waited years in
hope of seeing Harry Potter utterly humiliated….
Oblivious!Draco and pining!Harry. Also one of the most erotic descriptions of body shots I’ve ever read. In short, amazing UST ending in, well, resolved ST. Very resolved.
And a bonus:
This comic is pure genius. Draco is hired to train Harry in how to work with his new peacock crime-fighting partner. It goes about as well as could be expected. Do enjoy…Draco.