kind of shit but hey what are you gonna do

Things Said At Family Dinners:
  • “I was gonna leave, but I guess [NAME] needs affection.”
  • “I’m trying to cut back on my vodka intake.”
  • “Does this look like octopus hentai to you?” 
  • “You haven’t seen me in like two weeks, so just come over here and let me look at your veins!!”
  • “Why are you so bad at surfing?”
  • “I kill everything I touch.”
  • “Obviously I like breasts the best.”
  • “Don’t grow up, it’s a trap!”
  • “Are you alive?”  
  • “They’re really concerned about if this is yogurt or not.”
  • “Cardboard works for everything.”
  • “They don’t know I don’t know how to do this.”
  • “Would you eat it even if it didn’t have chocolate?”  
  • “What is this, an IQ contest?”
  • “If he/she can make 50 bucks drawing shitty My Little Pony fan art, why can’t I?” 
  • “Give it some attention after you locked it in the closet all these years.”
  • “Is that called ‘stealing’?”
    “If you mention that one more fucking time I’ll knock you unconscious.” 
  • “I would hope you have enough morals not to steal from a five year old.”  
  • “You better run, you sushi bitch!”
  • “See how  the junior high kids are? They’re so sensitive.”
  • “Let them sacrifice a different virgin, okay?”
  • “Do I need to buy you three cartons of socks?”
  • “What a boring adult gift.”
  • “Damn, [NAME], why did you break his fireplace?”  
  • “I wanna climb rocks..”
  • “Suck your gut in, big boy.”
  • “Overruled.”
  • “By some miracle, I passed my math class.” 
  • “Just focus on school, being happy, and being gay.” 
  • “I kinda feel bad for [NAME] with the way he’s/she’s fucking up his/her own life.” 
  • “I challenge you to a game.. Unless you’ve had enough.” 
  • “Hello, 911? Yes, this is an emergency. [NAME]’s being a little bitch.”  
  • “See, it’s perfectly safe. They have relationships with the gang members.”
  • “Umm excuse me can I please hold your hand?”
  • [NAME] said I look like the little boy from the Shining.” 
  • “My IQ is if you multiply all three of their IQs together.” 
  • "If I get cut, I’m gonna be dead before the week is done.”
  • “Kids are naturally afraid of you.”
  • “Damn, that’s some shit.”
  • “I am not going to tolerate this kind of abuse.” 
  • “Your veins are so great, I just wanna stab them with a needle!”
  • “What kind of rash do you think this is?”
  • “Hey, you know a lot about feet, right?
  • "No, just feel it!”
  • “Can we stop talking about this please?”
  • “When did Brittany Spears get here?”
  • “This provides you with hours of entertainment, doesn’t it?” 
  • “You couldn’t be any gayer even if you tried.” 
  • “How is it I turned out so normal when I have a mother/father like that?”
  • “Today a kindergartener corrected me when I was solving a math problem.”
zodiac signs as shit dave strider says

Aries: my gaping furnace is hungry for coal so get goddamn shoveling 

Taurus: you just rigged the thing with an oedipal harness and rode its torso like a log flume ride down a magical rainbow 

Gemini: sir im afraid the comet is the size of your moms dick

Cancer: so lets all just sit back a while and shoot the shit and i do mean empty our clips into the shit, like really pump that turd full of lead

Leo: dudes be worshipping me left and right i cant hardly walk down the street without stepping over torsos of the prostrate 

Virgo: btw my name is Akwete Purrmusk hardest buttock in the jungle

Libra: this book is now like our fight fueled ouija board of cock

Scorpio: hey were gonna hunt frogs til you shoot me through the jack
then i die and youve got to make out with me

Sagittarius: im sure you know what kind of crooked ass baloneyfuck powers she got cant let her turn those against us

Capricorn: no fuck you im not caressing your dream hologram 

Aquarius: what is with girls and their universally constant tendency to rip out plumbing fixtures

Pisces: you dont seem to harbor any sympathy for the fact that ive burrowed fuck deep into lively fluffy muppet buttock

※ MORE JENNA MARBLES SENTENCE STARTERS ※

sentences from 10 more of jenna’s videos – feel free to change names/pronouns/zodiac signs/etc.! PART ONE HERE

AN ADVENTURE IN PARAFFIN WAX

  • “You’re calling this a bad idea? I haven’t even started yet…!”
  • “You can’t hide behind bad ideas.”
  • “I’ll take one fuck me up fam and a knife, please.”
  • “All of my fucking dreams are coming true.”
  • “I did not anticipate it taking three fucking hours, but here we go.”
  • “Why don’t you snap me some nudes while we wait?”
  • “I look like the hamburger helper guy.”
  • “Imagine the power of this in the wrong hands. Those are my hands.”
  • “I like my nails like I like my life: a mess.”
  • “Are you judging me?”
  • “Considerable bukkake is the new genre of porn.”
  • “No good idea has ever come from my brain.”
  • “They will not let you do this at the salon because they clearly don’t like fun.”
  • “We don’t care about your safety, anyone else’s safety, or the fire code.”
  • “What, you don’t like fun?”
  • “I’ve invented a thing…! I’ve invented a thing that’s never existed before…! As far as I know…!”
  • “Are you impressed or what?”
  • “This has been bothering me for, like, fifteen years.”
  • “I invented fucking candle hands, okay?”

MAKING TINY THINGS FOR OUR HAMSTER 2

  • “Can I trust you with the scissors?”
  • “I swear to god, we’re gonna go to the hospital by the end of this video.”
  • “Go wash yourself, you’re nasty, and you need Jesus.”
  • “Babe, do you know what my astrological sign is?”
  • “It means that you’re fucking insane.”
  • “What are you writing on your hand?”
  • “Don’t write secrets about Joel Osteen on your hand.”
  • “This is fucking frustrating already.”
  • “Julien’s doing aries things again…”
  • “Now we have some time to talk about how you need to stop it.”
  • “If it comes out shitty, don’t make fun of me, okay?”
  • “This is fucking impossible.”
  • “It’s not exactly perfect, but we tried our best.”
  • “This took so much effort, oh my god.”
  • “When you’re dating me, do you ever just feel like, what the fuck?”
  • “I mean, this shit’s ridiculous.”
  • “I failed, I’m sorry, I’m trying my best.”
  • “Bitch, where the fuck am I?”
  • “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re a little ungrateful.”
  • “Not quite a success, but not quite a failure, so, sounds a lot like my life.”

