When Tyra introduces her new favorite song with a chorus that repeats the lyrics “Work that hallway like a runway,” I worried that it might foretell that the final runway show would literally take place in a hallway. Fortunately, things haven’t got that low budg - in fact, I’d say this year’s runway is a big step up from last year’s debacle. This show seemed real and some of the audience members even looked like they wanted to be there.
Thankfully, there’s also no domestic abuse theme for this year’s runway show, but Jourdan is on hand anyway. Jourdan is very pretty and… well, she’s very pretty, right? Look, what I’m trying to say is that she’s all sorts of dull. She may have annihilated the competition last cycle, but she also sucks all the fun out of the room each time she’s on camera. Maybe she’s more goth than she realized.
To open the fashion show, Tyra greets the crowd with some basic Korean words and then starts talking about her two favorite things - herself and food.
I got a little concerned about Tyra’s excessive kimchi consumption and decided to google to see if it might be a problem and before I could even finish…
DIARRHEA. Stay clear of the Tyra Suite’s bathroom, you hear?
My favorite part of the above gif is the woman in the bottom right corner whose excited look turns to an expression of horror. Something tells me she knows all too well what too much kimchi can do.
Okay, Tyra’s done talking to these peasants. Could her smile be any more forced and disingenuous here? It’s time for a musical guest: 2NE1.
I researched “2NE1” because I suspected it might be a fake band of ANTM’s creation. Tyra loves being self-referential (I mean they’re still doing those 2-1 hand symbols on the runway!) so I wouldn’t put it past the producers to make up a girl band named “21." I was wrong, though; they’re real! Real confusing…
What does that even mean? I feel like something’s lost in translation. As is the chorus of their song:
They love me ‘cause I’m hot They love me 'cause I’m cold They love me 'cause I’m real They love me 'cause I kill
Whatever. Any band that can get Will to dance like that is a band I’m willing to support. Adam’s dance is pretty fun, too.
As the band performs, Tyra comes backstage to make an "important announcement.” The finalists immediately tense up, aware that Tyra cut Corey right before the runway show last year. More so than being eliminated, Will is fretting the possibility of hearing the nonsense words “LGBT. Holla, holla, holla. Hero.”
We cut to a commercial break for suspense, but when we come back, Tyra drops her announcement: “Have fun!” Oh, Tyra! What a card! She’s so funny!!! Don’t believe me? Keep your eyes on Chantelle’s reaction:
Compare Chantelle’s overdone expression to Mirjana’s slight nod, and I’m starting to understand why Lenox thinks Chantelle is fake. Chantelle’s no panda, she’s a big mouth bass.
What is legitimately funny is Keith admitting that Tyra scared some literal shit out of him. Sounds like Keith’s been eating some kimchi, too. Remember, models: you should always keep a stick up your butt so accidents like that don’t happen.
Keith’s pants might be crappy, but most of the clothes they’re modeling are not. Granted, no real person is ever actually going to wear any of these Lie Sang Bong designs, but they’re fun to look and laugh at, and that’s all I want out of this show. Work that hallway like a runway, Top Models!