Hey, skeptics: remember when I said not to count on this mess being short term? I meant it. But don’t count on it being long term, either. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were married for 72 days. I think they honeymooned in Bora Bora, too. Jeremy Renner and Sonni Pacheco were married for less than a year when she filed for divorce.

 First Mate No Homo has been couch jumping for months, with little to show for it. While it could go on for a while, there are neater ways to have a bearding arrangement, and more sensational ways to have a showmance. He’s getting very little bang for a lot of his bucks, and at some point, he will find this out.