GIVING MYSELF A PERM

  • “First of all, I have a wedding to go to this weekend, how can I fuck that up?”
  • “What can I do that I’ve always wanted to do?”
  • “I want a perm, but not like a full-blown one.”
  • “Excuse you, I have a living, breathing online resumé that I think more than qualifies me as a beauty professional.”
  • “Get fucked.”
  • “Yeah, this smells like ass.”
  • “I have a question for you, Julien. Why do you put up with me?”
  • “I haven’t gone to a professional hair dresser since, what, last December…?”
  • “I’d like one fuck me up fam.”
  • “Apparently, this stuff burns your skin and shit.”
  • “I feel like, if this works, you’re gonna be fuckin’ jealous.”
  • “I’m in the middle of something…!”
  • “I feel so disrespected.”
  • “This is mediocre at best, but we done did it.”
  • “Hey, that’s kind of dramatic.”
  • “Did you just spit on the floor…!?”
  • “Have you ever tried swatting flies with a knife?”
  • “It’s not time to dick around yet.”
  • “It’s always time to dick around, okay?”
  • “I just look like a dirtier version of myself.”
  • “Is it bad that I kinda like it?”
  • “This level of damage takes such hard work and dedication.”
  • “I’m having so much fucking fun right now, are you kidding me?”
  • “Touch this and tell me what it feels like?”
  • “For $8, this is an awful lot of fun.”

I SUCK AT PRANKS 3

  • “We’re just gonna have to freak out and do it.”
  • “Who, after a long day of hard work, doesn’t love to come home to a surprise prom?”
  • “He’s gonna be pissed, and it’s gonna make a mess.”
  • “Wait, who the fuck are you?”
  • “I hope that he’s too busy and doesn’t notice that I’m gone at all.”
  • “Is this even fucking worth it?”
  • “I will do anything to romance prank my boyfriend.”
  • “I’m a little disappointed, but it’s gonna be alright.”
  • “What the fuck is that?”
  • “No, you’re ruining prom…!”
  • “This bubble machine has more than paid for itself in fun.”
  • “Oh my god, I don’t know what to do, I’m not almost done.”
  • “Julien’s gonna be pissed, but that’s okay.”
  • “This is gonna be a disaster to clean up.”
  • “I didn’t expect him home this soon — he said 5 PM, and it is not 5 PM. I’m freaking out.”
  • “I’m not good at pranks or surprises.”
  • “Will you go to prom with me?”
  • “What is going on?”
  • “Am I being pranked?”
  • “What are you wearing?”
  • “We’re going to prom…!”
  • “I have to go, immediately.”
  • “I got a fog machine that doesn’t work.”
  • “Be very careful, it’s slippery.”
  • “Help yourself to some punch — it’s watermelon water and vodka.”
  • “You scared the shit out of me when I walked in.”
  • “This was amazing…!”
  • “Alright, clean this shit up.”

GOOGLE DEEP DIVE WITH ME 2

  • “I don’t know if I can take any more.”
  • “I’m literally losing my mind today.”
  • “That dog looks like it’s wearing dentures.”
  • “First of all, fuck her.”
  • “Don’t look at me, look at the road.”
  • “She’s gonna kill someone.”
  • “Nobody had a good time in Driver’s Ed.”
  • “How is that not against the law?”
  • “We’re having a really hard day.”
  • “There’s nothing to dislike about this…!”
  • “I’m invested in the story now.”
  • “This is my favorite channel on the Internet.”
  • “Get back here right now.”
  • “He just shot her…!”
  • “Dude, this guy’s a fuckin pro…!”
  • “He’s a legend. He’s an absolute legend.”

MY DOGS EATING PEANUT BUTTER FOR 3 MINUTES STRAIGHT

  • “Nothing serious is happening, you don’t need to be worried.”
  • “I’m just feeling not quite like myself today.”
  • “I thought to myself, what would make me happy today?”
  • “I love watching dogs — or any animal, really — eating peanut butter.”
  • “This is what I’m gonna make this week.”

SHAVING MY BOYFRIEND’S FACE

  • “You’re gonna have to teach me all of this.”
  • “Are you still gonna love me if I accidentally cut you?”
  • “Get you a man that loves you even if you cut him.”
  • “It’s a neck beard, and I don’t want one.”
  • “This part takes me approximately 30 seconds to do by myself.”
  • “Can I shave the rest of your body?”
  • “Can I use this on my legs?”
  • “That’s perfect, you’re doing really well.”
  • “Why are you laughing?”
  • “You bailed out?”
  • “This is a lot of trust I’m giving you right now.”
  • “I like when you praise me.”
  • “I think you look super hot… and a little crazy.”
  • “I feel so objectified.”
  • “Baby… you hardly shaved me.”
  • “I wanted to err on the side of caution.”
  • “I’m saving myself for marriage.”
  • “Can I shave your eyebrows?”
  • “Can I shave your head? Like, with a razor?”
  • “I’m ignoring you.”
  • “Are you complimenting yourself?”
  • “We can’t all be aries, okay? The world would be a fucking tornado and nothing would get done.”
  • “That is the definition of being nasty.”
  • “Alright, um, clean all this shit up.”

RECREATING FACE PAINTINGS

  • “Did I just call myself a lady?”
  • “This is what a grown woman does in her free time.”
  • “Just know that I’m putting my life at risk for you.”
  • “I hate the Internet.”
  • “This really isn’t off to a great start.”
  • “Orange isn’t gonna work, it’s too pale, because I am the color of that.”
  • “This shit is cute as fuck.”
  • “What about this says blowjob to you?”
  • “Oh, that’s terrifying…!”
  • “Do you like it or not…!?”
  • “There’s a cockroach in there, I’m gonna die.”
  • “Oh my actual god, that looks horrifying.”
  • “Are you the art police?”
  • “I have to go because there’s a cockroach lost in my house somewhere, and we’ve gotta burn it down.”
  • “It’s time to burn the house down, Julien.”
  • “I hope that you’re pleased with yourselves.”

PRANK CALLING PEOPLE BUT WE CAN’T HEAR THEM

  • “I’m not cut out for pranks. I just feel guilty the whole time.”
  • “I don’t feel bad pranking them - they deserve it.”
  • “Where are you? I’m looking for you, I can’t find you.”
  • “I told you to block your number…!”
  • “I’m super high.”
  • “You guys wanna get three-way married?”
  • “Did he just think I was high out of my mind?”
  • “I got high. I got too high.”
  • “Wait, is she actually having a breakdown or something?”
  • “I don’t know what to say!”
  • “It’s fun calling your friends like this.”
  • “I couldn’t say the word butthole to save my life.”
  • “This is just the lowest kind of humor, and sometimes, it’s what’s necessary in the world.”
  • “Alright, that’s it, that’s what we contributed to the world today.”

TEACHING MY BOYFRIEND HOW TO PITCH A SOFTBALL

  • “I was a pitcher in college, but, like, not a good one.”
  • “Look at me right now and tell me you’re not intimidated.”
  • “Get that off your fuckin head, you damn idiot.”
  • “This is fun, we’re having fun.”
  • “Oh my god, are you trying to kill me?”
  • “That’s good; you’re doing better than I thought you’d do.”
  • “How actually dare you?”
  • “Get your sweaty hat off of me.”
  • “This feels a lot like revenge, and I’m feeling pretty happy about it.”
  • “Don’t break it; it’s vintage and authentic.”
  • “You look like my mom and my dad.”
  • “You found a sport you’re not good at.”
  • “True life I killed my girlfriend.”
  • “This is not the sport for me.”
  • “I’m not gonna give in to your weird, sick fantasies today.”
  • “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
  • “Everything hurts, but it’s good.”
  • “You look like you’re in genuine pain.”
  • “Who hurt you?”
  • “Respect me.”
  • “Now hit the showers.”
  • “Are you coming, or…?”
  • “One of us finished their college career.”
  • “I got hurt.”
  • “If you don’t fuckin let me down, I swear to god.”
  • “Pay me for my services…!”
  • “I’m gonna call the police…!”

thirty days of skam fic: day twenty one
aka, the boy squad go camping

beginning. accusation. restless. leaves. rainbow. flame. formal. under. move. silver. prepared. knowledge. denial. cans. order. thanks. look. summer. transformation. tremble. tent. mad. thousand. paper. winter. luxury. letters. promise. simple. future.

[ READ ON AO3 ]

There is an audible smirk in Even’s voice as he says, “Are you pitching a tent or are you just pleased to see me?”

Isak rolls his eyes as he finishes rolling the tent poles out of the back of Even’s dad’s car, which they’ve borrowed for the weekend after much bribery and several promises that Even would be the one driving, not Isak.

“I promise you, the only tent around here is not in my jeans.  It’s this pile of canvas sheets.”  Isak flicks one of the smaller tent poles towards Even, trying to thwack him on the leg, but it only ends up with the rest of the poles falling all over the place. As Isak tries to catch one that is swinging on its little elastic string and fold it back up again, he adds, “you could help, you know. This was your idea!”

It’s not that Isak hates camping. But it certainly wouldn’t have been his first choice of group activities over the summer – so when he and Even had sat down a few days after Sana’s Eid party to make a list of all the cute stuff they could do together over the summer, it was Even who had enthusiastically suggested rounding up all the guys and a few tents and venturing out to a campsite for a weekend.  They’re already going to Morocco next month, but apparently Even wanted to go on more holidays than just that.  Of course, that maybe has to do with when Isak had said I just want to do things with you and Even had practically melted, so Isak can’t get too upset.  Getting to snuggle with Even in a sleeping bag will make up for all the bugs and uncomfortable sleep and lack of appliances, anyway.

Magnus, Mahdi and Jonas had all spilled out of the car the moment they arrived, tired of being all crushed up together in the back seat of Even’s dad’s car, so they’re already laying out the ground sheet of their three-person tent by the time Isak gathers up all the stuff for his and Even’s – with minimal help from his boyfriend, who is finding all this too fun to be any use.  He goes to start laying their tent out next to the guys, but before he can even set it down, Jonas is waving him away.

“No way, bro!  You guys have to go at the other end of the clearing or something.  Or like, a mile into the woods.”

“Yeah, do you realise tents don’t have walls?” Mahdi adds.  “We don’t wanna hear you banging all night, bro.”

They have a fair point, which Isak actually hadn’t considered, but he still splutters indignantly, throwing up his hands as Even just starts laughing behind him.

“We’re not gonna bang!” he objects.  Okay, technically he hadn’t really thought about it, and they do usually get each other off every single night, but tent sex would probably be a bit uncomfortable and the idea that the guys could listen to every single movement is way too creepy.  “It’s not like we can’t go two nights, for fuck’s sake.”

Unfortunately he has a ridiculous boyfriend, because Even comes over and finally decides to pick up some of the tent – which had been so badly packed away by whichever one of his siblings used it last that it’s basically in five separate bags – only to start dragging it to the other side of the firepit.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, baby,” he says, trying to wink.  Isak rolls his eyes again, and wonders if this might have been a bad idea.

Keep reading

sebbybarnes  asked:

Can I ask for 33 from first list and 2 from second with Wade Wilson, pretty please? Thank you and have a great day :)

33. after the first date
2. “I had a lot of fun, surprisingly.”


Originally posted by my-daily-space

“I swear to God, Wade, if you don’t keep up, I’m leaving your ass behind!”

You laughed breathlessly into the cold city air, the wind whipping into your face as you ran down the sidewalk. At nearly three in the morning, the streets were all but deserted. 

Shit–ow! Slow down, I’m missing half of my goddamn leg!” Wade’s voice came from farther behind than you expected, so you slowed down a bit, giving him a chance to catch up. 

“And who’s fault is that?” You asked, cocking an eyebrow at him when he reached your side. You took pity on him, reducing your speed again from a jog down to a brisk walk. 

This,” he retorted, gesturing to his torn up left thigh, “is definitely your fault.” 

“Oh, really?” You rolled your eyes at him, pushing at his arm. “Tell me again whose idea it was to take me on a date and kill some baddies on the same night?”

“Totally yours. Worst first date ever, Y/N. How dare you. I’m a classy lady.” The two of you were silent for a beat as he tried to hold an indignant vibe, and then you broke into giggles, looping your arm through his and leaning into him. 

“Wade, you’re in a bright red suit carrying so many weapons that it’s literally not possible for you to be comfortable, and the gunshot in your leg is so bad that I can see daylight through it. Classy lady, my ass.” 

“You’re right, the gun holstered up my ass is probably a little excessive.” You snorted, glancing over at him. He pulled you to a stop underneath a streetlight, stepping in front of you so that you were facing each other. “So, I’m trying to determine whether or not you think this went well.” 

“I had a lot of fun, surprisingly.”

A lot of fun as in ‘this date was shitty as fuck and I’m just saying whatever will make the psycho happy so that I can get out of here and skip town,’ or a lot of fun as in ‘this wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen to me so maybe I won’t have to change my identity?’” For the first time since you’d met him, you could hear a real question behind the sarcasm. You smiled at him, flicking his masked nose playfully. 

“I mean, a lot of fun as in ‘your psycho ass should ask me out on a second date,’ you dork. And quickly, because it’s fucking cold out here.”

“Oh, shit. Hey, how about a second date right now? At my place? Clothes optional.” You could see his grin through his mask, and you slapped at his chest, turning on your heel and walking away from him. 

“What kind of girl do you take me for, Mr. Wilson?” You called back over your shoulder. 

“The kind that’s gonna come home with me tonight, I hope,” he yelled back. You didn’t hear footsteps, so you turned around, continuing to walk backwards as you beckoned him towards you. 

“Well, what the hell are you waiting for? Take me home.”


Em’s Birthday Drabbles!

Slytherin!Minghao x Gryffindor!Reader
  • You, my lovely accomplished reader, are the Captain & Keeper for the Gryffindor quidditch team.
  • Words cannot describe how ecstatic you are to be a part of the team and represent your house, it’s an honor.
  • So when you’re walking down the hall and hear some guy mutter under their breath “come on, what’s so good about the Gryffindor team? When was the last time they won?”, you freeze in place momentarily.
  • You come back to your senses, turn around and stomp up to this kid, yelling loud enough for everyone to hear: “Even though Gryffindor hasn’t won in recent years, you can bet your magic that I’ll make sure we win this year!”, all while staring down the person who made the snide comment.
  • It wasn’t until you walked away and your rage fizzled down that you took a moment to appreciate that that guy was really cute.
  • But that didn’t matter, if that person has the audacity to make rude remarks about your quidditch team, it doesn’t matter how cute he is He can kindly fuck off.
  • Later that night you’re relaxing in the Gryffindor commons room, when you overhear some people talking about you.
  • “And when Minghao was talking shit about the Gryffindor team, Y/N roasted him in front of everyone and then stormed off”
  • “I don’t know whether to be proud or embarrassed”
  • “As long as they actually keep their promise to win, then shouldn’t we be proud?”
  • You backtrack in your mind to your outburst in the hall earlier and realize: “I told off Minghao, the best Beater that Slytherin has had in the past 100 years. He’s gonna freaking kill me in the Gryffindor vs Slytherin match next week”
  • Your relaxing is cut short and you understandably go crawl in bed, beginning to panic.
  • But you pull yourself together, thinking “okay, it’s fine, we’re just going to train even harder, and not back down from this challenge”
  • When you see him in the hall and in your classes, you become more aware of Minghao and begin to notice him more and more.
  • You can’t help but wonder if he’s mad at you for calling him out like that, or if he even remembers what you said to him (oh trust me, he did, but you don’t know that).
  • The two of you didn’t have a rivalry before, but you definitely do now.
  • You sit at the table directly behind his in Potions, and almost every time you have class, he’ll turn around, glance at you, turn back to the front, and then whisper in a different language to his friend Jun, who sits right next to him.
  • You’re like “does all this boy know how to do is talk shit about people?? G o s h”
  • And it seems like if you ever see him in the hallway, he stares you down the whole time.
  • Basically, you’re 97% sure he hates your guts.
  • To help follow through with your promise to beat Slytherin, you call for extra practices every day leading up to the match.
  • At first your teammates were like “dear god why”, but you gave them a good pep talk, and got everyone motivated to go all out for this match.
  • The Slytherin team apparently had the same idea though, causing your two teams to have to share the practice field.
  • The first day this happened though, you were running drills with your team, when out of the corner of your eye, you see a mob of green creeping towards you, and you’re just like “gosh darn it, Slytherin please leave me alone”
  • Their captain, a Chaser named Jun, and Minghao’s best friend (the one who he keeps talking to about you), approaches you and says “Hey, I think we both booked the field, do you mind if we just split it in half? I promise we will try our best not to bother your team”
  • And you’re like, “…Yeah… I mean that sounds great with me. Good luck with your training”
  • Because this Slytherin boy?? Who has been listening to Minghao talk shit about you every Potion’s class is being nice to you?? What kind of witchcraft is this.
  • But you’re like “I’m gonna try not to hold a grudge against Slytherin, we have the same goal- to win the match”
  • This one Slytherin kid keeps coming up to your team members when they’re resting and is talking to them.
  • Jun doesn’t seem to notice this at all though, so you walk up to the kid about the third time it happens and are like “do you need something?”
  • And this kid says “Hi! I’m Chan! I just wanted to wish your team good luck our upcoming match, but Jun told me not to go fly over to your side of the field. So I figured I’d wish you guys good luck when you’re taking a break”
  • In your head you’re like “this boy. He’s so p u r e. Someone protect him”
  • Out loud you’re like “Oh, well thank you! And good luck to you, too!”
  • He grins and begins to walk back to his team, when he turns around and shouts to you, “Oh, Y/N! Minghao says ‘Hi’!”, and then walks away.
  • Meanwhile you’re like 1.) I did not tell this sweet child my name. Is Minghao talking shit about me to his whole team???, and 2.) IF WE’RE RIVALS, WHAT THE HECK IS “HI” SUPPOSED TO MEAN
  • So you talk to your teammates who are currently sitting down and resting and are like “hey what did that kid say to you??”
  • They’re answer and say “He wished us good luck. And asked us if you were seeing anyone”
  • You’ve been so competitive and focused on this match that someone taking a romantic interest in you just does not compute in your head at all.
  • You brush it off as the Slytherin team trying to play some mind games and get to you, and ignore it completely.
  • So for the next handful of days before the match, your teams both practice on your respective sides of the field.
  • And every day Chan walks over and asks your benched teammates random questions about you, like what kind of flowers you like, your favorite color, if you have a crush on anyone, etc.
  • But he’s so sweet and cheerful that you never tell him to stop or to go back to his own team, you just let him keep asking.
  • But you’re like “hey team, don’t answer his questions, I don’t know what he’s up to”
  • And your team is like “yes captain”, and then as soon as you leave to go coach some of the Chasers, they’re like “CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE LIKES THE CAPTAIN???”, “which one of the Slytherin members is it?”, and “gosh I hope it’s not Jun, he’s s o o o dreamy!” my lowkey Jun stan is showing
  • Finally, the day of the match arrives and you’re like “let’s get this over with so I never have to even think about Minghao, and his stupid pretty face… or the Slytherin team ever again”
  • The score generally favors Slytherin, as it normally does. But that’s alright with you, because your team’s strategy is to get that snitch, and get it fast.
  • The score is 178 to 37, Slytherin in the lead, when you finally see it. The seekers for both teams see it, too. The Golden Snitch. If Slytherin gets one more goal (they’re worth ten points), it doesn’t matter who gets the snitch, Slytherin would still win, 188 to 187.
  • So when you see a quaffle coming for your goal, seemingly just out of your reach, you make a risky, split second decision.
  • You step onto the wooden part of your broom, watching the quaffle and it’s increasing proximity to your goal. While you’re in the zone, completely focused on your next move, the Slytherin team has caught on to what you’re doing, and it seems like all of them stop. To your delight, your Gryffindor seeker keeps chasing the snitch, even though Chan (the Slytherin Seeker) stops to see if you’ll actually do it.
  • You hear a “Y/N, DON’T!” and see some Slytherin player rushing towards you, but it’s too late. You’ve made up your mind.
  • As soon as that quaffle comes speeding towards the goal, you leap as far as you can, and wrap your body around the quaffle, taking the full impact of it hitting you in the chest, knocking the wind out of you.
  • You plummeting to the ground prevents you from catching your breath, and you faint from not being able to breath. But right before you fade out, you feel an impact, a much softer one this time, and see a blur of emerald green fabric before completely losing consciousness.
  • When you wake up in the infirmary, you have one question on your mind, so when you’re just conscious enough to make out general shapes around you, and one of them looks like a person, you ask the person-shaped blob: “Who won the match?”
  • The blob puts a hand on your shoulder and says “Don’t worry Y/N, you won. You told me you would”
  • You snap out of your semi-conscious haze, and turn your head to see that of all the people who would be next to you, it’s Minghao. G r e a t.
  • You: “Why are you even here”, you snap at him.
  • Minghao: “Who the hell do you think caught you? And why would you do something so dangerous like that? If it wasn’t for me, do you think anyone would’ve been able to get to you before you hit the ground?”
  • You were proud of your victory until he pointed out how reckless you had been. And as you start to feel the dull pain in your chest from the impact, you really begin to question your decision. But hey- it’s not like you could go back and change what you did, so you might as well be happy that you won.
  • Minghao: “Honestly though, do you know how much of a scare you gave me? I don’t think I’ve been that worried in my life”
  • You: “Why would you be worried about me? All you do is talk bad about me”
  • Minghao: “…when have I ever done that”
  • You: “In Potions, like every single class! You’re always looking at me and then talking to Jun in another random language!
  • Minghao: “First off, it’s not some random language, it’s Mandarin, genius. And second, I haven’t been talking shit about you, I’ve been telling Jun everything I love about you, and how I couldn’t get you out of my mind ever since you told me off”
  • In your head, you’re like “y o u  w h a t”. 10/10 that was not what you were expecting.
  • You: “You… fell for me, essentially because I roasted you in the hall??”
  • Minghao: “No one has ever said a damn thing to me if they heard me saying something they disagreed with. I’m not really sure why though. Jun says it’s because I have ‘severe RBF’, whatever that’s supposed to mean, but you not only called me out, you challenged yourself to do better, and I loved that”
  • You: “So is that why that cute kid Chan kept bothering my teammates about what flowers I like and what my favorite color and all that??”
  • Minghao: “…you tell me”
  • He points to a vase on the sidetable next to your infirmary bed, blooming with your favorite flowers, with a ribbon in your favorite color tied in a bow in the curve of the vase.
  • Without even realizing it, you feel immensely relieved. You thought he hated you, and before, you didn’t know why it bothered you so much whether he despised you or not, but now you know it’s because along the way, you developed feelings for him.
  • So in your drugged-up-on-pain-meds state, you go for it.
  • You: “So, once I get healed, would you want to go on a date with me?”
  • He looks at you, wide-eyed, obviously not expecting you to feel the same way he does. Speechless, he nods his head repeatedly, grinning widely.
  • But his smile suddenly drops, and you stop breathing- thinking that he’s changed his mind and you’ve just embarrassed yourself.
  • Minghao: “You do realize that you have two broken ribs, though? We won’t be able to go on a date for a while then… but could come visit you every day?”
  • You let out a relieved sigh and agree.
  • And that’s exactly what Minghao does, he comes and visits you every day until you fully heal- bringing you homework, playing card games with you, and telling you all kinds of crazy stories.
  • Minghao: “And then Jihoon turned Seungcheol’s hair pink”
  • You: “Yeah trust me, I know that. Who do you think was the one who had to figure out how to turn it back?”
  • Your relationship from there on out consists of hyper competitive quidditch matches, and roasting people together as a couple.
  • And you know what they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
Poly Boys Heacanons #1

Because their parents are kind of shit, Jake, Rich and Michael essentially live at Jeremy’s place. Also Jake doesn’t really have a house anymore.

-Jeremy’s dad is super chill with everything, and catches onto their relationship in two seconds. Jeremy’s like “wHAT? nO they’re jUsT friends!!!” Rich leans over, gives him a kiss on the cheek and says “Hey babe, I’m gonna run out for gum do you want anything?”

-Rich acts really nervous and asks for permission to do almost anything at first, ranging from opening the fridge to stepping into a certain room. Mr. Heere is really confused at first but he’s like “Sure? You can go into the bathroom? Jeremy, is your boyfriend okay?”

-When they first show up, Rich and Jake are really weirded out by Jeremy’s dad but Michael just drops all of his stuff on the floor and asks if they have any brownies right now.

-If someone gets sick there’s movie nights and blanket cuddle piles

-It takes a while for Jake to get used to other people being in the house. Sometimes he forgets that there’s other people that will probably want to eat some of the food in the pantry.

-Rich actually cried when he learned that they had to throw out most of the bakery items Jeremy made because there was too much for them to eat.

the number of years i spent wasting my life sitting around trying to figure out topical treatments for my acne has probably done more to fuck up my skin in the long run than NOT doing any of that stuff ever could have. like, if only someone had fucking sat me down as a fifteen, sixteen year old and explained to me that this stuff is probably hormonal & that while you can change ur diet/drink more water/find a new skin care routine, you should also sort of talk to your doctor or SOMEONE because gee, if nothing works, then it’s not because you didn’t spend $150 on yet another product, it’s probably something else that you should get checked out because it’s your health on the line.

this is kind of why i fucking HATE “skin care culture” because this shit….it puts the onus on you. on you, the individual. it doesn’t do anyone any favours. it doesn’t tell you that hey, maybe it’s not you & what you’re doing, it’s just another facet of your body & how it functions & you should get it checked out if it’s troubling you because maybe it’s not something you can fix by spending more and more money on another product that may not work anyway.

like. how many people are out there with “problem skin” who are desperately scouring for skin care products that they think is gonna help them when the reality is that they’re likely just wasting money? and why the fuck do we encourage a subset of our already toxic af beauty culture that seems designed to alienate people from their bodies & how its symptoms are reflective of larger issues that, if you don’t get a spotlight on, could possibly impact your life going forward?

  • Inu no Taisho: hey check out my new kid, Hosenki
  • Hosenki: what
  • Inu no Taisho: look I have a new son isn't he cute
  • Hosenki: are you gonna ask me to do some kind of weird heirloom shit to him?
  • Inu no Taisho: nooooo no no I'm just showing him off
  • Inu no Taisho: look he's hella cute
  • Inu no Taisho: look at these ears they're presh
  • Inu no Taisho: his mom is a human can you believe that
  • Hosenki:
  • Inu no Taisho:
  • Hosenki:
  • Inu no Taisho:
  • Hosenki:
  • Inu no Taisho:
  • Inu no Taisho: put a portal to the underworld in his eye
  • Hosenki: WHAT THE FUCK

anonymous asked:

Hi! First I want to say THANK YOU for all the amazing work you do for TD. When I saw the season 8 trailer, seems to me that all Negan war it's gonna happen in 8A and Beth was connected with the Negan' bat (inmates episode) so it's probably that Beth is coming in 8A. What do you think? Sorry for my english.

Hey love! Aww, thank you. Your support, like that of my other followers, means a lot to me. It really motives me to keep going, even when I get too tired to. My personal life is kind of a shit storm right now, and with a full-time job, I don’t have much time for anything. But Team Delusional lets me know that I have a community, a family, to come home to. (And please don’t apologize for your English. You write so well! Your English is probably better than my French lol.)

As a reminder for those who don’t remember or are new, in 4x10, there was a bat in frame with Beth at one point. The bat was dressed up so the blood and guts looked like barbed wire:

Team Delusional found it first, but eventually even the mainstream media picked up on this egg (X).

@heeeycourtney also discovered a baseball bat egg in 5x09. Glenn picks up a bat, foreshadowing his death, but the viewer only sees the bat when he mentions “right after just finding out [Beth was] alive” (X).

Anyway, I definitely think Beth is connected to Negan. I believe that the All Out War arc will span the whole season, and Beth’s return would fit thematically and narratively. In 6x10, Rick mentioned the law of averages and that they would have to turn in Team Family’s favor. This goes back to the season six premiere, when Emily showed up late and joined the girls’ team in order to balance it out. Her team was also called “This is War”, after Emily’s album, but overall the whole set-up was meta and foreshadowing Beth’s return. Beth is going to return, possibly with her own group within the Junkyard, and help to shift the balance, adding her numbers to Rick’s side. Think of the music box resurrection: Maggie and Sasha were facing off again a person from another group when the ballerina came back to life, miraculously, and disrupted the conflict. For years Team Delusional has suspected that Beth would return in the middle of some kind of conflict, like a herd or a battle, literally disrupting it with her presence and then disrupting the narrative as her survival goes against their world and the horror genre in general. She’s the blonde, feminine teenaged young woman, the one always slated to die. She’s the hope for their world, a Christ figure who is immune/cured of the virus and will set off the cure arc. Eggs were also planted through books on Rich0nne’s bedside, setting up Negan as an Anti-Christ figure (X). And every Anti-Christ needs a Christ.

Do you know how perfect it would be for a woman like Beth to be the mirror of Negan? Everything is in place. Beth is the Avenger, for the good ones, for the women and children, whom Negan has murdered and violated.

Furthermore, Emily was asked about Negan on Stalking Dead (X). She was specifically asked if Beth was with Negan, and you could see Emily get nervous.

(Skip to 55:05.)

She hedges on what to say, with tighter body language than what she had for the previous question, before saying, “You never know.” If Beth comes back in the season premiere, the one hundredth episode, then Gimple likely had that planned for years, if not from the start of Beth’s resurrection arc. He would need to inform Emily of roughly when she would be back, if not the exact episode/season, so she can plan accordingly. Beth’s been gone for almost three years. That affects Emily’s career and personal life, as it dictates what kind of jobs she can take on, when she can tour and for how long, and where she should live. (As you just know that her living in L.A. is partially because of this secret, as AMC would want her as far away from Georgia as possible.

Here’s to a great season 8, and to Beth finally coming home.

Curses: An Informative 101 on What You May or May Not Already Know!

Hey! I was really bored and I haven’t done too much big stuff in a while.. So you know what I decided to do? That’s right. A little 101 post on one of my favorite kinds of spells; Curses.

It’s always fun to look at all sorts of different spells on my dash, but when a curse comes up? A little part of me just goes “ooooooh” and grabs the mental popcorn, cause you know shit is gonna go down, if it hasn’t already. They always put a smile on my face and make me feel badass, even if I’m not the one casting the curse… Cause you just know that someone is gonna use that curse… And someone else is gonna get some much due justice.

That being said, there’s a lot of stigma and misconceptions about curses that float around the community! You and I are here today to clean that up, and help all the witches who wanna reclaim what’s been taken from them, one of the best ways we know how. Magically.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

lollllll steve and bucky being ~that couple~ in the club that look like they're about to start fucking on the dancefloor, that is hilarious and perfect, like guys have some decency that's what the booths are for ;-) there are probably NDAs at the door of at every club they go to lmao

a few days ago i wrote up half of a fic from an ao3 comment on THAT TIME STEVE AND BUCKY GOT MARRIED about their retroactive bachelor party, which suits this :D

Stark sits down across them at the table, snacking on chex. “So,” he says. Steve doesn’t look up, but he knows Bucky and knows Bucky’s glance has darted up and back down again, because when it comes to Stark, Bucky always takes the bait. “How’s life?”

“Fine,” says Steve suspiciously.

“Aunt Peggy had something to say to me the other night.”

Please do not call her that,” says Steve, pained.

Aunt Peggy,” Stark says loudly, “Told me that —“

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, the old bastards got hitched,” Bucky says. “You better have gotten us a wedding gift. Steve broke the toaster.”

You broke the toaster.”

“I didn’t break the toaster!”

“You can’t fucking jam your left hand into the toaster while it’s on and not expect it to — what?“ Steve asks.

Stark’s mouth is hanging open. “What?” he parrots.

“What?” Bucky replies.

“Oh no,” Steve realizes, and at the same time Bucky’s eyes go huge and he says, “Motherfucker.”

“Carter called to tell me that Brad wants to direct a movie about your lives,” says Stark blankly. A grin begins to spread across his face.

“Well, shit, Barnes,” Steve says, looking at him.

“How the fuck was I supposed to know he didn’t know!”

“Uh,” says Steve, “Maybe because Peg would never tell anyone?”

“And you didn’t invite me,” Stark sighs, pulling a heartbroken face.

“To be fair,” Steve says apologetically, “We didn’t invite anyone.”

“Because you got fucking stabbed in the gut, excuse me for not giving you the full romantic experience —“

“Never said I didn’t like it,” Steve says, and Bucky grins at him.

“This is gross,” says Stark, delighted. “Have you had the bachelor party yet? I mean, retroactive bachelor party. Trust me, those are the best kind.”

No,” Steve says, pointing at him.

“No,”  Stark agrees, tapping at his phone distractedly. He waves a hand. “No, you’re totally right. This is your business, not mine.”

Steve squints at him. Stark holds up his phone. “Except I already texted the strippers.”

Keep reading

Breakfast Club Roleplay Memes
  • We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.
  • I'll do anything sexual. I don't need a million dollars to do it either.
  • Well, if you say you haven't, you're a prude. If you say you have you're a slut. It's a trap. You want to but you can't, and when you do you wish you didn't, right?
  • I'm a compulsive liar.
  • What about you dad?
  • The next screw that falls out will be you.
  • When you grow up, your heart dies.
  • Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?
  • If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy.
  • Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.
  • Do you know how popular I am? I am so popular. Everybody loves me so much at this school.
  • Don't you ever, ever compare yourself to me, okay. You got everything, and I got shit.
  • You know what I got for Christmas? Oh, it was a banner fucking year at the old ______ family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said, "Hey, smoke up _____."
  • My God, are we gonna be like our parents?
  • You do everything everyone tells you to do and that is a problem.
  • That's very clever, sir. But what if there's a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir.
  • I'm thinkin' of tryin' out for a scholarship.
  • You're kind of sexy when you're angry.
  • I don't think either one of them gives a shit about me. It's like they use me just to get back at each other.
  • You ask me one more question and I'm beating the shit out of you.
  • He's just doing it to get a rise out of you. Just ignore him.
  • I hate it. I hate having to go along with everything my friends say.
  • Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.
  • The next time I have to come in here I'm crackin' skulls.
  • You ought to spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself and a little less time trying to impress people.
  • I'm not a winner because I want to be one. I'm a winner because I've got strength and speed... kinda like a racehorse. It's about how involved I am in what's happening to me.
  • Why is that door closed? WHY IS THAT DOOR CLOSED?
  • When I was a kid, I wanted to be John Lennon.
  • You keep eating your hand; you're not gonna be hungry for lunch.
  • Jesus Christ Almighty! What in God' s name is going on in here? What was that ruckus?
  • You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions.
  • We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong.
  • It's all because of me and my old man. God, I fucking hate him. He's like this mindless machine that I can't even relate to anymore.
  • Does that answer your question?

anonymous asked:

Prompt: where frank is in one of his moods and hits Ian as Mickey is walking in the door, and Mickey sees it and Mickey gets all protective of Ian and goes all Milkovich on frank. Gallavich fluff at the end if u can. THANKS

He stumbled in like he always did, trying to find a bed to sleep in. Fucking Frank. Fiona rolled her eyes at him and kept on tending to Liam, Lip ignored him completely, watching TV with Carl and Debbie, and Ian was leaning against the table, shaking his head as Frank started one of his rants.

He walked over to the fridge, searching through it for some food.

“Would you get out of there Frank, we barely got enough for us as it is,” Fiona grumbled.

“Since when did the patriarch of this family stop getting rights to his own god-damn refrigerator?!” Frank slurred.

He pulled out a plate with a cake covered in blue butter icing and sprinkles and Ian started walking over to him.

“Put that back Frank, Debbie made that for Liam’s birthday,” he said, trying to take it off him.

He muttered a few things, pulling it back and shoving Ian in the chest.

“Hey, stop it Frank!” Fiona snapped.

“This is my house!” Frank said, trying to pick at the cake’s edge.

“Well it’s not your cake…” Ian said, trying again to take it off him and while Frank waved him away and stumbled back, the cake flinging back into his chest and sliding down onto the floor.

“Jesus Frank!” Fiona yelled.

Frank licked his finger and shrugged. “Tasted like shit anyway,” he said.

“You’re a fucking asshole!” Ian yelled.

Lip, Carl and Debbie were standing in the archway from the living room, Debbie was clearly upset about her cake and Lip had his arm around her. It was at that point that Mickey walked through the door.

“Don’t you talk to me like that I’m- I’m your father!” Frank said, lunging at Ian and balling up his shirt in his fist.

His clumsy footing had them both falling into the kitchen cabinet right as Frank had his other fist aiming for Ian’s chin.

“Fuck!” Fiona yelled, putting Liam back in his high chair.

Mickey stripped his jacket off and threw it down onto the table before taking long strides into the kitchen. He grabbed Frank by the arm and wrenched him back, slamming him into the fridge and putting a hand to his throat.

Fiona’s hands clapped to her mouth and Lip had hold of Carl’s shirt in one hand and the other around Debbie’s shoulders.

“Let go of me, this is my house!” Frank garbled.

“Here’s what you’re gonna do,” Mickey said. “You’re gonna get your ass up and out of this house, I don’t give a fuck where it goes but it ain’t stayin’ here.”

“You can’t-”

“That was me askin’ nicely,” Mickey said, his grip tightening on Frank’s throat for a few seconds. “I only do that once.”

Frank turned up his nose in a makeshift snarl but said nothing, huffing out a loud sigh and trying to push Mickey back.

“You lay a fuckin’ hand on him again and you’re gonna lose the fuckin’ thing, you hear me?” He said, dragging him through the kitchen and to the door.

Fiona rushed to get it open and Mickey shoved him out, watching as he stumbled on the porch.

“Get the fuck out of here,” he said, grabbing the door and slamming it shut before walking back over to Ian.

He was sitting against the kitchen cabinets, a little blood trickling from his nose. Mickey knelt down beside him.

“You okay?” he asked.

“You don’t have to save me you know, I can handle Frank,” he said, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

Mickey rolled his eyes, leaning up onto the bench to grab some paper towel, holding it against Ian’s face.

“I know, I just ain’t gonna sit around and watch while he takes a fuckin’ swing at you,” Mickey said.

“Thanks,” Ian said. “Sorry about your cake Debs.”

She shrugged, “Thanks for trying to stop him.”

Mickey helped Ian up and Ian flinched, clutching at his shoulder.

“You alright?” Mickey asked.

“Yeah, think I slammed my shoulder into the bench is all,” he said.

Mickey looked up at Fiona, “You got an ice-pack or something?”

She nodded, “Peas are in the freezer.”

Mickey gave her a nod and grabbed them out, leading Ian upstairs.

When they got to Ian’s bedroom Mickey closed the door behind them. “Shirt off,” he said.

Ian sighed but did it anyway, sitting on the bed and watching as Mickey sat down behind him. He jumped a little as he put the frozen bag against his bare skin.

“That hurt?” Mickey asked.

“Nah, just cold,” Ian said. “Why’d you do that anyway?”

“Do what?” Mickey asked.

“Go all crazy-eyes on Frank.”

Mickey shrugged, “Because you would have been upset if I’da killed him.”

Ian laughed a little, “Why would you have killed him?”

“He took a swing at you man,” Mickey said. “You think I’m just gonna watch someone do that kind of shit to you?”

Ian smiled to himself. “Thanks Mick,” he said.

Mickey leaned over and kissed Ian on the back of the head, making Ian smile harder.

“Hey, anyone lays a finger on you, you tell me,” he said.

“My hero,” Ian grinned and Mickey flicked his ear from behind. “Ouch! What did you just say about anyone laying a finger on me?”

Mickey leaned in again, kissing his ear. “I ain’t anybody,” he said, kissing him again.

petty.

Originally posted by jungkookfortunekookies

requested by anon

Hi there can I request a sceanio where you and jk get in a agreement so he tighten all the jar in attempt to get you to talk ^_^^_^“

genre: fluff?

“___, you can’t keep giving me this silent treatment, eventually you’ll have to talk!”, Jungkook called from the kitchen as he tightened all the jars in the cupboards. You simply showed him your middle finger from your spot on the dining table, you were focused on your phone, so you didn’t even notice what he was doing.

“Babe, seriously, why are you even giving me this kind of treatment.”, Jungkook pouted as he took a seat next to you. You looked up at him for a split second and went back to staring at your phone. “Hey, was it that bad? You know I don’t mean shit when I’m drunk, besides it was just the two of us last night.” You got up from your seat to grab a cup of hot chocolate and muttered to yourself, “You said I wasn’t your girlfriend and that you were gonna run away with IU and then you tried to fight me like for real. Stupid muscle pig tryna beat up his girlfriend.”

“Am I hearing, right? You can talk?”, Jungkook sarcastically remarked as he got up to move into the living room to play Overwatch. As soon as you made your hot chocolate you walked over to join your boyfriend in your living room, “Oh, so you’re not gonna talk to me but you’ll follow me around?” You rolled your eyes at him as you placed your cup on the coffee table. “No hot chocolate for me?” You began to ignore all of his little comments, you knew you were being super childish but you wanted to get back at him for almost beating you up.

-

Time passed and it was finally dinner time, you walked into the kitchen and took out all of the ingredients you needed. You were going to make Jungkook’s favourite homemade burgers, you were preparing all the ingredients and placing them on plates so the both of you could make your own burgers but when you reached for the pickle jar, you couldn’t open it, it was sealed shut.

You didn’t want to give in to the silent treatment but you really wanted the jar open. You walked up to Jungkook who was just lying on the sofa playing on his phone at this point and poked his face. He sat up and looked at you with a confused look on his face, remembering he had tightened the jars to make you speak. “What?”, he asked you as he took the jar from your hands. You signed for him to open it but he shook his head and laughed. “No, you gotta say it babe.” This time you shook your head and took the jar, attempting to open it again.

“Seriously all you gotta do is ask.”, he laughed as he watched you struggle. “Fine, you win, open the damn jar.”, you said, giving in to his trick. “You fucking tightened it, didn’t you?” “You know me so well.”